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Why Do I Dream About My Ex Years Later? (What It Means)

by Michele Kelsey

Are you wondering, “Why do I dream about my ex years later?” “I don’t want to get back with him!” Dreaming about ex-boyfriends is common for women, especially when the breakup is fresh in your mind.

Often, dreams symbolize intense feelings that we can’t recognize or refuse to acknowledge when we are awake. If you are dreaming about an ex, don’t beat yourself up over it. Instead, find a way to realize your subconscious feelings and deal with them appropriately

Have you ever been dreaming about an ex and found yourself having a nightmare? I’ve done this quite a bit! It usually puts me in a foul mood all day long. I’ve learned the best thing to do is to own up to my feelings and to do something great like have an awesome breakfast, talk to someone who inspires me, or just journal my thoughts and let it go!

I’m going to walk you through 8 dream scenarios about exes and will provide you with calls to action that you can take to make sure you understand your dreams. I’ll also provide you with a short guide on how to interpret your dreams in general.

8 Dreams About Exes And What They Mean

1. Dreaming Of Sex With The Ex

What it Means: Dreaming about your ex in a sexual way doesn’t mean you have residual feelings for him. It just means you are missing something that person gave you like a spark, excitement, or anticipation. You just miss a part of what you had with that person, not the person himself. 

You may miss sex with your ex, but that doesn’t mean you want to hook up with them. Was it a wet dream? Did you orgasm? Yeah, you may feel a little guilty, but remember, you can’t control your dreams. It may also mean that you want to have a date with your ex, that you miss them. But, don’t act on it unless you are sure it’s the right thing to do.

What You Should Do: Realize that dreaming of your ex in a sexual way doesn’t mean you still want him. You may just feel there’s spice missing in your current sex life. It’s time to surprise your current love with new lingerie or sex toys. Revitalize your current sex life in some way; add qualities of your previous relationship to your current one.

2. Dreaming Of A Fight With Your Ex

What it Means: Dreaming of a fight with your ex means you are experiencing fear or trials and tribulations in your current relationship or you’ve got unresolved anger. Since you aren’t focusing on love in dreamland, fighting indicates your thoughts and actions aren’t balanced with what you really want in life. Thoughts in dreams lead to feelings.

Likewise, feelings in dreams may lead to a specific behavior in real life. Have you ever woken up from a bad dream? It sucks! It usually ruins my whole morning when it happens. I get grumpy and upset! Dreams shouldn’t dictate your mood, but too often they do. The important thing is to resolve the negativity in your sleep.

What You Should Do: Keep a dream journal for a week. Once the week is up, analyze the contents to see what made you mad and upset. The purpose is to find out why you are having these negative dreams and to figure out how to replace the bad with the good. Bring love and comfort to the forefront of your mind and watch things turn around.

3. Dreaming Your Ex Is Dying, Dead, Or Very Sick

What it Means: First of all, don’t blame yourself or feel guilty about your dream. You can’t control what you think about at night. This dream usually may indicate there’re unresolved issues between you and your ex. Alternatively, it can mean that you have let go of the negativity from that past relationship and are finally ready to move on.

This dream may signify the end of an era, the demise of that past relationship. It could be a sign that you are ready to devote yourself to someone new or that you are willing and ready to fall in love again. If your ex is being released from the hospital or cured in some way, it’s a sign that you are ready to begin the healing process

What You Should Do: Are you ready to let go of your ex and move on, or do you feel like there are unresolved issues playing a part here? I’m not suggesting you call him up and talk about it, but reflect on where you are in the stages of closure with that person. Write (but don’t send) him a letter about your feelings so that you can find closure.

4. Dreaming Your Ex Misses You Or You Miss Them

What it Means: If you dream you miss your ex, you may just be missing something you had with him. This thought is a natural way for your brain to process the end of a relationship; it could mean you you have moved on, but that you miss certain characteristics that person brought to the relationship or that you just miss having a man.

Dreaming about your ex missing you may mean you think he has missed his opportunity with you. It could also mean that even though you’re satisfied in your current relationship you still crave attention from men in general. This is a pretty great dream to have; it means someone else is wanting you but can’t have you!

What You Should Do: Do you miss your ex in real life? Make sure there’s no doubt in your mind before you do this, but if you broke up years ago and still dream of him, it may be time to contact your ex even you don’t want to be back together with him. Just touch base, and before you know it, you’ll see why you fell out of love with him.

5. Dreaming You Get Back Together With Him

What it Means: This is a common dream, but it does not mean, in real life, you want to begin the relationship again or that you still love him. It could mean one of three things. 

First, it may mean that you miss the person you were in that relationship. You miss being in love and you haven’t found someone else to fit the bill yet. Second, it could signify how far you’ve come since that breakup - that you’re in a relationship with someone new who you love. Third, it could mean you are repeating the same negative patterns from the past even though you know what those mistakes led to (the demise of the relationship). You may be seeing something similar now.

What You Should Do: If you miss your old relationship, take time to recognize the good and the bad that you experienced to make sure you don’t repeat those mistakes. If you find you are making the same mistakes with someone else, take a step back and figure out how to repair your current relationship or future relationships so you can begin anew.

6. Dreaming Your Ex Is Giving You Advice

What it Means: Since we only remember about 10% of our dreams, it seems unlikely that you would remember this weird one, but if you do, it could mean your brain is telling you not to repeat the same mistakes you did with your past relationship. In your dream, your ex even could tell you what went wrong between the two of you and how to fix it.

If you are in a new relationship, this advice could prove to be handy, even though it’s just a dream. Your ex is telling you what not to do in your current relationship, what could be damaging it, or what he thinks you should be doing differently or what you are doing well. Heed this advice with caution as it is coming from a dream, not another person.

What You Should Do: Take a personal inventory of your current relationship to determine what is going well and what isn’t. If you think it’s going nowhere, it may be time to end things, but only after you have done some serious soul searching. Try to determine what he was saying in your dream in order to see if it is sound advice or not.

7. Dreaming Your Ex Is Cheating On You

What it Means: When dreaming about an ex, this is a common one. This may lead you to believe that some kind of betrayal is going on in your current relationship, even if there is no proof that is possible. Maybe there is nothing showing your current flame is cheating on you, but you still feel a betrayal of sorts.

Now is the time to be cautious in love. You don’t want another heartache so watch your boyfriend closely. Don’t stalk him or be unreasonably mistrusting. Instead, just watch for any warning signs that he’s keeping something from you. If you are suspecting cheating, take time to do a proper investigation before accusing him of doing anything wrong.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

What You Should Do: This dream may be trying to tell you something, a thing you are trying to block out. Perhaps the signs are all there, but you have chosen to ignore them. Maybe your current flame is sneaking around behind your back, making love to someone else. If so, you need to listen to your subconscious and confront him.

8. Dreaming Of Seeing An Old Ex

What it Means: Dreaming that you are seeing an old ex may mean that you miss something about him. Did you feel a lot of excitement, love, and affection when you were with him? Was he always attentive to your needs? Did he shower you with affection and attention? You may just miss those traits in your current relationship.

This may also indicate that you want to relive the fun you had when you were single and were able to date around. You may just miss that freedom and feel stuck in your current relationship. By seeing your ex in your slumber, you are reflecting on the past and seeking qualities your ex possesses in your current relationship.

What You Should Do: It may be time to take stock of your current relationship. Use this time to weigh the good and the bad. Treat it like an experiment, and analyze what the next best course of action for you would even be. Do something like a weighted pros and cons list to determine whether or not you are making the best decision!

How To Interpret Your Dreams

There are many ways to interpret your dreams. Using a dream dictionary can be a big help. You can look up different dreams and the dictionary will tell you what they mean. The dream dictionaries are pretty simple to use and many of them are free. You may have to play around with the search terms, but do a little research and you’ll find exactly what you’re looking for.

Another way to interpret them is to realize that your subconscious is trying to tell you something in a deep way. The scenes you experience in your visions at night usually come from your past, which is why you may be dreaming of your ex. Memories drive visions; your brain connects itself to something that recently happened or that happened long ago. 

Recalling your visions during the day is the best way to interpret them. Consider keeping a dream diary, nothing fancy - just a notepad and pen on your nightstand. When you wake up and remember a dream, write the details down so you don’t forget them. Alternatively, you can use a dream journal or phone app. You can even join a dream group or see a dream specialist.

What Does Dreaming About Your Ex Mean?

Having a dream about an ex-boyfriend may make you feel guilty, but it doesn’t mean you have done anything wrong. Most people think that what you dream about has something to do with your true intentions, desires, or fantasies when really no one knows exactly what causes dreams. The best scientists on the subject suspect memories create visions.

If you continue to have the same problem night after night, it may be time to turn to a dream dictionary to analyze what’s going on or even to see a professional who knows how to interpret these things right.

FAQs

Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex?

There may be something missing in your life, something that you got from your ex. How is your current relationship? Are there traits in your ex that you don’t see in your current partner that you wish were there? The answers to these questions should help you find the reason.

What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex?

It doesn’t mean you are missing him or that you want him back. It usually just means that you miss a specific quality in your ex that you don’t have with your current partner. How are things going with your current boyfriend? What qualities of your ex do you miss?

What Does It Mean When An Ex Appears In Your Dream?

It doesn’t necessarily mean you miss or want him back. When you dream, your brain connects to memories, so you may be missing something you had during that time in the relationship. Do you miss being in a relationship? Is your current relationship unfulfilling? These answers can help you.

Does Dreaming About Your Ex Mean They Miss You?

Not necessarily. It depends on how strong you believe in your dreams. Anything is possible, so they might be missing you, and somehow the signal got transferred to your subconscious, which is why you had a fantasized about them. The only way to know is to talk to them.

Do Exes Come Back After Years?

They definitely can. It depends on the circumstances. If your ex hates you for something you did, it may be difficult to bury the hatchet. But, if it’s meant to be then most certainly your ex can come back to you. One study found that about 50% of couples reunite.

How Do You Know If Your Ex Is Still In Love With You?

Usually, there are signs. Does your ex still contact you? Does he still say things like, “I miss, and love you?” Does he still seem genuinely interested in what’s going on in your life? If so, there’s a good chance he’s not over you. He seems to care a lot.

Is It True That If You Dream Of Someone They Dream Of You?

It’s possible but unlikely. Dreams are personal; they’re individualized, meaning each person has their own reason for dreaming what they do. The only way to know for sure is to ask your ex, which I would strongly advise against. Instead, believe the positive possibility that they are dreaming of you.

To Sum Things Up...

What did you think about the dream analysis in this article? Do you dream about your ex? What is your experience with this type of thing?

We’d love to hear from you! Please share this article and post a comment about your dreams in the section below!

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Michele Kelsey
After decades of experience dating, I finally found my prince. It was not an easy road. I kissed plenty of frogs to find Mr. Right and learned a lot from my mistakes. I enjoy writing and feel especially lucky that I get to share my expertise on my favorite subject – love. I’ve been happily married for almost a decade now, but I love giving relationship advice.

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