Do you think your husband has cheated on you?
Are you wondering how to react - or even if you’ll ever recover from the news?
If so, read on because this guide offers advice on the 10 things you should do immediately after finding out about this.
However, before we dive into these steps, it’s important you read the next few sentences carefully.
The most important thing you need to do after hearing this devastating news is to find out if it’s definitely true.
If you confront your husband based on rumors or ‘fake news’, it’s not going to end well or provide any closure for you.
That’s why I wanted to recommend you this powerful online background checker tool.
With just a few of your husband’s basic details to get started, this tool can produce a wealth of information about his recent communications.
It’ll show you who he’s been calling and texting, what smartphone apps he’s been using, what online services he’s signed up to...and a lot more.
Put simply, if he has been cheating, this tool is likely to make it immediately obvious.
With this evidence to hand, you’ll be in a far better position to take the steps listed below.
Table of Contents
It might seem obvious, but before you phone up that divorce lawyer, you’re going to want to make sure that you have a cheating partner. Now, if you walked in on him in bed with another woman, then you know he’s cheating for sure. Otherwise, you’re going to have to play detective.
This is especially important as you might be wrong. True, he could be acting suspiciously, not telling you what’s bothering him, yet that doesn’t mean that he’s definitely cheating on you. He could just as easily be having problems at work or may have someone like a health scare that he doesn’t want to burden you with yet.
If you’re looking to know if you’re husband is cheating, there are certain ways you can catch him out:
Once you have gathered that he’s cheating in some manner, it’s time for you to collect as much information as possible. This will hurt, but it is good for you, as you’ll want to know all that that he’s been up to – whether it’s emotional cheating with messaging, just meeting for drinks and kissing or whether it’s turned into a full sexual affair. You’ll also want to know if it’s just about sex or if they are both in love. If you found out about the cheating using his phone or computer, you’ll want to take photos or screenshots of all the messages you see. This will be useful if he denies everything when you confront him and you may wish it for a lawyer if you choose to separate over his infidelity.
At some point, though, you’re going to need to speak to him about it. Be prepared for lies, although if he wants to save his marriage, he should be prepared to tell you the whole truth. Yes, it will be horrible to hear but, when it comes to unfaithfulness, it’s best to know everything.
You’ve just found out that your husband is cheating on you. It’s natural for you to want to scream and break things, after all, this is one of the worst breaches of trust that can ever happen to you. However, this anger isn’t always a good thing, as when your emotions take over, you’re likely to say things that you might regret years later.
Instead, remove yourself from the situation. If he doesn’t live with you, ask him to go back to his own apartment in order to give yourself space to think. If you live together you may wish to take yourself off to stay with a family member or a friend, although this can be hard when there are children involved. Never feel like you cannot ask him to leave. His name might be on the deed but it was his that choose to cheat, so it should also be him that goes to stay in a hotel.
Once he’s gone, you’ll be free to cry and explore your anger and sadness as much as you want. This will give you the space you need to think and decide what you would like to do next.
When you find out a husband or partner has been cheating with another woman, many wives feel embarrassed and want to hide this information. Never do this! Instead, confide in a close family member or friend, as they will be able to help advise you on what you should do in the future.
Just remember, no one is going to judge you as it wasn’t you cheating on a partner – you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Talking to someone about his affair also gives you the opportunity to get everything off your chest. Let them make you a hot drink and pour your heart out. You might be surprised at just how better this will make you feel. Plus, it gives you the opportunity to discuss whether you think he’s telling you the whole truth and whether or not you should consider staying together.
Never jump in a car and head to a friend’s house though, you’ll be in too much of an emotional state to drive safely. Instead, either ask them to come to you or pay for a cab. It will be much safer for everyone involved.
When your partner has been unfaithful, it becomes tempting to bottle up all your emotions and put a smile on your face as if nothing has happened. However, this is extremely unhealthy for both you and those around you. As, the more you bottle up your feelings, the more likely you are to snap and have a breakdown – which is far from what you need at the moment.
Now, if you have children, you’ll probably not want to spend your days crying in front of them. They’ll already wonder where their dad is, and a crying mom will only worry them. However, when you’re away from them, let your emotions flow. Over time, it will help you work through your feelings and help you decide what your next steps should be.
Truth be told, the last thing you probably want to do right now is getting your workout clothes our and head to the gym, but you might be surprised at how much it could help you work through your feels. Feeling anger? Get yourself on the treadmill and run it out. Feeling weak because he was unfaithful? Get yourself over to the weights and make your body stronger. Often when a husband cheats on us, we can feel bad about our bodies, as if we weren’t attractive enough for him – this should never be the case! However, to make yourself feel better, a personal trainer could work wonders. That way, when he sees you next looking strong and beautiful, he will feel beyond guilty and desperate to win you back – regardless of whether you want him or not.
If the gym isn’t your thing, even a walk outdoors or joining a yoga class can really help to clear your mind. Or, if you have a hobby like painting or sculpting, use this creative outlet to work through any emotions you’re going through. The distraction will work wonders for your mental health and help to get those happy hormones pumping through your body.
Your husband cheating might not seem like the life-ending situation that requires a doctor, however, many us don’t realize just how emotionally tarring the breakdown of a marriage can be. Never feel weak going to your doctor as you’re not coping, simply sit down and explain what has happened with your husband and marriage. They might want to refer you for therapy or even prescribe you with some medication in order to help you through your emotions.
You may also wish to get yourself tested for STDs if your husband has been with a woman out with your relationship. This should just be for peace of mind, but it’s essential you catch any infections that could interfere with your ability to have children later on.
For many women who have been cheated on, they start to blame the breakdown of their marriage on themselves. Perhaps you feel you nagged him too much, or you didn’t get dressed up to impress him as much because you were busy with the children. You should never blame yourself, though, as you both made a commitment to each other. If he wasn’t happy, he should have suggested marriage counseling for you both rather than starting a relationship with someone else.
So, whether it’s you blaming yourself or he’s using you as an excuse for his behavior, don’t let it fly. You aren’t the reason why he took his wedding ring off and started hitting on women, that’s all down to him and it’s his fault your marriage is failing. You should also hold off on blaming the other woman until you find out whether she knew he was married; she could quite as easily be a victim in this thinking she was starting a relationship with another single.
Perhaps you’re a stay-at-home mom with the children, or maybe you also have a career. You could be the most confident woman in the world, yet because your marriage is on the rocks due to a cheating husband, you instantly feel your self-esteem take a hit. Which makes you question the way you look and dress, and could even make you wonder about your personality.
Yet this is an awful way for you to treat yourself! Just because he couldn’t stay faithful in your marriage doesn’t mean it has anything to do with you. It’s far more likely a view into his own bad personality and he would have cheated on you anyway. Just remember, if Jay-Z can cheat on Beyoncé, then any man has the capability to cheat.
That doesn’t mean that you can’t take your failing marriage as an excuse to change up your appearance, but do it in a way to pamper yourself and make you feel more confident. Perhaps you could get some new clothes, a new hairstyle or even join the gym – whatever you do, though, do it because you felt like it and not because of your relationship status.
Every marriage breakdown is complicated and it might not be as black and white as “because he cheated”. Now, while if he has taken the choice to cheat this is never your fault, you may wish to both look at your marriage to see if there were things you could both do in order to make you feel closer to each other.
Now, your husband has been cheating and you don’t want to be in your marriage anymore, there is absolutely no need for you to attend a couple’s therapy session. However, you may wish to attend a therapist yourself to work through your feelings and what went wrong in your marriage. This will help you work through any emotional baggage you might have otherwise brought into a future relationship and help you trust men again in the future.
This will also give you the opportunity to reflect on anything you might have changed about your marriage if you had a second chance. Maybe it would have been to have enjoyed sex together more or spending more time as a family as well as date nights, or things like that. Although it won’t change what happened in the past, it can help you work on your future relationships.
Whether you’re forgiving, don’t want to split up the family or you love him too much, sometimes you’ll want to take your husband back and work on your marriage. Which is a very reasonable thing to do, however, you shouldn’t just take him back without setting up some boundaries. As, he might have his wedding ring back on, but your marriage is far from what it was and will need a lot of hard work before you both feel close and in love again.
As well as working with a counselor, you should sit down and discuss any boundaries you would like to set in your marriage. Perhaps he cheated because he felt you withheld sex; however, you’re likely going to want to work at your marriage before you’re intimate with him again. Which is why you should be honest, letting your husband know that you want to take your time to get to know each other and even date again.
If you do take your husband back, though, you cannot hold his cheating against him forever and bring it back into every argument you have. At some point, whether it’s weeks or months, you will both need to learn to be intimate and comfortable again, otherwise, you risk just being together for the sake of it. So, if you are going to forgive him then do it. If you’re still struggling after a time, it’s more than likely that your marriage cannot be saved.
Whether your husband was caught cheating years ago or only yesterday, it can still cut you like a knife to the heart. However, if you can work through that pain and betrayal to keep your marriage working, it only shows how strong you are as a person.
The same goes for a woman who discovers a cheating husband and leaves her marriage. Often, starting over – especially when you might be a single mom – is the scariest thing of all in life. So, to do this successfully also shows how strong you are.
Whatever you decided to do, take your time and work through some of the steps on this guide. It will help you to level your feelings and understand what you might want to do in regards to your marriage. Plus, always remember, even if your marriage doesn’t ultimately work out regardless, it was far from your fault and you shouldn’t take your insecurities into a future relationship or marriage.