Although sex isn’t the single most important thing in a marriage, it is one of the most important, and good sex life is paramount to a successful relationship. When you have sex with your partner it opens up a special intimate connection between the two of you, deepening the bond the two of you have.
From a more selfish point of view, good sex will make you happy and less stressed, as it releases endorphins. So, for both your marriage to survive the test of time and for your own personal satisfaction, having a good sex life is important.
Therefore, it can be extremely concerning when your husband isn’t talented in the bedroom. Whether you’ve always been left unsatisfied by him, or his sexual endeavors haven’t scored highly with you recently, it’s painful and you might be worried that you’re going to be stuck with average sex for the rest of your life. But, don’t panic too quickly, there are things that can be done.
Getting your sex life back on track and improving your satisfaction in the bedroom is actually quite a simple task, as long as you know how to do it. This article is here to help you do just that. We’re going to take a look at the best 11 ways you can increase your satisfaction with your husband in the bedroom. So, let’s take a look and get you on the road to better pleasure!
Table of Contents
The first and most important thing you need to do is communicate with your partner, so we’re going to take a look at this in a lot of detail. Communication is key in every aspect of your relationship, especially when it comes to sex.
If you feel like you aren’t experiencing sexual pleasure in the relationship, the truth is that he will probably feel the same, or he will feel concerned about not satisfying you. As soon as you open up this topic of conversation, you might find out that the two of you are actually on the same page, and you can move forward and work on it together.
The ideal situation is that you can speak to your husband freely and honestly without any conflict and hopefully they will be on the same page too. However, they might not be, and conflict may arise. In addition, you might actually offend your partner, so you need to be careful when opening up the topic.
You do not want your partner to feel blamed for the sexual issues within the relationship, and you do not want them to feel deflated about the fact they’re not giving you pleasure. Therefore, you need to go around this topic in a sensitive way, avoiding all blame.
For example, saying “I don’t feel pleasured by you” is a sure way to get your partners back up and make them feel inadequate. Instead, you could open up the topic by saying something like, “Do you feel satisfied with our sex? I think we should communicate more”.
The bottom line is, communication is vital if anything is ever going to get better. Definitely be sensitive to how your partner feels, go about the topic gently, and make sure your partner knows you want to work as a team, but just be sure that you communicate with them.
Although it’s definitely not your fault that you feel like your partner is lacking in sexual talent, rather than thinking “my husband sucks” it might be a good idea to think about why he isn’t good, or why he isn’t getting better.
Of course, there’s a long list of what makes a guy bad in bed and why a guy might not excel in this department, but a possible reason for why your husband is bad and isn’t getting better could be because you’re faking orgasms.
Faking orgasms only makes a guy feel happy short-term, but long term, problems like this occur. If you are faking, stop it right now. Firstly, you should be having sex good enough to make you orgasm, and secondly because your man is never going to learn if he actually thinks he’s doing a good job.
If you have been faking orgasms you will probably find that when you try and bring up the problems you have in bed with your man, he won’t think there’s a problem, and that’s your fault for not being honest with him. Your man can’t get better if he thinks he’s already doing a good job.
Has your sex turned a little too vanilla? Are you constantly in missionary? If so, your husband might be bad in the bedroom because he’s bored, and so are you. So, if he’s not going to be the one to take initiative, you will have to. Talking about sexual fantasies is a great way to open up a conversation surrounding sex.
Discussing together what turns you on or what you’d like to try out is exciting, and probably quite surprising, so give it a go. If you thought your husband was becoming too monotonous in bed, he could have felt the same about you, so be the one to push the boundaries and show you’re open to playing out fantasies. This should bring him to life.
Your husband might not know what you actually like, even if you have been together for a long time. In fact, sexual preferences can change over time and therefore you need to continually show your partner what turns you on, what feels good for you, and how he can bring you the most pleasure.
Your partner will probably find it really useful to actually understand what you want because then he knows how to please you properly. If you don’t show your partner what you like and how you want him to interact sexually with you, you will most likely think he is bad because he’s simply not doing what excites you.
If you want to have great sex and you know exactly how you want it to go, how you want to be touched, and how to bring the most pleasure to both you and your partner, why not be the one to take control?
You may think that your husband is bad because he’s not taking control in a way that you want him to, so rather than waiting for him to change, just take the lead. A lot of men find it very sexy when women know what they want and go for it, and your husband might even enjoy being the more submissive one in the sack.
A lot of people think that sex toys should only be used in masturbation, and although they are predominantly used for that, they can bring great pleasure into the bedroom for couples too. Incorporating a sex toy into the mix will probably spice things up and make the experience a lot more pleasurable for both of you.
You should try and get a sex toy that benefits both of you because this is one of those things people sometimes feel uncomfortable about, and if you get a vibrator your man might feel pushed away and even a little intimidated by it.
Everyone’s bodies change over time, and what felt good and brought you pleasure when you first met will have probably changed to what brings you pleasure now. So, something that’s incredibly important is that the two of you spend time getting to know each other’s bodies.
If you don’t think your husband knows your body very well, you can guide his hand to the right places during foreplay for example, or suggest a position that works well for you.
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If you’re working through sexual issues with your partner, it’s essential you let him know when he is doing things well. If you have suggested your partner try and touch you in a different way or he’s trying hard to pleasure you, you can give him compliments on it. He’ll really appreciate being told how good he makes you feel, and he’ll remember all of the things that make you feel good and do them more regularly.
Is your guy the kind of man that likes to choose from a very small selection of positions, or maybe even prefers one and does it over and over again? If so, you might think he’s bad in bed because his positions need spicing up. No one wants to experience sex the same way every time.
Something you can do about this is to switch up sex positions. You could take a look at a selection of sex positions and make it a task to try and tick all of them off, have a look through the kama sutra together, or firmly stick away from the positions you normally use.
Of course, you have a problem with your husband in the bedroom and the majority of the work that needs to be put in is clearly in there. However, people underestimate the power of touch and intimacy in everyday life.
Unfortunately, a lot of women in long-term relationships and marriages don’t experience a lot of intimacy in daily life. This is typically because life gets in the way, kids are around and there’s simply no time for hand-holding and make-out sessions.
With a couple that doesn’t practice intimacy in everyday life, when it gets to the bedroom, the two of them aren’t actually very sure of each other, they might not know how to act and in some cases, they don’t want to be intimate. This is obviously a big problem.
If you don’t want this problem to exist, or if you think it already does exist and it’s the reason you think your husband is bad in the bedroom, just start to incorporate more intimacy into your daily life.
Like pretty much everything, these problems you are facing are probably not going to change overnight. You do need to put effort into increasing the pleasure in your relationship, as a couple, for it to work. You also need to actually be having sex in order to practice, so get to bed! Try and have sex more than you typically do, and see if the practice starts to pay off.
If you try to communicate with your partner, try a variety of things to make it more exciting, increase the intimacy between you and you’re still not feeling satisfied or pleasured, it’s important that you address this.
All women, and men, deserve to have great sex and you deserve to be pleasured. If your husband’s still not pleasing you and your sexual interactions with him aren’t improving, you need to work on it further.
Seeing a sex therapist might be the best idea if you can’t communicate clearly with each other. A sex therapist will not only be able to offer you both advice catered towards your specific situation, but they will also facilitate communication between the two of you, so you should be able to improve the situation.
Although it’s not likely, it is important to be aware of the fact there could be a much deeper problem within the relationship. If this situation does not get better, or your partner is making you unhappy, it’s a good idea to step back from the situation and evaluate the entire relationship, not just the sex issues in it.
The tips within this article should help improve the sexual connection between yourself and your partner, as well as increase the sexual pleasure and satisfaction you experience. Just remember, communication is vital in all aspects of a relationship, especially when it comes to sex.
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Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.
Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.