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High Maintenance Man - How You Can Spot Him?

by Sonya Schwartz

Being able to spot a high-maintenance man before you start a relationship with him can be highly beneficial. It can also be advantageous to know what your high maintenance man is like even when you have been dating him for a while. 

Doing so will help you address any problems that his high maintenance actions may create as well as improve your chances of being able to talk through difficulties that arise as a result of his high maintenance ways.

Here, we look at the signs you are dating a high maintenance man. Not all of the signs are necessary to be seen in the same man but just one or two of them can indicate that he has high maintenance sensibilities and traits.

Contents

Signs You Are Dating A High-maintenance Man

As mentioned, it is not always needed to see all of these below signs for it to mean you are dating a high maintenance guy. However, what is good about being able to identify these signs as traits seen in high maintenance men is that you can more easily address the issues at hand.

1. He takes longer to get ready than you

he takes longer to get ready than you

Men who take longer to get ready than their partner, if that partner is a woman, are often also more high maintenance than other men out there. Those that really take care of their appearance often put heavy importance on how they look, which can take its toll on a relationship at times. 

It means that they do not always have time to be in the moment with you if they are spending so much time getting ready. 

2. Inability to go with the flow

High-maintenance men don’t often know how to go with the flow very easily. They like things ‘just so’ and if some flexibility is needed when a situation arises, they do not always have the skills or resources available to make the most of the circumstances. 

For a relationship, where two people often have two different wants or opinions, this can make it difficult at times. Just remember to work through those issues when they arise. Don’t let them fester. 

3. Checking out their reflection at any opportunity

It’s usually assumed that the woman in a relationship will be the person who looks in the mirror the most. However, for high maintenance men - heterosexual or otherwise - looking in the mirror is something that they will do a lot. 

4. He comments on what you are wearing or look like

Another reason that being in a relationship with her high-maintenance male can be tough at times is when they find a problem with your clothing and appearance or sometimes even your body. This comes from their own issues that they have with their need to look good at all times. 

Knowing this can sometimes make it easier to deal with their comments or actions. But if you have a real problem with them commenting on how you look, be it good or bad, you need to address that issue head-on.

5. There are some places he won’t visit 

A high-maintenance male has very particular ideas on where you should both be seen. For that reason, he will only go to the best shops, bars, and restaurants and he will never design to step foot in a place that he does not think it’s good enough for his custom. 

High-maintenance men will ignore your request to go to a certain spot or location if they believe that it is beneath them. This can be a tiring trait but if you want to avoid any of the subsequent drama, just make plans to go there with someone else.

6. Incredibly attention seeking

Depending on the woman or man involved, dating a high-maintenance male is not a problem even when they want attention all the time. However, some men and women may find this a tiresome characteristic. 

For those that find It tiresome, it can be helpful to know that this action is the result of a lack of self-confidence on the part of the high maintenance person in question. Such reactions are not a reflection of your lack of love or feeling towards your partner, just more than high maintenance men are insecure.

7. He spends a lot of money on clothes 

he spends a lot of money on clothes

One trait that is commonly seen in high-maintenance men is that they spend a lot of time on self-care treatments and attire. Their possessions will often be of a luxurious standard which they believe makes them look the best and feel the best. 

Some may find this difficult to cope with when it leaves less cash at the end of the month to put into savings for the future. However, there is often something that we all will spend more money on. For high-maintenance men, it’s their appearance.

8. He goes to the gym a lot

One form of self-care that many high-maintenance men indulge in is keeping fit and going to the gym a lot so that their body remains looking toned and chiseled. 

Again, this is down to a lack of self-confidence and it is one of the ways that they feel better about themselves. Many of their insecurities they like to take control of and working out is one of the ways they think they can do so.

9. He takes comments about his body badly

It is perhaps no surprise that high-maintenance men who like to go to the gym a lot do not take comments about their body well. Again this comes down to the fact that many high maintenance men are exceptionally insecure. 

So even if you give them a complimentary word about their body, they are likely to be dismissive of your compliment or worse feel that you are lying.

10. Drama seems to follow him around

One of the reasons that high-maintenance men can be difficult to be in relationships with is that drama seems to follow them around and there always seems to be a problem in their life. This comes down to the inflexibility and inability to go with the flow. 

Some may believe that they actually find the drama and it’s not that drama finds them. This need for drama is exceedingly common and one that the partner of high maintenance guys should be aware of before entering into any meaningful partnership with them

11. He often gives you the cold shoulder

As a result of being high maintenance, guys often give their partner the cold shoulder if something has happened in the relationship that has hurt their feelings. Given that they are so insecure, their feelings are easily hurt which can then result in them giving their partner the silent treatment more often than lower maintenance guys would do. 

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When in relationship to high maintenance guys it is good to be aware of this so that you can address the problem by talking them through their hurt feelings.

12. You receive a constant stream of messages from him

A direct implication of being high maintenance means that a guy will often seek your approval and support at all times. As a result, he will often message you a lot. For some people, this will be too much to take and will make a relationship very hard work. 

However, this action is well-meaning and it is just a form of an insecure person checking in with the individual they like to spend time with most in the world.

13. His jealousy streak comes out when you talk to another man

his jealousy streak comes out when you talk to another man

Relationships can be very difficult when one person is consistently getting jealous when their partner is even just talking to another person. In the case of a high-maintenance male, they will find it very hard to see their partner in conversation with another man. 

Again this is a prime example of the type of action that you need to talk through calmly and consistently with your high maintenance man to ensure that the problem does not escalate into a bigger issue. You need to be able to talk to other people without fear of hurting your partner's feelings especially when you have no intention of being unfaithful.

14. OCD behavior is displayed in a spotlessly tidy home

One of the many quirks of a high maintenance guy is his constant need for perfection within his own home. This will often mean that he is spending a lot of his spare time cleaning his house or flat trying to make it look the best it can possibly be. 

For fellow neat freaks this won’t be much of an issue and in fact, will be something of an attractive trait that they look for in another partner. However, for those that are not tidy all the time, it can make life difficult for them for fear of anger in their partner if they are not as tidy as they would like them to be

15. If you leave something out on a surface, he gets really annoyed

As an extension of being a neat and clean freak, a high-maintenance guy will often get annoyed with their partner if they leave anything out on the surface. This can be quite tiring even for the most well-meaning of partners, as it won’t have been done intentionally. 

In fact, your worrying about leaving things out on the surface can actually cause a great deal of anxiety as a well-meaning partner. Both sides of the argument are valid. For the larger issue to be resolved both partners need to be able to see each other’s point of view and come to a resolution that they are both happy with. 

16. He needs to know every detail about a person

Due to having low self-confidence, one of the ways that a high-maintenance person deals with the issue is by needing to know every single detail about a person that they either have met or are due to meet. This can be rather tiresome for some people, especially those who are happy to go with the flow much more. 

However, for a high maintenance guy's partner, it is good to know that this is simply one of the coping mechanisms that help alleviate the anxiety a little when it comes to meeting a new person.

17. If you criticize him, he hits the roof 

One of the problems that arise from being in a relationship with a high maintenance person is the fact that addressing issues can be difficult. Due to the lack of confidence and their insecurities, high-maintenance men often cope by refusing to believe any criticism that is aimed at them. 

Discussing problems to make the partnership work is thus tricky, but it is necessary. Try to stay as calm as possible when you are addressing a certain behavior that does not sit well with you. 

18. He has to decide where you go out

he has to decide where you go out

Much like only ever going to the best places in your town or city, high-maintenance men will not let their partner decide where they go out on a date. This can be fairly upsetting for some people who like to have a say in where they go and what they do. 

However, remember that a lot of the time making such decisions is actually well-meaning. High maintenance men only ever want the best for you and for them and by taking the lead on where you go out they believe they are providing you with a nice lifestyle. 

19. He won’t let you organize a holiday

Similar to having to decide where to go out on dates, high maintenance men also will not let their partner organize any holidays or weekends away. Some partners may find this very limiting especially if their partners once for a holiday or sometimes different to their own needs or requirements. 

However, again, remember that your high maintenance man will be doing this holiday administration with the best intentions at heart. He only ever wants to have the best vacation possible with you.

20. Top-end brands are the only thing he uses 

It is very common for this type of man to only ever use top-end brands in all that they do. This will go for all of their possessions as well as even the food they eat. 

You can expect their apartments to be full of deluxe furnishings and fittings therefore and also expect to only ever be fed or serve the best food and wine at the market has to offer.

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21. Cut-price stores are only ever a place he’ll be seen dead in

It may go without saying that the man who will only ever buy top-end brands will never be seen dead in a cut-price store. 

Even when a well-meaning partner requests their attendance at such a store to buy things for them personally, this type of guy is very unlikely to do so. It’s down to his persona and how he wants people to think of him. Going cut price is often what this type of guy does not want to be associated with.

22. Total inflexibility when it comes to your schedule

One of the common frustrations when going out with such an intense man is that he is totally inflexible on many subjects. For some partners, this will be exceptionally irritating when it comes from an inability to be flexible with their schedules. 

In modern-day life, people in a partnership often have opposing work and family commitments. Sometimes this type of man won’t be able to make allowances for such responsibilities.

23. Sorry seems to be the hardest word for him

As a result of not being able to be criticized without being hurt, this type of man also has a total inability to say they are sorry. Doing so means that they have to accept that they were wrong in any situation that has caused their partner upset. 

If you believe that you are owed an apology, you either have to accept you won’t get one or work through the problem together to come to an agreement.

24. Trying to keep him satisfied is impossible 

trying to keep him satisfied is impossible

It can be extremely upsetting, but one of the downfalls of this character type is the fact that they never seem happy or satisfied with their partner - or any other area of their life. It can be extremely tiring dealing with this, but it is done so in pursuit of high standards. 

25. You have to reply to his emails or messages almost instantly

Along with constantly messaging you to see how you are and to check-in, this character will often require getting a response almost instantaneously. In practice, this is very difficult to do, so find a resolution that works for you both - where you don’t have to message him, and he knows everything is ok. 

26. He always needs a present on every Valentine’s Day or Anniversary

This is something that women are often accused of, but this character type will often need a card and present on every Valentine’s Day and anniversary. Such things are important to them as it demonstrates that their partner is thinking of them at all times

27. Complaints always come before compliments 

Even if you are constantly trying to attain high standards at all times, this man will often be complaining a lot as those high standards are more likely than not never met. Hearing such negative attitudes may not be for everyone but to some partners, they understand the motivation behind that constant complaining. 

28. When a situation isn’t how he imagined, he freaks out if 

That inflexible streak often rears its ugly head when a guy like this is in a situation that does not pan out how he imagined. Again, this can be tiring as a partner is often the person left trying to placate them. 

29. Past issues are never forgotten by him

Finally, the last signal to be aware of is that this intense man will never forget anything that has happened between you in the past. Moving on from problems is therefore difficult - though not impossible. It just takes patience on both sides. 

FAQs

How do you know your boyfriend is high maintenance?

Knowing if your boyfriend is high maintenance or not depends on you keeping an eye on his behavior and every reaction to things in your day-to-day life. All the signs above are signals of a high maintenance man, but not all of them need to be present. 

Do guys like high maintenance?

Some men do like attention-hungry partners as they like the challenge of keeping a person happy in their relationship. Plus they like to feel wanted and as if they are the only person who can make the woman or man they are with happy. 

What does it mean to be emotionally high maintenance?

Emotionally high maintenance means a person is extremely sensitive to any comments or behaviors. It will often mean overreacting to things that others would just let go of. An individual who is emotionally high maintenance is often lacking in confidence too. 

What is a low-maintenance man?

A low-maintenance man is an individual who does not need much attention to be happy in a relationship. Instead, they only need a very small amount of contact with their partner to be happy. They also do not put a lot of importance on appearance. 

Is being high maintenance good?

Being high maintenance is good to a certain extent. It means you expect a certain high standard and demanding it means you have respect for yourself. However, sometimes not going with the flow more can make it difficult to be in a relationship

Being With A High-maintenance Male - Conclusion

High-maintenance men can be troublesome to be in a partnership with. They have such strict ideas and criteria on how anything and everything should be done which can make it tough on the guy or woman they are dating. 

However, it is not all bad. Those high standards are often also wanted for their partner and they always want to give their partner the very best that they can. So while they may need a high amount of contact and interaction, they will also be very likely to reciprocate those actions. 

If you can withstand their foibles, it can make them a great individual to be in a relationship with and one that can easily go the distance too. 

To make things work, relationships with high maintenance men need excellent communication. Communicating with them will often allay their insecurities as well as highlight to them when their reactions are not okay. Doing so early enough on in the situation will help circumnavigate any drama that may have otherwise ensued. 

Communication really is key when in a relationship with high-maintenance men.

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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