I’ve never been married, so I’ve technically never had a negative spouse. I did, however, have a very long relationship with a very negative person. There was road rage. Someone could hand him a million dollars and he would have been disappointed it wasn’t two million. That doesn’t mean you have to leave your marriage, though.
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If your spouse has a negative remark for anything and everything, it can become frustrating. It can kill the peaceful vibe in your home. Over time, the negative energy can feel as though it is sucking the happiness right out of you.
However, it doesn’t have to be that way. There are ways that you can make this relationship work, help your partner be a little positive, and keep the love in the house alive.
If you’re trying to figure out how to deal with a negative spouse, you need to understand that change takes time. If your spouse doesn’t change, you’ll be grateful that you did this step first.
Spending time around too much negativity will make you feel negative energy within yourself. You’ll slowly find that you aren’t as kind as you once were. You’re stressed or tense instead of smiling and happy. This is why it’s important to spend some time away from your spouse. (This is healthy for a relationship too.) Consider these ideas:
When you put a little bit of distance between yourself and the criticism and negativity from your partner, you’ll find that it doesn’t drain your positivity as much.
Typically, when we hear negativity we perceive it as criticism. For example, your partner complaining about how all the dishes weren’t done can easily feel like they aren’t happy with you, and don’t think you do enough. However, that isn’t the case. Their negative attitude usually has nothing to do with you. They might not even mean everything they say as criticism.
While in school, (I have a BA in Social Work), I learned a very important thing. Approximately 90% of what people say has nothing to do with you personally. It is a direct reflection of how they are feeling internally. Remember that when your partner throws his negativity everywhere.
It can be tempting to throw as much positivity towards him as you can in an effort to get your husband to see the bright side of things, but this won’t work. You cannot make him change.
Instead, he has to change his own path in life. No one can force another person to make changes. If someone does manage to succeed, the changes will only be temporary. True change comes from within.
Negative people typically are negative for a reason. If your husband is frequently negative, they may have repressed anger that is coming to the surface. Asking a professional for advice can be helpful. If your husband suffers from mental illness, this could be at the root of his negative energy. Someone else might be able to help him control all of that negativity.
If your partner has a mental illness, take the time to learn about it. Try to have a one on one conversation with them to learn what is going through their mind. While you’re not responsible for anyone else’s feelings, there might be some things you can do to help decrease feelings of anxiety or anger.
For example, a person with anxiety might feel more irritable if the house is messy. This comes out as them being angry that there are clothes on the floor. Once you learn about their mental illness, you’ll feel more kind towards your husband. Your marriage will improve. This will also help their negative mood.
While you can’t force a person to change, you can let them know how their behavior is affecting your marriage. If your partner truly wants to spend the rest of their life with you, they should care about your happiness. This conversation might be enough to help them realize how much their anger has taken over their life, which will encourage them to make changes themselves.
Have you ever heard that people tend to pick up on other people's habits? It’s true. The more you are around someone, the more you become like them. This is why it’s important to make sure that you don’t let the negativity of your husband turn you into a person full of anger. You can still point out the bright side to things.
Remaining positive can also make him feel better over time. Just like you can pick up his habits, he can pick up yours over time.
When you react to the anger from your spouse, you put them, and their energy, all the way in control of the relationship. You essentially give away your power. This typically will start a cycle of them being negative, you saying a snide remark back, etc.
The end result is that you’ll find you are constantly arguing with each other. Instead, keep your power. Tell them something along the lines of “Yeah, that’s probably true” and go back to what you were doing.
When you don’t respond with the same energy, it can change your relationship. If your partner is using this as a way to get energy or attention from you, the behavior will slowly stop all on its own. If they lack communication skills and find that you will not communicate with them this way, they might feel the need to learn new ways to express their feelings.
If someone is negative about almost every situation, it can also be common for them to blame everyone else for a situation. If this is happening with your spouse, only accept blame if things are genuinely your fault.
In this situation, keep in mind that it can be common to refuse to accept responsibility. When a person’s actions come from their feelings instead of a logical place, their anger can be misdirected.
It can be easy to simply become the scapegoat for fear of having to deal with more arguments. Don’t let this happen. Do not argue about whose fault something is. Likewise, don’t tell them they are right if you’re not the one responsible for something. Instead, simply brush it off. If you’re going to have a negative partner, you need to be able to brush things off.
Being in a marriage is about both people coming together for a lifelong union. It’s not solely about you or your husband. However, all of his negative energy can create a gap between the two of you to make it feel like you are against each other, so you solely think about yourself.
Take a break from your own point of view and imagine things from your husband’s perspective. How would you feel if the children obviously favored him instead of you, for example? Or if you spent all day at work, and then came home to clean and take care of kids nonstop? You would be exhausted, as some of us are anyway.
Whatever your partner is going through, look at it from how he would see it.
In the midst of all of this, you have to protect yourself. If you fear that his problems are going to ruin your marriage, consider a professional therapist. Even if you fear that it’s having a horrible impact on just yourself, consider seeking professional help. A counselor can answer questions that you might have, and give exceptional advice regarding what you can do in this situation.
Sometimes, professional therapy isn’t an option and you might not want to discuss the problem with others. In that case, you can always turn to online articles. These articles will hopefully help you understand living with a partner that has a negative energy, to help you stay positive, and much more!
When you’re in disrespectful relationships, you’ll notice that they are always the ones that are right. They don’t value your opinion or your thoughts. When you have a problem, it’s brushed aside. Your husband might also call you names, try to control you, or belittle you.
Don’t let their negativity drain your positive energy. Keep in mind that it’s not your job to make other people happy. If you think they are going through something, try to view things from their perspective and help them if you can. Beyond that, remember that you can’t change other people.
Yes, negativity can ruin a relationship. Keep in mind that everyone is negative from time to time. Consistent negative energy can breed resentment in couples. It can make one feel as though they are walking on eggshells for fear of having to deal with more criticism. This is not healthy.
When he doesn’t love you anymore, you’ll probably know. You’ll fear that he’s going to leave you. You might be tempted to start relationships with other people. There will be little affection, communication, and your life in the bedroom will change. He won’t ask questions about your day, or how you’re doing.
A husband should treat his spouse with respect and love. He should compliment her, listen to her opinions, and communicate with her. Couples should tackle problems together. He should also remain faithful, always protect the woman he loves, and defend her. She should be a part of his team.
Having a negative partner can easily transform the relationship from heaven to hell. If you’ve ever been through this, what did you do?