Do you struggle to flirt with men in public?
Are you unsure what is an appropriate level of flirting when you’re surrounded by other people?
Perhaps you’d like to learn how to turn on men on a first date, so that he’s excited to take you somewhere more private?
This is a tricky balance to find, but I can definitely help you with that! Read on for my list of ideas for successfully seducing a man in public.
There’s only one place to start with this article - and that’s by explaining about a powerful principle of male psychology that I have been studying with great interest over the last few months.
It’s called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’ - because it allows you to trigger the primal response in men that makes them want to care deeply for the women in their life.
Once you activate this part of a man’s psychology, it becomes so simple to excite them and seduce them.
I used to really struggle to maintain the interest of men before I learned how to speak to a man’s mind like this. Now, I’m enjoying some of the most loving, passionate and fulfilling relationships of my life. And it’s all thanks to this psychological routine.
If you want a similar outcome, you can learn more about how the ‘Hero’s Instinct’ works by reading my personal guide.
If you’re purely interested in learning how to flirt in public, I’ve got your back. Scroll down for a list of tried-and-tested ideas.
Your eyes are your most influential ally when it comes to the act of seduction. It’s flirting 101, even more so in public. They don’t call them the soul of flirtation for no reason. It’s a super-effective and hard-to-mess-up way to indicate sexual interest, and even better, the signal can be just as easy to interpret.
A prolonged mutual gaze of more than ten seconds rouses the kind of emotional reaction you want from your boyfriend, even with others present. The idea is to keep it steady but not for so long at a time you begin to give creep vibes.
Hold the gaze of your guy when he looks your way, sweep over his other facial features, down to his chest or lower. Then throw in a well-timed wink the next time your eyes meet to drive things further home.
A sexy smile is that other secret ingredient that can turn a basic move into a full-blown seductive one in two seconds flat. Whether the guy in question is your boyfriend or some hot dude you have your eyes on at the bar, smiling at him is how you seal the deal after establishing contact.
If the proverbial wink and batting of the eyelashes don’t do it, a coy smile most certainly will because it’s not just your lips or pretty face at play here. It’s the combination of your collective body language from the look in your eye to the position of your neck/head that gets your imagination going.
Research suggests that a woman gives off certain chemosignals when horny that guys can subconsciously pick up on. In other words, your guy can pick up on your arousal or any other girl’s, according to science. Our body apparently emits these signals through sweat, call it your natural scent.
But then, even though this angle has a basal touch to it, your musky ovulation scent isn’t your only chance at an olfactory aphrodisiac. A pleasant (subjective) perfume can just as well get the job done if it’s a fragrance he’s already associated with you or one that reminds him of sex, nature, or food.
Another chance to use nature (more like nurture) to your advantage is with your choice of color. Since the playground is in public, you want to wear something that isn’t just catchy but that men already associated with sexiness.
According to experts, our attraction to the color red on the opposite sex is basically subconscious at this point, with studies showing people favoring those on it without even thinking about it. So, you know what to incorporate on your next outing, whether in doubt or not, wear a touch of red.
Do you know how couples have in-jokes? Seemingly innocuous gestures with a sexy whisper of connotations known to just you and him. This one would probably work better with someone you’ve been seeing or known long enough to identify his turn-ons.
For example, I once dated a guy that was borderline obsessed with my hair. Watching me switch from an updo to letting the hair loose (or vice-versa) was such a big turn-on for him no matter where I did it. If you have something similar, you can always drive your man crazy without those around you catching on as long as you have eyes on each other.
Teasing makes the tension go round, and that’s why it’s such a perfect method of turning a guy on. Every girl has her go-to moves that make men go nuts, but when in public, I’d recommend sticking with the ones that involve the least amount of touching. As a rule of thumb, the longer you can draw out the torture, the better the reward.
‘Accidental’ touches are encouraged, though, men love it when you rub against them in public. You can also tease him verbally with humor that uses double entendres – seemingly innocent yet suggestive sentences or phrases. If he indulges you or seems eager to keep the conversation going, odds are you are already making a major impact downstairs.
Even though you’d likely rather be stroking a more physical part of him, boosting his ego can also get a similar rise out of him. You don’t want to go for those generic-type compliments, though, but rather something coy and organic.
Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.
Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!
Like compliments about his form, implying he has stamina, or something about his peculiarity, like the crook of his nose. You can compare hand sizes to bring his attention to the fact that you’ve been looking and thinking about what that might mean. Some guys also find it hot when you make them come across as a stud to those around if you are in such company.
While the back and forth is ongoing or afterward, you can take your teasing up a notch with slight touches in strategic spots. That is, his hair, face, or back, especially if you two already have sexual precedence.
Briefly and intermittently, run your fingers across the top of his hair and make sure to exchange glances each time. You can also touch his inner thigh over clothes if it won’t attract an audience and give your little secret away. Guys enjoy the rush, it amps up his anticipation, especially if you intentionally starve his little big guy of attention.
Nothing gets some guys ready and raring to go faster than the idea of kicking it with a girl that has other guys around drooling over her. If your boyfriend is so inclined, it would very likely turn him on to watch you flaunt the goods.
If that's something you are comfortable doing, a bit of cleavage or legs is certainly bound to make most men look again. You can get a little creative with it if you are among friends. Like shifting your attention to them like it’s business as usual while he desperately tries to catch your eye.
The best efforts for a girl to turn a guy on are only half the work, the other half is mental. The more room you leave to let his imagination fill in the blanks, the stronger the effect of the little you do. This is why it’s imperative not to reveal too much at once to make the experience worth everyone’s while.
Going by that, an elegant dress that accentuates your form can do more to preserve the intrigue than one that puts everything on display. Another reason is that men like to feel like conquerors. Giving the impression of a sure thing takes away the challenge, which can do the opposite of turning them on.
Tell him exactly what you crave at that moment, how you think his hands, tongue, lips, and fingers could be put to better use on you than they currently are. And if your dynamic means being that forward would be too weird, you can always modify it. Perhaps make it about him instead and how you can't wait to please him.
Make sure not to rush your sentences, too. Let each word roll off your tongue with ease, and try as much as you can not to let it show if you are nervous. The key is to seem sure of what you are saying, so be sure to take confidence with you.
If you get the chance to be that close to your guy’s ear, that’s one of those spots right there you should totally take advantage of. While the words you whisper does things to him on the inside, and the warmth from your mouth drives it home, there’s one more thing you can try:
Graze his ear lobes lightly using your lips and a little bit of teeth while simultaneously running a free hand through his hair. You can then walk away or work your way down to the skin on the nape of his neck or as far south as won't get you arrested in public.
If you are too shy to say your dirty thoughts out loud, consider putting them down. Imagine slipping him a handwritten note that says, "I'm not wearing any panties." Or dm him a sneak peek of the lacy hem of the lingerie he likes on you.
Text him how turned on you are right now, how you can't wait for him to get you out of the little clothing you have on, etc. Preferably at a moment when he can't leave right away. That way, you also get the pleasure of watching him try his darndest to concentrate when all he can really think about is the image you've planted in his head.
Many cultures consider kissing intimate, but between our style and our motivations, psychologists say men and women kiss for different reasons in a romantic context. Where a girl might see it as a bonding activity with her partner, a guy sees a chance to turn her on.
Meaning, a sensual or passionate kiss might not guarantee him falling head over heels in love with you, but it will most likely make him grow a bulge.
Admittedly, hugging isn’t one of those foolproof moves to turn on a guy, but it can get the job done under the right circumstances. Some types of kisses might be frowned upon in public, but you should have more luck with hugs in many societies.
Be sure to draw it out and preferably make it tight, so he can feel your warm skin, which gets the job done. The longer the hug, the more likely you are to feel your effect on him down there. Slow dancing can also yield a similar result if you are ever at such an event.
Nothing excites me sexually as watching a man’s breathing grow labored as his desire for me rises. It’s hot to see such raw, physical effect on you on the best of them. Ours may not get as guttural as some guys can be, but we react similarly when hot and bothered, too.
Using the previous point, for instance, while hugging/dancing, you can place your face near his ear and reach your hand into his hair. If he moans or gets goosebumps, it means he’s enjoying it, and mirroring that act right there can nearly send him over the edge.
You’d be surprised how much of a turn on a good, old game of “hide and seek” can be, especially after a reasonable amount of teasing/back and forth flirting. To keep things challenging, you can have him complete tasks and make the reward a clue to the next step.
Each step would bring him closer and closer to the ultimate goal, but you can sprinkle some immediate gratification to keep him motivated.
Use what he digs the most about you to your advantage. If it's your eyes, really work those gorgeous orbs and make sure most looks you exchange conveys sexual innuendo. If it's your lips, he can't get enough of, subtly make sensual contact with them when you sense his gaze on you.
It doesn't have to be so unoriginal that he can tell you are trying to seduce him. Even an act as simple as touching up your lipgloss can send him over with desire when you look him in the eye. You can bite your lower lip gently, too, if you can pull it off naturally. The idea is to be yourself, with a little more... intentionality.
Flirting with your feet is another surefire way to get a guy all fired up, and he doesn’t even have to have a foot fetish. Just the thought of having your bare footwork its way up to his calf and knee, then back down, ever so slightly under the table, is exciting.
Ideally, this should be a secret, and other people shouldn’t be able to tell what’s going on underneath. So not only will he not have to restrain himself from taking things further right there, better hope he keeps a good poker face, too.
But not the way you are thinking, at least not yet. I mean subtly draw his attention to your body with innocuous moves like running your fingers along your neck or collarbone or adjusting your dress over your hips. You can also use your hair, either by flipping it or smoothing it down.
As the tension grows thicker, stoke the fire a little more by accompanying those “innocent” moves with some lustful glances.
Also, not there yet. A good game of seduction is best done drawn out. When he's earned it, or you're ready to get the rest of the night going, let his roaming hand feel some skin, perhaps on your legs, arms or back. If he also tries to play with your hair, let him.
If you are not afraid of being too forward, you can grab his hand and guide it as far up as your inner thighs, just short of the promised land, then close up shop and act as nothing happened.
This one seems straightforward enough. You are in a room or open space filled with people, and there your guy is, being his scintillating self in his fit. Men tend to set less strict boundaries around their body compared to us, but you should still try to ensure he’s cool with it before rubbing his member outside.
You wouldn’t want a stranger or someone you just met touching your butt, would you? Having said that, remember the keyword is ‘discrete’ and that the thrill of almost being caught is an edge.
Another bold one. Best tried when there is absolutely no doubt the guy is into you because you don't want to deal with the awkwardness if not. If the attraction isn't in question, you can try this on a date, at a work event, or even on an airplane mid-flight.
Simply excuse yourself to the ladies’ room, and when you return, slip him your undies of choice (bra or panties), still warm from having just been on you. If you can't manage that without being noticed, you can open your purse and show it to him.
Romance doesn’t always have to be NSFW, you and your guy can still explore some of each other’s sweet spots without raising eyebrows. The thumb, for example, you can massage the (pressure point) meaty part of his own with yours and watch him turn red as you relieve the pressure he didn’t know he was carrying.
Or if you are really into it, give his thumb a provocative rub down under the table while you have your eyes locked on his.
Your boyfriend’s hands are another loaded zone hiding in plain sight. You can put your fingers to work by slowly skimming them over the hair on his forearm and around the back of his elbow. Those areas are pretty sensitive to the touch, so not a lot of pressure would be required.
As for the connection between his forearm and making his blood rush downwards, that depends on his headspace and how light you can keep your touch. The elbow, on the other hand, is an erogenous zone.
The lower back is not just a sensitive spot on a girl, guys feel something when touched there too. Additionally, the fact that an average girl focuses on men’s common erogenous zones adds a sense of novelty when someone finally brushes past the less known ones and lingers for a bit.
Plus, there’s the added benefit of his butt being just below, so there’s no telling where your hands might stray.
Speaking of, if you are in a relationship with a guy who finds it sexy when you grab his butt, playfully or during sex, you can assume it’s one of his turn-ons. If unsure, though, have a conversation with him about it or something before tapping his ass in public. Although not quite as forbidden as the crotch move, one should also apply discretion in this case, for obvious reasons.
This might take a little bit of practice, but there's no harm in spontaneously trying it too. Some guys catch on. If you want more than a maybe to go on, play the game often in your comfort zone when you are together.
Tell him something naughty by moving just your lips (without sound) and have him guess what you just said. If he guesses right, reward him by going through with the exact thing you said. Then rinse, lather, repeat.
When you finally pull the stunt in public, not only will he salivate like a conditioned puppy, but knowing he can't have you right there and then would drive him further nuts.
Usually, the hot and cold phrase in relation to a sex game brings ice cube play to mind. But that may not be fit for a public place, so we revert to the age-old use of mixed signals.
That is, flirt heavy and when you notice you’re starting to get too handsy or he’s enjoying it too much, withdraw. Then rinse and repeat. For the same reasons as the other ways on the list, this is to keep him on his toes and extend the experience.
Roleplay is often top on the list of turn-ons for sex-positive guys because it can be extremely hot when you get into it. It is also incredibly handy if you’re looking to spice up your relationship or sex life.
What other move allows you to bring your wildest fantasies to life, completely judgment-free, wherever and whenever you want to, and with your partner no less? Just make sure to pick a narrative that gets you both going to keep the sync.
In a conservative setting like a church, so much as a suggestive look can make a guy rock hard, whereas you may need to do a little bit more (although not necessarily) to get the same result at a strip club.
The idea is to learn to adapt and get creative based on the guy you’re dealing with and the environment you find yourself in. i.e., work with what you have. This way, your moves can be more organic instead of cramming a few go-to ways for all and every male you come across.
The key to turning a guy on by talking is in the details—that and confidence. Whether you want to let him know what you want him to do to you or vice-versa, do it explicitly and try to sound like you know what you are talking about.
A guy’s body will reveal the signs if you turn him on. For one, he’d touch you suggestively and playfully every chance he gets. He’d pay attention to your look and make love to you a lot with just his eyes. You should also notice a hint of sexual tension between you.
Your best bet at turning a man on with tact is to let your body do most of the talking— “accidental” touches, a coy smile, and more importantly, eye contact. You can also tease him verbally using suggestive language during a conversation.
To turn a guy on, you can target his nipples, lips, the nape of his neck, his inner thighs, his feet, fingertips, anywhere with skin, and the general genital area.
To turn a guy on over text, you can either use your words or pictures. If you’re going with the latter, remember that less is more and if you want to type it out, keep in mind that the devil is in the details.
If you’re wondering how to turn him on in public, I hope this article helped. Remember that those seemingly innocuous moves that others aren’t in on are the ones that really drive them wild.
So the simple answer is to find out what those are for your man and work around them. If you have thoughts on the list or would like to keep the conversation on “how to turn him on in public” going, kindly leave a comment and share the post.
Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.
Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!