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How To Break Up With Someone Long Distance (9 Thoughtful Ways)

by Sonya Schwartz

We are all somehow familiar with the unpleasant business of breaking up. Whether you’ve been in the heartbreaker or the heartbroken, in one way or the other we can all relate to this. Breaking up with a person you believed for a while was the love of your life is never easy, even when it's the right thing to do. 

What makes this worse is that in most cases, the person who initiates the breakup ends up being seen as the villain. For a long-distance relationship, this is even more complicated. You would have to carry out this ‘assassination of the heart’ mission over the phone! 

Breaking up over the phone, as we already know, is considered the most heartless and insensitive way to break up with anyone. Unfortunately, if your relationship is a long-distance one, you don’t really have many options. 

On the bright side, there’s always a way to reduce the toxic effects of this and to make the whole experience less cringy. Don’t worry, I got you! breaking up long-distance doesn’t have to be so complicated, and with the tips below, it won’t.

9 Tips On How To Break Up With Someone Long Distance

1. Be sure about your decision

If you want to end a long-distance relationship, first, be sure about your decision first. It should be something you have thought through well because a lot of things could cause friction in a relationship of this nature. Sometimes, something as little as miscommunication could prompt you to terminate the relationship.

The thing about situations like this is since you can’t see each other face to face, situations can easily be misread. However, if for some reason you both aren’t excited to hear from each other anymore, it probably means that the spark is gone. If you notice that you’ve both stopped scheduling calls, meetups, or fun trips then the relationship is probably already of its tracks.

2. Talk it over with someone

Running your thoughts by someone else could help you see things from another angle or could make you see things clearly. It would also be helpful if you spoke to a friend who has been in a long-distance relationship before. 

Talk it over with someone

A person like this could help you confirm or debunk any false conclusions you’ve reached. They may even be able to give you some useful advice on how to break up with him in the most peaceful way and with as little damage as possible.

3. Don’t wait too long

Yes, it’s possible to procrastinate a breakup, stalling, hoping that somehow everything will get better on its own is one of the worst ways to handle ending things. Procrastinating a breakup is never right, and could get really toxic and unhealthy for you. 

After you have thought things through and spoken to some trusted friends or family, your next step should be to schedule a conversation with your soon to be ex. Give your partner the opportunity to figure out that things are not the same. One week is enough to set the long-distance breakup plans in full swing. 

Your partner would know by this time that things have changed, so it’ll be easier to break the news.

4. Give him a heads up

Even in person, it's quite hard to prepare your soon-to-be-ex for a breakup conversation. Nevertheless, it's always best to let him know that there’s some not-very-pleasant news coming his way. Doing this would help him prepare himself for what would be discussed. 

If you’re familiar with his schedule, it's best to plan the conversation for when he doesn't have any major events coming up. If you’re not very sure of his schedule, then wait till the evening when he’s back from work and more relaxed.

You could send him a text or DM letting him know that you’d like to have an important discussion related to the relationship. Tell him to call you back when he’s free and available, this will help him process what may happen.

5. Make a video or audio call

If you want to break up long-distance, it’s better to video chat with him, don’t send him a text. For a long-distance relationship, calling him via a video chat app is better than sending a text message or an email. It's the closest thing to a face to face conversation.

Make a video or audio call

 A video call also gives him the courtesy of your full presence and attention, presenting him with the opportunity to say his bit and perhaps even gain some form of closure afterward. If you feel like an audio call would be swifter, that’s also acceptable. 

6. The conversation

No matter how tense you are, don't rush through the conversation, allow both him and yourself enough time to communicate all your feelings, then talk them through. Explain to him why this is the best decision going forward. It's normal to be uncertain about what exactly to say, so don't panic or try to be overly soulful, it may come off as cheesy or fake.

Make sure everything you say is from the heart, even though it’s a long-distance breakup, it doesn’t have to be rash. If things get really sensitive and emotional, don’t get carried away trying to console him. Briefly let him know how sorry you are and how hurting him was not your motive. 

Stay firm, you don’t want him to emotionally blackmail you. If he begins to get manipulative, quickly end the conversation.

7. Give him time to process everything

For a long-distance breakup, you have to be patient and try to be empathic. Even if you’re very sure that this is the right decision to make, let him say his piece. Don’t cut him off or interrupt him, rather acknowledge his feelings. If the long-distance relationship meant anything to you, you’d try to take things easy.

If he's short of words, give your partner his time, don’t push him to respond immediately. Allow him to process the information he just heard so he can respond sincerely.

However, note that being empathic doesn’t mean you should allow him to play on your emotions, keep mentally reminding yourself why you are having this conversation and stick to it.

8. Stay calm

Ensure that you keep yourself calm, it's perfectly normal to be nervous or a bit scared right before or during a breakup conversation. Keep in mind that you're not the first person to initiate a breakup so doing this doesn’t make you a bad person. Deciding to end things sincerely is most times the best interest of both parties.

Leaving a person hanging, ghosting them, or carrying on with the relationship out of pity would have been worse. If you need to take a deep breath from time to time do so, but make sure that all that needs to be said is said. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

9. Grieve if you need to

No matter who initiates a breakup, both parties still end up hurting most times. Have at the back of your mind that you will have some really sad days or moments and don’t be too hard on yourself. You may want to cry or vent, after all, the relationship was probably important to you. 

Get something that would help reduce stress, if you want, get something like a stress ball, and press it while talking. Once the relationship is over, avoid checking his social media for a while even if you both decided to remain friends. 

Since your breakup is done over the phone, you may not have the same closure that physically walking away from a person gives to you. In this case, you could create your own little breakup ritual to make the event seem more tangible. 

You could light a candle and say a few words to signify the death and funeral of the relationship, then blow it out and do a little dance or go out with some friends. Once you feel better, don’t feel guilty about starting a new relationship with someone else. 

FAQs

How do you know when to break up long distance?

When you’re in a relationship you tend to feel a closeness or connection to a person, whether you both are in close proximity or not. The moment you start feeling distant, something is most likely wrong. If you've spoken to him about it and he seems nonchalant, then it's probably time to terminate the relationship. 

Is distance a reason to break up?  

Yes, distance can be a deal-breaker for some people but it's hardly ever the sole reason for a breakup. Most times there are underlying reasons like a lack of proper communication or an inability to meet each other's emotional needs.

Should I break up with my long distance partner?

Relationships are hard work, but when distance comes into play it can be a real struggle. Nonetheless, they’re not impossible, if you both are ready to make an effort, you can make it work. However, if at any point you notice that it's making you unhappy it's best to end things

Should I break up with my long distance girlfriend?

This depends on the severity of your problems. If you’ve been in this relationship for a long time and things just got rocky, it's best to hang in there and try to sort things out. On the other hand, if there are bigger issues like fidelity, security, or verbal abuse, then it's best to end the relationship.

What percentage of long distance relationships break up?

Statistically speaking, long-distance relationships have a sixty percent success rate. This means that 40% end in a breakup. Some studies have shown that long-distance relationships last for an average of four and a half months. 

In Conclusion

Did you find this article helpful? Remember, long-distance relationships take lots of effort to be successful if at any point you are unhappy, it's not a crime to end things. If you enjoyed this write up please be sure to write your comments below and share it with your friends also. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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