Here is the thing; human beings are naturally judgemental. You are always going to think you can handle situations better than the next person. Or, that you can lead a better life than someone else. Sure, being a judgemental person is beneficial in some cases, but it can kill relationships before they start.
There is this unnecessary air of superiority that comes with negative judgments. This can wreck the dynamics of any relationship. Especially if there are pre-existing self-esteem issues, being judgemental can cause all sorts of havoc.
With that in mind, it is a great idea to reel it in with judgment. So, here are nine ways to be less judgemental in a relationship.
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One major way to stop judging your man is to stop focusing on your differences or the fact that you come from totally different backgrounds. You may find one or ten things that he does weird, but who’s to say he does not find you equally weird? Yes, you are both human, but the ways you were raised and your all-around socialization are completely different.
Once you judge the other person, it is the same thing as saying it's your way or the highway. Meanwhile, everyone had completely different experiences that shaped them. At this point, understanding is key. You will continually see things that are different from what you are accustomed to.
It is your duty to take a step back and understand that not everything you went through is the norm.
I am often curious about the reason judgmental people cannot stand the notion of being judged themselves. Like everyone else, you also have faults. If you can dish negative judgment you should be able to take the same, right? Well, that is mostly not the case. The truth is that once you open that can of worms, you leave yourself vulnerable.
Once you start judging your partner, they will get defensive. When a person gets defensive, whether he is some guy you just met, or your husband, he will poke back.
You may hear some of his unpleasant negative judgments and they will definitely hit too close to home. So, if you are not fond of his biting remarks, it may be time to dial back on your judgmental statements.
At times, you may discover that you are judging him for all the wrong reasons. From the outside, the picture may seem completely clear. But without the full story, you may very well be on the wrong side. Being judgmental may land you in a spot you never anticipated. Even worse, this spot may cost you your entire relationship. Ask yourself this, is it worth it?
They say that there are two sides to every story, and that is completely true in every situation. So, before you dive into being completely judgmental, practice some restraint. You may not know the full story and that is a very dangerous path to tread. With that in mind, it is important to keep judgment at bay.
No one likes to hear this, but whatever negativity you put on others is a reflection of what you feel inside. So, if you are constantly critical, that is a reflection of what you hate the most about yourself. For this reason, you need to work on your triggers.
You may feel like your partner is the opposite of who you are, but perhaps, the truth is that you are more similar than you think. Those specific things you capitalize on, maybe, the same things he finds unsavory in yourself. It sounds counterproductive, right?
Well, that is how most humans are built. We poke at other people’s imperfections in a bid to feel better about ourselves. So, before you point to that trait that irks you, it may be time to look inwards and identify your trigger points.
Relationships are based on a certain amount of give-and-take. Some would even argue that they are wholly based on a give-and-take transaction. The thing with being judgmental is that it can alienate the other person instantaneously or over time. Remember when I said that judging your man gives him more room to judge you.
You folks may end up experiencing this whole judgment back and forth which will, in turn, alienate you. Your partner may start to hide things just because it is common practice for you to judge their every move. Once that basic closeness is gone, you are already going down a bumpy road.
Once you let go of all the judgmental expectations you have for your partner you open up a new world. Yes, it is normal to have some sort of standard. But once you expect this person into your personal space, things need to change. I am not asking you to accept everything and anything they throw at you.
Nevertheless, you need to ensure that you do not nitpick at every single thing they do. If you are out to judge every action then everything will trigger you. Even more, this will stop you from getting close to this person that you already love so much. So, for the sake of continuity, you need to reel it in.
Let me put it this way, once you go down the judgemental path it is a slippery slope. You will keep finding more things to judge your partner on. The thing with constant judgment is that it makes you develop this sense of superiority. Today it will start with one issue, then it will move on to the next till the whole thing spirals out of control.
Once you feel that you are better than your man, that is a whole other can of worms. Nothing he does will seem enough for you and your evolving standards. So, if you want to be able to appreciate the big and little things, being judgmental will not help.
Try to be more open-minded about the differences in humanity. The moment you start judging a person, you are setting up yourself for disaster. It starts out with the way he chews, then it graduates to the way he kisses.
The next thing you know, you cannot stand the way he ‘breathes through his nose.’ Like I said earlier, it is a slippery slope. Not to take it too old school, but a little judgment begets more judgment.
Then the next thing you know, you are making statements like ‘he never does anything right.’ A fraction of the time he may be a crappy partner. But the rest of the time, your judgment does not allow you to enjoy the great moments.
No one is perfect. We all have our faults regardless of how developed you feel you are as a person, there is something unsavory about you. Since you are not pristine, you probably should not expect your partner to be the same. Everyone is a work in progress. What do you think you need to become a better person? Encouragement? Understanding? Empathy? Then give your partner the same as you transform together.
Developing empathy is one way to go if the aim is to be less judgmental. You see, if you can empathize with someone then you can understand them better. The moment you decide to put yourself in your partner’s shoes, it will be a lot easier not to pass judgment.
Whether you believe it or not, judgment starts from the inside out. Typically, you use standards you have set for yourself to judge your man. Even more, you may be specifically lashing out at things you identify with that are not particularly pleasant. Negative judgments also come from a place of not feeling adequate.
First, you need to shift your attention from your partner and focus on the situation at hand. Then, you need to learn to be vocal about how the situation makes you feel. Sometimes judgmental people cannot recognize when they are doing it. Point it out to them when things have blown over so they know it was not ideal or well-received.
In simple words, this is when one partner or both try to imprint their standards or values onto the next person. This is mostly because they want them to change to fit a certain image. Even more, it involves expressing the notion that you are better than someone else based on one or more characteristics.
For the most part, it is not alright to judge your partner. Every single day people have to deal with judgment from different facets of their lives. Relationships are supposed to be a safe space. So, being a judgmental person in a relationship can drive your partner into someone else’s arms. Altogether, judgment is a no-no.
Whether it is about hearsay, body count, or their general attitude, judgment in relationships is never healthy. You can be critical of an essay, a treatment and so much more, but your partner will get hurt if you are constantly judgmental.
With that in mind, I hope these reasons are concrete enough to turn a new leaf. I am always open to learning new things, so if you have a different take on the topic feel free to comment below. Also, it would be great to share this article so we can get a whole conversation started.