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21 Reasons He Never Texts You First But Always Replies

Are you dating someone new and keep thinking, "why is it that he never texts me first but always replies to my messages eagerly?"

It may feel incredibly frustrating because you’re super interested in this guy but feel like you're the only one to initiate conversations. You should be able to expect someone who you're dating to reach out to you just as much as you reach out to him.

You may feel like you're doing something wrong. Or maybe you're wondering if he is just busy or is playing games with you. These are all valid questions, and we’ve come up with 21 possible reasons why he never texts first but always replies fast. 

21 Reasons He Doesn’t Initiate Contact But Always Replies

1. He’s playing hard to get

Some men think that it makes you want them more if they don’t send text messages first. Lots of men actually like to be chased, and he may not be texting first as a way to “make you chase him.”

However, this may backfire. As you keep chasing him, he may lose interest. Instead of always picking up the phone first, end the next conversation with an invite to text you. Simply say “I’m about to go hang out with some friends so I’ll talk to you later, but text me sometime. I enjoy talking to you.” 

Then, avoid texting him again until he texts you first. It will be hard to resist the urge to reach out to him, but try to keep yourself busy. This way you can learn if he is truly interested or just playing a game.

2. You’re a dry texter

It could be that he’s not enjoying the conversation. Are you a dry texter? Do you send one word answers and responses or not contribute a lot to the conversation? Scroll through your previous conversations to determine if you need to change up your texting skills a little bit.

3. You’re not the only one he’s texting

While no one likes to deal with this, it’s the truth. If the two of you are not in a committed relationship, there’s a chance he’s texting other girls. He’s single, so he probably doesn’t see anything wrong with it. 

You can deal with this by not texting him as much, and making sure that you’re fun to talk to when you do text him. Tell him some jokes. Pretty much all men love it when a girl makes them smile. If you don’t want to deal with him playing games, consider finding someone who is truly interested in you. 

4. He’s still hurt from a previous relationship

he's still hurt from a previous relationship

Many guys that are deliberately avoiding texting are scared that you’ll get the wrong idea. He may be worried that sending a text message first will give you the impression that he likes you and is ready for commitment.

Guys that are still hurt and don’t want to be more than friends will try to keep things platonic, even if they know that you are interested. He doesn’t want to tell you that he doesn’t like you, but he also doesn’t want to lead you on.

In this situation, consider whether or not he just went through a hard relationship breakup. Let him know that you’re there for him, and tell him that you understand his situation. 

5. He’s super busy

When we’re in the middle of doing something, it doesn’t occur to us to start texting people. Instead, we’re focused on the task or activity at hand. If he’s out with his friends, he might just not think of texting you first. He may have a busy life and is used to not being tied to a particular way of interacting. 

To fix this, you might want to make him miss you. Keep texting him if you feel like it, but also work on building a little more attraction. Then, try to balance the effort by not texting him first for some time. Let him initiate contact once he starts to miss you. 

6. He’s scared of a serious relationship

If your crush is a commitment-phobe, it means that he’ll have a hard time when it comes to initiating contact. Not initiating conversations is a sign that a guy has a fear of commitment. Other signs that he’s scared of a future relationship include: 

  • He takes days to text back
  • Flaky
  • Cancels plans last minute
  • Has a hard time making plans for the future
  • Rarely talks about the future

Men that have commitment issues and are afraid of a serious relationship often avoid talking about the future at all costs. While this is a common reason that men will avoid things, they won’t always tell you the real reason. Instead of sending him a message to ask him, watch for the signs that he’s emotionally detached or has a fear of commitment. 

7. Fear of rejection

He probably likes it when you’re the one initiating text conversations because he knows that you're interested. Maybe he doesn't text first because he is insecure and afraid of rejection. He probably doesn't feel confident enough to begin conversations. 

If you think he's insecure because of a troubled childhood or a failed past relationship, assure him that you like him. Let him know how much you love to hear from him. Over time, he may begin to let his guard down and trust you more. 

8. He’s not big on texting

Some men simply aren't big on texting people. You can always ask him how he likes to connect. Maybe he prefers to call or meet in person. If he says that he is just "bad at texting," it's probably nothing to worry about. 

However, if he continues not to initiate conversations after you've discussed it, it could be that he is just not that interested

9. He’s an introvert

Introverts are often overthinkers and may not open up as easily as extroverts. It’s one of their unique personality traits, and they may not start conversations as easily because they may be worried that they will say the wrong thing.

However, they’re often nice guys who sometimes have a hard time reaching out to people first. You’ll often find that they enjoy doing activities by themselves or with one or two people instead of in large groups. 

The more you get to know an introvert, the more he will open up. 

10. Keeping things casual

He might be trying to avoid a new relationship if he’s not texting you first. When guys feel that you’re interested in being more than friends but they are not, they tend to push you away

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You can tell whether a guy likes you or not by asking to hang out. He’ll make sure that things stay platonic if he’s not interested in being more than friends. For example, he’ll want to hang out during the day and have lunch instead of at night. He won’t invite you to spend the night at his house. 

11. He has other priorities

he has other priorities

Even if a guy does like you, you may not be that high on the priority list. If he’s working hard towards a promotion at work or focused on spending time with his children, he’s probably not going to initiate texts a lot. 

You can determine if this is going on by paying attention to what he does mention when the two of you are together or on the phone. Think about what he always says he’s doing. That’s his top priority at the moment. 

12. The first date was bad

Did the two of you just have a date night? Was it horribly awkward and full of him trying to fill the awkward silences? If that’s the case, it could be the reason why he doesn’t text first but always replies. Guys that are on the fence about whether they want to keep seeing you will pull away, but won’t break the news to you that things are not going to go any further until they are sure. 

13. Unwarranted fears

If he’s not the one to start conversations first, it could be that he had a crazy ex-girlfriend, and they’ve been through quite a lot of crap. This can lead to them having trust issues and other fears. As a result, he’s more likely to pull away from you, which is why he doesn’t text first but always replies quickly. 

14. He’s making you wait

Some guys believe that if you keep a girl waiting she will be more interested. He’s not necessarily trying to play mind games because he doesn’t like you. Instead, he never texts first because he wants to make sure that you stay interested in him. 

Enjoy playing the cat and mouse game. It only happens at the beginning of a relationship.

15. He doesn’t want to seem too clingy

Guys that are known for playing the waiting game are usually guys that don’t want to seem too eager. He may really like you, but he’s afraid of applying too much pressure. So, instead of texting you first, he’s waiting a few days to text you. He might say that he’s busy. 

In this situation, you might need to quit texting him first. So insteads of thinking “how come he never texts me first” you slow down and notice that you’re not giving him the opportunity to text you first. 

16. He’s shy

Sometimes, we assume that a guy is confident and outgoing because we see him having fun, but that’s not always the case. Don’t expect that from men. 

There’s a really good chance that he’s quiet and shy underneath. He might feel awkward starting conversations because of that, which is why he never texts first. 

17. He’s trying to be nice

This one stings a bit. Most of us would rather a guy tell us how they feel instead of being nice, but there are still plenty of boys that simply don’t want to tell you that they don’t want a friendship or relationship with you. Instead, they simply text you back to be polite. 

If this is the reason he’s never starting conversations first, you’ll know. He won’t invite you to have fun and will avoid talking about a future relationship with you. Guys that are doing this will more than likely be busy when you want to go out. You won’t have the most interesting conversations with them, either. 

18. He thinks that you don’t like him

Think back to the last few conversations that the two of you had. Did you let him know that you were interested in him as more than a friend? Or did you keep it strictly platonic? 

While you may have been trying to play hard to get, it more than likely led him to believe that you don’t like him. Start flirting with him a bit to let him know how you feel. 

19. He doesn’t know what to talk about

Another reason why he doesn’t text you first but always responds could be that he has no idea what to talk about. He may be shy or worried about being annoying. 

He’s probably more comfortable responding to you because you’ve started the conversation first. The more you get to know him, the easier it will be for him to start texting first.

20. You have a deal breaker

We all have deal breakers. For example, some people consider someone smoking a lot or partying every weekend to be a deal breaker.

He may have decided that he just wants to be friends because you happen to have a deal breaker. If this is why he never texts first, he won’t initiate anything. Consider stopping texting him and see what happens. 

21. He doesn’t want to bother you

He might have gotten the impression that you’re busy most of the time. So he won’t want to send you messages all the time. It’s not that he doesn’t want to text you first. Instead, he wants to make sure that you don’t find him annoying. Let him know he doesn’t need to worry. Respond to him with a smile when he does manage to text you first.

What Should I Do If He Never Initiates Contact?

what should i do if he never initiates contact

1. Maintain boundaries 

If you keep initiating contact with someone who never connects first, keeping your distance and maintaining boundaries is essential. You will know this guy is uninterested if he stops responding or connecting. Unless that happens though, you can continue to let him know that you're interested in spending time and getting to know him.

2. Take care of yourself

In romantic relationships, we sometimes get carried away thinking about this new person, but it's important to keep taking care of yourself. Go for walks, practice yoga, take a bubble bath or journal. Do things to keep yourself happy first. That way, if you discover he isn't interested, you haven't abandoned yourself. 

3. Move on

If he keeps playing hard to get, it’s okay to move on. In the beginning, when you’re getting to know someone, it’s okay to give them the benefit of the doubt, but at some point, it may be time to move on to someone who can reciprocate your efforts. You want someone who will make the first move sometimes so that you know that he cares about you.


Why does he respond but not initiate?

If he doesn’t text first but always replies, he might be scared. Guys may get nervous when they really like a girl. Perhaps he doesn’t know what to say, or he’s very busy. Some guys just aren’t into texting, so they don’t initiate conversations that way.

Why does the guy I like never text me first?

He might not be into you, but he doesn’t want to tell you that because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Sometimes, guys don’t text first because they are players or are simply stringing you along. Avoid texting him to see if he reaches out. Focus on yourself instead.

Can a guy like you and not text you?

Yes! Guys don’t tend to text as much when they are hanging out with friends. They are known for simply putting their phone in their pockets. Sometimes, they might not enjoy texting. They would rather have face-to-face conversations instead of texting back and forth all day.

Why does he wait for me to text first?

He just wants to be friends and doesn’t want to tell you that. He might be busy or have a fear of commitment. Many men tend to think it’s easier to slowly fade away or avoid you instead of having a healthy conversation about how they feel. It can seem shady, but usually it’s because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

How do I get him to initiate?

Be happy and responsive when he texts you. Hint you’d like for him to text you first by telling him that you’d love to hear more from him. Ask more questions to get to know him. He may feel more confident once you both get to know each other more.


It can be confusing when a guy texts you back but never seems to text you first. If you keep thinking that “he never texts me first but always replies,” remember that there are many reasons why a guy may not initiate contact first.

If he likes to play hard to get a lot, it may be time to find someone who doesn’t play games. 

Have you ever been through something like this? What did you do? We’d love to hear from you. Also, if you enjoyed this article, please share it with a friend.

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Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.


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