I’ll let you into a little secret. Some of my past relationships have been real shockers. I’ve dated a few players, been a rebound girlfriend, and even dumped by text. Now, there’s nothing wrong with me. I was just attracting the wrong men.
It’s taken a while but I can tell you how to attract the right man into your life. But before I talk about how to snag your Mr. Right, I just want to give you a quick heads up on what men don’t find attractive.
Now I’m a little older (ok a lot older!) I cringe at my younger self when I look back and remember how I used to act around guys I liked. If I liked a guy I would hang around the bar or clubs where I knew he’d be. I’d act like something was wrong so he’d notice me and want to help me.
I’d be all needy and chase him, practically offer myself on a plate to him. If I ever actually got to be in a relationship with a guy I’d want to spend every second with him. I’d get jealous if he wanted time with his mates. It was a complete nightmare!
No wonder I started attracting the wrong kind of men. Guys would see how desperate I acted when I was in a relationship. They’d know that they could use me. That they could take advantage of me. That I was easy to manipulate.
In fact, I found that for a while, the only men that would approach me were the players or those men that wanted a stopgap girlfriend before something more serious came along.
It wasn’t until I was single for a while and noticed other people’s behavior that it shone a light on my own. I began seeing what an idiot I’d been. Of course, men were going to use me if I sent out those kinds of signals.
So how did I go about attracting the right kind of man? Well, I don’t mean to sound patronizing but as you get older you become more comfortable in your own skin. You grow more confident in yourself. You start to realize and understand what is attractive to another person and what isn’t.
If you’re having trouble thinking about how you go about attracting the right men into your life, just think about what would you find attractive in a friend? What qualities would you look for?
A loyal person perhaps? Someone who is there when you need them? A person that is supportive and encourages you? Maybe. Those are all great qualities to have in a relationship but I’m talking specifically about what attracts you in the first place.
So let’s start again. How about a fun-loving person? Or someone who is independent with a good job? What about a well-balanced person? Someone who takes care of their appearance, who is kind to people? A person who loves animals and has a wide circle of friends? A person who has good relationships with their family members?
These are the qualities that are attractive. Why? Because they show us that this person is a well-rounded human being. This person already has a great life. They don’t need someone else to make their life good. They’ve got one.
Actually, you’d be the lucky one if they chose you to join them in their life. When you think about it, no one wants to be a part of something that isn’t successful. Something that isn’t fun or positive. It really isn’t that difficult when you think about it.
So let’s cut to the chase. Let’s say you’re currently on the dating scene and you’re not having any luck so far. Are you willing to step out of your comfort zone to find your significant other? Then here’s my dating advice on how to attract a man, but not just any man, the right one.
You’ll never get the right guy to notice you if you’re not living the same life as he is. So you love the outdoors but you always stay inside? You like car racing but you never go to the track? You prefer bookish types but you hang out at the gym?
We’re drawn to the people we hang around. So if you want a fit gym bunny you won’t find him dining out at a fast food outlet every day. You have to be the person you want to attract, not the person you want.
It’s easy to ruin a potential relationship from a past one. We all have triggers. One of mine is dogs. One of my ex-boyfriends did not like my dog. He wasn’t cruel but eventually, I left with the dog.
But even 20 years later if anyone says the slightest thing about my dogs I blow up at them. It’s very important to recognize any triggers because it is not your current partner that is responsible, it's your ex.
How can anyone love and respect you enough to date you if you don’t love and respect yourself? Before you can even think about attracting a man you should be a well-balanced person in your own right.
You shouldn’t be looking for someone to complete you. You need to be the best version of yourself. Men are attracted to confident, independent women. They are not drawn to women who are needy and desperate. Let your light shine bright and those guys will come!
This follows on from respecting and loving yourself. Some people don’t believe that they deserve the good things in life. But if you never believe it then you’ll never receive it. You have to understand that you deserve to be happy. That you are worthy of love.
If there’s one thing, men like its confidence. In fact, you don’t have to have knock-out gorgeous looks for guys to think you are sexy. But you do have to be confident.
A swagger of the hips, a dazzling smile, and a witty put down will instantly put you in a guy’s crosshairs. Be your sassy self and watch men drool and fall at your feet.
When asked what men found attractive in women do you know what many of them said? It was that they could be themselves. That they didn’t have to pretend.
So you can guess what I’m going to suggest. Yes! That you do exactly the same. Let guys see you in all your goofy glory. Don’t be afraid to laugh at any pratfalls or mistakes. Be self-deprecating or smart or cool under pressure. Just be you!
The larger your horizons the wider pool of potential men you’ll have access to. In fact, the more you invest in yourself as a person and a woman, it is more likely that the right kind of man will notice you.
So, travel the world, go to university, enroll in educational programs. You'll put yourself in the position of attracting hundreds, if not thousands of the right kind of men.
There’s a lot to be said for being independent. I know some women who go from partner to partner and cannot bear being single for a minute. They might be financially independent but emotionally they are lacking.
Work to be your own woman, both mentally and financially. So that by the time the right man does come along you are a well-rounded person ready for a relationship.
I know a woman that on a first date explained the wonderful paradox of the quantum physics ‘Double Slit’ experiment. If you don’t know it I suggest you look it up, it really is fascinating. It’s how light particles act differently if they are observed by the experimenter.
After she had detailed the finer points to her date, he asked her to marry him. She laughed of course, but months later they did marry. Afterwards, he told friends that it was the look of passion in her eyes as she was explaining the experiment at that moment that he knew she was the right woman for him.
What is the one thing that shows a guy you are a well-rounded person? Plenty of good friends and strong family ties. If we see a person who has friends that they’ve known for decades it fills us with confidence that this person can maintain relationships.
If we see someone who is close to their family we know that they are able to form close bonds. These are all good signs of a well-balanced human being.
I’m not saying get a boob job or your lips filled, just be clean and wear nice clothes. Don’t wear stuff that you’re not used to like high-heeled shoes.
Wear clothes that you feel comfortable in. Get regular haircuts and don’t overdo the makeup.
If you’ve always had a type now is the time to ditch it. You may always have been attracted to tall dark guys. You never give blond shorter guys the time of day. Who knows, maybe he was the right person and you overlooked him.
Be open to all possibilities, not just your preferences and you might be pleasantly surprised. Remember, looks don’t last forever but personality does.
If you want to date the wrong kind of guy then keep acting desperate. Sure, it sucks when everyone else has a great love life and you don’t. But a little time being single is not such a bad thing.
Use it to work on your self-esteem and respect. Don’t forget, men can smell a desperate woman off a mile away and they’ll use you.
The opposite of being desperate is playing hard to get. Men love the chase. They place a lot of value on something they have to work for. So be that woman that men have to earn to spend time with. Don’t give up the goods on the first night!
Many women think that they shouldn’t say they want a relationship but honesty is always the best policy. If anything, you’ll weed out the players.
Now is the time to ditch all your old habits. There’s a famous saying about keeping doing the same thing but expecting a different result. If you have always attracted the wrong kind of guy switch up your routine.
Go to a different bar, if you always pay for drinks don’t, if you never talk about your feelings then do. You get the picture.
Unfortunately, this dating advice is meaningless unless you actually go out and use it. So if you really want to date Mr. Right you’re going to have to go out there and find him.
By focusing on being the best that you can be. I believe that what we put out into the world we receive back. So if you are positive and work on yourself you will attract a like-minded man who believes in the same things as you do.
Being positive attracts positive people. Negativity does the same. Being grateful for what you already have is essential. Don’t compare yourself to others. Lead your own life and follow your own path. Live your life to the fullest and you’ll find the right man.
Having a sense of confidence is key here. Nobody wants to be around a person who is down on themselves all the time. You’ll only attract the wrong type of person. When you start to believe in yourself you’ll find that your self-esteem naturally becomes contagious.
Only when we respect and love ourselves can others follow suit. If you don’t feel that you are worthy of a good relationship then you won’t get one. However, if you present yourself as a catch worth winning then you’ll attract the right men.
We certainly are living in unprecedented times. The dating game has changed beyond recognition. However, when it comes to attracting love, try finding it within your own passions. So, for example, if you are an outdoor type of person then go for long walks. You might meet someone who shares your passion. If you are an artistic type then join an art class.
So there you have it. My advice on attracting men into your life. I hope you enjoyed reading it. And if you have any tips I’d love to hear from you.