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5 Heartbreaking Signs He Will Never Come Back

by Sonya Schwartz

At the end of the relationship, sometimes there may be some unfinished business or feelings that linger on between two people. Sometimes those feelings are felt by both parties, while it might be that it may just be one person that has those feelings that linger on still.

If you still have feelings for your ex, you may be looking to see if there are signs that he wants to get back together with you. You might also be looking for signs that he will never come back so that you know whether you should move on to other things or someone else. 

Here, in this article, we explore all signs and signals that can help you come to the right conclusion. First, we investigate signs he doesn’t ever want you back and then we look at whether your ex is actually pretending to be over you. Bearing that in mind we also investigate what are the signs that your ex will eventually want to get back together with you. Finally, we look at how to win your ex back if you want to have a relationship with him again. 

Signs He Doesn’t Ever Want You Back

If you question if will he come back to you, it can be beneficial to look out for signs that he will never want to come back and get back together with you. Here we list a handful, though only one or two are needed as an indicator that getting back together with you is not on his mind. 

1. Lack Of Interest

One crucial sign to keep an eye out for that your ex is never coming back to you to see if you want to try your relationship again, is if he simply has no interest in you whatsoever. This can take many forms - if you have a mutual circle of friends, it could be that when you all meet up he has no want to talk to you about how you are. Or it could be that if you do not have any mutual acquaintances, that he never gets back to returning your messages or calls

It can be quite easy to try to ignore this lack of interest and lack of communication as one of the signs your ex does not want you back - especially if you still love him. However, even if that is the case, you owe it to yourself, to be honest with the facts before you. If your ex doesn’t even try to contact you, it may be that things between you and him are truly over. 

2. Not Wanting To Spend Time With You

Perhaps a natural extension of an ex’s lack of interest in you is the fact that not wanting to spend time with you should be seen as one of the clear signs your ex is never coming back to start up a relationship again. 

This could be for a number of reasons - one of which could be that he actually might feel that it is too painful to spend time with you after everything you have been through. Or it could be that he may feel nothing for you anymore and so it doesn’t even occur to him to want to get in touch to meet up with you. 

Again, this can be one of the easiest signs to turn a blind eye to if you think you can get your ex back. The reason being is that many people will want only to believe that an ex-boyfriend is trying to ignore us or leave us alone as they are too afraid of what will happen if you do meet up. While this can definitely be the case, particularly with people who know they will find it painful to see an ex that they may still harbor feelings for, it is also common for exes simply to move on in a manner that leaves the other partner behind. 

3. Never Making An Effort

Another of the signs your ex doesn’t even want to entertain the thought of coming back to you is if he never makes an effort with you - in any way. This means that he may not ever commit to plans to see you or he might not even ever message you - amongst many other things. 

This can be quite hurtful and also very difficult to deal with - especially when you are not fully over the relationship. Firstly, it can be hard not seeing the person you always saw when things were great between the two of you. Secondly, it can be hard to get used to knowing that things will never be the same. It is difficult dealing with the sudden change in the status quo and the new way that your ex treats you. 

4. Sleeping With Other People

Perhaps one of the most obvious ways to know if your ex doesn’t ever want you back is if he starts sleeping with other people. This is most likely a very big indication that he is ready to move on from you and the relationship you had together. 

Again, however, some people may choose to overlook this and let it not be a reason they believe their relationship isn’t over. Some people will, instead, think that their ex is sleeping with other people as a way to get it out of their system or a way to ‘act out’ while the pair of you are not in a committed relationship to one another. 

While this can be the case, be very wary of thinking that your ex will come back if he is sleeping with other people. A lot of the time, if you have been in a serious long term relationship, people sleep with other people for numerous reasons. For example, people like to try out their newfound freedom and they also like to experiment with different people too. 

5. Always Choosing To See Other People Over You

If your ex agrees to meet up with you, but then flakes out on you and says he is meeting up with other friends or people instead - the chances are he is never coming back to you. The reason being, if he likes or loves you, he will want to meet up with you above any other group of friends or people. 

He may have wanted to see you initially, but when he got a better offer he was ok with letting you down. If he is ok to let you down at the last minute, then he does not have your feelings as a priority. It is for that reason you can be pretty certain that he will never come back to you and he is looking to start a new relationship with someone else. 

Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You

Of course, it could be that none of the above signs are present and actually, as opposed to your ex never wanting to come back and give the relationship another chance, he may be pretending to be over you instead. 

The signs are a little bit different from the ones that indicate he will never want to start up with you again, and we list them below. As ever, not all need to be present for your ex to be pretending to be over you. He may well still love you if only one or two of the below signals are apparent. 

He Talks To You About Potential Love Interests.

One way that you can get the impression that your ex is just pretending to be over you and actually still has feelings for you, is if he talks to you a lot about other people that he claims to be attracted to. This is one of the oldest tricks in the book and he will be doing so in the hope to make you jealous. From there, he will be hoping that you might get into a conversation about how you both still feel about each other - with you being forced to instigate the things because of your jealousy. 

If you are jealous, and you do still have feelings for him and you think your relationship ended too soon, it gives you a good opportunity to start talking to your ex about the possibility of getting back together. 

His Friends Say He Still Talks About You.

If you know a lot of his friends, they can be a good way to know whether he is truly over you or not. One of the key ways that they may be able to give you the impression that your ex might still like or love you, is if they say that he talks about you a lot to them. 

If an ex is still talking about his ex, plus talking about them in a positive light, it can mean that they are not over them at all. Instead, it can mean that they still very much love their ex and have unfinished business with regards to their relationship. 

It does not, however, always necessarily mean that they want to come back together with their ex. People can still love each other yet will know that the relationship will most likely still have its fundamental flaws or practical drawbacks that make it unsustainable

This is a great shame and if you believe that this might be the case with you and your ex, it can make you feel quite low. Talk things through with him as fully as you can as this can help you move on and get on with your life as a consequence.

He Looks Like He Is Trying Too Hard On Social Media.

Relationships in the day of social media can bring a new dimension to the dynamics between a couple, and even more so the dynamics between two people who have broken up. A good way that you might tell whether things between you and your ex are not fully over, is to see if you feel their social media posts are ones where they seem to be trying too hard

This can be quite difficult to know with any certainty, but if you know your ex well, you may be able to get a feeling for whether his posts seem to be him protesting that he is having a great life without you. This isn’t an exact science, but it is very common for people to resort to social media to make things seem better than they really are.

Again, it might not necessarily automatically follow that just because your ex is using social media to show that he is over your relationship when in reality he isn’t, it doesn’t mean that he wants to give it another go. He may well want to come back to you, but he might also be trying to get with someone else and move on from your relationship too. 

If you are unsure as to which camp he sits in, the best thing to do is talk to him directly about it. Communicating with anyone in an honest and open way is a healthy thing to do and it can even set a good precedence for your relationship, should you start things up again with him. 

Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back

If you want to know the answer to the question will my ex come back without outright asking him, or you want to know if he never will as it’s not even on his mind, you can keep an eye out for these signs that might let you in on how he feels about you. You don’t need to notice all these signs to know whether your ex may want you back, but one or two will give a good clue that he is not totally over you. 

He Talks To Your Friends.

A crucial indicator to get the impression of whether or not your ex will come back is if he still talks to your friends a lot. This can be a good sign of whether he is ready to move on or not as for the most part, guys will not want to talk to people who are close to you if they have already moved on. If he’s talking to your friends, and more importantly if he is talking to your friends about you, he is doing so to feel like he is close to you and hopefully hears all about you and what you are up to. 

As ever with relationships, this is not an exact science. He may be talking to your friends simply because over the course of your relationship he built up a close connection with them too. However, guys who never want to rekindle a relationship with an ex will invariably stay clear of someone who is a good friend of that person. They don’t look to muddy the waters and blur lines. 

He Looks At You Wistfully.

This one is quite hard to spot as he will probably do his best not to let you notice him looking at you even for a split second when you are not in conversation, but if you catch him looking at you wistfully, it’s a good sign that he will eventually come back. 

As ever, if you do want to rekindle things with him and you catch him looking at you like this, it’s best to ask him directly how he is feeling. You may get to the bottom of where you both stand with regards to your relationship more quickly and save yourself some pain and hurt in the future. 

He Makes Every Excuse To Touch You.

If you have noticed that your ex touches you a lot and he takes every opportunity to be affectionate with you, he could still have strong emotions for you and your relationship. 

While some people are naturally tactile and so will touch both you and a lot of people a lot, others won’t actually even notice that they are doing it. Being tactile with a person that you like or love is a natural reaction that the majority of us do not even know we do.

Bearing that in mind, watch whether he touches other people as much as he touches you - it could be quite small like hugging when you meet up, but it could be something bigger like holding your hand. If he does it with others, then it may be best not to let yourself read too much into it. If he doesn’t, he may feel he wants you back. 

He Doesn’t Date.

Guys who don’t date after a break up of a serious relationship are more likely to want their ex back. This is because dating is a key sign that someone is ready to get on with their lives and move on. Dating can let a person realize that there are other people out there that are possibilities for their love lives. 

If a guy isn’t even trying to date anyone then he isn’t ready to even try to move on from you and your time together. The same can be said for you if you are thinking about your ex all the time and not ready to move on. You may not be dating either or even trying to meet anyone else as you are not over him. 

If you fear this to be the case, and you want to try things again with him, it may be best to talk to him about it and how you are both feeling. Tread carefully however as it could be that while he still has not got over your relationship, he still knows that you are not right for each other.  

How To Get Back Together

Now that we have looked at whether you can tell or not if a guy is pretending to be over you and whether he will come back to you, it’s good to know what steps you can take to rekindle things between you again. For the most part, all these actions will take a leap of faith on your side. You will need to trust that you are both not ready to move on and want to try again. It means that you will have to put your heart on the line and open yourself up to being hurt if you don’t get the results you want. 

However, think about the alternative, if you do not take proactive steps to start things up with your ex again, you may be stopping yourself from moving on anyway. The following steps do, therefore, take a lot of courage, but the alternative is not knowing whether you and him will ever become an item again. This means you will be stuck in limbo until something forces your hand to move on. 

Talk To Him.

Without doubt, the best thing you can do if you want to be with your ex again in a couple is talking to him about it if you think there is a chance he feels the same way. Of course, if you know for certain, that he will never start things up with you again, then it’s a better idea to stay clear. But if you have noticed any of the above signs that he might yet be into you, it’s worth a shot bringing up the idea of starting things up again. 

Prepare yourself for both eventualities if you do take the chance and talk to him about rekindling your romance. There is every chance that he will turn you down, and you need to be prepared for that hurt. He may explain to you that he does harbor a feeling of love for you, but he knows that things would never work out between the two of you. 

Or, he may say yes and ask to try again. If this is the case, ensure that you have an action plan to ensure that things work out between the two of you this time. 

Say You Can’t Be Friends.

One of the ways that you probably have noticed a lot of the signals mentioned above that show that he’s not over is perhaps because you are still friends. A good lead in to a conversation about starting things up again with your ex is to explain to him that being friends with him is too hard for you.

The reason that this is a good lead into a conversation about this is, that, it allows you to explain that seeing him a lot is stopping you from moving on. However, be sure that you are clear that you also love or like him even after all the time since you broke up. If you are not clear about this, you risk the chance that he does not understand that you would like him back. 

Bearing that in mind, do try to be as direct as possible as to why you can’t be friends with him and that you would actually prefer to be more than friends. If you are not clear, you run the risk that you won’t even be friends either. 

Suggest Ways To Make Things Right.

When talking to your ex about the chance of starting up together again, you will need to address why you broke up in the first place. In doing so, you need to talk about how to resolve the problems that you encountered when you were together. 

This is important for you both because if you don’t, you run the risk that the relationship will simply run into the same issues that caused you to split initially. The result will be that you end up hurting one another again and you will be back to where you started, only with more heartache. 

FAQs

How Do You Know If He's Never Coming Back?

A guy will never come back to you to start up with you again if he is with another person who is introducing all of his friends. He also will never come back to you if he never responds to your messages or calls as if he is in love with you, he will never give up a reason to talk to you. 

What Are The Signs He Will Come Back?

If you are trying to get your ex back, the signs he will come back can vary from guy to guy. A lot of the time, however, the signs are if he uses any excuse as a way to touch you and he thinks of many reasons to see you - even if they seem pretty minor to you. 

Do All Exes Eventually Come Back?

Sadly, even if we still love our exes, they don’t always come back even if we want to get back together with them. The reason being is that sometimes what an ex wants is materially different from what we want even though we still have very deep feelings for them. 

How Long Does It Take For A Guy To Regret Breaking Up?

It can take a varying amount of time for a guy to regret breaking up with someone and think about getting back together. However, it’s not always the case that your ex will ever let himself think that way. Sometimes guys are just ready to move on the moment a relationship ends. 

How Do You Tell If A Guy Is Fighting His Feelings?

A guy who you think is fighting his feelings will often display very contradictory behavior. He will try to want to see you a lot while also flirting with someone else or even trying to start a new relationship with someone too. 

The Bottom Line

Knowing what a guy does when he never wants to start up with an ex again is key to knowing when to move on and when it could be an option that you could give the relationship another go. There are lots of ways to tell if he is ready to move on from you and lots of ways to tell that he may like to give it another go with you. 

However, after you notice any of these, the best thing you can do is talk to him. Communication is key to a healthy relationship and so if you start talking to him, you will be able to realize once and for all if you are going to end up a couple again. You will either be able to move on or start your relationship again on a much better footing. 

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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