Are you wondering why a cheating person shows no remorse?
Perhaps you’ve been cheated on and it kills to see that they don’t appear to be sorry?
If so, this is the guide for you. It explains 20 reasons why some men can cheat without a care in the world.
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Anyway, the guide below explains why it can be so difficult to catch a cheater from their body language or behavior.
Table of Contents
Well, in the literal sense, remorse is the feeling of sincere regret for something you’ve done wrong, and it is usually followed by reconciliation as you try to fix what has been broken.
Now, when applying the concept of remorse to the act of cheating, research shows that serial cheaters sometimes get a high from cheating and are less likely to have remorse. On the other hand, one-time cheaters will try to fix the problem and show sincere remorse. Therefore, when a man feels guilty for cheating, it is not the same as when he feels remorse.
But, why do cheating spouses eschew remorse even though any normal person knows how hurtful and soul-destroying it can be? Well, that is what I am here to help you make sense of.
Below, I will be looking at numerous reasons why your man might not show any remorse even after hurting you badly with his cheating.
Well, this is pretty obvious as any man who has any love or respect for his spouse will abstain from being unfaithful. Therefore, it follows that if a man has no respect for you, he will go out to cheat. Certainly, respect is essential in any relationship and can be described as a deep admiration for a person based on their character, personality, achievements, and so on.
More so, when there is respect in a relationship, it is a lot less likely that either party will cheat as no one will want their spouse to feel like a loser. On the other hand, a relationship without respect only causes more pain; it shows he doesn’t care about how you feel, and it is this lack of consideration that could push him to the arms of another woman. That said, you should know that it isn’t your fault and that he’s the one with the problem.
You might think that this is weird, but it is possible that your spouse doesn’t even know that he’s cheating. How, you might ask? Well, this has a lot to do with the definition of cheating. For instance, while we all agree that full-on sex with someone other than your spouse is cheating, how about a few flirty messages with someone else? Or watching porn?
Hence, a man who feels he hasn’t done anything wrong is highly unlikely to have cheater’s guilt; neither is he going to show any remorse. This is further exacerbated if he feels the betrayed spouse is emotionally and sexually unavailable, and he tries to find his release online or with a flirty correspondence.
Now, what if you’re in the early stages of a relationship and he is not aware that you’re an item? No doubt, these are a few situations to consider first.
Guilt is a pretty crappy feeling, and no one would voluntarily want to feel bad, much less someone who has cheated. Therefore, it isn’t uncommon for a cheating spouse to avoid the feeling of guilt because he fears that it would make him appear like a monster after realizing much pain he caused.
In such cases, the unfaithful spouse will likely be asking himself, ‘does the guilt of cheating ever go away?’. No doubt, such feelings, coupled with how the betrayed spouse acts towards him, will lead him to decide on a course of action. So, in the act of self-preservation, your man might believe that to feel less crappy about himself, he’s better off just avoiding the feelings of guilt and remorse altogether.
It is important to note that while it is understandable that a person wouldn’t want to feel guilt, it is definitely not the right thing to do.
In some cases, your man might have remorse but is unable to admit it or show it. As a result, it seems like he doesn’t care about what he did, even though it troubles him deeply. In this situation, he will not admit that he has done something wrong as that reality is too much for his psyche.
This phenomenon was better explained by Guy Winch, PhD., who posits that people like this have a very fragile ego and a ‘weak psychological constitution’ which makes them scared to admit that they are wrong.
Furthermore, the admission of a mistake could be too much for their psychological state and could shatter them so much that they would rather delude themselves and lean into their narrative.
An affair could mean that your spouse is no longer interested in being with you and wants to get out. While it might be difficult to believe, there are many out there who think that the only way to get out of a marriage is to cheat.
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Furthermore, your man might be done with the relationship but doesn’t know how to say it, or is too scared to even discuss his feelings. Hence, he resorts to an affair in the hopes that you will be the one to end it.
But, this is a very cowardly thing to do and isn’t attractive in any way. Therefore, if your man cheats and claims that it was his way to get out of the relationship, then don’t beat yourself up about it.
So, why would a person not show remorse after betraying someone else? It could be because they don’t think they’ve done anything worthy of remorse. As I earlier pointed out, there are a few circumstances in which your man might feel no remorse is needed as he can justify his actions.
For instance, some of us believe that men are inherently polygamous in nature and, therefore, one woman is never enough. Consequently, when such men cheat, they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong because, according to them, they are only acting within the confines of their belief.
This has become something like a throwaway word that is used in society nowadays, but it is, in truth, a very harmful concept that affects a lot of men. Just like with the last point we examined, there is a societal belief that all men cheat and are averse to monogamy. Furthermore, your spouse might buy into this belief and convince himself that he is well within his rights to cheat at least one time.
Additionally, society’s obsession with the ‘stiff upper lip’ which teaches a lot of men that showing and experiencing emotions or any remorse for their actions is not masculine is another problem when it comes to cheating.
As a result, men often feel like they have to display a certain toughness and don’t allow themselves to have remorse, which is an emotion; so as not to seem weak or less masculine. Unfortunately, this is a problem that will take a lot of effort to change, but, thankfully, it isn’t hopeless.
Anger is a pretty ugly emotion that can lead some of us to become irrational; some of which they come to regret and feel remorse over. That said, when it comes to an affair, there are a lot of factors that could bring it about. One such is anger, which then leads the cheater to justify what he did.
An example is a husband who feels wronged because he isn’t getting enough sex or emotional attention. However, instead of talking about it, he would rather cheat as a means of expressing his anger.
That said, lashing out in such a way shows poor communication skills, and if he is a one- time offender, then improving on this aspect of the relationship is a great way to prevent a recurrence.
This point is closely related to the earlier one on respect as a respectful partner is less likely to cheat. On the other hand, your man may be still carrying on the affair, and for this reason, he doesn’t seem to have any remorse.
It is not uncommon for men to carry on with affairs even after getting caught; the only difference is that this time they are a lot more careful to keep the relationship under wraps. However, the fact that they still stay in contact with the affair partner, even after being caught, shows that they still don’t care.
In such a situation, it is also clear that he has no intention of being rehabilitated and is, therefore, not worth the hassle.
This next point could well be the most apparent reason for cheaters not to show remorse. This is because when a man loves you, having an affair isn’t on the cards for him. That said, some people hold a rather controversial point of view that you can be in love and still cheat. And, even if you want to give that opinion some credence, it could mean that the love the partner feels is warped in one way or the other.
Away from all of that, love in a relationship or marriage requires trust and respect, two aspects that can be questioned in the face of an affair. But, the most crucial bit is remorse, and if your partner loves you, even if he cheats, he will at least feel some remorse and try to make things right. Therefore, if remorse is lacking, it is possible to infer that he never really loved you.
An angle that a lot of people don’t look into is the psychological profile of an unfaithful spouse. This is important as it goes a long way in explaining his infidelity. For example, someone who has an antisocial personality disorder is very unlikely to feel remorse for anything they do.
Furthermore, another psychological disorder like borderline personality disorder could be the cause; as such people have trouble feeling remorse. Hence, when an affair occurs, they might lack the necessary empathy to understand the hurt caused. So, if you are with someone like that you should at least understand why they behave the way they do, and then definitely suggest that the person gets help.
When someone has cheated, again and again, the effect it has lessens significantly, making it easier to repeat the act. This is why it is difficult for serial cheaters to feel remorse as the constant indulgence in their vice takes something away from them.
Worse still; it is possible that rather than feeling guilt over an affair, a serial cheater could instead feel elation or some sort of high, otherwise known as ‘cheater’s high’
This term is defined as an emotional boost or thrill that the cheater experiences when they sleep with someone outside their relationship or marriage. It has further been explained as feeling clever that you defeated the ‘system’ or broke a rule. Hence, with this high, feelings of remorse rarely exist, and all they feel is the high.
More worrying still is that such people tend to engage in questionable behavior more when they are with someone, which is, of course, a huge problem.
True remorse comes from understanding what you’ve done, regretting it, and understanding the effect it has had on the person you did it to and taking responsibility. Thus, for an unfaithful spouse to feel the weight of what he has done and to feel remorse, he needs to understand how his actions have caused you pain. Therefore, if that element is missing, it is almost impossible for the cheater to show remorse.
That said, if you want to save your marriage after such a horrible ordeal, you will need to make your spouse understand the pain he has made you feel and how his actions have affected you. Only then can he truly feel sorry, and both of you can begin to move forward.
This is closely related to the fear of truly feeling guilt and remorse for the pain caused. In such cases, some men feel guilt and remorse, but due to factors (pride, toxic masculinity, or something else), they are unable to admit their guilt and remorse.
Another reason for not wanting to admit remorse might come from the fear of facing that feeling. This is possible because getting into an affair requires a level of delusion, and there are usually moral signposts telling you not to do it; but if you do it, it isn’t much of a stretch to block it out even after getting caught.
I know, this next point is crazy, but hear me out for a second. There are various reasons why a spouse resorts to being unfaithful, one of which is unsatisfactory sex life. Consequently, an unfaithful partner who feels he is not getting enough sex in the marriage might go outside to get his fix. In such cases, the cheater doesn’t understand the betrayed spouse’s response because, in his mind, he’s saving the relationship or marriage.
Further deepening this belief is if the lack of sex has been causing friction between the couple, and the affair has helped the man balance things out. So, for instance, if the affair has made the man less demanding of sex and less agitated about stuff, he might think he did it for the right reasons.
That said; this is, of course, not a healthy way to deal with the lack of sex in a relationship, but it is a reason why some men might decide to have an affair.
First off, keeping score in a relationship is a toxic trait, and it leads to all sorts of problems. Keeping score generally means when a spouse keeps tally of good/bad deeds against the other in a bid to keep things balanced. So, your partner took care of the kids yesterday, and he expects that you should do it today-- even though you are busy with an emergency from work.
Similarly, the same could apply to cheating. So, if you have cheated in the past or have been suspected of being unfaithful, getting into an affair might be your man’s way of getting back at you.
Even worse, some men take it a step further and cheat due to the erroneous belief that, at some point or the other, you will cheat on them. So, in their words, ‘I just beat them to the punch.’
This might sound absurd, but some people believe that there are situations in which cheating is the right thing to do. As mentioned earlier, if your spouse thinks he’s saving the relationship or marriage by cheating, this shouldn’t come as surprise. In fact, many men assume that cheating helps to keep the relationship or marriage intact, and they, therefore, think they are right.
Meanwhile, Dan Savage, an American author, in his book ‘Savage Love’ posits that monogamy is a social structure that we have been made to conform with. Also, in his book ‘American Savage’, he states that the struggle to remain monogamous is what makes it worth it. Hence, according to him, if your spouse has only cheated once or twice in a 20+ year relationship, then they are good at monogamy.
So, if your partner believes that an affair is the best way to keep the marriage together, it could be a reason why he does not feel remorse even after being caught cheating.
This belief stems from a lack of respect for the betrayed spouse. Some men believe that you are so dependent on them that it doesn’t matter what they do; you’ll come back to them or forgive them over time.
An example is how wealthy men with financially dependent wives act like they are untouchable and can do as they please knowing that because of their monetary might, their partners will be less likely to end the marriage.
It should also be noted that such people have a warped worldview and their lack of remorse isn’t just a lack of respect, but also a lack of love. Therefore, if this describes spouse, you need to show that you can do well without them and that the decision to walk away from the relationship is in your hands. Once you do this, it becomes easier to move forward.
This is another psychological issue that could affect your spouse, so he won’t feel bad after doing something wrong. A narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder where the sufferer has an inflated sense of self, and it is a lot more common in men.
Consequently, people that suffer from this disorder can feel regret but rarely feel remorse. Also, the regret they suffer is often based on how it concerns them. So, for example, if your partner has a narcissistic personality disorder, he might cheat, get caught, and regret the action.
Unfortunately, his regret isn’t because he’s sorry he made you feel bad, but that you ‘punished’ him for his action. Subsequently, he might quit, but it’s not out of love, but rather, the fear of getting caught and punished.
As you can probably see, that is not remorse and doesn’t show that he understands how his actions have caused you pain. Yet, this is not a death sentence as there are ways in which to treat people with this condition through therapy.
This point also has its roots in psychology, and most manipulators gaslight you into believing something else because they are scared to face their actions. No doubt, someone who has been unfaithful usually feels guilty after his actions, and the act of manipulation is a quick fix for how they feel.
Therefore, after being caught in an affair, the manipulator will try to gaslight you and make you think it’s your fault, or the fault of the affair partner and when he does this, it is simply to make himself feel better.
Guilt is a difficult feeling to deal with, and a lot of people will do all they can to avoid it. That’s why an unfaithful partner will show no remorse; even when fully aware of how much pain they are causing.
Many signs show that a person has had an affair or has cheated. The first is their phone use. If your partner is keeping something from you, he is more likely to be protective of his phone. Also, guilty partners tend to act more defensive when the topic of cheating comes up.
When your partner is having an affair, he does all he can to avoid his feelings by convincing himself that he is making you happy. For instance, he starts buying you gifts regularly (even if he has never previously been much of a ‘giving gifts’ person). He might also try to pay more attention to you, and this because he hopes that it would somehow assuage his guilt.
The most important thing to determine before you move forward is remorse. If your spouse is truly remorseful for what he did, he will apologize and try to make things right. Consequently, an honest discussion as to why the affair happened and what can be done to prevent a recurrence would do you both a world of good.
The easy answer is yes. You should always admit if you’re having an affair and try to make things right. However, it is also important to examine why you are admitting to the affair, is it to make yourself feel better? Or is it to try and restart the relationship or marriage on a clean slate and rebuild trust? Whatever the reason, it is important to examine it before dumping the truth on the betrayed spouse.
There are a few ways to determine if someone is lying to you. One of the most common ways is if the person doesn’t blink. Furthermore, if the person is fidgety and tries to avoid looking at you, this is also a red flag, and you might need to dig a little deeper to reveal the truth.
So, I hope you enjoyed the list. Remember that anyone who cheats has their reasons; what’s more, the absence of remorse doesn’t mean there isn’t a method to fix the marriage, but you need to understand the reasons behind it. Also, if you have other reasons, or want to engage, leave a comment. And finally, if you know anyone else dealing with an unfaithful spouse, don’t forget to share.
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Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.
Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.