Whosoever called patience a virtue wasn’t bluffing because it is what keeps relationships going. Patience gives us the understanding that no one is perfect. This idea makes us more willing to stick with an imperfect significant other and grow together in love.
A lot of people have ended good relationships just because they were inpatient, others don’t enjoy their home because this virtue is missing. Maybe it’s because we have a misconception of what love is, we feel it’s strictly a feeling and less of a choice.
Patience and love actually work hand in hand, because the latter is more than a mere feeling, there’s so much more that word entails. Are you one of the many ladies looking for ways to be more patient? Then keep reading, these few pointers should help you.
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No one is perfect, not us, and certainly not our partners. We must learn to understand that everyone is just trying to figure out how to navigate life and its challenges. Perhaps, he has never been in a relationship like yours or with someone like you, so he is still learning.
Appreciate the parts you love about him but accept the part where he falls short. The important take-home here is, you must learn to stop seeing him as the Prince Charming you dreamt about all your life and start seeing him as a human who has committed to be with you.
A majority of the issues people face in relationships result from misunderstandings and can be resolved with honest communication. The resolution doesn’t necessarily mean both parties come to a common agreement. It could also mean both parties agree to disagree because that in itself is a resolution.
Take time to discuss with your partner, share your expectations, goals, and ambition. Listen to them to understand what they mean and don’t assume you know everything. No matter how long you have lived with someone, you can’t guess what’s on their mind.
That should tell you that the mind is sometimes unpredictable; while impatience would say “he’s lying, don’t listen to him,” patience would say “give him the benefit of doubt.”
Sometimes, we have to sit down and tell ourselves the truth, stop looking at social media relationships, and trying to measure up. Be realistic about the kind of man you married, maybe he’s not the most romantic person, and he doesn’t earn six figures, but he’s yours.
Don’t use one standard to judge your loved one. Rather, work together to achieve realistic and set out goals.
Psychologists have separated empathy into different types. There’s cognitive empathy; where we learn to acknowledge people’s feelings without actually feeling them. Then there’s emotional empathy where we share a similar feeling with someone, and compassionate empathy, which is a balance of emotional and cognitive empathy.
Relationships can’t flourish without empathy, you should always aim to be compassionately empathetic to your partner. If your partner has had a long day and is not up to have lengthy discussions, instead of getting frustrated with them, imagine yourself in their position and recognize you too would not want to have a lengthy conversation when tired.
In your relationship, do not try to be a puzzle that is difficult to understand. Like love, patience is also a two-way street, it needs both parties to engage in it for a happy love life.
Open up to your partner about the things that tick you off, your expectations, and how you would like to be treated. By doing so, your partner will learn to steer clear of the things you do not like, and this will reduce frustration and increase patience in your love life.
We all want to be heard, but only a few actually listen. It’s funny because communication also included speaking and listening. When learning to be patient, it’s important to let go of pride and actually listen to understand.
Sometimes, we listen for the wrong things, we are waiting to hear him make a mistake or prove a point we had earlier stated. No union grows when one partner is trying to take out the other. If he has some concerns he’d like to talk about, don’t get defensive. Calm yourself down first, and hear what he has to say.
Once he’s done, you can also present your points of concern to him, but ensure you actually listened to and understood what he said in the first place.
When we are aware of ourselves, it is easy to understand the thoughts behind our actions.
When next you find yourself feeling impatient with your partner, question that reaction to understand why you feel that way. For instance, is it because of your expectations? Is it because they always repeat the same mistake regardless of how many times you correct them?
Most times, we expect loved ones to understand what we want without communicating it to them. Self-awareness allows us to identify the problems in our relationships without having to tear anyone down.
After a period of being around someone, it’s almost impossible not to cringe at some of the things they do or say. Perhaps, something you never even noticed when you guys started dating. However, regardless of whatever cringe-worthy habit they have, you must learn not to allow it to define your relationship.
Instead, focus on the things that made you fall in love with your partner. It could be how consistent he has been in loving you or how much of a good listener he is.
Envision his traits as circles, both positive and negative; next time you feel impatient with him, imagine the positive circle expanding. It will be easy for you to ignore the negatives and focus solely on the positives with constant practice.
When we are upset or frustrated, it’s easy to blurt out the next thing that comes to our minds. There is little to no room for reasoning because we believe that our partners are incompetent and insensitive, which is why they cause inconveniences. Immediate reactions like this can lead people to say things that they don’t mean and harm their relationships.
However, what you can do is practice how to buffer your responses. When next you feel frustrated by your partner’s shortcomings, learn to take at least five deep breaths before each response. If this is difficult to keep up with, consider leaving the room to clear your head first before engaging in a conversation.
A lot of people go into relationships with the feeling that they need to compete with their partners. A person with this mentality will find it difficult to compromise and settle issues amicably, that’s not how things should be.
Patience also requires you to learn to compromise; acknowledge that your relationship is a partnership between two persons and not a dictatorship. You do not always have to agree with what your partner thinks is right.
Still, you can compromise in such a way that he gets part of what he wants, and you also get yours, thereby leading to less frustration and more happy life. Always aim for a win-win situation in relationships.
Have you ever worked on a team, maybe at work? Isn’t it more productive when everyone gets on the same track and works to achieve the same goal? It’s the same with any union, both of you are supposed to help each other reach goals, whether that goal is happiness, a business target, or raising your kids.
One way to build team spirit in your relationship is by engaging in activities and games that both of you do together. A good example is to gather a few of your mutual friends and their respective partners for a paintball game as such a game requires team cooperation to succeed.
To be a patient, you have to learn to understand your partner. Don’t see them as your competition but your teammate. Also, focus on the positive attributes that your partner possesses, and if you notice a shortcoming, seek ways to complement it rather than getting frustrated over it.
Like water to earth, learning patience is an essential skill required to have a successful relationship. Without it, your love life will suffer and leave both parties painfully frustrated. Patience is important because people are painfully disappointing, and there is nothing you can do about it. However, you can control how you respond and manage your relationship if you have patience.
While patience is essential in a relationship, you must remember that there is a fine line between being a patient person and being a pushover. Patience does not mean the same thing as being a pushover. So, if you feel like your needs are lost in your partner’s, then that’s a red flag. You must learn to be assertive without sounding rude or condescending - it is a skill worth having.
It doesn’t take a lot to be empathetic towards your significant other, you just have to imagine yourself in his shoes every now and then. Remember, you are a team and not opponents; therefore, if you want your relationship to go far, you should always seek win-win situations.
Love is patient and forgiving, so if you’re in love, you’ll have the strength to forgive and overlook your partner’s shortcomings. Also, trust helps us understand that just because our partner’s actions hurt us does not mean it’s intentional.
Patience is a virtue worth having, and I hope the points mentioned here help you figure out how to incorporate this virtue into your relationship. I will also love to hear from you in the comment section below and do not forget to share this article with your friends and family.