Are you wondering what men actually want in a romantic partner?
Perhaps you’re confused as to why you haven’t found a boyfriend yet, and are wondering what you’re missing?
If so, you’re in the right place. This guide lists 34 traits in a woman that drive men wild.
But, before we dive into them, it’s important for you to read the following story carefully.
I was in a situation where it felt like I had it all, yet men would never want to keep me around.
I was only ever seen as ‘a bit of fun’ and it felt like my dream of starting a family would never come true.
Worst of all, I didn’t know what was wrong with me!
Maybe that sounds relatable? Well, that’s why I want to share how everything changed…
My fortunes shifted when I began to read about a little-known aspect of male psychology called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’.
This is a deeply-embedded primal mindset, which can trigger emotional bonds and feelings of devotion when activated.
Needless to say, I was desperate to learn how to activate it.
This skill can be the difference between being seen as ‘a bit of fun’ or as an obsession (read my personal story to learn more about what happened).
It’s actually pretty easy to activate a man’s ‘Hero’s Instinct’, although few people seem to understand how it works.
That’s why you won’t see it mentioned in lists like the one below.
If you’re interested in making a lasting impression on the men you meet, it’s in your best interests to discover how I learned about the Hero’s Instinct.
Then, if you wish, you can browse our list of other traits that men look for in a woman.
I know I take on a lot at home because I want to and I enjoy being there for my man. If he's happy I'm happy. Giving your man what he wants is a responsibility that you should look forward to. You fell in love with him because you saw a happy contented person. This is the person you still want him to be. You just need to listen to him and together you will be a stronger couple who can deal with all that life has to offer you.
Table of Contents
The reason a man wants a good wife is because he can rest assured in the knowledge that you will always be there for him. He should feel proud of you for giving him a settled lifestyle, which he adores. A good wife is there for him through thick and thin. She gives him all of the love he craves. She sorts out all the mundane chores that go hand in hand with running a home. Traditionally the man would go out to work and the woman would stay at home where she will keep everything running along like clockwork. We live in a different era now where men and women are equal partners and share chores and problems together.
Men want organisation and I don't blame them. Nobody wants to come home to a messy house. He will want everything to be neat and tidy and trust me when I tell you that your man will be happier if everything has a place in the home. It's not just about the house interior neither; it's about not letting the paperwork build up to such an extent those important documents are lost or overlooked. When everything is organised life can be lived. It's impossible to live life happily if you are knee deep in mess and appointments are missed just because up you couldn't be bothered, and the stack of ironing that seems to build up so quickly needs sorting. My advice would be to take a deep breath and throw yourself into it with gusto. The end result of peace and harmony between you will be worth it.
Men want adventure and I think that's great. Having an adventure is exciting and will give you loads to talk about and discuss. Let your man’s adventurous side come out and he will love you all the more because you haven't tried to stop him. In fact all of the encouragement you give him will be very much appreciated. If he wants an adventure then you should do everything in your power to give him that adventure. Let yourself get caught up in his enthusiasm and share the adventure with him. Be light-hearted and go all out to help and support him in his adventure. You're not just there to go along for the ride; you're there to go on the ride with him. Enjoy yourselves and give yourselves memories that will last a lifetime.
Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.
Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!
Men want home cooked food because it shows them you care enough not to take the easy option by buying ready meals. Home cooked food is cooked from scratch using fresh ingredients. The fact that you care about his health and want to give him a nutritionally balanced meal with loads of vitamins and nutrients means you want him to know he is precious to you. There is nothing more fulfilling than to sit down together over a home cooked meal and discuss the different things that have happened to you both throughout the day. Home cooked food creates a feeling of wellbeing. Your man will know he has eaten well and will really appreciate the fact that you may have gone to a lot of trouble to get the meal on the table for him. It's these homely touches that bring a couple closer together.
Men want a clean house because they want to sit down and relax. It is impossible to relax when there are dishes in the sink, or the dust is piling up on the sideboard. He will be on edge in case friends or relatives decide to call around to pay you a visit. He wouldn't want them to walk into a dirty house. It would make you both look lazy and nobody wants to be thought of as lazy. You can't possibly kiss and cuddle while all around you the place is looking like a dump. You need to get on top of it and get it sorted. You need to create a lovely ambience that is clean, warm and welcoming. Showing you care how your house looks means that he will know you have pride and respect for him as well as yourself.
My man loves to talk. Sometimes he talks to me about technical jargon and I haven't got a clue what he's talking about! But the fact that I'm listening is the thing that really matters. If he's got something he wants to discuss, it’s great if you could be interested. All the snippets of discussion or all of the in depth views can be listened to and reacted upon. You will share that special feeling of closeness because you talk to each other about all kinds of different subjects. You will learn from each other the different aspects and viewpoints of your own individual lives and backgrounds. You will learn what it is that you both want from the future. You will laugh together throughout your conversations, sometimes you will cry together when talking about something that has upset you, but all of the time spent talking will be time spent together. That can only be a good thing.
Men love gadgets, I don't why this is the case but it most definitely is. He'll come through the front door telling you about this or that friend who's trying out a new hobby. For instance it could be making home brew beer. He will want you to be as enthusiastic about the hobby as he is. Put on a brave face and go along with the scheme. He will love you for it. He drags you down to the home brew shop and he buys the whole home brew kit. You are going to have to grin and bear it and when he asks your opinion on what beer you think he should buy, you are going to have to read the labels and help him choose. We all know how it's going to end. The home brew kit will end up at the local car boot sale, but at least you went along with it which he obviously would have appreciated throughout his time being a home brewer.
Men want friends because there is no way we us women will ever understand some of the things that get talked about down at the pub. When men are with their friends it really is a case of ‘men are from Mars and women are from Venus’. We are a million miles away from what a friend can offer our man. But what we can do is let them have some fun and friendship, and try to understand that we don't understand them at all. Live and let live is my motto, and this approach definitely works. The minute you say “I don't want you to go out with your friends tonight”, is the minute he'll run out the door. He knows he's doing no harm and he wants you to understand that too. There is nothing worse than a nagging clingy wife who can't let her man out of her sight. Give him a break and let him have a life. He will love and appreciate you much more if you can be fair. Don't forget this works both ways and you can see your friends and live your life too.
Men want harmony because there is no greater gift in life than peace of mind. If you can create peace of mind you have created a sanctuary for you both to live in. Imagine how fantastic it would be to come home and not have any worries. A home where calmness and peace are at its very heart. Your man will love this harmonious home. He will feel that it is a home where he can be himself. A home where you can shut yourselves away from the outside world for a few hours and enjoy each other's company. There wouldn't be any arguments because everything is as it should be. We can all have this dream home life. We all deserve to live the dream.
Men want peace of mind because the holy grail of wellbeing is knowing you've done the right thing. Making the right decisions together and knowing you've done everything in your power to achieve a positive fair result will give you both peace of mind. Peace of mind is a mental state that will bring tranquillity into your lives. Men want peace of mind because they may have had a stressful day at work. They may have made a decision that they are unsure about. By discussing together the implications of the decision he will come to realise that it was after all the right decision and he was right to make it. Life can be full of surprises that have to be dealt with and knowing you've dealt with them in the correct manner will give you that feeling of peace of mind.
Men want a woman with a good personality because they know when they introduce you to their friends and family they will know that you will all get along and you will always say the right thing. It would be great if you could make him laugh, you don't have to tell him a joke to make him laugh you just need to be yourself and let some of your daftness out. He will laugh at your antics and this will bring you closer together because he will know you are relaxed in his company. To have a nice caring personality is especially endearing to a man. He will know that no matter what happens you will take care of the people around you. He will love your beautiful nature and he will be proud of you.
Men want a cuddle because they need to feel contact. It reinforces them that they are loved because touch is everything. We all know that the tiniest of touches that means you are ok is worth its weight in gold. But never forget your man feels the same way too. It can be too easy to fall out of the habit of touch, maybe you've spent the evening working on the home computer and don't realise that just a passing cuddle is enough so long as it's meant with love. Human touch is a very natural thing, but somehow we've forgotten how and when to show our emotion. Get back to your more earthly self and embrace your man with open arms.
Men want independence because they want to stay true to themselves. It is impossible to live a decent happy life when you are restricted in any way. Moving around freely and in comfort is what he was born to do. Independence for your man means that he can make decisions without having to consult you every minute of the day. It means that at the drop of a hat he can say yes to someone's request without having to worry about the consequences. Men want independence because they don't want to hang on to your coat tails while letting you do the entire decision making. They want to move freely without question and if they can do this they will fall in love with your open and trustworthy attitude.
Men want a woman to have a sense of humour because laughter is a great anecdote to the busy and stressful lives we sometimes have to deal with. If you can make each other laugh it will bring you even closer together. Having a sense of humour isn't just about telling jokes or listening to him tell a joke it's about having eye contact and knowing that you both find a certain situation funny. It's absolutely hilarious when you both find something amusing and try to explain to others what it is exactly that's got you both giggling like school children. Sometimes there is no answer to all the giggling but when you both start you just can't stop. It's really lovely when you can laugh together; it brings you so much closer. The shared funny moments will also give you something to talk about later when you discuss the thing that it was that set you both off laughing.
Men want a woman to have an appealing character because they will want other people to see in you what they see. They are proud of you and they want the world to know it. A man will love it if people say “isn't your girlfriend lovely; she's got a lovely character”. It means that you have a heart and people know they can come to you for help or advice. They know that you wouldn't pass them by in the street without saying hello and asking about them. Basically having an appealing character means that you are a nice person that your man will love. You are the type of person who looks after everyone and everything with a smile on your face. People like to be around you and this makes your man happy because conflict and bad feelings will not be a part of his life.
Men want romance because being in love is the best feeling in the world. When he invites you out for a meal it means he wants to spend time with you and enjoy your company in a romantic setting. When he buys you flowers it's because he loves the romance of the courtship. The thrill he feels in his heart when you walk into a room and smile across to him. A simple walk in the park becomes something much more special when you walk hand in hand. The closeness and romance of the walk brings you even closer together. The mystery of the romance when he asks you to choose a special location for a date. The excitement of the romance when you can both discover more about yourselves. Never assume it's always the woman who wants romance because that simply isn't true. Men like romance too.
Men want to be the hero because by their very nature they want to protect you. Ever since time began men have seen themselves as the protective hero. The hero who can make everything and everybody feel safe. The hero who can make bad things go away. When you go to the cinema together and are watching a scary movie, he will want to put his arm around you to take some of your fear away. Men have always traditionally been brought up to be the hero. Their role in life seems to be to take care of their loved ones and to make sure no harm comes to them. Men like being the hero, it gives them a feeling of self-worth and that is a very good feeling to have.
Men want support because they don't want to go through life carrying the heavy burden of responsibility. If you can support your man and share the responsibilities you will be well on your way to a happy and loving relationship. You can support your man in a great number of ways. You can support him by sharing problems and finding solutions. Being there for him when things aren't going his way. Helping him when he is worried about things. You can support him by listening to him and supporting him throughout any ordeals he may be facing. Facing up to problems together is a great way of showing support. Your man will love it that you are there for him, helping and supporting him. Showing him you care what happens to him.
Men want communication because they want to be well informed about all that's going on around them. Enjoy having your dinner together while you tell each about your day. Talking about everyday things is a brilliant form of communication. You will want to hear what he has to say and likewise he will want to hear what you've got to say. He might not understand what kind of mood you're in, whether you are happy or whether you are sad or worried. By communicating with him all the time he won't have to second guess what is going on because you will be talking to him about your feelings and thoughts. There should be no secrets because secrets are like big black clouds hanging over you both. By communicating about something that isn't so easy to say means that you trust him to keep your confidences to himself.
A man wants a confident woman because your confidence will give him confidence. If you walk into a room feeling shy he knows that he will have to be the one to do the all talking for both of you. If you walk into the room feeling confident it means you can be equal to him and you can both share the talking together. This will take the burden from his shoulders and he can relax knowing that he hasn't got to be the life and soul of the party. I know from some of my nights out that when I'm feeling confident the night will flow with great ease and everybody enjoys the relaxed atmosphere. Sometimes though I must admit I haven't felt so confident and you can easily tell that things don't flow so smoothly, perhaps I’ve tried too hard to overcome the lack of confidence and what happens instead is that I've lost some of the strength of my character and that has affected the atmosphere. So take my advice and put a smile on your face and act confidently.
Men want to be successful because success is seen as the main goal in life. To have the big house, the fast car, the wallet full of money. These are all signs of success and everyman wants to enjoy success because along with success comes power. If you can understand his need for success he will look to you as a strong ally. You'll be there for him as he tries to be as good as he can be. You'll work through all the things he needs to achieve the level of success he wants. It would be fantastic if you could share the success with him, knowing you’ve done everything you can for him will be very much appreciated. You know the saying ‘when the going gets tough, the tough get going’ be tough for him and recognise his need for success and you will both reach your goals.
Men want loyalty because this more than anything will show him that you love him. There are many temptations out there in the big world. You must not give in to those temptations. It will ruin your relationship because once the trust has gone it is very difficult to get that trust back. He liked you the moment he laid eyes on you, he thought you looked beautiful and to top it all when he spoke to you he found you to have a really nice personality. The problem is that if he thinks you look beautiful other men will also think you look beautiful. You will be approached by different men, who probably find you equally attractive as your boyfriend does. If any of these men ask you to go on a date with them you must refuse. You already have a man and if you want to keep your man you will want to stay loyal to him.
Men want understanding because they don't want to go through the rest of their life explaining their motives or actions. Don't get to the point where when he says its black you say it's white, you may not agree with everything he says or does, but picking him up on everything he says would be incredibly frustrating for him. When he says he's going out for a game of golf, be understanding and tell him you hope he has a good game. Tell him you'll look forward to seeing him when he comes home later. Be understanding to what he wants and you yourself will enjoy a peaceful existence. If you start putting obstacles in his way he will start to resent you. You need to be understanding so that you can both live in harmony.
Men want fidelity because without it you really haven't got a relationship to share. Instead what you've got is a relationship with others sharing in it as well. You can never be close to one another without fidelity because nothing will be sacred to you. You won't have an honest relationship. You won't have a loving relationship because how can you say you love him when you're cheating on him. I don't care how much of a temptation you find it to sleep with another man, you absolutely cannot do it. Not only will you lose him you will also lose a piece of yourself. Not only will your man disrespect you, you will not respect yourself. If you love him and you want your relationship to work then fidelity is the one thing that you can't let go of.
A man wants a woman to be spontaneous because he wants you to enjoy the adventure you're on together. He wants you both to live life to the full, so when he says let’s do this or let's do that he will love it when you respond positively. He might wake up one day and want to go surfing, you've never been surfing but you are totally up for it. He will love it that you can be as spontaneous as he is. Your relationship together will know no bounds because whatever comes into your heads you will react upon. How great for you both that you can trust each other and have faith in each other to go on an adventure together at a moment’s notice. Life is for living and I know when you are spontaneous and open to suggestions your life will be full and happy.
A man wants a woman who can compromise because there shouldn't be a dictatorial attitude to any loving relationship. He won't want you to dictate his every move; likewise you would find it difficult if he were to tell you what to do all of the time. Sometimes you will both want different things and will both have to talk and discuss what might be the best outcome. One of you will have to compromise because one of you will have a stronger reason as to why things should move in a particular direction. If you can show compromise you are both guaranteed to always come to the right solution at the right time that will benefit both of you. Showing you know how to compromise will show him that you are prepared to listen and change.
A man wants a woman who is caring because if she is caring it shows that she is a nice person and he could have a happy life with her. He will love it when you ask how he is or how his day at work has gone. He will love it that you care that his friends and family are all ok. When you make him his favourite meal he will love it that you care enough about him to cook for him. It's the simple things that show you are caring, like running him to work because his train has been delayed or looking after some of the household chores so that he can relax. He will never have to worry when things don't go his way because he knows you will be there for him caring about how he is and how you can help.
A man wants a woman who is funny because he likes to be entertained. You make a daft comment about something you've seen on television and he laughs his head off because it's funny. Everybody likes to laugh; it lets the pressure out that you might be feeling. A man will love it when a woman can see the funny side of things. It's very satisfying to be in a relationship where there is no stress because laughter is always there in the background. Maybe he says something interesting and you respond by pulling funny faces at him. He will find this highly amusing and the fact that you can make him laugh just by pulling a daft face will give you both a happy and loving environment to live in.
A man wants a woman who takes care of her appearance because it wouldn't be very nice for him to have to live with someone who is scruffy and smells. So my advice to you is keep looking and smelling nice. I know a lady who keeps herself immaculate every day. She gets up and has a shower, she gets dressed in nice clothes and she dabs a bit of perfume on. She always wears her best jewellery and she oozes confidence. It will come of no surprise to you to learn that her man totally admires and adores her. He does everything for her; he runs the errands, he cleans up, and he does the shopping. The reason he does all of this is because he appreciates her and wants her to know that her efforts are much loved. If you would like to have this effect on your man I suggest you do what she does and look and smell nice every single day.
A man wants a woman to be strong because her strength will drive his strength and together they can achieve a lot of things. A woman can be strong in many ways. She can be strong when it comes to lifting; by using leverage a woman can lift most things. A woman can be strong when it comes to dealing with problems; she will look at all aspects of the problem and eventually find a solution. A woman can be strong when it comes to making decisions, sometimes when nobody else will make a difficult decision, she will be strong and make that difficult decision. These are just some of the examples of a woman being strong. When a woman shows strength she is showing her man that she can cope. If she can cope with whatever situation she finds herself her in, it shows him that he can get on with his own life with peace of mind knowing that she will be ok.
A man wants a woman with a maternal instinct because he will know that if they were to have children she would be a good mother. A woman who has a maternal instinct is a blessing to a man. Not only does he know she will look after their children with love, he will also know that she will look after him as well. A lot of men like to be mothered. They have been used to being looked after by their own mothers for their whole life and they want this feeling to continue. It's quite nice as a woman to be thought of as maternal, it means that the people around you admire you for having such a lovely quality.
Men want praise because deep down they have the same insecurities as everybody else. When you praise your man you are giving him confidence. He will love you for giving him this confidence. Maybe he's never had anybody to praise him before and so the feeling that your praise gives him will build up a rapport between you that you can both thrive on. My advice for you is to praise him as often as you can. Try building a bond between you that is based on appreciation of each other's skills, a bond that will see you through many happy years because you praised each other all along the way.
Men want respect. They want to hold their head up high and walk tall along the road. They want you to recognise that they are there for you through thick and thin. Showing your respect for him is showing him that you love and appreciate him for being there for you. It's easy to show respect, you just have to recognise the things that he does for you and tell him how much you admire his efforts.
Men want to feel a sexual connection because they love the thrill of what that connection might bring. You fall in love with each other because you both felt a powerful sexual chemistry pass between you. It's a sexual connection that is as powerful today as it was when you first met. It's a connection that keeps you both feeling loved and wanted.
Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.
Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!