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How To Restart A Relationship (17 Vital Tips)

by Sonya Schwartz

Dealing with a fresh breakup can be daunting. Studies show that breakups are tougher on men than women. This is because if they happen to be depressed while in relationships, men tend to consult their wives. Imagine, for instance, a man going through depression as a result of a breakup and pressure, he is used to consulting his wife or perhaps girlfriend, he would want a relationship to reset.

Imagine going from one dating app or site to another looking for another woman to find the correct vibe with. You’ll want to know if you are compatible. This seems like a very long process especially when you still have feelings for your ex. You would rather want nothing to do with that long formality, but to find ways of getting back to your ex.

Time travel is a reality only in movies, and never in real life. It is times like these you wish you can turn back the hands of time to do things right so that you can get back to his/her arms because you miss them. Well, fortunately, if you are willing to work for it, you can push the reset button to redeem yourself in the eyes of your ex.

Here are some tips on how to restart a relationship.

17 Tips To Restart A Relationship

1. Be a friend

Before you two began dating, you were friends, and that's how your ex got to be your partner. You want to reset the relationship, one of the tips involved is to be a friend. Let your ex understand through your actions or words that, even though you two are no longer an item, you can be his or her friend.

That is how you gain trust. According to a relationship expert, most people who break up with their exes, yet still, love them and want a relationship reset have to note that the old relationship is dead and gone. A relationship reset means a new relationship, so you ought to begin to win him/her all over again.

Also, don't expect your ex to be friends with you as they may be hurt from the break-up, but be a friend. When you are given a cold stare, smile fairly. When you are given cheeky answers, steer the conversation in a good-natured way. 

Do not lose your cool no matter how provoked. He/she will realize the changes that have happened with you, and this will clearly send a message that you really want to reset the relationship.

2. Gain their respect

Gain their respect

Respect is basic human courtesy and essential in all relationships. However, it is easy to be disrespected by someone because you had a fall out with them in the relationship. This may be out of familiarity or out of disappointment. All good relationships are founded on respect. 

Respect builds attraction. Therefore, in order to pursue your ex again, consider being respectful as you punch in the reset button. If you want to gain respect, you ought to respect. Your partner would have no option other than to follow your steps.

3. Clear intentions

You should be very clear about your intentions. You want a relationship reset, but you are not being clear about your intentions. For instance, you are a man pursuing your ex-girlfriend. You still love her and want a relationship reset, but you are being the typical nice guy in the neighborhood, being nice and friendly and kind. 

She will remain closed off to you because you are not being clear about what you want. One of the many ways you can be clear about your intentions is to talk about what went wrong in the previous relationship, and let him/her know you want a new relationship. Being clear about your intentions helps you to know where your ex stands, especially where a relationship reset is concerned.

If he/she still loves you, they would support you and make things easier for you because you both have common goals.

4. Talk about it

It is important that emphasis be placed on the role communication plays in every relationship. Communication is at the core foundation of every good relationship.  It is even more necessary when you want to reset your relationship with your ex. You will have to talk to your ex-partner, hear from their perspective, know what you did wrong, or what happened to you two. 

For instance, you are a lady and you didn't have the same plans as your partner. But you have decided that you will settle with your boyfriend for life. Let him know about the changes you have made for your life and how it affects him. If he still loves you, he will appreciate the conversation you had with him.

5. Apologize

Learn to apologize. Give up your need to always be right and apologize where you have been found wanting. If you want a reset relationship, you will have to put aside pride and ego. It is really not a competition, neither are you two in court. Couples in good relationships apologize and forgive a lot. Focus on the main problems at hand and do the right thing accordingly.

There also may be a chance where you are not the guilty party, learn to forgive your ex, begin to heal, and eventually get back together.

6. Take responsibility

Maturity is all about avoiding the blame game. Where you happen to be wrong, take responsibility for the wrongs you have committed and endeavor to make the available changes. That’s how relationships progress. It's been said that stupidity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.

So, it is quite clear that something went wrong in the previous relationship. If you venture to enter a new one with that same ex, take responsibility for the part you played which ended in the break-up. Learn from it and do better.

7. Be honest

There is an old saying that: "Honesty is the best policy". On the surface, while honesty may be difficult and seem like it contributes nothing to the relationship, it solves problems. It is one of the steps to a very strong relationship. Honesty creates room for trust, and where there is trust, couples can thrive in their relationships. 

8. Try to reignite feelings

Try to reignite feelings

Remember how at the beginning of the relationship, your partner used to react to your touch and intimate acts. Now, it seems not to be the case anymore. This is because the spark may be gradually going away. Reactivate those feelings he/she had for you when you were in a relationship. So, ask yourself the necessary questions: what can I do to endear my ex to me?

How can I reignite those feelings he/she used to have for me? What is his/her love language? The answers to these questions will provide ways and means to make that reigniting possible. Also, remember that you both have been in a relationship together before. That is an advantage you can use to your benefit.

9. Acknowledge boundaries

In all relationships, there are boundaries. No matter how loose or tight, a boundary is a boundary. Don’t expect your ex to just allow you into his/her space. Acknowledge and respect boundaries your ex may have set for you. As time goes on, they will know you are reliable and will loosen up. 

10. Let go

You may have been emotionally hurt while you were in a relationship with your ex, but as you initiate "project reset the relationship", it's quite easy to hold on to the hurt and use it against your ex if anything looks suspicious. Let go of any attempt to talk about the past hurt if, for instance, they forgot to call, honor an invitation, etc. 

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It is understandable that this is a painful process, but you will heal. Life is already a painful journey, without you making it more painful for yourself. You only multiply the problems if you decide not to let go of past incidents and always remind your ex of that hurt you went through. It can be overbearing and spoil the whole connection.

11. Take control

Learn to take control of the conversations you have. Your ex may not want to talk to you after the relationship ended, depending on how it ended. It is quite likely that they have feelings for you, but they want to close up those feelings. Your actions and inactions will say a lot about how interested you are in having a relationship with them.

Once they get the hint and are assured of your interest, they will drop the act and accept you. 

12. Allow space

This is to let you test the waters where your ex is concerned. Try to give them their space once in a while. It will make them a question, why isn't he/ she calling me or texting me anymore? Allowing them space gives them a chance to miss you. Note that the duration of the period in which you do this is very necessary. 

So, allow them their space for 5-7 days, for instance, to miss you. Anything more than that is bound to make them move on and get the impression that you were not serious about them in the first place. Inasmuch as you want them close to you, take some steps back, it will propel you to them in the long run.

13. Take it slowly

Do not try to rush the process. Take it easy and take time to slowly build a relationship. Once your ex is interested, you would get his/her love and support in making things work. It is said that, if you rush, you will crush. All good things take a lot of time to happen, including restarting relationships.

Trying to hurry things up, without the appropriate grieving process and healing journey after the end of an old relationship with the ex, things are bound to take a downward twirl.

14. Plan activities

Plan activities

As you both try to reset the relationship, you two are going to have to start afresh again. You are definitely going to have to go on dates, do things together, have fun, and get to share intimacy between yourselves. This can reignite old feelings buried under the burden of hurt. Since you want to initiate the reset, you ought to be creative.

This is someone you already know, so it should be easy to know what they enjoy most in terms of dates, plan romantic dinners once in a while to intensify the spark between you two.

15. Do not force it

Do not force things. When you try too hard. You might just focus on making it work so much, you will ignore your ex. This will result in problems between you two again, and damage the relationship between you two further. Also, just focus on having a good time with your partner. They may realize what they have missed while you two were separated, and grow attached gradually to you.

You should also realize that if your ex may be accepting of you, there are people in his/her life who may not support the cause. They may discourage him or her.  Your behavior therefore during this time is very necessary. So be kind and understanding when they put up any form of resistance to you.

16. Make time for each other

In trying to reset the relationship, you ought to make time for each other. Every relationship can work if two people are available and willing to make it work. And since you are reigniting the flames from an old relationship, it should be easy enough. You get to skip the shyness and modesty and awkwardness that comes with meeting new people.

17. Go for counseling

It is important for you to go for counseling as a couple to know if there is a problem with you so that you can work on it. Convince your ex to go along with you for therapy sessions so that you two can find the last solutions to problems between you two.  If your ex doesn't want to go with you for those sessions, don't worry. Go alone for it.

You may learn something that you can practice which would benefit the two of you in the long run. When your ex realizes the effort you are putting into making the relationship work, they will help out too.

FAQs

Can you ever restart a relationship?

Yes, you can restart a relationship. Think of it as a wake-up call; a time to rekindle that gradually lost love in the relationship.

How do you start over in a relationship again?

In order to start over in a relationship again, you ought to respect your partner's space, leave the past in the past, communicate, be honest, and consider what matters to your partner and do it. Also, try correcting past mistakes, bring something new to the table, be patient and kind and also be forgiving.

How do you rekindle a broken relationship?

To rekindle a broken relationship, you ought to allow honesty and transparency, be forgiving, and allow your partner to correct his wrong. Also, be kind, spend time with each other, take responsibility where you are wrong, manage your expectations about your partner and have time for yourself too.

How do you know a relationship will last?

A relationship has the potential to last if the couples do the following: are good listeners, are honest about their pasts, celebrate each other's achievements, always support each other, are affectionate to each other, have a common target and argue fair, forgive and move on.

How do you tell if your relationship is broken?

Your relationship is broken if: there is no intimacy, you are always fighting with your partner. Likewise, if there is no trust between you two, you have thoughts of cheating. If you haven't done it already, you spend no time together. And if either or both of you have problems with changes and no communication between the two of you.

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In Summary

In conclusion, it is quite difficult to hit the reset button on a relationship, however, it is achievable with the above tips. While a relationship may go through a rough time, it doesn't mean it should end. Even if it does end and one can reignite the love flames, then why not?

I hope you enjoyed this article. Let me know what you think in the comments section and do not forget to share this piece.

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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