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21 Reasons He Never Texts Me First But Always Replies

Last updated on July 28, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Are you dating a man who never texts you first, but always replies to your messages?

Are you wondering why this is the case? 

Is this stressing you out and would you like to know how to change the situation? 

In this article, I’ll address all these problems and explain how to inspire him to text you first.

However, before I do, it’s important that you read these next sentences carefully. 

If you like a guy and you’re in this situation, it’s completely normal to wonder who he’s texting instead. 

Perhaps he’s too busy messaging other women - or maybe he’s incredibly busy with his professional endeavors.

It can come across as too desperate and needy to ask who he’s texting instead of you, especially if he always replies to your texts. 

Yet, by knowing this information, you’ll be in a much better position to know where you stand with this guy. 

That’s why I want to introduce this powerful yet discreet background checker tool to you. 

This tool can help you discover who another person has been messaging and how often.

It just needs a few of their basic details to get started.

You’ll also be able to find out what apps and online services this person is using, what contact details are registered to their name, plus a lot more. 

Best of all, this tool is completely discreet so this person will have no idea they are being tracked. 

It’s important to mention that there are a lot of reasons why a man will not message you first, yet reply to all of your messages. 

I’ve listed 21 possible reasons and what to do if he doesn’t text you first in the article below.

Why He Never Sends Text Messages First

When you’re always the one initiating text conversations it can be hard to figure out what’s going on. You want to talk to him, but the last thing you want to do is come off as needy. You can’t help but wonder if he’s playing hard to get or if you should quit texting to see what happens. 

In this article, we’ll go over the reasons why he might not be texting you first. 

There are quite a few reasons why he might not be picking up the phone to text you Here are the most common ones, and what you should do about him not initiating conversation with you. 

1. He’s playing hard to get

Some men think that it makes you want them more if they don’t text first. Men today actually like to be chased, and he’s not texting first as a way to make you chase him. 

However, this is going to backfire. As you keep chasing him, he’s going to start to lose interest. Instead of always picking up the phone first, end the next conversation with an invite to text you. Simply say “I’m about to go hang out with some friends so I’ll talk to you later, but text me sometime. I love talking to you.” 

Then, don’t text him again until he texts you first. Two people can play hard to get at the same time. It will be hard to resist the urge to reach out to him, but try to keep yourself busy. 

2. You’re a dry texter

you're a dry texter

It could be that he’s not enjoying the conversation. Are you a dry texter? Do you send one-word responses or not contribute a lot to the conversation? Scroll through your previous conversations to determine if you need to spice up the conversation a little bit. 

3. You’re not the only one he’s texting

While no one likes to deal with this, it’s the truth. If the two of you are not in a committed relationship, there’s a chance he’s texting other girls. He’s single, so he probably doesn’t see anything wrong with it. 

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

You can deal with this by not texting him as much, and making sure that you’re funny when you do text him. Tell him some jokes. Guys always love it when a girl makes them smile. If you don’t want to deal with him playing games, consider texting someone else. 

4. He’s still hurt from a previous relationship

Many guys that are deliberately avoiding texting are scared that you’ll get the wrong idea. He may be worried that sending a text message first will give you the impression that he likes you.

Guys that are still hurt and don’t want to be more than friends will try to keep things platonic, even if they know that you are interested. He doesn’t want to tell you that he doesn’t like you, but he also doesn’t want to lead you on

In this situation, consider whether or not he just went through a hard breakup. Let him know that you’re there for him, and tell him that it’s going to be okay. 

5. He’s super busy

When we’re in the middle of doing something, it doesn’t occur to us to start texting people. Instead, we’re focused on the task or activity at hand. If he’s out with his friends, he might just not think of texting you first. 

To fix this, you want to make him miss you. Keep texting him, but make sure to be positive and funny to build a little more attraction. Then, don’t text him for a few days. He’ll start to miss you. 

6. He’s scared of a serious relationship

If your crush has a fear of commitment, it means that he’ll have a hard time when it comes time to initiate contact. Not initiating conversations is a sign that a guy has a fear of commitment. Other signs that he’s scared of a future relationship include: 

  • He takes days to text back
  • Flaky
  • Cancels plans last minute
  • Has a hard time making plans for the future
  • Rarely talks about the future

Men that have commitment issues often avoid the future at all costs if they can. While this is a common reason that men will avoid things, they won’t always tell you the real reason. Instead of sending him a message to ask him, watch for the signs that he has a commitment phobia. 

7. Fear of rejection

He doesn’t have to fear rejection if he doesn’t make the first move! When you message him, it automatically means that you want to hear from him. Men that have been rejected a lot in the past, cheated on, or are usually the ones broken up with in a relationship are more likely to have a fear of rejection than other men. 

If he starts responding consistently as soon as you text him, this might be your problem. Offer him reassurance by letting him know that you enjoy talking to him. Tell him that you’d love it if he started reaching out to you first. This can help ease some of his anxiety. It will let him know that you don’t think his messages are annoying. 

8. He’s not big on texting

he's not big on texting

Some men simply aren’t big on texting people. This could be the reason that he’s not texting you first. If he is a dry texter or frequently responds with one-word answers, this could be it. Does he act more interested in conversations on the phone or in person? If so, he probably doesn’t think it’s a big deal. 

Instead of stressing about why he isn't texting, focus on spending time with him. Don’t double text him. Ask him when he’d like to hang out. Check out this article to learn more about a guy’s perspective on texting

9. He’s an introvert

If you know him, you’ll know that he’s an introvert. Most introverted people share the same personality traits and tend to enjoy some of the same things. They don’t say a lot and have a hard time reaching out to people. You’ll often find that they enjoy doing activities by themselves or with one or two people instead of large groups. 

10. Keeping things casual

He might be trying to avoid a new relationship. When guys feel that you’re interested in being more than friends but they are not, they tend to push you away. 

You can tell whether a guy likes you or not by asking to hang out. He’ll make sure that things stay platonic if he’s not interested in being more than friends. For example, he’ll want to hang out during the day and have lunch instead of at night. He won’t invite you to spend the night at his house. 

11. He has other priorities

Even if a guy does like you, you may not be that high on the priority list. If he’s working hard towards a promotion at work or focused on spending time with his children, he’s probably not going to initiate texts a lot. 

You can determine if this is going on by paying attention to what he does mention when the two of you are together or on the phone. Think about what he always says he’s doing. That’s his top priority. 

12. The first date was bad

Did the two of you just have a date night? Was it horribly awkward and full of him trying to fill the awkward silences? If that’s the case, it could be the reason why he doesn’t text first but always replies. Guys that are on the fence about whether they want to keep seeing you will pull away, but won’t break the news to you that things are not going to go any further until they are sure. 

13. Unwarranted fears

unwarranted fears

Some guys really do have crazy ex-girlfriends, and they’ve been through quite a lot of crap. This can lead to them having trust issues as well as several other fears. As a result, he’s more likely to pull away from you, which is why he won’t text first but always replies. 

14. He’s making you wait

Some men believe that if you keep a girl waiting she will be more interested. He’s not necessarily trying to play mind games because he doesn’t like you. Instead, he never texts first because he wants to make sure that you stay interested in him. Enjoy playing the cat and mouse game. It only happens at the beginning of a relationship!

15. He doesn’t want to seem too interested

Guys that are known for playing the waiting game are usually guys that don’t want to seem too eager. He may really like you, but he’s afraid of applying too much pressure. So, instead of texting you first, he’s waiting a few days to text you. He might say that he’s busy. 

In this situation, you need to quit texting him first. You’re wondering “how come he never texts me first” but you’re not giving him the opportunity to text you first. 

16. He’s shy

Sometimes, we assume that a guy is confident and outgoing because we see him having fun, but that’s not always the case. Don’t expect that from men. 

There’s a really good chance that he’s quiet underneath. He might feel awkward starting conversations because of that, which is why he never texts first. 

17. He’s trying to be nice

This one stings a bit. Most of us would rather a guy tell us how they feel instead of being nice, but there are still plenty of boys that simply don’t want to tell you that they don’t want a friendship or relationship with you. Instead, they simply text you back to be polite. 

If this is the reason he never texts first, you’ll know. He won’t invite you to have fun and will avoid talking about a future relationship with you. Guys that are doing this will more than likely be busy when you want to go out. You won’t have the most interesting conversations with them, either. 

18. He thinks that you don’t like him

Think back to the last few conversations that the two of you had. Did you let him know that you were interested in him as more than a friend? Or did you keep it strictly platonic

While you may have been trying to play hard to get, it more than likely led him to believe that you don’t like him. Start flirting with him a bit to let him know how you feel. Make sure that you’re consistent so that he doesn’t think you’re playing mind games when he starts texting you.

19. He doesn’t know what to talk about

You could be left wondering “how come he never texts me first” because he just doesn’t know what to talk about. This could be because he’s shy or scared. When you text him first, you set the tone for the conversation so that he doesn’t have to. 

20. You have a deal breaker

We all have deal breakers. For example, I won’t date a man with children under the age of five. Mine are older, and I have no desire to go through those stages again. Other people may have different deal breakers, but they still have deal breakers. 

He may have decided that he just wants to be friends because you happen to have a deal breaker. If this is why he never texts first, he won’t start texting first if you don’t text him. Stop texting him and see what happens. 

21. He doesn’t want to bother you

he doesn't bother you

If he gets the impression that you’re busy most of the time, he won’t want to send you messages all the time. It’s not that he doesn’t want to text you first. Instead, he wants to make sure that you don’t find him annoying. Let him know he doesn’t need to worry. Respond to him with a smile with he does manage to text you first. 

FAQs

Why does he respond but not initiate?

If he doesn’t text first but always replies, he might be scared. Guys tend to get nervous when they really like a girl. Perhaps he doesn’t know what to say, or he’s very busy. Some guys just aren’t into texting, so they don’t initiate conversations that way. 

Why does the guy I like never text me first?

He might not be into you, but he doesn’t want to tell you that because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Sometimes, guys don’t text first because they are playing games or are simply stringing you along. Avoid texting him to see if he reaches out. Focus on friends instead.

Can a guy like you and not text you?

Yes! Guys don’t tend to text as much when they are hanging out with friends. They are known for simply putting their phone in their pocket. Sometimes, guys don’t like texting. They would simply rather have conversations instead of texting back and forth all day.

Why does he wait for me to text first?

He just wants to be friends and doesn’t want to tell you that. He might be busy or have a fear of commitment. Guys tend to think it’s easier to slowly fade away or avoid you instead of having a healthy conversation about how they feel. It can seem shady, but it’s because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. 

How do I get him to initiate?

Be happy and responsive when he does text you. Hint you’d like for him to text you first by telling him that you’d love to hear more from him. Ask him questions to get to know him. Use emojis to flirt with him. 

In Conclusion

It can be confusing when a guy texts you back but never seems to text you first. If you’ve been through this, what did you do?

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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