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Husband Constantly Accuses Me of Cheating and Lying: What Should I Do?

by Sonya Schwartz

Is your husband accusing you of cheating and lying without any real reason?

Do you feel hurt by his lack of trust and bad behavior?

Perhaps you’re tormenting yourself right now, thinking of what you might have done to make him believe such things.

But let me tell you something…

Sometimes, men tend to accuse their partners only because they feel guilty.

Your husband might accuse you of cheating and lying simply because he’s cheating and lying to you.

I know this sounds harsh, and I really hope that’s not your case.

But the truth is that we often tend to project onto others what we are doing ourselves.

So, before brain-storming about how you might have wronged him, you should find out if he’s not actually the one in the wrong.

It’s extremely important to rule this out before starting to look for other reasons.

Proving that he’s cheating or lying is never easy; yet, this tool right here can give you a good insight on what he’s been up to (click on the link to go to the site).

Just enter his name and location to check what dating sites and social media he uses and who he might have spoken to. A few indications as to whether he’s been cheating or not.

I really hope that’s not the case, but you still have to rule it out before trying to fix the situation.

Indeed, many wives and girlfriends have found their partners were cheating with the help of this tool.

Once you ruled that out, check out some other reasons why he might accuse you below.

​How constant is his accusations?

No one likes to be wrongly accused. While you can still deal with accusations emanating from other people, being wrongly accused by your husband can have a psychological and mental effects on you. While every relationship has its own issue, accusations of cheating and lying can affect every other thing you do together.

Probably before marriage or even years after your marriage, you have been living fine but your husband suddenly changes and starts reacting on everything you do with the end result being that you are cheating and lying. That can be really devastating and can affect your relationship with others if you are not careful

engagement

Usually, statements like ‘Are you cheating on me?’ comes when you are less prepared for it. It could be when you are trying to look really good, it could be when you come home late from work or even during your intimate period with your husband.

When this happen, never argue. Argument does not mean you should not talk. Argument is when you try to defend yourself against the allegation. The question is; Is there an allegation to defend? When your husband constantly accuses you, let him know that you are not cheating neither are you lying.

Better than anyone, you know that you are not cheating but arguing, yelling and trying all means to prove that your innocence may agitate the situation. You may even go out of words and escalate matter.

Now, know that there is a thing called ‘the psychology of guilt’. This psychology is not only applicable to guilty people but also applicable to innocent ones. So, even if you are not a cheat, you may still feel guilty. This guilt is not based on what you didn’t do but the guilt of not being able to prove your innocence to your husband.

In a situation where you have previously thought of cheating, you may also feel the guilt of having harboured such thought or even the guilt that you are about leaving your husband for what you never did.

While it is not impossible for this guilty conscience to surface, you can only free yourself from it by acknowledging your innocence and recognizing that you are never at fault. The moment you allow the guilt of what you did not do overwhelm you, you may not survive the allegations.

After sorting out yourself and your feelings, you will have to figure out why your husband is accusing you of being a cheat. He may have brought up the supposed affair just for his own benefits or he is just delusional about the matter.

Generally, there are specific reasons applicable to most men that falsely accuse their wives

​5 Reasons your husband is accusing you of cheating

​Insecurity:

Some men feel insecure over unnecessary things and your husband may be in this category. When you buy a new dress for a party, he feels you are trying to appeal another man.

If previously you do not apply makeup and you begin to apply, he feels you are doing it for your man friend. While this is very wrong, it may be that he had suffered from cheating in the past and the features you emit are similar to the ones shown by his ex.

While insecurity level of individuals are relative, an insecure man may become abusive overtime and less likely to fulfil the terms of marriage. Check Kera’s video on insecurity

​Lack of trust:

​The foundation of every relationship is trust. Immediately the trust factor is breached, it will be difficult to hold on to the relationship. Trust issues may stem up from what had previously happened in the past or the basis on which the relationship started.

It may also be based on what you did when you were just dating and probably he forgave you but did not forget.

​Infidelity delusion:

People with irregular mental conditions tend to form a supposed truth out of nothing that exists. According to Dr George Simon, humans have the tendency to draw a false belief from wrong inferences drawn from external events.

These category of people can be considered as delusional. When this happens, your husband may hold on to the belief that you are actually cheating and even try to gather evidences to support their claims.

Being delusional may be as a result of a mental condition or depression. So, for example if your husband is one that feels easily depressed and he suddenly suffers a setback in his career while yours boom faster than ever, his depressed state of mind may make him delusional.

High level of sensitivity:

Being sensitive is a great asset if used well. In fact, being sensitive can save you from danger. Despite its usefulness, an overly sensitive husband may make life difficult for you. Most times, his sensitive state will stem from false instinct.

Your husband may accuse you of cheating when he over analyses your smile, your conversation and gestures towards other men and probably invents a story to corroborate his statements.

​Indirect divorce proposal:

People find reasons to opt out of every relationship. To them they just want to leave, hence they try all means to do so. Such man will look for what is usually unacceptable in the society and try to weave his reasons around it.

Infidelity is widely unacceptable. So, he may convince himself that you are cheating. Hence, when he opts out, no one will stop him neither will he look like the ‘bad guy’.

​What if it is the other way round?

couple

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Psychologists have stated that most husbands who accuse their wives of cheating tend to be the one in the cheating net. In fact, those who have not started cheating on their wives but are planning to cheat usually try to justify their plans by making up reasons to show that you are cheating.

The effect of this act as stated earlier is the feeling of guilt which eventually hides the fact that your husband is the actual cheat. Kim Leatherdale corroborates by stating ‘By accusing you, they blind you to the truth of their behaviours’

Instead of taking responsibility for their guilt conscience, they transfer it to you. Now, I am not saying that your husband is cheating but there is a high possibility that he is actually cheating on you. It is time to talk to your husband.

Coach Kelly, in her video also opines that his action is born out of what he does

I will always emphasize on talking to your husband while you both are going through a difficult period because lack of communication can escalate things and make situations irreparable. Talking to him will help you decipher the actual problem and the steps to take into solving it.

While communication is important, do not forget that you are uncertain on whether he is cheating or not. Hence, it will be unwise to blatantly accuse him even though he accuses you on a false ground.

At this point, you must have sorted how you feel about the situation. So, ensure you are calm and cool before placing the matter towards him.

Get your time off your schedule and create time to talk to your husband. Talk to him and let him know how you feel about his accusation. If he talks to you about how he feels, ensure you take not of it without blaming him for being wrong.

Now, if he believes you, you can just move on with your mind on how not to hurt his feelings. However, if you talk to him and he still insists on the fact that you are not faithful to the marriage, then you need to work things out if you do not want to lose your marriage

​3 things to do when your husband accuses you of cheating

​Sort your opinion towards your husband:

The fact that he is the actual one cheating may be uncertain but you have to sort your opinion towards him. Understand that if you show the same attitude he is showing towards the marriage, you will not achieve an inseparable home.

Ask yourself to know whether he is cheating or not. It is not bad if you give your husband the benefit of doubt. But try to see if he is cheating. Beyond that issue you are about to settle, try to note if he is cheating or not.

Here are 6 signs of a cheating husband

​He becomes hostile:

When your husband becomes unnecessary hostile, without a viable reason, you should be wary of third party. If he begins to say unhealthy words to him when you ask him questions that are quite personal but not personal in marriage, then your husband his probably cheating.

This form of hostility becomes easily known after some time in the marriage. He was probably never like that.

​He is overly conscious of his phone:

Phones are mobile, he would say when you ask him why he is always with his phone. However, if you notice a change in his attitude towards the use of his phone, it could be that he is hiding something from you.

Marina Sbrochi, in a conversation with Bustle states that you should look out for the red light when his phone is always in the silent mode. Some may even refuse to pick their calls when you are in sight. In essence if there is a change in the way he acts towards his phone, your husband is probably cheating

​He lies about different things:

​Something about lying is that it begets another lie. If your husband tries to cover up his tracks by lying about other things, you should be wary. He may be cheating and probably tries to lie about other things (including falsely accusing you) to hold his ground.

​He avoids being intimate:

One of the very important aspect of marriage is intimacy. If your husband avoids touching you, if he does not want to hold hands or avoid any romantic communication, then he is probably getting it somewhere else.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

In some cases, some men try to see their wives as their side girl while in the bed room together. This type of man may begin to as you for things you have never done before.

​He stays away from you:

​While he previously comes home early to stay with you, he may begin to stay away from you. If he stays out longer than usual, he avoids direct contact with you or ignores your call, your husband is likely to be cheating on you

​He dresses to impress:

Usually, when a man is into a lady or when a man wants a lady, he tries to impress her to gain her attention or more of her. If your husband suddenly begins to take care of himself than he previously does, then he is trying to get a hold of something

He may have told you that he likes to keep his beards but he suddenly shaves leaving everything as though the beards were never there, you should know that there is someone or something out there he did it for

While these are signs he is cheating on you, one of these may not be enough to conclude he is. So if the only thing he does is change his looks without avoiding you, then he may not be cheating.

Now, if you call him for a conversation and you point out these signs to him and he shows no willingness to change his attitude then you can be sure that he has another woman.

​Scrutinize yourself:

Scrutinizing yourself does not mean you are acknowledging the fat that you probably cheated on your husband. Scrutinizing yourself here means that you place yourself under a strict check. Look out for what he says when he accuses you

If he says he saw you flirt with friends, then you should stop it. While innocent flirting may be your own way of being friendly, it could be minimal. Instead of holding hands with another guy and allowing him to hug you affectionately you can do more of side hugs and less of holding hands

If the person he accuses you of cheating with is a close friend, you can tell him about the matter so he would not feel bad when you suddenly change your attitude towards him. Placing yourself under strict observation helps you to get back your husband

Talk to him: ‘but I have talked to him already’ Well, Yes, but you do not expect a single communication to change things. Talking to him should not make you furious and while he is busy pointing out your faults and why he thinks you are cheating, ensure you stay calm.

Here are 5 ways to communicate in order to deal with the matter at hand

couples

Ask him to expressly explain why he thinks you are cheating: Though you have previously scrutinized yourself to see where he may have deduced his accusations but you cannot thoroughly see through yourself.

Ask him for the basis of his allegations. Ask if his friends reported you, if he caught you doing something continuously and request to know his exact reasons for accusing you. Do not forget that you have to be as calm as possible if you want answers. With or without tangible reasons, ask him why he thinks you would actually cheat.

This question will surely put him aback. If his accusations were based on other grounds, he will surely reflect on his actions. It could be that he was jealous and so concluded because he does not want make known his feelings. Check this YouTube video on how important these questions are

​State your own side of the story:

After taking time to listen to him narrate your own side of the story. If he feels insecure about your partner at work, tell him how insensitive you are about the closeness and how you did not mean to be that close to him.

If you think your husband will be cool with it, you can even tell your partner to call him so they can talk together as men. You can even get them to be friends to further re-assure your husband of your faithfulness.

​Profess your love for him:

Psychologists have stated that one of the best ways to gain a man’s attention is by holding his hands when he least expects. Hold his hands and tell him how much you love him and how much you are willing to work out your marriage.

Let him know how painful it is to be falsely accused and how it has affected other aspects of your life. Let him know what it means to falsely accuse.

​Drop the discussion:

After expressing your emotions, let him know that you no longer want to talk about the issue. Now, if he has been using his false allegations to cover up his infidelity, he would know that his cover is blown.

If after these, he continues to accuse you of cheating, there is probably a bigger problem. He may be cheating indeed. So, you should check my post on ‘what to do when my husband cheats on me’. It will help you handle him better.

You should also check Dave Carder’s video on how to handle false accusation

Conclusion

Know that nobody can force anything on anyone. Make your points clear and be ready for anything. You have done your part. But do not think of spending the rest of your life with a man that disrespects you with false allegations.

​If you have kids with him, it will be unhealthy for them and they may grow old having insecurity issues. So, look through your relationship and see whether you can bear it.

You can drop your questions in the comment session if you have any. Share this, someone will need it.

No one wants to be wrongly accused. Fight for your marriage and make your decisions afterwards. It’s Now or Never!

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

9 comments on “Husband Constantly Accuses Me of Cheating and Lying: What Should I Do?”

  1. Thank you for quoting me in this article. It is nice to see a lengthy post on the topic. The need to understand these behaviors and the lack of books on the topic were the reason I published my second book, "Accused of Cheating and You're NOT!" on Amazon. Being falsely accused is painful and scary. I wish I could show everyone how to have happy and rewarding relationship, even the accusers. Thanks again!

  2. I have been with my husband for almost 10 years now. We will be married 7 years January 5th 2020. I'm from America and he's from Wales, UK. We spent 3 years talking on the phone. Chatting on Skype and texting each other. We met when I came to the UK for work. I was married at the time, but my marriage was pretty much over. I told him everything about me the night we met. He treated me like I was the most important person in his life. I paid for him to come to the USA twice. And I paid for my flight to see him in Wales. Everything was great between us. I fell in love with him straight away. But about 6 months into our marriage he changed. He got drunk and started an argument with me. I walked away. But he came into our room and hit me. I was shocked to say the least. A couple months later it happened again. Then one day while I was at work he got drunk and threw my belongings out of the window. The police were called. I got home from work to find him in the back of a police car. He was deported from the states 6 weeks later and given a 10 year ban. So to keep my marriage I left everything I know including my children and moved to the UK. I have been here almost 6 years now. Over the last 4 or so years he's been accusing me of cheating on him. I don't drive here. I get a lift from a girlfriend to work and he picks me up. During the week things seem ok between us. But for the past year now he's been starting fights almost every weekend and then leaving me in the house and takes off. He stays gone some times 4 or 5 hours. He use to tell me he'd been over his mom's. But in February she passed away. Now he says he went and set down in the car at the beach. Or he went for a walk to calm his heart rate. He had a heart attack 3 and a half years ago. He smokes about 2 packs a day. He smokes pot often. And drinks at least 3 days a week. I'm paying for everything and he don't work. Yet he says I'm cheating on him. Says he wants a divorce all the time. Especially when he's been drinking. But when he sobers up he says he dont want a divorce. That he loves me and never wants to lose me. When payday rolls around he's loving and caring. But once the money is gone he's back to calling me names and accusing me of cheating. I don't know what to do anymore. He even tells his friends and neighbor's I'm cheating on him. How do I find out if he's got someone else??

    1. Literally every reason you've stated there shows that you need to leave that guy. I wouldn't even worry about whether he is cheating. Just move on.

    2. Sandy, you cheated on your prior husband. I can totally understand why he thinks you may be cheating. Look in the mirror!

  3. I've been married for almost 40 yrs, I had an affair 20 yrs ago, he said he for gave me but every time i turn arround I'm being accused and called a lier.and
    It's to the point now I'm ready to leave to get any peace in my life.

  4. I am just heartbroken my husband of almost 25years out of the blue suddenly started accusing me of cheating on him with my female co-worker it was literally like an interrogation he was telling me not to blink drink water when he was accusing me I was in shock he asked for my phone I had nothing to hide he said there was blocked numbers on it from a year or two previous , which were people trying to find his sister because she owed them money . I was so stressed out he would say who are you working with today I asked him did he want my schedule but he just liked to interrogate me . I then had an accident at work and my co worker took me to the hospital, my husband turned up and when she left he said sorry after seeing her he didn’t think that I would cheat with her because she was too old it was crazy . My male boss called to see how I was doing and then my husband started on him it was so hurtful , he confronted my boss outside of work in front of my friends it was humiliating. He then started saying that I was just meeting complete strangers if I took too long at the store and that I had to call him when u left and when I got back. When he came in from work he would go through my phone for hours god knows what he was looking for I barely used the thing I just got that way were I didn’t even want to leave the house . He then started saying that guys were coming to our house it was disgusting. I was sleeping with the neighbours he would come home from work and just say just tell me your cheating and everything will be ok but I was just getting more and more scared of him . He went and got fillers in his nose I didn’t notice it he told me and said he was doing it for me he was so erratic with his behaviour I just didn’t know who was coming home anymore I was becoming quite scared of him that one day I just got up packed my bag and left to live with my mum . I just couldn’t take it anymore you can try to defend yourself but there is only so much you can take so for my own sanity safety and self respect I was done .

    1. Jeanette,
      I'm sorry you went through that. I'm going through the same with my wife. I never cheated but if I look at my phone, i'm texting a girl. If I walk the dog for a slightly longer walk, I'm doing it to talk to a girl on the phone. I leave my phone at home when I walk the dog many times, to prove I'm not talking to anyone. I have been accused of talking to someone or being with someone if I'm late coming home by 20 minutes. There is traffic I can't control. I looked at my phone the other night to check work email and the next day asked what girl I was talking to. There are worse things she said about me I will not type here. I keep trying to talk to her but she yells and falsely accuses me of crazy things I would never even think of doing. We have kids. She has always been jealous but is getting much worse. I can't do anything without being questioned. I can't prove I'm not doing anything. She puts me to the ground all the time. I try to talk calmly but it's hard when I'm always being accused. She treats other people well, especially her friends. I am paying all the bills and doing the best I can and I get treated like garbage. She says she will never trust me.

  5. Hi there... So I recently got married to my best friend who I've been dating for a long time. We met at work as we both work in the same company but different departments & our friendship blossomed into love. We've been through many challenges & battles for our relationship to survive & prosper. All because our families hated each other as to them it was about who has the most wealth & status in the bloodline... So let's say our relationship has been through war & our bloodline did everything they could to break us up, even by trying to forcefully marry me to someone else which I managed to run away from.My partner & I got married,obviously families didn't show up, so it was a few friends as our guests & witnesses... Our relationship got stronger & so much more happier. Recently a guy who works in my hubbies department, told him that he saw me somewhere on saturday whilst my hubby was at work & I was at home. My hubby confronted me asking, if i left to go somewhere after he left at 7am to go work. I told him the truth which is no, & after he kissed me before leaving to go work, I continued watching a movie and from 8am we were on video call with each other & everything was good.On Monday, we both got to work & this guy he works with tells him that he saw me come to my office for few minutes & then I left the building. I told my hubby that's impossible because I was in communication with him the entire time and we were on video calls.But my hubby refused to believe me and it's now Wednesday, he still believes his friend over me and gives me an attitude... I am so hurt & heartbroken that the man who is my first & only to everything and I've done everything I could do to be with him, believes someone else over me just because they have been friends for longer than us being in a relationship together. I don't know what to do. My hubby is even ignoring me and it hurts so much because, he is all that I have.

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