Did you know mistresses rarely come out ahead?
In fact, over 90% of married men stay with their wives, meaning only one out of every ten men who are cheating stays with his mistress! If you are the other woman, I’m sorry because the odds are not in your favor regardless of your feelings for him.
You may feel like the connection that the two of you have is phenomenal and will last until the sand runs out of the hourglass, but the reality is you are “the other woman.” And, as statistics show, most men who’ve had an affair stay married.
I know it’s hard to accept; his intentions may be unclear, so we’ll look at some of the signs he won't leave his wife so you can watch for them. Then, let's go through some ways you can turn things around and move on.
You want to believe that he will leave his wife for you, but if he actually said he isn’t going to, he probably won’t. Most married men want their girlfriends to believe they will leave their wives; if he honestly said he won’t, you should listen to those words.
The bottom line is he wants to be honest with you, so he doesn’t feel bad for leading you on, which doesn’t make him a bigger man; it just makes him feel less guilty. I mean, if he isn’t going to end up with you, why is he with you?
Unless you’re looking for a purely sexual relationship, you should bolt. He feels better by being honest; it’s now time for you to be honest with yourself. Listen to the 1986 song, “You Keep Me Hangin’ On,” for the inspiration and motivation to move on.
Does your man love the sound of his own voice? Most men love to talk, and they talk about their interests, passions, and what they think about the most. So, what’s on your married man’s mind?
If you find your flame cannot shut up about his family, it probably means he cares a lot about them - perhaps more than you realize. You are not the first priority in his life; they are. Sure, he may feel burdened and have plenty of complaints about his marriage; that doesn’t mean he’s going to leave his wife.
It also doesn’t mean he’s saving himself for you or that he would be a better husband with you. Consider writing the wife a letter, telling her how you feel, but don't send it; just use it as a means to get your thoughts and feelings down on paper. This is a very beneficial therapy exercise.
What was the basis of your first hook-up? Sex, right? Is there more substance to the relationship? When he’s with you, if he doesn’t seem very interested in the everyday happenings going on in your world, the sad truth is he may not be.
If he sees you as a comfortable, sexual arrangement, he may just be looking for sex. It usually takes more than sex to get a man to leave his wife, though. You may just be a lovely "vacation" from his family, not something he considers to be a permanent destination.
Does he ask you a lot of questions? Is he genuinely interested in your hopes, dreams, and aspirations in life? If he just wants to get your clothes off, he probably isn’t interested in more than your body. Flattering? Yes, but not a recipe for a lasting relationship!
Does he still go on vacation with his family? Is he still maintaining the “married man” life of going home to the wife each night, tucking his kids in bed, or attending family functions? Does he seem like a comfortable married man - on the outside, at least?
If you answered yes to those questions, he probably is staying with his wife. He is still invested in his marriage, and it doesn’t seem like he’s making any efforts to sever ties with his family to be with you.
Does he take you out in public? Are you two an official couple? What is your role in his life? If he isn't actually taking steps to make you a priority in his life, you should start looking for a man that will.
Does your man say he’s willing to leave his wife, but doesn’t? Has he promised he will file for a divorce, but hasn’t yet? Does he swear he’ll take you out on a fancy date but never delivers?
Women love fairy tales, and men know it. We believe our men when they promise us the moon. Men know just what to say to keep us hanging on. Remember that song I recommended? Listen to the words. Can you relate?
Check out a few of the more relevant lines from that song: “You want to still hold on to me;” "You just keep me hanging on;” “You don’t really care;” “You don’t really love me;” “You’re just using me;” and “Set me free!” If he’s not keeping his promise to leave, you must take action and set yourself free!
Is there always a reason why he can’t leave his wife? Has his wife been too sick, too unstable, or has there been a death in the family? Did his wife just lose her job or have a family member or friend get really sick? In other words, is there always an excuse why he can’t leave her?
Many married women don’t want their husbands to leave them, even if they’ve been cheating. And women know what excuses work on their men. So, while these excuses may be valid, keep in mind that there will always be an excuse as to why he cannot leave his wife. How long do you want to wait for him?
After all, he may never leave his wife, meaning you will remain an unmarried woman that he keeps on the side. Do you really want that? I know we can’t choose who we fall in love with, but we can choose who we want to spend the rest of our lives with. Do you want to spend your time waiting for a married man who won’t leave his wife?
Women who are dating married men want to believe what he says. He said he would leave his wife, so he will, right? In all actuality, we should pay attention to his actions over his words; but, don’t blame yourself for falling in love. Too many women are hopeless romantics and want to believe the fairy tale. I know I am!
Women fall in love too easily! How can we not when the thought of living happily ever after is in every romantic movie we watch? The truth is men fall in love faster, but women tend to stay in love longer. This is often why a woman has more trouble letting go.
It doesn’t have to be this way. You can take actionable steps now to improve your circumstances. Here’s what you can do now to move on with your life and be happy!
Give your married man an ultimatum. Tell him he must tell his wife about you today. Then set a short deadline for him to end the marriage. Explain that he has a choice; he can leave his wife, or you are going to end the relationship. Then, keep your word.
If he hasn’t filed for divorce and left his wife by the deadline, break up with him. He didn’t keep his word, he’s still in the marriage, and he isn’t going anywhere. It’s time for you to say goodbye. Also, think about the bullet you dodged, because if he's cheating on his wife now, chances are he’d do the same to you!
The best recipe for a quick and easy breakup? Delete his number and social media presence in all aspects of your life, return all of his things to him, and cease all contact. Tell yourself (lie) it’s temporary if you must. Cut yourself from all contact with him for at least a couple of months, and watch how great you’ll start to feel! You will soon forget about him.
If you’ve been dating a married man who isn’t going to leave his wife for you, it’s time to let it all out! Have a good cry or wear out your favorite punching bag. Have an honest discovery period with yourself; realize that the end of the relationship isn't your fault!
No one enjoys the end of a relationship and the hurt that comes with it, but if the signs are there, it's time to pay attention to them! There's no need to stay in a doomed affair because there are plenty of single men out there.
Talk to the people in your support group. Tell them about the man and his marriage; explain your heartache. Let them comfort you during this time and allow yourself time to lick your wounds so that you can move on to the next man who is lucky enough to have found you!
It’s time to move on by thinking about the future instead of the past. Have you ever practiced mindfulness? It’s a sure-fire way to reduce anxiety and focus on what’s right in front of you; being mindful can help with breakups.
Find a holistic therapist that specializes in home remedies like mindfulness. It could change your life. Another way you focus on the future and leave your heartbreak behind you is to read some great self-help books on relationships or healing.
Watch some fantastic movies that will help you feel better about your circumstances, movies where the woman doesn’t get her man in the end but instead looks towards the future. Find ones where the woman focuses on independence!
Take care of yourself for a change by focusing on your mind and body; hit the gym, and get some physical activity because exercise releases endorphins and they make us happy! Watch a funny movie or comedian; laughter is often the best medicine, so find a way to “turn your frown upside down.”
Go out and have some fun! Step out of your comfort zone a little and meet someone else! As the saying goes, “there’s plenty of fish in the sea.” You don’t have to settle for someone who isn’t showing you love and respect; if he was doing those things, he would leave his wife!
Take care of yourself; pamper yourself by having a spa day. I know it's tough to let the amount of time you've spent with him just pass by, but it's a sunk cost that you cannot recover from; so, take control and work on making yourself happy!
It’s unlikely, but not impossible. Usually, when a man leaves his wife, he has a lot of baggage, and the woman from the affair may not be the woman he chooses to be his next partner. Also, second marriages have a much higher chance of divorce than first ones do.
The wife should have an honest conversation and ask the husband to end the affair. It’s not an easy road, but unfaithful men can change; couples counseling can help with that. If the man refuses to quit cheating, the wife may want to seek legal advice and file for divorce.
Emotional affairs can last longer than physical ones because there’s more intimacy involved. However, a man and woman must be physically attracted to each other for them to have a physical relationship. And a long-lasting affair usually has both physical and emotional traits.
It takes a lot of work to repair a broken bond like this. Working together in couples counseling can prove to be quite beneficial. A strong couple can work through tough trust issues; however, a man and woman must be fully ready to take on a challenge of this magnitude.
They can. If the emotional connection between a man and a woman is strong enough, they may want to meet. However, in an emotional affair, a man or woman is usually looking for something that’s missing in his or her marriage. That “something” isn’t necessarily sex.
Women who fall in love with married men who won’t leave their wives may soon find heartbreak. Pay attention to the signs that he’s staying with her and then move on!
Can you think of signs not included in the list? Please share this post and comment on your experiences!