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What To Do When Your Man Can't Get It Up (9 Things You Should Do)

by Sonya Schwartz

If your man can’t get it up when you’re attempting to make love, it can feel incredibly difficult - it’s both physically frustrating and emotionally testing. You might worry about whether you’re doing something wrong or whether your man is still attracted to you or not, but the truth is that there are probably other reasons why your man can’t get hard. 

The good news is, there are things that you can do to help your man get it up, and these are quick and easy things you can do. So, in this article, we’re going to share the 9 things that you can do to help your man get it up, as well as help him to maintain an erection. As long as you follow the points in this article, your sexual relationship will be back on track within no time at all!

1. Don’t Jump To Conclusions Straight Away

don't jump to conclusions straight away

If your guy can’t get it up when you’re trying to be intimate with others, your mind might jump to conclusions straight away about what’s going on. One of the most common things women think of when they’re in this situation is that their man is cheating on them with another woman.

Although there’s a small percentage that this could be the truth, your guy is most likely being faithful to you and something else is causing the issue. 

So, it’s really important that you don’t jump to any conclusions straight away about the possibility of another woman being in his life, or start blaming other women for the problem because this will only lead to overthinking and anxiety.

2. Learn About Erectile Dysfunction (ED)

ED is much more common than you think, and because so many people experience it, there’s a vast amount of information about it. So, it’s a good idea to look into ED and learn about what could be causing it for your guy. 

For example, ED can be caused by many factors, including stress, emotional turbulence, low sex drive, poor lifestyle and diet, and even more serious health issues such as diabetes.

So, before you speak to your guy, learn about ED, and think about why he might be suffering from it. Your guy will appreciate your knowledge and support, as they will be concerned too.

3. Communicate With Your Man

The most important thing when dealing with any issues in your relationship is to communicate properly all the time. Don’t talk about the issue when you’re in bed or you and your partner are trying to have sex, as this will only make your partner feel uncomfortable and insecure. Instead, sit your man down and open up the conversation with him about it.

Make sure that you approach the subject sensitively, ask him why he thinks he might be experiencing this issue, ask if you can do anything to help him, and then offer advice on how you should both move forward together. 

Although having this conversation might feel daunting, it needs to be brought up so that the two of you are on the same page and can move forward together.

4. Make Sure He’s Not Overly Stressed

As mentioned briefly above, stress is one of the main reasons that guys suffer from ED, so you might want to try and focus on reducing this in your guy's life. You might want to try and do relaxing activities together, tell your man to take a break from work, or try and reduce his stress by helping him with tasks.

5. Make Sure That Your Partner Feels Supported And Comfortable

Your significant other will feel stressed about experiencing ED, it will most likely knock his confidence and lower his self-esteem, so you need to make sure that you are there for him. 

Make him feel supported, loved, and create an environment in which he feels comfortable to speak to you about anything and everything at all times. Think about it as positively as possible - times like these normally help to form stronger relationships.

6. Be More Intimate With Your Partner In Other Ways

be more intimate with your partner in other ways

Your spouse might be experiencing ED because he’s anxious about his performance in the bedroom, and this could be because you’re no longer very intimate with each other regularly, so sex feels like a really big deal. So, you need to make sure that you still have intimacy with your partner when not having sex

Whether that means all you do is hold your partner’s hand more or kiss him on the head whilst cuddling up on the sofa, little acts of intimacy will make him feel closer to you, more comfortable around you, and cared for by you. Everyone needs intimacy, even when it’s not sexual intimacy.

7. Experiment In The Bedroom

Your guy could need a little more excitement in the bedroom to get him up now, and although this is a problem that you should discuss together and work on together, you might want to take the lead. 

Try and blow his mind by choosing some new moves of the sex menu! Whether you try to have sex a different way, in a different style, you give role-play a go, switch gender roles and be dominant, focus on giving him better head or live out one of his fantasies, it doesn’t matter, just try new things! 

8. Get Outside Help From A Specialist

get outside help from a specialist

If you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to be working, it’s a good idea to seek help from someone - go to see a doctor or a sex therapist. If you head to see a professional person with knowledge in this department, they will be able to help you fix the problem faster than you might be able to if you tried to work through it alone. 

It might also be a good idea to see if he has any friends, or other men, that he can confide in, because there may be some things going on in his mind that he doesn’t want to share with you.

9. Don’t Blame Yourself

Although this situation is awful for your boyfriend, it’s also not a nice thing for you to go through, so you need to be kind to yourself and show yourself more self-love in whatever way you can. 

Most importantly, you need to not blame yourself - understand that this problem isn’t caused by your beauty or your ability to perform in bed, it’s just something that’s happened. It’s not your fault, so try to stop the blame that’s in your head.


What causes a man not to erect?

ED is actually much more common than people think, and although it’s typically more common in older people, it can happen to men at any time. Guys might struggle to get hard if they’re very stressed, struggling with performance anxiety, or experiencing emotional turmoil. 

There may be more serious reasons too, such as heart disease, high blood pressure, or diabetes. If your guy is struggling to make his penis erect, it’s best to follow the tips in this article, as well as see a specialist.

What foods help you get hard?

There are many foods that can boost testosterone levels and boost libido, which helps to reduce erection issues in men. 

Spinach can boost testosterone, antioxidant-rich foods such as blueberries can help reduce the risk of ED, one cup of coffee daily can help increase blood flow in the penis, and maca root (available in powdered form) can increase libido and fertility. All of these foods can also help men to maintain an erection.

How can I help my partner with erectile dysfunction?

If you want to help your significant other with their erection problem, you will want to follow the 9 tips in the article on how to help men with ED issues, which you can look at in more detail above. 

However, essentially, you need to be open with your guy and communicate with him, try to encourage him in the bedroom and try new things, seek outside help from a professional, see if there are other men he can confide in, and don’t put pressure on the situation.

Can a man recover from erectile dysfunction?

Yes, of course, a guy can recover from ED. Typically, a man will only suffer from erection problems for a short amount of time, and as long as a guy focuses on pushing through the problems by changing his lifestyle and receiving support from others, he will recover from any problems quickly.

How does a man with erectile dysfunction feel?

When men can’t get it up, it will often make them feel self-conscious, less confident and it can seriously mess with their heads. A guy struggling will also feel guilty for not providing a good sex life for their partner, they will question themselves and they might start to feel scared that you will leave - they will be plagued with insecurities. 

ED can create a number of negative emotions, so it’s important to support your man if he’s having trouble getting hard.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

The Bottom Line

After reading this article you will be an expert on how to help your partner become erect, and how you can help him through the experience of erectile dysfunction. Make sure that you’re looking out for your partner’s mental health, as well as his physical health, and don’t put too much pressure on him or the sexual relationship you share with him. 

Also, make sure you’re not blaming yourself or other women. You can, and will, get through this together.

Did you like this article and find it useful? Let us know in the comments and feel free to share with any other women that you think might need to read this!

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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