You know you’re on your way to becoming Mrs. Penny-pincher if you can’t remember the last time (or just once) your boyfriend (a.k.a Mr. Penny-pincher) picked up the bill on a date; since you started the relationship.
This is, of course, after ruling out that he can afford it but has chosen not to pay. It is the number one telltale sign that your boyfriend is cheap and hates spending money.
This can be frustrating because you are scared to talk to someone about the situation, especially when it comes to money. You probably don’t feel like being called materialistic or vain. It’s like you know there is more to this man.
He is all the other good things in the books, but he doesn’t go out of his trying to make you feel special. Neither does go out of his way to surprise you on special days and this is weighing you down.
I know at this point, you are nodding profusely and you strongly agree with me. If so, these are all warning signs. The truth is, if how you translate love is by receiving gifts, then it’s important. No one can say anything about that. What’s more, it does not make you vain. It’s just what brings you happiness and satisfaction, and these are important issues in relationships.
You have gone this far into this article because you are looking for solutions and how to deal with the entire situation. Not to worry, I will be your fairy Godmother and show you 11 different ways to deal with these types of men.
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Money is forever a tricky topic but it is also a significant part of our lives to not have enough conversation about especially between couples. The importance of conversations can not be overemphasized. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying you can talk the stinginess out of him but no union thrives without sharing.
You need to detect what the exact problem is. You need to find out why this guy has sworn a lifetime oath with frugality. Is he upholding the financial rules of gender equity? Is he trying to pay his credit card debt? Does he just hate the idea of spending money on you?
Be as polite (because although it is your God-given right to be spoilt silly by your boyfriend, it’s still not your money so don’t be rude or “entitled”).
Also, try to be as direct as possible because this man might become your husband and you don’t want to become Mrs. Cheapskate. Rumors have it that she’s still miserable. I know what is on your mind right now is “how do I go about this”. Well, all you have to do is not immediately dive into his penny-pinching ways, tell him about how amazing he is, and support this with one of his amazing qualities. Then insert his frugality and close it up with an amazing quality. Who knows, this might make you both more financially intimate with each other.
What if his being cheap has nothing to do with you? What if it’s not about you? What if it has something to do with his past? What if he came from nothing? What if he has been lavish in the past and he paid dearly for it and now he is on a new path to proper money management? What if he wasn’t born with a silver spoon?
This is why it is important for you to address the issue. Then reason it out and try to be as understanding as possible. Do this while ensuring that although you now know where he is coming from, you both have to reach a middle ground on gift-giving—seeing as it is important to you and your happiness matters.
It’s said that you get back the energy you put out and I am a strong believer in karma. So, if you also believe in karma then try this out. If you don’t, I have ten more options for you to choose from not to worry. If receiving gifts makes you feel loved, then buy him gifts, this might stimulate him to reciprocate with gifts.
It could also be that the reason why he is being a stingy boyfriend is that you are also the stingy girlfriend in his life. So buy your partner a gift, take him out on a date, or an all-expensed trip works. just do what you’d want him to do to you.
If your boyfriend is being cheap and has refused to spend his money on gifts, then spend the money on yourself. Buy yourself the gifts you wish he bought you. Show yourself the nice gestures you wish he showed you.
If taking yourself on a trip is what you expect or want from him, then do it. Don’t waste your time or delay your happiness simply because you expect it from someone. Live life unapologetically and this will motivate him to do much better by you and the relationship.
Sometimes, we need an outside opinion to be sure we are doing what is right or just to generally confirm our thoughts or validate an already established opinion. I know it is scary to talk about this as this can easily make people perceive you as materialistic. But you need another person’s perspective on whether your boyfriend's pattern of behavior is him being frugal or just outright selfish.
Your mum, a close friend, or your therapist are all good options. Tell them exactly how it is. Don’t hide qualities or exaggerate the situation to make you look like the victim. Be fair and honest in your narration and just listen to what they have to say and keep an open mind.
That’s right; the same way you draw up a list of all the things you would like to get before the year runs out, draw up a list about the good and the bad sides of your boyfriend. Not an imaginary list. Write or type it down, then take a long look at the list and think really hard.
Ask yourself, “Is this really an issue?”, “Can I really let this go?”, “When I think back at this five years from now, will this matter?”, “Am I making a big deal out of this situation?”, “Am I begging him for the bare minimum?”. All these questions will resonate with you and help you come to a conclusion on what to do moving forward.
The good book says do unto others what you want them to do to you. Follow this strictly and by heart too. Give him a taste of his own medicine.
If your boyfriend will not take the initiative to buy you flowers simply because he thinks it is a waste of money and does not care about the fact that it means a lot to you, then you have no business buying him coffee or food when you get some for yourself.
I mean, since buying things and being thoughtful is a waste of money, then two can play the game don’t you think? This might make him see how stupid and selfish he is being and change his attitude towards spending and giving generally.
And if it does not change him, that way you have nothing to regret. Also, you are assured that you haven’t wasted both your time and resources.
Find ways to spend money that is fun for both of you. This might encourage him to buy you things more or spend more if he feels like there is something in it for him also. People are willing to spend money or give if they expect a reward in return.
For instance, encourage him to buy you lingerie, so he can get the pleasure of you looking sexy in it and spice up your sex lives. If he is getting this in return, he wouldn’t mind the receipts I promise. Picking up the bill will no longer be a problem. Another way is to ask him to buy you a dress for that work dinner he invited you to.
You read that right, complain harder. Repeat it over and over and over again. Let him know that this is not something you complain about and let go. Let him know what he is doing does not sit right with you. If he does not have nightmares from being too cheap, then you are not doing a very good job of complaining. So again, I repeat—complain harder.
When he drops the excuse of not having enough money, remind him of how much he spent on shoes (which he didn’t need) or how much he spent the last time he hosted “his boys”. Or, just point out an instance he spent money stupidly—money he should have spent on you his baby girl.
It is what it is! You have drawn a list, heard opinions from other people. More so, you have even tried buying gifts for him, just to make him feel indebted to buying you something in return with no positive outcome. What’s more, you have studied his pattern. He is not frugal, he just does not like giving out.
In fact, he bought himself that expensive belt he didn’t need the other day. So, why isn’t he extending the same generosity to you? If he loves you, you should get gifts. You need to see what you mean to him in terms of gifts. It is best to just accept the fact that he is the way it is and changing him will provoke you.
However, do not downplay it. You are not overreacting, it is actually happening. You are in a relationship with a cheap and stingy boyfriend. The most important way to deal with it is by accepting it and not sugar coating the situation.
Stingy men are not givers and will be stingy in every part of a relationship. If you have tried all of the above with no real solution, then it’s time to split. But if you are comfortable with him choosing himself first and constantly neglecting your wants and feelings for the rest of the relationship (or even for the rest of your union), then buckle up sis, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Your boyfriend is not changing now. So, what makes you think he will change later? He has no plan to work on his spending habits and we both know this will only get worse. Wrap it up and get out now sis, you deserve better and you know this.
Don’t handle him at all. I am sure you were not looking cheap when he met you. I am also sure being cheap did not get you to be this amazing woman that caught his attention. You were a full-blown sizzling babe even before he met you, and the only way to keep the sizzling going is to add more sizzles.
You have no business wasting your time with Mr. cheapskate. However, it’s wise to also be aware that his lack of spending might be due to money issues. This is something to keep in mind.
It’s a man who knows that your best colors are money and receiving gifts but acts or pretends to be colorblind. I hope that answers your question.
The truth is, if you don’t know the color of his credit card, he has stinginess instilled in his blood. One thing I know for sure is that you don’t need a degree from the university to identify stingy guys.
Is this man unwilling to share anything? Is he reluctant to part with money? Does he pretend like he cannot hear when you talk about your wants? If your answer to all these is a resounding ‘Yes’. You know that we are dealing with a stingy fella, there is no need to sugarcoat it—he is stingy.
This is like asking if breathing in oxygen is essential. Of course, your boyfriend should spend money on you. I mean you are his baby, he should make you feel loved, you deserve to be pampered and spoilt. What better way to show that he truly adores you if he is not getting you that Dior bag?
The reason why you are both in the relationship in the first place is that you possess qualities that attracted him to you. So, keep being you and so that in the most amazing version of yourself possible. It’s the ‘You’ factor, sis! Nothing more, nothing less. He’ll love you for who you are.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article. I enjoyed writing it too. Dealing with a cheap boyfriend can be draining emotionally and I hope I helped in my own little way. Don’t forget that you are the most important person in your life and your happiness matters a lot. Let me know what you think in the comments and don’t forget to share this article if you liked it.