Before any lady gets married, there’s the exciting imagination of how awesome marriage will be. You get to spend time with the love of your life and bond over the most spontaneous and silly things. Plus, there’s also the perk of posting amazing pictures across your social media platforms. You know, to show everyone that you're doing well.
So, what happens when spending time with your husband remains a fantasy and not a reality? It’s easy to start thinking something is off when your husband keeps avoiding alone time. It’s even fishier when he spends time with friends or other family members. At some point, it’s possible to start feeling as if you’re both living separate lives.
The sad truth is that not spending quality time together in a relationship is one of the leading causes of strains or separation in marriage. It’s certainly a big sign that something is off, and that thing needs immediate attention.
So, rather than sit and complain about your husband’s lack of effort towards bonding with you, take action. Here are 17 smart ways to handle the situation without losing your cool.
Table of Contents
When a husband stops spending time with his wife, the first conclusion is that he has fallen out of love. While that may be true, there are other reasons why your husband is keeping his distance. Sometimes, people let the pressure from work, family, finances, and life, in general, get to them.
If your husband is under such pressure, that may be the reason he doesn’t want to spend any alone time with you. Some people process things that way. They would rather think things out alone than talk it out with anyone.
Talking is one value a lot of people misunderstand. Good and effective conversation is an art, especially in relationships. You have to know how to talk to your husband effectively to get the best out of the conversation. It’s not just about getting all your feelings out there, you also have to listen carefully to what he has to say.
Also, writing out all your concerns days before you talk proves to be very helpful. The more you look at the list, you’ll know what to remove or rephrase for better communication.
As I mentioned before, your husband may not be deliberately avoiding you. Maybe he is not doing so great at work or is having other family problems that are weighing him down. He probably expects you to understand and give him some time to bounce back.
However, if all you do is make him feel bad about his actions, he’ll just crawl further into his shell. Plus, if you’re giving him space, you have to find out why he is being distant in the first place.
Sometimes, we have to admit when things have gotten a little bit boring in marriage. You don’t kink things up anymore or put in the effort as before. Some men respond negatively to boredom.
Rather than trying to fix the situation, they just find other interesting things to do. It may seem tasking, but it’s up to you to bring back that spark.
If you tried new things out regularly before marriage, start that again. Roll out the sex toys, hit the gym, and get things started. You can choose to mix things up in other areas of your life as well. Try out new recipes, rearrange the living room or change your hairstyle. Anything that seems new and exciting may be the spark you need to get his full attention again.
Your husband has probably forgotten why he fell in love with you in the first place. Your brilliant thinking, versatility, mysterious personality, and whatnot. When that happens, it’s easy for him to lose interest in spending time with you. Maybe you both could just stay home and watch movies while bonding all day before.
Now, if you have five minutes of his time it is a miracle! Marriage should be interesting, but as soon as your husband forgets all the good things about it, he’s bound to withdraw. Even though you shouldn’t have to remind him of all the good times, it’s important to do so. If you still love your husband and want the marriage to work, then you have to put in the extra effort.
Your husband may not be spending time with you, but he is doing so somewhere else. Has he taken up any new hobbies you know about? Golf, football, cooking, fitness activities? Maybe those sound a bit boring. Well, what about the activities that you both enjoyed doing together?
Think about them. It may seem almost impossible to get your husband’s attention at this point.
However, if you can find activities you both enjoy, maybe he’ll be game. Don’t subscribe to the “ whatever will be will be’ mantra. Marriages require work, extra effort, and trial and error. Don’t let the fear of him snubbing you stop you from trying to rekindle the bond.
Communication is not always vocal. Sometimes, your husband may be saying something without voicing it out. Yes, he’s not a child, and he should know how to communicate effectively. But also remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Some habits are innate, while others are learned.
It takes patience to listen to your spouse even when you know he is reacting the wrong way. However, if you actually want him to spend some time with you, being judgy won’t achieve that. Take time to listen to what he’s saying and try to read between the lines. His body language could reveal one of the reasons he’s being emotionally and physically unavailable.
What are the things occupying your partner’s time nowadays? Don’t just sit back and sob about it, ask if you can join in. you may have to be intentional about getting more alone time with your partner. For example, if he prefers to spend his weekends by the beach or in the mall, dress up and ask to come along.
The thought of being rejected can be daunting, but it’s even worse if you don’t try. It’s also important to know when to insist, and when to lay off and try again next time.
Maybe all the date plans you have been suggesting lately have not been his cup of tea. Also, it’s possible there’s nothing wrong with your suggestions. However, asking him to make the plans will put the responsibility on him. That way, if he defaults or doesn’t come up with something nice, it will be his fault, not yours.
If your partner is still into this marriage, he won’t mind making some compromises. That’s why it’s smart to pick out date days according to your budget and stick to them. Of course, there'll be days when various emergencies make it difficult to make up. But it shouldn’t be too often. At this point, if he keeps making excuses, you’ll know that he’s not as committed as you are.
Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.
Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!
The little time your husband has at home should be noted by you at this point. If he has formed a routine of being around only at certain times, then be conversant with that. Maybe all he needs to realize that you need his presence a little more is a surprise. Think about something sensual and personal and shake things up a bit the next time he comes home.
If your husband won’t spend some extra time with you, maybe it’s time to focus on yourself. You don’t want to regret spending so much time pining over this man when you could be pursuing other goals.
It’s a great way to keep your mind off the negative situation while showing your husband what he’s missing. If you’re just as occupied as he is, maybe he will realize how much he misses your company. However, if he doesn’t come around, then you wouldn’t have wasted all your precious time on someone who isn’t on the same page with you anymore.
Leaving your husband alone can be very tough. I mean, he is supposed to be your life partner! However, giving him some space may be all he needs to breathe, refuel and come back better. Sometimes, when people need to clear their heads, crowding their space is not the best solution.
Don’t give him the silent treatment, just lay off him when he seems unavailable or emotionally absent. Try and preoccupy yourself with other things while he figures himself out.
When your husband is being more cold than usual, it’s time to get your own life and focus on staying happy. That doesn’t mean rubbing the fact in his face. It does mean protecting your happiness and positive energy to avoid any kind of mental breakdown. If you focus solely on the fact that you have zero to no alone time with this guy, it will just depress you.
However, if you start visiting friends and family, their presence will hopefully cheer you up and distract you from the negative situation temporarily.
It’s hard to accept that you are no longer your husband’s main priority anymore. Probably at some point, it seemed that way. However, now things have changed. What do you think he’s putting above you? Work? Ambition? Family? The kids? Whatever it is, you have to come to terms with it. Living in denial won’t help the situation.
On the flip side, if you accept that you are no longer his priority, it may help with the next decision. Do you want to work on that or are you okay being the second fiddle? Once you get the clarity on what to do, it’s important to discuss your decision with your husband as well.
Marriage counseling is not an option many couples like, but it’s very necessary. If you have been married for a while and tried everything you know, it’s time to hand things over to a professional. The situation may get worse if you just ignore him right back. Tit-for-tat in marriage isn’t always the best.
When pride sets in on both sides, you may be pushed to make a bad decision. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you’ve done all that you can. Besides, when things are not getting any better, it’s time to change tactics.
A counselor may be able to dig up issues both of you are afraid to admit in person. Hopefully, when those issues are resolved.
This should never come as a threat, however, there are times when nothing you do will fix the situation. When your husband doesn’t want to spend time with you, it could also mean that he has stopped loving you. Rather than talking about this same issue every day, it may be time to sit him down and ask the big question.
When your husband understands that you may consider leaving him if things don’t improve, reality will hit. A lot of times, people act a certain way because they feel they can get away with their actions. So, if you talk about leaving the marriage because of his emotional abandonment, he may actually sit up.
Just remember, don’t use this as a bargaining chip or as leverage, it may backfire. If you are not considering a separation or divorce at all, then don’t bring it up.
First of all, it is important not to let your husband’s actions make you feel less worthy of love and affection. Everything in marriage is a choice, so try not to take any of his actions personally. If he doesn’t complain about anything you are doing or not doing, find ways to love and make yourself happy. The next step is to talk to him about it, however, don’t nag or appear overly desperate.
Regardless of how busy both your schedules are, it’s important to create time to bond and enjoy yourselves. Without enough alone time, it’s possible to practically become strangers. If it’s a long-distance relationship, there are still creative ways to spend time with your spouse. There’s no excuse to spend time apart for prolonged periods, and bonding time. It will only tear the relationship apart.
When your partner starts spending a lot of time alone, being less thoughtful, caring, and affectionate, something is up. Regardless of how many years you have been married, all relationships thrive on love, affection, excitement, and the time spent bonding. When these things are absent, your relationship may have lost its spark.
Every marriage thrives on an active romantic, mental and physical connection. That takes effort from both parties to maintain. So, when one or both parties become overly critical, defensive, and independent, it’s possible unhappiness is creeping in. Also, if it becomes normal to stay without sex, effectual communication, quality time, and the likes, your marriage may be strained.
Every marriage requires both physical and mental effort. However, some spouses have found ways to emotionally check out of a relationship, while remaining physically present. That’s what emotional abandonment is when a spouse refuses to emotionally invest in a marriage and stops putting in the necessary effort. You’ll notice that your husband is more cold, unresponsive, distant, and uncompromising.
I hope you enjoyed reading through this list? I know it can be tough dealing with a husband who doesn’t want to spend time with you. However, if you follow the tips above, you’ll certainly be able to handle the situation without losing yourself in the process.
Have something to add or any opinions on the topic? Leave a comment in the section below. Also, remember to share this article with others who need it. Good luck.
Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.
Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!