When you meet ‘the one’ you just know right? So why waste time playing it cool? After all, life is short and you should live it to the full. Well, the problem is that life is not a set of clichés.
Table of Contents
You may think you are in love but how can you possibly know after only a few weeks or even months? I know it is easy during the honeymoon stages of a new romance to be swept away by intense feelings. However, there is a danger you could be moving too fast in your relationship.
Of course, there are always exceptions. Perhaps you can probably name friends that met and married their partner within months and are still together years later. All I can say is that they were very lucky.
However, if your friends and family members are voicing concern over the speed of your relationship, then perhaps you are moving too fast. There are good reasons why you should take things slowly at the start of a new relationship.
You need time to process your emotions. It is good to step back from the situation from time to time to assess how it is going. Are your needs being fulfilled? Do you have the same goals and aspirations? What are your political leanings? Do you share the same values and beliefs?
You may think that these things don’t matter when you are in love, but believe me, they do.
When we meet someone new we are on our best behaviour. It’s natural. We want to impress this new person (or at least not show ourselves up).
The reason that we are on our best behaviour is that we want this person to think we are a good match for them. We want them to commit to us. Men may use charm and chivalrous behaviour to mask their jealous nature.
My point is, you have to spend a decent amount of time with someone. Only then do they let their guard down. You’ll begin to see signs of their true personality.
When you have been dumped you feel devastated. You are grieving for a lost future. Even if you were the one who ended the relationship; you have to adjust to life as a single person.
It can be tempting to speed straight into another one. You want an instant replacement. You don’t want to be on your own. It doesn’t matter who the person is.
The problem with back-to-back relationships is that you don’t have time to heal. How can you analyse what went wrong if you never have the chance to stop for a moment?
When we don’t have a lot of information about something we try and fill in the dots. It’s the same with people, except for one thing – if we like them we tend to give them qualities we want in a partner.
We add desirable traits and characteristics to these people because that is what we are looking for in a person. Of course, this is dangerous. You are building an image that could be completely contradictory. You can only get to know the real person by interacting with them.
Meeting the parents is undoubtedly an important step to take. Usually, in a healthy relationship, the couple has spent quality time getting to know one another. This can take anything from three to six months.
Alarms should be sounding loud and clear if you are a couple of weeks into dating and you have already been invited to Sunday lunch with relatives.
Sometimes we become overwhelmed with the desire to spend time with this exciting new person we have just met. That’s perfectly understandable. Then again, we are adults, not teenagers in the grip of an adolescent crush.
We have friends and family members and if we’ve made plans to see them we should honour these plans.
There is another side to cutting off contact from your friends and it is a serious sign of control. In order to isolate a partner, some people limit time with close friends and family members. This is so that they can hide abusive behaviour and the partner has no one to talk to.
One of the signs that a new relationship is moving too quickly is the speed of when those three little words are first uttered. Usually, it takes a good few months for couples to feel confident enough to say 'I love you'.
If you and your love interest are littering your conversation with declarations of love every other sentence then take this as a sign. Your relationship is moving way too quickly.
Love-bombing is a technique used by manipulative personalities to woo and romance you into a relationship. It usually signifies they are hiding their true intent.
You often find love-bombing in cases where a person has been a victim of financial fraud. The victim, typically a woman, has been swept off her feet by a charming suitor who appears to be her perfect match.
Then, after she has fallen for him there will be a sudden emergency and he’ll need cash, which she will only be too willing to provide. He disappears and she realises she has been conned.
Texting is a great way to get to know someone, however, professing undying love when you have never met is unrealistic.
Many relationships start off on social media and continue via texts. However, there is a huge difference between reading words on a screen and interacting in real life.
You may think you have found the love of your life but until you actually meet them you will never know.
Honesty is always the best policy, however, you wouldn’t tell a stranger on the bus your most intimate secrets. Why would you feel the need to open up on a first or second date? Just because you clicked with this person online doesn’t mean you can trust them for the rest of your life.
Trust is earned, not given. It doesn’t matter how you feel at this present moment. Think back to a past boyfriend or girlfriend. Would you be happy to send them a nude picture of yourself now? I think not.
We all need space for ourselves. It is not healthy to spend every waking hour with the same person day in day out. Even married couples have separate interests so that when they come together they have something to talk about.
The healthiest kind of relationship is one where two people have independent lives that then converge and complement. Unhealthy ones live in one another’s pockets.
While it is natural to have a lot of sex at the start of a new relationship, sex shouldn’t be all the relationship is about. Do you ever stop and just talk to one another? How will you ever get to really know this person otherwise?
It is essential to go out and experience other things with your partner. For example, do fun activities that show a different side to them.
A friend of mine dated a guy for two weeks and then moved in with him. We all thought she was crazy. She, on the other hand, was convinced she had found her soulmate. He wasn’t her soulmate.
It turned out he had irritating habits that she only found out about after she had moved in. One was a complete lack of hygiene. It takes time to get to know someone. Avoid making any life-changing decisions during the honeymoon phase of your relationship.
Putting up with bad behaviour is a sign you need to slow things down. Perhaps the idea of being alone is making you speed this relationship along. Maybe you suffer from low self-esteem and this is why you’re ignoring warning signs from a partner.
Either way, it is important to consider your needs when you start a new relationship. If you are constantly allowing your partner to cross certain lines out of fear of being alone then slow down the pace.
Relationships are organic, they follow set patterns and should move at a natural pace. There are exceptions to any behavioural rules of course. But it is important to note that these are exceptions to most people’s experiences. Whilst you might want to move quickly to the next stage, it is wise to keep things moving at a sensible pace.
Spending every waking moment with your partner, meeting their parents within a couple of weeks, getting engaged or moving in together are all signs of moving too fast. Not seeing your friends or family, constantly texting or calling are also reasons to be worried.
Take a step back to look at your relationship objectively. Ask for advice from people in your inner circle. Spend more time with your family and friends. Stop checking your phone for texts and calls. Go out with friends or vacation with friends. Begin to ease back on the amount of time spent with your partner.
The problem with a relationship that has started quickly is that you haven’t had the chance to make deep and meaningful connections. So when things begin to go wrong you have no strong ties to this person. You can fall out of love as quickly as you fell in love.
If they tell you they love you but you know they hardly know you. They want to meet your close friends and family. Someone that wants to be with you all the time or needs to know where you are is moving too fast. Also, be wary if they book a holiday way into the future with you, or talk about moving in together when you have only been dating for a few weeks.
It is easy to get caught up in the fun of a new relationship and want to speed all those happy feelings along. It is far better to take your time and get to know someone. Build a healthy foundation first. Then you’ll know your relationship is moving in the right direction.