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11 Things Cheaters Always Say When Confronted

by Sonya Schwartz

Do you suspect your partner is cheating, but have no way of proving it? 

Perhaps this leads to endless arguments where you accuse him of messing around, and he denies it?

Are you exhausted with feelings of betrayal, anger and hopelessness?

If so, you need to take steps to prove whether your partner has been unfaithful or not. 

You’re always set to lose if you confront a cheater without evidence of their wrongdoing.

He will endlessly deny it, and you’ll have no way to know whether he’s lying. 

For the sake of your own mental health, your best best is to search for proof that he is cheating. 

Thankfully, there is a powerful online tool available that can gather all the evidence needed to catch a cheater (click here to check it out).   

With just a few of your partner’s details, it can run a discreet yet extensive background check on him. You’ll discover who he’s been frequently contacting, as well as receiving a wealth of information about the messaging apps and dating apps he’s downloaded. 

And that’s just scratching the surface... 

Click the link to learn more about how this online background checker works.

It’s fast, it’s easy to use and it’ll reveal the truth about his behavior. 

For further help, check out our list of things that cheaters always say when confronted.

1. They will deny it.

This is one of the most common things cheaters will do. They will deny it, no matter how much proof you have that he has been unfaithful to you. Unless of course you physically caught him in the act, then he can't deny that one, can he?

As well as deny any of the allegations you have thrown towards them, a common thing they might say is that you're overthinking the situation because you are insecure. Now, this situation has nothing to do with your insecurity, so you might be slightly confused as to why he is bringing this up.

He is trying to put the focus on you, even though you're not the one who caused this confrontation to happen in the first place. He is deflecting his blame on to you. He might go on the attack, saying things like "Why don't you trust me?". This can be a sign that he is trying to conceal something and is feeling guilty about it.

Gaslighting

Another thing a cheater might do is try to tell you that you are downright crazy, or you are making things up. They will make you feel vulnerable, and like you're in the wrong for accusing them of such a thing. They want you to doubt yourself so that they can get away with it. This tactic is called Gaslighting. They will wind you up so far that you don't know what the truth is and what is false. 

Gaslighting is considered a form of emotional abuse, so if they are doing this to you, you are best to get as far away from them as possible. You don't want to be lured into that, because it will keep damaging you for a very long time.

It's so important to realize that denying it or making you question yourself is downright manipulation, and you don't have to stand for it. You know what he has done or is doing. You can trust your judgment. You are not in the wrong; he is.

2. They will tell you that they did it because they weren't getting enough action with you, so they had no choice but to look elsewhere for sex.

This is a really common excuse for our partners to cheat on us when confronted. Once again, they are putting the blame on to you and trying to act like it was your fault they cheated. They will act like it's your fault that they weren't feeling sexually fulfilled, and that's why they had to go elsewhere.

If recently there hasn't been much sex in your relationship, your partner will most definitely use this excuse. He might tell you that he feels pushed away by you physically, or his needs aren't being met sufficiently.

It is not your fault at all that he has cheated on you, even if your sex life wasn't exactly great. There are many ways that he could have communicated with you, and you could have probably got it right back on track. Lots of couples go through ups and downs when it comes to their sexual connection, and they work through it just fine.

But no, he decided to go and sleep with someone else, and the only person he can blame for that is himself. There are always ways around not cheating. Cheating on someone is an intentional choice.

3. They will claim they're not happy in your relationship. 

This is another tactic he will use to deflect the blame from himself. He will try to put the responsibility not only on you but on your relationship. But let's stop and think about this, lots of people have tough times in their relationships, and not everyone turns to cheating.

To put it very simply, if he wasn't happy in your relationship, he didn't need to have sex with someone else to confirm this. He could have either spoken to you about it and worked on it, or he could've broken up with you. There was no reason for him to cheat.

If they claim that this is the reason they were unfaithful to you, they are also trying to tell you that they want to end the relationship. Of course, this is the best thing to do, but you still need to make him understand that what he did behind your back was unacceptable, and you're not ending the relationship for any other reason but the fact that he cheated on you.

4. They will say it was a one-time thing and will never happen again.

Even if he has been honest with you and owned up to cheating if he uses the line, "it was just once and won't happen again," I wouldn't trust that. He is trying to pass off what happened as a one-time mistake, rather than fully owning up to the fact he did something unacceptable and irresponsible, that ended up with you being hurt. Even if it was just a one-time thing, can he expect you to move on from it? No, and you shouldn't have to.

It is also statically proven that once a person cheats on their partner, they are more likely to do it again. The saying "once a cheat, always a cheat" is ringing true here. However, it's important to note that maybe it really was a one-time thing and won't happen again. But it's for you to decide, and in your control about how you choose to move forward.

If you really do believe him, you might want to ask yourself a few questions. Can you actually trust that it was only a one-time thing if he didn't tell you straight away? Even if it was a one-time thing, could you now be intimate with him knowing fine well he has been close with another woman behind your back?

He has cleared his guilty conscious by opening up to you, but has he told you the whole truth?

5. He might try to blame her.

He might admit to cheating on you but then will continue to say that he was innocent in the situation and that he was seduced by the woman. This is a really sly excuse to cheat on someone. He is trying to push the blame on to the woman he had an affair with, and that is not fair. As we all well know, it takes two to tango!

As much as he can try to show you or tell you that he was seduced by her, you must remember that he wouldn't have been drawn to her if he didn't want to be. He obviously wanted her, just as much as she wanted him; otherwise, it would never have happened. Whether she was the instigator of their affair or not, it's important to remember that he didn't stop it.

This is also a perfect way for him to try and push the blame on to someone else. He is trying to get you on his team, so you go against the woman instead. Firstly, you never know what the other woman was told by him - maybe he told her he was single. Secondly, he might have been the one pushing to have an affair, not her. So, don't agree with him and put all your anger and upset on to her. She might have been totally blindsided, the same way you were.

6. They will tell you it was 'just' sex. 

If they tell you "it meant nothing to me, it was just sex" this is really horrible. Firstly because he is talking about it like it's nothing, but also because this remark makes it sound like sex isn't essential to him – so why did he ruin your relationship over something he doesn't highly regard? It doesn't make sense.

It feels awful to know that he thought that little of you that he will cheat on you to 'just have sex.' It can feel like your self-worth has just taken a sucker punch. It's ultimately degrading.

It's important to note that even though he is trying to pass it off as nothing, you still do need to have some kind of connection with someone to sleep with them.

Obviously, you do not have to have a deep emotional connection to have sex with someone. If you did, there would be a lot less one-night stands! But you do still need to feel a physical relationship with someone. Even if he has 'just' slept with someone, he will still have needed to get turned on by her, and there is clearly an intimate connection and attraction there; otherwise, it wouldn't have worked.

This is probably one of the most ridiculous things a cheater could say because it doesn't even try to take away from the fact that he still cheated. He is just being really blatant about it, and almost like it's not a big deal.

If you still feel sexually attracted to him, this will probably start to disappear very quickly after hearing he has had sex with someone else. To physically see and hear your partner speaking about having sex with someone else will not only make you wildly upset, but it will also make you feel a little repulsed. You will no longer want to have his hands all over your body because you know they have been all over another woman's too.

7. They might say "we didn't even have sex."

Cheating does not always have to be of a sexual nature, and emotional cheating is just as real. This can include anything from speaking to someone regularly about all the things you should be confiding in your partner with to telling someone how much you are falling in love with them.

So if your man tries to pass it off because there was no sexual interaction, this is still unacceptable. Also, how can you be sure he is telling you the truth? He is only just telling you the truth about an emotional affair from you.

An emotional, romantic connection between two people usually is always going to include or turn in to a sexual one too. So even if he promises that they didn't do anything, you can be sure that if you had left it a little longer before confronting him, he would probably have slept with her.

Also, if you were to move forward with him, would you not be concerned that he has feelings for another woman? Emotional affairs quite often do not end as soon as the people are caught. People can't just switch emotions off. So in this way, it is much more complicated than if your partner has had a one night stand with someone.

When it comes to people having romantic connections outside of their relationship, it's really not fair on either the partner or the woman he is having the affair with. Both women are being played, and quite frankly would both be better off without him.

8. They might say, "I didn't want to hurt you."

How exactly did he not thinking that cheating on you wasn't going to hurt you? Because he never thought you would find out.

It most likely is true that he didn't want to hurt you; the majority of people don't want to intentionally hurt people they are close to. However, he knew that what he was doing would hurt you if you found out, so he decided to hide it from you. The only reason he is playing the nice guy now is probably because he regrets being caught out. He doesn't regret the actual act of unfaithfulness.

You just have to think about the fact he was not sorry before you found out. But now he can actually see the pain he is causing you from you finding out, and he feels terrible. If he was feeling bad before you found out, he would've either never cheated on you in the first place, or stopped the affair dead in its tracks.

9. The accused might turn in to the accuser.

In some cases, he might come for you. He might flip the whole confrontation on its head and start accusing you of cheating. Once again, this is a tactic used by his guilty conscience to try and deflect the blame on to you.

You might have started the conversation by telling him you know he has cheated on you, and you want to know why. However, you might realize that the conversation has dramatically turned in to him putting allegations forward to you that you are cheating on him.

He does not want the blame to be on him. If he can get you to admit to anything inappropriate you have done throughout your relationship, then you are both standing equal. However, of course, you would never cheat, and therefore he can't drag you down with him.

You might have actually gained no information about his promiscuity, but just been shouted out and asked about your own. This can be really frustrating when you have to prove you have been faithful, to the very person who has not. 

The best advice in this situation is to tell him you no longer want to continue with the conversation, and if he feels the need to accuse you of these things when he knows your innocent, he is being immature, and his guilt is obviously raging inside of him. Cheaters will grasp at anything to ensure they are not to blame for the hurt caused.

10. They will tell you that they are going to change.

After they have been honest with you and come clean about having cheated on you, they will most likely apologize and try to gain your forgiveness. Typically, this comes with a few common themes attached. So watch out for them.

The first one is that they will tell you this will never happen again. As I spoke about in point 4, it's actually statistically proven that people who cheat will be more prone to cheating in the future. So, take his words with a pinch of salt.

Obviously, this is not always the case, and perhaps he will stick with you, and never be unfaithful again. But you really need to ask yourself the personal question of, "Can I trust him?".

The second thing they will tell you is that they are going to change. So suddenly they're going to turn a new leaf and become a different person? You don't want a different person, you just wanted the person you loved, when they were faithful to you.

If they talk about changing themselves, this is a sure sign that they are trying to claw ways back into your good books, by making you hope they will come out the other side of this confrontation a new and improved partner. However, you can be in love or trust someone that you hope will get better. You love and trust someone because you know they are right, and you feel secure in your relationship with them.

11. How do you move on after the confrontation?

Confrontations can be horrible, at the best of times, so having to confront your partner about his cheating will not be a walk in the park. However, you need to give yourself a pat on the back for bringing the situation to a head and finding out if your suspicions are right.

How you move on is entirely up to you. Some relationships actually do survive after unfaithfulness. 

However, these ten things listed above are generic things cheaters will say when they are confronted. So, if these are similar to some of his answers when you talk to him, my advice would be to leave him behind.

If someone is genuinely sorry for cheating, they usually will tell you straight away and be completely honest. Nothing about what they say will sound cliché or like they are trying to push blame on you. They will typically accept full responsibility and probably give you time to process what they have done. 

That, to me, is the kind of person you would want to work through this kind of situation with.

FAQs

How Do You Get Someone To Tell The Truth About Cheating?

It can be quite difficult to get a cheater to admit to cheating as they are often very good at lying and hiding their actions. It is probably best to make sure you have some evidence before you confront him as falsely accusing him could lead to a huge argument. If you have proof that he is cheating, approach him about it and see how he reacts. 

Are Cheaters Liars?

Cheaters are always liars. Cheating is unfaithful and in the act itself you are lying to your partner. If your partner has cheated on you he has also lied and hidden his actions from you. Be aware that if he has cheated once you may not be able to trust him again. If he could cheat once what is stopping in from doing it again in the future?

How Do You Deal With Being Cheated On?

It is up to each individual how they deal with being cheated on. However, it is important to remember that you likely will never be able to fully trust your partner if they have cheated on you in the past. Consider whether you can rebuild your relationship without being able to completely trust him again, you probably can’t.

Should You Admit To Cheating?

If you have cheated on your partner, it is vital that you tell them as soon as possible so that you don’t hurt them for any longer than you need to. You have already been unfaithful to them so the least you can do is be honest and save them from finding out from someone other than you. 

How Do You Tell If Someone Is Lying To You?

If someone is acting strange then they may be lying to you. If your partner is secretive about being on his phone and won’t tell you who he is texting then he may be lying to you about an affair. However, it is important to make sure that you are sure before you falsely accuse him of cheating on you. 

Conclusion

I really hope that this article helped you if you do except that your partner is cheating on you and you are going to confront him. 

Although what you are going through right now is a horrible experience, as soon as you face him everything will be out in the open, and his reaction will help you decide if you want to try and save the relationship or if you're going out on your own. 

The final thing I can say is that you deserve someone who makes you feel secure and loved in your relationship, and I know you will find that.

Did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

7 comments on “11 Things Cheaters Always Say When Confronted”

  1. My ex partner, denied everything even so he laugh on my face. He cheated on me during all the relationship. Furthermore he blamed me and said that I have problems. However, I was always there for him. Literally always. I would do anything for him. These last four months were a nightmare. I used to have 53kg now i have 75kg.
    I am feeling rubbish.

  2. I cheated on my girlfriend for two months and I feel really terrible about it, she found out when she called me when I was with another partner, she asked why I ddnt call her baby then she heard the other girl I was asking who was on the phone, I really messed up, my girlfriend was everything to me and I blew it, I don't know what to do

  3. I felt this women’s instinct thing and found out that my boyfriend started flirting with someone else. It took me days before i had the bravery to confront him. He ended up denying it and making up excuses but i got some proofs out from the flirty messages i found out. He ended up saying sorry for hurting me and he didn’t mean it. The article it self describe the situation i had during confrontation. I felt better after hearing his explanation. Deciding to forgive him hoping things will work for us.

  4. My boyfriend told me he needed some more cologne and he said he was almost out .He didn't wear any of it.I think he is cheating on me .He also looks at Oriental ladies and in front of me he turned his head around just to look at her.To me that's bus disrespectful to me.None of my family likes him and they have not met him.Sherry

  5. My hubby always makes other calls after calling me. When I confronted him about it he was like am insecure and he's afraid about my insecurities, is this relationship really healthy or I should move on?

  6. I (59) dated a Mexican man (48)he promised me the world, that should have been a sign. He told me with him everything would be different.

    I do believe he loved me, but he forgot to tell me he was in a relationship with another person.

    When I got proof an confronted him with it, he said she meant nothing to him, it was a mistake, I did not understand, he wanted to change, work things out, he never meant to hurt me and he was so, so , so sorry.......I urged to be in his Facebook only to discover the ugly truth: he was with her all along, a long time, I was his second wife to be, and I was happy to break it off 3 months after I met him online and after 1-month meeting in real life.

    How stupid have I been believing him? This article confirmed that walking away from him was a wise decision, for he said all of the things a serial cheater would say. And he gaslighted and manipulated me into believing I did something wrong by confronting him with his behaviour.

    It hurts.......it is painful, to discover that a person you trust and give access to your heart does not respect you enough to keep you safe.

  7. 18 months ago I found the proof I had always felt was there. Hidden in his phone. I confronted him. He denied it. They were just friends. I lost everything. I hit rock bottom. I moved out. 10 years and that was it. He turned it so that I was the problem. He told me he stopped all communication with her. I built my self esteem up. I worked on myself.
    We finally were able to talk. He still denies there was anything going on. Flash forward, yesterday I went back the what was our place. On the water. He comes in on his boat and there she is.
    I confront him and her. They still deny.
    I must be missing something? I felt the pain come surging back. I’m down, betrayed by lies and somewhat confused. I will move on. Without him. As hard as it is to let go of the pain and anger.

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