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He Never Texts Me First But Always Replies (17 Reasons Why)

by Sonya Schwartz

Texting is a great communication tool as it reduces social isolation and improves interpersonal relationships. Receiving texts can also boost your self-esteem. As reported from the Washington Post, texting can improve texters’ moods, especially if they are feeling sad or lonely. 

This is good news except if a guy doesn’t text you for a week or so! You probably feel somewhat insecure, thinking, “Is he waiting for me to text him?” or “Why doesn’t he text me first?” Those questions may certainly be on your mind if he doesn’t text first but always replies. 

I view a lack of communication as a warning light blinking. I think, “If he never texts first, there must be something wrong.” I panic and send lots of text messages. I would never recommend responding to a guy not texting you first this way. It’s unhealthy.

So, what happens if you are facing the conundrum, “He never texts me first but always replies?” There are many reasons he may not want to text first. We’ll look at those reasons, what to do if he doesn’t text you first, and how to get him to text you first. 

Top Reasons He Doesn’t Text You First

1. He’s just not that into you

I know this is a tough one to swallow. But, if he’s never texting you first, that may be a sign he isn’t that interested. This may be hard to accept, but it could certainly be the reason he doesn’t text you back. I know you want this to not be the way things are, but if they are, it’s better to face the facts now rather than later.

If this is a boyfriend or husband you are talking about, you should have a serious conversation to find out why he is acting so distant. His confidence may be low, or he could be playing games with you. If he’s playing games, trying to make you be the pursuer, that’s not very fun or fair. Talk to him to find out what’s going on. 

2. He’s trying to figure out what to say to you

He’s trying to figure out what to say to you

Some guys need time to think of what they want to communicate to you. He may be unsure of his feelings for you or your feelings for him. He may be funny, witty, or smart. Sometimes, guys like that just need time to think of the perfect thing to say to girls, so that they can come across in a positive light. They want to shine in your eyes.

If your man doesn’t message you first and takes a while to message you back, he may like to ponder on what to say next. He may wish to send you a clever, witty response or something that will make you laugh. If you think this is the case, he is probably into you, so it’s okay that you initiate some of the communication. 

3. He has commitment issues

If he is unsure about having a relationship with you because he’s afraid of commitment, he may hold off on initiating text conversations. Maybe he doesn’t want to give you the wrong idea. He’s perhaps interested in you but doesn’t want a long-term relationship. 

There may be more to it. There could be a whole story, explaining why he’s afraid to commit. According to Psychology Today, there are 8 reasons why a man is afraid of commitment. I will touch on these reasons throughout this article, but the first one and probably the main reason guys don’t want to commit is fear of rejection.

If you are thinking, “But I texted him! Why is he afraid of rejection? I’m not rejecting him!” I get what you’re saying. However, he still may feel that if he texts you something or tries to communicate first, you may not respond or may think it’s dumb, validating his fear of rejection. In this case, I think it’s okay to initiate texts; just ask open-ended questions!

4. He’s too busy to send texts first

Hopefully, this is the reason that he doesn’t like texting you first. If he’s a workaholic or has his hands full with kids, family, or friends, he may just not have the time to communicate that way. If you think he fits this bill and he’s texting you back, he likes you. He’s taking time out of his busy life to write you back. That’s a good sign!

5. He knows you will text him first

I’ve been in this situation, and it’s unfair. I would text guys all the time and only got responses when they “felt” like texting me back. I hated it. It especially sucked when I actually asked them why I always had to initiate the texting conversation, and they would say, “Well, I knew you were going to text me, so I just waited.”

6. He’s trying to play hard to get

This can be an especially annoying reason, but many guys feel this way. They want you to chase after them. My opinion is that it should be the other way around! You should just turn off your phone if you cannot resist texting him or consider putting it in another room. That way, when he does text you, it will be a pleasant surprise you can find later. 

Plus, by letting him chase you, you are showing that you are a strong, confident woman that other men want to date. You aren’t sitting around waiting for his text, because you are busy with other things in life. In fact, because you have a life outside of his texts, you don’t need to respond right away when he messages you!

Also, by leaving your phone in the other room, you combat the temptation of responding too fast, as if you were just sitting there waiting for him to text you. No! You are a busy person who waits around for no man! Resist the temptation to always text him first or respond too quickly to his texts. You don’t want to come across as desperate.

7. He’s not interested in a serious relationship

Sometimes, guys just want to keep things casual; they don’t want to mislead you into thinking you can expect messages from him at certain times. By not initiating communication, these guys are trying to hint that they don’t want anything serious. If you do, consider moving on from this guy! The two of you just don’t want the same things.

8. He doesn’t want to come across as annoying

Some guys are so afraid of rejection that they’ve convinced themselves that texting you would be annoying to you. You can help them out by letting them know how much you love getting texts from them. If they know that they are actually brightening your day with each text they send, they’ll be more likely to text you first from now on. 

9. He doesn’t want to wake you up or bother you

I keep weird hours so I can relate to guys who feel this way. I’m always concerned I’m going to be disturbing or waking someone up with my texts. If you want him to text you, be clear about when you want to receive texts or tell him you keep your phone on silent while you sleep and would love to wake up to a text from him.

10. He’s a shy guy

He may be an introvert, meaning he likes to be alone and not around a group of people. In this case, he may just not know how to start a text conversation with you. You can help him out by texting him first, but whatever you decide to text, make sure it isn’t a yes or no question. Instead, ask him to describe his dream date or something like that.

11. He has unresolved past relationship issues

If your man has recently come out of a marriage or other long-term relationship, he may just not be ready for anything serious. He may also have scars from previous relationships that haven’t yet healed. It’s best to stay friends with guys like this. Allow them the time they need to lick their wounds; you can be there for when they’re ready.

12. He doesn’t like texting

While most people do love receiving texts, they just have never gotten the hang of texting. It just doesn’t come naturally to them, and they find texting to be frustrating. Some people don’t know how to swipe on their keyboard or do voice-to-text. In these cases, a phone call or date may be a better way to get to know him better. 

13. He’s not sure if you are interested in him

If you are always the one texting him, there’s a possibility that he doesn’t know you are interested in him. However, this seems unlikely if you are always showing him how much you like him by texting him. If you think your man fits this reason, tell him or clearly show him how you feel; just be honest and let him know you’re into him.

14. He has other priorities

Similar to being busy, your man may just have other things on his mind. For example, if he’s a father, his children are probably his top priority, and if he’s a single father, he may just have his hands full. Give him a break if this is the case. 

Go ahead and continue texting first, but don’t overdo it. If he doesn’t text back right away, give him time before sending more messages. You don’t want to overload him with information about yourself or overdo the questions you are asking him.

15. He’s interested in you, but he’s also dating others

He’s interested in you, but he’s also dating others

Guys are often dating around until they find someone they want to be exclusive with. If this sounds like the guy you’re into, you may want to have him clarify the status of your relationship, especially if this has been going on for a long time. You want to understand what his intentions are before you continue to pursue him.

16. He’s not good at texting

Of course, there are those guys who just don’t know how to text well. This can make them very insecure when it comes to using texting as a medium for communication with you. If you text him, and his replies are brief, it wouldn’t hurt to ask him if he’d prefer talking on the phone. You should be able to tell if he likes texting by what he sends you.

17. He has unwarranted fears

Back to the Psychology Today article, it mentions many fears that guys experience when it comes to pursuing women. Many guys are just afraid of commitment, but what is behind this fear? The article listed 8 possible fears that your man may be experiencing. If you find that your boyfriend has one of these fears, it may be time to say, “Next!”

Men often fear growing up; they act like a little kid, always wanting their way, telling dumb jokes, and throwing ridiculous tantrums. Men also experience anxiety and have an obsessive nature when they are afraid of making decisions. The men who feel like victims and don’t believe in marriage may have a fear of trusting.

Men may also feel the fear of not being good enough for you, fear rejection from you, have a fear of being controlled or smothered, or fear not being loveable. Some men may have a family secret or some kind of burden and fear you may find out what’s going on. If you think your man is acting on these fears, he may just not be ready for you.

What To Do If He Doesn’t Text You First

My first recommendation is to start playing hard to get. If you are always the one texting him, you are the one chasing him in the relationship. Instead, never text him first. Let him do the work. Playing hard to get will definitely make him want to start texting you first (if he really likes you). It’s unhealthy to always be the one initiating the communication in the relationship.

If he is shy or you think he is unsure of your feelings for him, it’s okay to communicate first, but send messages that require a response. For example, try sending open-ended questions. This will help him open up and give him an excuse to text you back. Come up with a huge list of questions that will help strengthen your relationship and text him those questions. 

Finally, if you think he just doesn’t like texting, to build the relationship and get to know each other, see if he would want to talk on the phone or in person. If you want to talk to him, pick up the phone and give him a call. He may enjoy hearing your voice and be more open to communicating that way. Just don’t overdo it with the calling. Let him initiate calls, too. 

FAQs

What to do if he never texts me first?

If he never texts first, either don’t write to him first or send him open-ended questions. The first option will force him to start texting, or it will prove he just isn’t that into you - a harsh reality, I know. But isn’t it better to know than to just wonder?

What does it mean if a guy never texts you first but always replies?

If he never texts first but always replies, he may be an introvert. He may long for a conversation with you but doesn’t know how to start one. To show a guy you like him and want him to initiate texts from now on, try asking him about it. 

Should I stop texting him if he never texts me first?

If your relationship seems to be one-sided, I would back off. If you are in a serious relationship, an honest conversation on the subject may be warranted. Consider asking your guy something like, “Are you just not that into texting or what?” That’s an innocent and fair question to ask.

Should he always text first?

In my opinion, if you are in a relationship, it shouldn’t be one-sided. I also think playing hard to get is a very effective technique, which means you should let him take the lead. If he likes you, he will make it known. He may prefer a phone conversation, too. 

Why would he text me then not respond?

People get busy with life and all the responsibilities that come with it. He might’ve had a few minutes between meetings, so he sent you a text message, but then couldn’t respond because of the circumstances of his day. Take all of that into consideration when you feel frustrated.

To Conclude…

Does your man have trouble texting you? Have you tried talking to him about it? 

Have an honest but real conversation about the communication methods you are using in the relationship. 

If you have had this situation happen to you, we’d love to hear from you! Please comment and share!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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