I remember my first time, and the years of anxiety leading up to it; It can feel pretty scary!
We’re not taught about anything beyond contraception and protection against STIs, and in most cases it’s pretty limited information; the curriculum doesn’t exactly tell us much about female pleasure.
Sometimes, we’re lucky enough to rely on a friend who’s experienced it first to give us some tips, but even then, nothing really prepares us because we all have different experiences.
It’s important to recognize that we all have different bodies, and will respond differently to different sex positions; everybody will experience pleasure in different ways.
The best way to prepare is to educate yourself on the easiest sex positions to try when starting out in your sexual journey, and understanding how to prepare yourself physically and mentally in order to make each sexual experience more enjoyable.
Table of Contents
Before we delve into some of the best and simple sex positions, it’s important to take a few steps into making sure that your first time is as good as can be.
Realistically, your first time won’t exactly be the most amazing sex you’ll ever have in your life, so it’s important to go into losing your virginity with as much knowledge as possible in order to make sure that you have a good experience.
It might seem obvious, but it’s so important to make sure that you’re ready to lose your virginity.
I’m not about to tell you to wait until you're a certain age or to make sure that you’ll be sleeping with the person you’re going to marry; it’s unrealistic. Of course, if you end up losing your virginity to the love of your life then that’s amazing for you, but it doesn’t always happen that way.
The most important thing is that you’re comfortable with this person, and that you trust them. You’re about to share a big experience in your life, and you want to be happy with your decision.
It doesn’t even have to be with a partner. You could be with a guy for 5 years and still not be ready to sleep with him. Like I say, everybody is different.
We shouldn’t be telling anybody to follow any kind of guideline when deciding to lose their virginity, we should be encouraging them to make sure that it feels right and that they’re happy with their sexual partner.
There are many precautions you can take when having sex with a partner for the first time. The first and most obvious is to wear a condom.
According to Planned Parenthood, “If you use condoms perfectly every single time you have sex, they're 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. But people aren't perfect, so in real life condoms are about 87% effective.”
It can also be a good idea to have a discussion about past partners, contraception and a history of STIs; this shouldn’t be a conversation that’s uncomfortable if you’re having sex with the right person.
Lube is incredibly underrated and can be so useful for your first time. For some, your first time can feel painful, so lube naturally helps with this.
It’s also known that some types of contraception can cause vaginal dryness meaning that it can be harder for you to get naturally wet; another reason why lube is a great addition to your sex life.
You can mix it up with different flavored lube, or lube that alters the feeling of intercourse; I’m talking warming, tingling, easy gliding and so on.
Lube is just great.
Overthinking your first time will add unnecessary stress, and overplanning your first time is pointless as it will only make it feel scripted and more awkward.
You want your first time to feel natural, easy, and, most importantly, special.
Granted, there are small things you can consider like setting the mood and making sure that you’re completely alone, but you don’t want to overthink it.
A great example is when Max from Ginny and Georgia (spoilers!) loses her virginity to Sophie. She spends hours obsessing over making sure her first time is perfect, and even makes a huge sex playlist.
When the time came, it turned out that she’d overplanned it and that actually she wasn’t ready. They then finally had sex spontaneously a few episodes later when it felt right and natural, as it should.
You should never feel embarrassed about the fact that you’ve not had sex before, no matter how old you are.
You should be honest with your sexual partner that it’s your first time as it’s important that you take things slow, and that you’re vocal about how it feels.
Again, if you feel as though your partner will judge you, then you’re not losing your virginity to the right person.
For some people’s first time, sex is completely painless and easy. For others, they feel a slight discomfort, and for some it can hurt a lot. This is why it’s so important that you’re completely comfortable with your sexual partner.
For me personally, it took a few times for me to get past the pain; and that’s okay!
You need to be vocal about how it feels, vocal about consent, and take it slowly.
You also don’t want to rush straight into penetration; foreplay is crucial when having sex for the first time, which leads me onto my next point.
Foreplay can be amazing, and sometimes it’s even better than the sex itself. You can also use foreplay as a technique to get comfortable in certain sex positions without the penetration, there’s no harm in a little rubbing to get you both excited.
My advice would be to spend some time having sexual encounters with a person before going straight into having intercourse. You want to get to know each other's bodies, and get comfortable with communicating to one another about what feels nice and what doesn’t.
Although porn is completely unrealistic, when learning how to perform different types of foreplay it can be good to get an idea of what to do with your sexual partner, just remember that sex in real life is nothing like sex in porn; it should only be used as a basic guide, and, of course, to get you both in the mood.
Don’t rush foreplay, enjoy it instead!
This for me is the most important tip when losing your virginity, or even when having sex at any time of your life.
If your only goal when having sex is to have an orgasm, then you’re not going to enjoy the sexual journey.
Hannah Witton in her YouTube video for Love Honey tells us “having goal-orientated sex can make you feel more stressed and less likely to orgasm”, and she’s so right!
Also, it’s pretty unlikely that you’ll achieve an orgasm when having sex for the first time as for some it can take years to master.
It’s all about enjoying the journey, getting to know your partner sexually and, most importantly, learning to understand how you feel pleasure.
Okay, so you’re finally ready to get into it and you want to make sure that you try the best sex position for your first time.
You’re looking for somethingeasy, something that will encourage intimacy and help to maximize pleasure.
Arguably the simplest and most effective of sex positions is the missionary position.
There are a few variations of this sex position, but generally it’s where a girl lies on her back whilst the man is on top.
In the missionary position, your partner controls stimulation, but there are a few tricks you can try in order to heat it up.
In any sex position, you want to find a rhythm with your sexual partner, and respond to his thrusts, adding power and friction to the situation. You can do this by moving your hips, raising yourself slightly, wrapping your legs around him to increase intimacy, or thrusting in time with your partner.
This is one of the easiest sex positions when considering the first entry of the penis, as missionary doesn’t cause too deep a penetration.
Remember, at first, take it slowly and allow the pace of thrusting to be gradually increased as it begins to feel more pleasurable.
If you’re looking to advance in this position, try to prop yourself up by placing a pillow underneath your bum. This is supposed to encourage orgasm as it allows easy access to the G-spot.
The laziest of the sex positions, but arguably the easiest.
Spooning is where you will both lie on your side, essentially cuddling, whilst he penetrates you from behind. You’ll most likely lift a leg slightly to help your partner enter your vagina.
If I could go back to my first time, this is the position I’d personally opt for. It’s easy, it’s romantic, it doesn’t require a lot of physical activity, and it’s one of the best sex positions to help you into a flow.
Another reason why it’s great for your first time as it’s very much a good starting position.
When having sex, you won’t always stay in one position, you’ll be mixing things up. It can be a bit annoying and irritating having to pull out and reinsert, especially if this is your first time and it took a bit of time and patience to build up to the full thing.
If you’re having sex in the spooning position, it’s very easy to transition into other behind sex positions such as doggy style, allowing for more pressure at a faster pace (once you’re really into it).
Doggy style is known to achieve a deeper feeling of penetration, so isn’t the best in relation to pain, however is considered easy for a few reasons.
The doggy style position is where a girl will be on her hands and knees, and her partner will essentially mount her like a dog from behind; it’s a lot sexier than it sounds, trust me!
It’s another great position for when your partner enters your vagina as it helps with access, and to help build up the pace with ease. This is another position where your partner has control, however you can take matters into your own hands a little by pushing back onto him and matching his rhythm.
It’s not the most intimate of sex positions, but it can be insanely pleasurable as it allows for deep thrusts.
In the cowgirl position, you will basically straddle your partner and ride him; hence ‘cowgirl’.
It’s an incredibly intimate position as it’s face to face, you’re in control so you can begin to understand what feels pleasurable as you’re essentially achieving that pleasure yourself, and you can control the pacing.
Some might avoid this position for their first time, as it can feel a little daunting to ride a man without experience, especially when losing your virginity.
I would argue that it’s the best time to try it because you willlearn more about your own body than in any other position.
If you’re honest with your partner that it’s your first time, he’ll also be able to help guide you from underneath you, raising his hips to increase pressure.
This sexual position doesn’t involve penetration, but it’s a lot of fun.
You might really enjoy giving your partner oral sex, or you might do it simply waiting for your own turn to receive. The 69 position is where you will each perform oral sex on the other whilst receiving at the same time; seems fair, right?
It encourages intimacy and it can help you to relax. You won’t be too embarrassed about having sex for the first time after 69’ing, that’s for sure.
Face off is one of the easiest and best sex positions as physically it doesn’t require a lot of work, and it’s crazy intimate.
It’s similar to missionary, although the partner on the bottom wouldn’t be laid down, instead they’d be sat up on the edge of a surface such as a bed, the couch or even a table.
The partner on top will then straddle them, but as both partners are seated upright your faces will be close, giving reason for the name ‘face off’.
We’ve all heard of scissoring, right? Well, it’s kind of like that.
Magic mountain is the sex position where both partners will be sat upright, with their legs crossed over one another, allowing super easy access for penetration.
You will use your hands as support and lean back, allowing both of you to slightly raise your pelvis in order to help when thrusting.
Otherwise known as ‘Stand and Deliver’. Sex standing up can be really easy as you’re not worrying about being awkwardly pressed against the bed, or your thigh trapping his thigh, you can simply do whatever feels right and it allows for easier access.
The only negative when it comes to having sex standing is when you and your partner have a big height difference. You have to be similar in height in order for this one to work.
You can lean against a wall, and raise your leg in order to help find a flow. If there is a height difference your partner could also slightly raise you up against a wall, but this is a little trickier.
The congress of a cow is one of the most underrated sex positions.
Sometimes, the best kind of sex is when it’s completely raw; just two bodies intertwined.
In this sex position, you would bend over so that you’re on all fours and allow your sexual partner to penetrate you from behind.
It slightly resembles doggy style, although you’re not kneeling on anything, you’re literally bent over on the floor.
Ann Hooper's interpretation of the KamaSutra describes The Congress of a Cow (page 81), she has two specific tips to add to the success of this sex position. The first, “Timing: By holding up her hips or waist you can push and pull her in time with your own movements” and the second, “Firm Support: Keep your feet apart and the palms of your hand flat on the floor.”
The only acceptable answer to this question is maybe…
Everyone is different. For some, there’s no pain at all, and for others there’s a lot. A good indication to know is if you feel pain from finger penetration. Obviously, a penis is a lot bigger than a finger, but if you feel pain from finger penetration then it’s pretty likely that penetration from a penis is going to hurt at first.
If the pain is completely unbearable then it’s always a good idea to seek advice from a medical professional.
Typically, it will feel slightly uncomfortable for a short while until you ease into it. This is why communication is so important when you lose your virginity.
Popping your cherry is slang for losing your virginity. This phrase comes from the fact that most women bleed when they have intercourse for the first time.
Women have a tissue in their vagina called a ‘Hymen’. According to Cleveland Clinic, “your hymen is a piece of tissue covering or surrounding part of your vaginal opening. The hymen has a reputation for being an indicator of sexual activity — like a hard, seal-like covering that blocks your vagina — but it usually has no connection to whether a woman (or person assigned female at birth) has had sex.”
Generally speaking I think it’s fair to say that the missionary position has a reputation as the most popular, although some consider it vanilla.
A lot of different surveys will give you different answers, depending on state, gender, and sexuality. The main three that tend to crop up amongst those surveys are missionary, doggy style and spooning.
Yes and no.
Losing your virginity will feel like a big deal, until it happens and then you’ll be excited about exploring more sexually. But, everyone is different. Some people feel nervous about losing their virginity whereas others won’t be too phased.
What matters is this: if it feels like a big deal to you, then it’s a big deal, and you should make sure that you’re 10000% ready to have sex before you do.
I would encourage you to try several sex positions in order to discover the best one for you, as again, everybody is different.
It’s super important that you take things slowly and ease into it. Foreplay will make any position easier, and you want to feel completely comfortable with your partner.
There are several sex positions that are perfect for beginners, but not one will be successful unless you make sure that you’re ready for intercourse, so take the time to listen to your body. If you’re not turned on, you’re not going to have good sex, it will just feel uncomfortable.
And remember, if a position isn’t working for you, then switch it up. Sex is all about trial and error. There’s absolutely nothing awkward about communicating with your partner to make sure that the sex feels pleasurable for you both.
Each of you wants to experience pleasure, and you also want to know that your partner is feeling good too, so talk about it to maximize your experience together.
If you have any advice on the best sex positions for beginners then please feel free to comment, and as always, share with a friend in need.