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Dating A Pessimist (17 Signs You’re Dating A Pessimist)

July 6, 2024

It’s not impossible to be in a relationship with a pessimist, especially if you’re not one. The only thing is that you may just need enough patience and a little bit of flexibility to be with your pessimistic partner.

At first, it may look hard, but by the time you know when and how to do certain things, you will be with him, peacefully.

While others (especially optimists) are busy, trying to make lemonades out of lemons, pessimists always think of the worst case that could be in everything. The thing is, most pessimists don’t believe or accept how dark and sad they sound most times. Instead, they say they’re only being realistic. 

On the contrary, optimists prefer looking on the bright side of things even in the worst situation. No matter the setbacks they have, they always find light somewhere in those setbacks. An optimist could make do with the resources at home for a dinner date with their partner if there’s no money to eat out.

Being with someone like this is not a bad idea. But, sometimes you may not know if you’re dating one or not and that could bring a lot of troubles in your relationship.

So, what are the signs you’re dating a pessimist? Keep reading to learn 17 signs you’re dating one.

17 Signs You’re Dating A Pessimist

1. He would assume you’re not attracted to him

It’s normal for opposite parties to attract each other, like optimists and pessimists. But, it gets harder when only one party is making an effort to bring the success of the relationship. In other words, no matter how attracted you could be to your partner, he won’t recognize it.

He could say you’re only doing it to make him happy and not from your heart. That’s a pessimist. He would think you’re with him for a selfish reason and not because you’re actually attracted to him. So, no matter how nice, loving, and soft-spoken you are, he would still believe you’re with him to achieve a particular purpose.

2. A pessimist sees only the negative side even if the situation is good

Most couples live by faith and pray things work out between them, especially if it’s marriage. This doesn’t happen with pessimists. If you’re an optimist dating a pessimist, you’d observe that no matter how promising a situation is, he’ll never see or appreciate the bright side of it.

Instead, he’ll give you a thousand and one reasons why the event won’t turn out nice. That’s why if you’re an optimist dating a pessimist and his cheerleader, you’ll notice that your overall attitude helps balance everything even though his negative responses may make you feel resentful sometimes.

3. When he sees you talking to another guy, he’ll only think you’re about to cheat

For some men, it’s a good thing to see their wives or girlfriends relate with other people even if they’re men. They look at the bright side of things, view it from their partner’s perspective, and conclude all is well. That’s because most men know their partners are different from them, especially when one is a homebody and the other a party animal, which helps relationships.

This is different from pessimists. Even if you’re bound by marriage to a pessimist, you can’t have good relationships with other guys because he’ll always think you’re cheating on him. This will happen even when you prove to him that those relationships will lead to his success, too. 

4. He only brings negative possibilities to things

One way to know if you’re dating a pessimist is through his suggestions for your personal goals, plans, and achievements. He would sound a little bit positive with many negative possibilities of what could go wrong with it. If you bring up positive suggestions, he will counter them.

Additionally, an optimist is a glass-half-full kind of person who sees good possibilities in many things. On the contrary, a pessimist is a glass-half-empty kind of person who waits for negative turn-outs. This is why they never recognize a silver lining. As simple as it may seem, it’s a sign you should observe.

5. Is he shocked whenever things go as planned?

An optimist is a glass half full kind of person, while a pessimist is a glass half empty kind of person. Pessimists don’t believe things can go as planned. That’s because they feel good things never come so easy and even if they do, there’s something fishy behind it. 

This means a pessimist could wake up to an email for a contract allocation and believe the letter was sent to him by mistake. A few philosophical pessimists could accept the offer, while the rest could either ignore it saying it’s a scam, or accept it with uncertainty. You should look out for this sign.

6. He never thinks your relationship will work out

If you’re an optimist dating a pessimist, you may think, pray and be happy that your relationship would end in marriage. But, that is your own perception. Your partner’s perspective could be different. He could think you’d run off with some guy and leave him broken.

Or, he could feel you both may not last long enough to be together in marriage. For most couples who are half pessimists, half optimists, this could be pessimists' thoughts, especially when one is a homebody and the other a party animal. This happens in many relationships, but an extra effort is needed to balance the difference out. 

7. Unlike you, he doesn’t go after what he wants

unlike you he doesn't go after what he wants

Every determined and positive person does their best to go after their passion no matter how hard the process may be. They will hope for the best and expect success even if it doesn’t end that way, and this overall attitude helps people succeed. This is not how pessimists think. 

They already see their failure before even trying to go after what they truly want. It doesn’t matter if it’s a girl, a career they’re passionate about, or a material thing. They believe if they go after something they want, it could lead to their downfall. They do this not realizing the risk involved in making no move at all.

8. He’ll think you only concentrate on his weaknesses

As they say, people who point out other people’s flaws and weaknesses have fears they would receive the same attitude from people. They do this not realizing that people have different personalities from them. This is always one of the scenarios with pessimists.

If you date them, observe their weaknesses, and try to correct them, they’ll think you concentrate only on their flaws. Pessimists will make people believe you don’t love them. This is an issue that if left unchallenged, could lead to serious relationship issues. Sometimes, they could revisit the issue over and over again.

9. Whenever you both go out, he’ll think people are looking at how bad his appearance is

One thing about pessimists is that they feel other people can’t look or talk to them without a reason. But, they would feel the reason is negative. For instance, if they go to a party or an occasion and many people admire their outfit, pessimists would feel those people are making fun of them or being sarcastic.

It will take some time and energy to convince them that those people truly admire their outfits. Whether you’re dating a man or not, and you observe he misinterprets or misunderstands the nice things people say to him, it could mean he’s a pessimist. 

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10. He’ll be quick to see and point out your flaws

There are many issues left unchallenged in relationships. One of them includes women who try to change their values to suit a man. The truth is, relationships like this are toxic and could make you feel resentful to relating with your partner.

This is one of the signs of dating a pessimist. As he feels intimidated by other people, he would want to say things to intimidate you. For him, the best way to do that is by pointing out your flaws, knowing that if his negative words affect you, the higher odds would be in his favor. Watch your lover for this sign.

11. Does he make you feel insecure?

One wrong thing you should avoid in your life is a man who makes you feel insecure and pessimists do that a lot. They do it because they also feel insecure about certain things. He would try to find your strengths and use them against you.

For instance, if you love smiling, he could say smile unnecessarily. If you also love playing a lot with people, he could say you’ll get insulted if you keep doing it. Pessimists try to limit your strengths, instead of appreciating and living with them. If you’re dating a guy who has this attitude, he could be one of them.

12. He would mostly engage in a conversation when it’s more of a negative view

While most people enjoy getting engaged in meaningful and happy conversations, pessimists don’t. They only get involved when it’s all bad and no good. Pessimists relate more with people who talk about negative events and only see the sad aspects of things. 

They feel more comfortable talking to people who have similar perspectives as them. Pessimists get annoyed by optimists because they can’t deal with the positive energy optimists have. They love to hear stories that are dark with no happy endings. It’s because they just can’t just stay away from negative vibes.

13. He sees a bad ending to everything

Most couples try their best to see the silver lining in every little thing. They hope for success and a good future. If they’re not married, they would want their relationship to end in a beautiful marriage in the future. This is not how pessimists see things.

They wait for everything to end in a negative way, so it can justify their thoughts and words. For instance, while you’re thinking of winning a car race, a pessimist will possibly think you’ll end up in an accident. They never sense success, only doom. This is one of the signs you should look out for.

14. He would make you feel out of place like he feels when he’s with people

he would make you feel out of place like he feels when hes with people

Pessimists feel rejected whenever they go to a new environment. A child could laugh at something funny and they’ll think she’s laughing at them. Or, a random person could make a comment completely unrelated to them and they’ll feel that person is against them.

It doesn’t stop there. A pessimist would make you feel as rejected as he feels in an environment. He would say things to manipulate your mind, so you relate with those people. He would make you feel insecure and ashamed of yourself, which could lead to low self-esteem.

15. He would think of anything going bad with his decision before even making it

While optimists see the silver lining during sad and tough times, pessimists see the opposite of it. They play out every possible danger that could occur before they go into action. This is one of their ways 

For instance, he may want to buy a microwave oven. Everyone knows the advantages of having a microwave oven at home. But, for pessimists, they would have many negative thoughts go through their minds. They will see the higher odds of it bringing danger than it contributing to making things work.

16. Is your partner resistant to change?

Pessimists are not open to change in any way. They’re afraid things would go wrong. That’s because they feel the change could make something negative happen. For instance, if a pessimist has a better job with better pay in another city, he won’t find it wise to leave, especially if he’s not going with his lover.

He won’t look at the benefits that come, instead, he would assume that his wife would cheat on him. He would look at the worst-case scenario rather than appreciate the bright side of it. If you want to date a man and he has this attitude, he could be a pessimist.

17. Pessimists always dwell in the past

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, especially when it’s a happy one. You get to remember the good times you had with your loved ones. But, it gets worse when you dwell and always talk about it. It’s even worse when you keep people aside to tell them about it when they’re not interested.

This is what pessimists do. They expect you to relate to their world. They would bring back old just to tell you how much they survived the tough times and how bad people were to them. Sometimes, they may only talk about past negative events. That’s part of their overall attitude. 


How does pessimism affect relationships?

First off, pessimism affects relationships negatively. First off, pessimists rarely express their emotions. If you offend them in any way, they won’t say it. They would rather be passive-aggressive with you.

For this reason, they tend not to work on their relationships when there’s a problem. So, pessimism affects a relationship negatively if you don’t manage it well.

How do you deal with a pessimistic husband?

When you’re in a situation like this, you need an external form of support from your loved ones or other people. Be empathic and patient with your pessimistic husband. Try your best to steer clear of his personal decisions. Point out his strengths and discuss anything that makes you feel uncomfortable with him.

What is a pessimist person like?

A pessimist person sees the negative and sad parts of every situation. They never have hope on trust in things or people. A pessimistic person expects the worst in all situations even when there are signs those situations will be good. They don’t believe in themselves or the good things they can do.

Are pessimistic people depressed?

A depressed person may sound pessimistic because of their sadness or an unfortunate event that occurred. Some pessimistic people are depressed, but it’s only an additional mental illness, not part of pessimism. A pessimistic person may not have a mental illness such as depression. They’re just naturally hopeless, unhappy, and ungrateful about things.

Can pessimists be happy?

Pessimists can be happy, but only if they make a personal decision to do so. According to research, a philosophical pessimist can do his best to find happiness and be a blessing to others he’s related to. But, with the right amount of love and attention, you can see the best qualities of a pessimist.

To Conclude

If you’re an optimist dating a pessimist and you feel there’s no positive energy in your relationship, look out for these 17 signs in your partner. If he exhibits a few or all of them, he’s a pessimist. I hope you enjoyed this article. If you did, feel free to drop a comment and share it with others.

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This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.


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