Relationships can prove to be hard sometimes, but they’re a significant part of life. The thing we’re each looking for in our relationships is a real friend, confidant, a life partner (for some people). Most people would agree that they’d love to have a person who can bring out the best in you, support you, and makes you feel secure and loved.
No doubt, it’s imperative to find the right person, but sometimes, it takes a few heartbreaks before you do. Sometimes, that feeling you get that tells you something isn’t right anymore is your cue to either make some changes in your relationship or prep your goodbye speech. If you’ve somehow found yourself in these shoes, here are a few tips on how to handle things moving forward.
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We all know that feelings can be deceitful sometimes, and other times, they’re a sign that there may be some underlying issues. You need to sit and brainstorm a bit, ask yourself why these things make you feel this way. Some people call this soul searching, paying lots of attention to your emotions, and trying to trace their source.
This way, you’d be able to tell if you’re just paranoid, or if something from another aspect of your life is pouring into your relationship, or if something needs to be done about your relationship. Either way, you need to know precisely why something doesn't feel right. If you can’t reach a conclusion on your own, try talking to either a therapist or a relationship expert.
Let’s face it, our instincts and intuition are right almost 100% of the time. Most times, when they’re ignored, bad things happen. If your instincts tell you something doesn’t feel or appear right, it probably isn’t; perhaps you need to start being more attentive, it may be a sign or a red flag.
Start listening to check if your spouse is genuinely supportive towards you and if there are any hidden messages in some of the things he says. Check to see if he’s sneaking around behind your back. Also, find out if his family or friends don’t like you or any other sign that things aren’t right. Something may be wrong somewhere. Whatever the case may be, start being attentive to your feelings and write down certain things you’ve noticed, if possible.
Perhaps, the best thing to do at this point is to sit and have an honest talk with your partner; maybe something doesn’t feel right to him either. Relationships are like a partnership and communication is a significant part. Even when the going gets tough, it’s wise to communicate openly, or in a way that helps the other party get the message.
Let him know how you feel about the relationship, tell him the truth about what has changed; you could discover specific areas that need twitching in your relationship or how you relate with each other. The good thing about communicating is that you may be able to remedy the situation.
When your expectations don’t match the reality around you, your gut is bound to scream at you. This is one reason most couples feel weird about their relationship. The earlier you face reality, the better for you. You need to face your fear and accept that if push comes to shove, your relationship may have to end.
Start to prepare yourself mentally, accept that sometimes when a relationship ends, it's for the best. The moment you accept this reality, it would be easier for you to do what needs to be done.
You need to remember that no matter what’s been happening lately or what has changed between you and your partner, he’s someone you once loved. Just because you lack peace does not mean you have to treat him badly. This is one mistake most couples have made. Even if you aren’t able to sit and talk openly with him yet, try not to stonewall him or ghost him.
Treat him with love and respect. Remember that he may not be the cause of your issues, it may be a lack of caution on your part. Try to handle things wisely so you don’t hurt your partner before you get to the bottom of things.
As mentioned earlier, the assumptions you have aren’t confirmed yet, so you need to be careful about how you act on them. Placing immediate blame on your partner is one of the worst ways to handle this. Moreover, the blame game is one game no one wins.
Even though you are able to successfully convince him that he’s the cause of all your problems, you’re still going to have to deal with all the problems ‘he caused’ and the emotions that come with them. So what's the point? The only way to truly handle this issue is, to be honest with yourself and your partner. In other words, take responsibility for your own faults.
The sooner you realize that you cannot control or change everything, the easier it would be for you to sort things out or to make tough decisions. The key to improving any relationship is to realize that you cannot change or control anyone else but yourself. This is one point couples need to remember.
Everyone craves and tries to hang on to some degree of control, but you need to be careful so you don’t become a control freak. If you’re having doubts about your relationship, don’t rush to start changing things blindly or guilt-tripping your partner into doing things he doesn’t want to.
Be patient and wait to see what the root of the problem is. It may be your only chance to save your relationship.
I bet you didn’t expect to hear that you may be the cause of your own problems. Perhaps, there’s something you aren’t doing right that’s why you don’t feel right about your relationship. Most couples find it hard to check themselves yet focus on what their partner is doing wrong, not everything is a red flag.
Yes, it's easier to blame your partner or all the other circumstances surrounding your relationship, but perhaps it's time to look at the man in the mirror. Check to see if your partner is withdrawing because of the tone you use with him, the way you treat him, or if you’re a bit too aggressive.
Also, ask him if there’s anything you ought to contribute to the relationship that you’ve subconsciously neglected. You just may discover one source of the problem.
Sometimes, the reason for our uncomfortable nudges may be our own unrealistic expectations of what a relationship should be. If you feel your partner absolutely has to be a certain way, and because he’s human, he can’t meet up to those expectations, then that may be the reason you don’t feel right.
Search your mind. You can also write down all the things you expect from your relationship and from your partner. This way, you can outline the unrealistic ones and the ones that are a dealbreaker. The moment you let go of those expectations, you may just find the peace you need in your relationship.
Unless you’re clear about what you want in a relationship, you definitely won’t feel good. Before being clear with your partner about what you need, you need to have an idea of what you really want for yourself.
Stepping into a relationship without truly knowing what you want out of life, what you want out of a relationship, and what you want in a partner, is not the wisest thing to do. However, if you’ve already found yourself in these shoes, it's not too late to figure these things out.
You can write them out if you want to. If they don’t align with what you’re getting right now, that may be the reason for your own discomfort. Perhaps, you’d need to sit and talk with your partner about this.
The book ‘Eat. Pray. Love’ encourages this. So many people have agreed that spending time alone has worked wonders for them and improved the relationship they have with themselves. Take some quality time out for yourself, get away from the noise, and from whatever is making you anxious.
You can plan a small getaway if you need to, just to be alone to think. This type of thing will help you be true to yourself. It will give you a safe and quiet space to think about your life and what you need to do about your relationship moving forward.
This will also give you time to pray about the doubts you have. What’s more, if you’re a spiritual person, this may also give you some form of clarity.
When a relationship is not right for you, the signs always show up to warn you. Most times, people run into problems or lose peace in their relationships because they ignore all the red flags and all the signs. This may be the reason you’re feeling a bit disturbed; perhaps, you’ve been ignoring those red flags.
Start being attentive to these signs. If your partner does something you know for sure isn’t healthy or beneficial to the relationship, you shouldn’t just ignore it or overlook it, it's best to address it immediately or end things with him.
Act on whatever you’ve discovered on your soul search or during your time alone, don’t just bottle it up and wait for the ‘right time’ to do something about it. If you decide that you want more out of life then talk with your partner about it.
If he’s ok making some adjustments then that would be great, but if he isn’t, it's one of the signs that the relationship isn’t right for you. If you discover you’ve been settling all this while, then this is another tough decision you’d have to make, end things and allow what you truly deserve to come into your life.
There’s a nagging feeling most people get when their instincts tell them some things aren’t right in their relationship. Most times, it translates to anxiety or paranoia but some people have admitted that most of those suspicions proved to be right in the end. Not all nudges should be ignored.
Some people aren't quite clear about what they want for themselves, so they can’t be clear with their partners about these specific needs. This way, those needs remain unmet and create a void in their lives. Even if their partners are perfect, they’d always feel like something is missing in their relationships.
Once you and your partner have been struggling with the same things for an extended period, despite being open about them or even going for therapy, there’s a chance that you’re not meant to be together. The earlier you realize this, the better it is for your mental health.
Feeling insecure in a relationship can be caused by several things; some are dependent on the individual and some on the other party. Having an abusive or unsupportive partner could be a significant contributing factor; however, you could also become insecure if you’re too dependent on others for validation.
Better out than in. If you feel you’ve grown past a phase in your life and you don’t feel the same way you used to think about a person, it’s better to let them know in the best way possible. Pick a quiet place where you both can have some privacy; try your best not to go into too much detail but carefully explain to them that your emotions have changed and it may be time to move on.
I hope you found this article helpful. Remember, your gut feeling is hardly ever wrong so don’t just ignore it. Be attentive to what your instincts are telling you about your relationship even when you are blindly in love. Please let me know what you think about this topic in the comment section and be sure to share it.