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Smart Things To Say When Someone Insults You

by Sonya Schwartz

Insults have been flying around since the beginning of time, especially since human beings are such annoying ‘beings’. Some insults come with good intentions in mind, like when your mother calls you a funny name for leaving your room in a mess. Others are aimed at your personality and everything that essentially makes you, you. 

Either way, sometimes it is hard to know what to say when someone insults you. If you are like me, then you’ll probably freeze up and remember the perfect comebacks when I’m tucked in bed at the end of the day. Well, that does not have to be the case anymore, because below is a compilation of some smart things to say when someone insults you. You are sure to find some gems here.

Contents

101 Smart Things To Say When Someone Insults You

1. Don’t get your knickers in a knot. Nothing gets solved and you end up walking funny.

This is one of the best things to say if someone insults you out of the blues. When a friend, acquaintance, or stranger overreacts and hurls insults your way, this is a great way to Glock them right back.

2. Do some soul searching; maybe you will find one.

do some soul searching; maybe you will find one

If it is your intention to get back at someone who’s been abusing you verbally, then this is the perfect comeback. Since insults are their forte, show them that you have a great response up your sleeves.

3. Is it your intention to constantly mask insults with humor?

This one is for that person that cannot deliver a compliment or statement that’s pure. There is always an insult hidden in the mix. Throw this response at them and give them a few reasons to rethink their modus operandi.

4. Are you agitated and confused yet? Mission accomplished.

Let’s say that someone insults your personality by straight-up calling you irritating. In that case, this is the best response for an insult like that. In no time, they should realize the full extent of how irritating you can be, which is no walk in the park.

5. Make sure you Google yourself before you judge me.

Here is one comeback that is perfect for people who think their life’s mission is to judge you. With a response like this, you will have them thinking twice before your name comes out of their mouth again.

6. Did your brain overdose on laxatives? Because there is a lot of sh*t spewing out of your mouth.

If you are tired and have no intention of hurling insults back and forth, then this response will do the trick. It is the best way to nip all issues in the bud.

7. You would think that with all your personalities one would be bearable.

Yes, it is a low blow to attack someone’s personality, but when someone insults you a bit too much, it is time to bring out the big guns. Let them know that they put out a lot of negative energy into the universe.

8. If there is a problem everywhere you go… then guess what?!

On a normal day, it is upsetting when someone insults you, but when the insulter has a zero personality, it hurts a bit more. This response should really hit them where it counts, that is why it is one of the best. 

9. If you are tired of all the drama that follows you, stop being the lead actor.

There is always that person who likes to get a rise out of people all the time. This is a thoughtful come back and hopefully, it will give them a reason to do the opposite of what they have been doing all their lives.

10. Are you a bleeping ray of sunshine every day?

Everyone has bad days and you deserve to have one in peace. If the insulter tries to play on the fact that you are not your usual cheery self, this is a comeback that should put them right in their place.

11. Reap what you sow and own it!

Many people can dish out insults but they really cannot take it when they are on the receiving side. This is one of those comebacks that will make them think long and hard about what they say and how it affects others.

12. Somewhere out there is a village missing its idiot.

somewhere out there is a village missing its idiot

Time after time people riff on you without having solid reasons and that’s a sign of idiocy. If you run into a person like this, the best comeback is to show them that you see their idiocy and call them out on it.

13. In a zombie apocalypse, you’d be safe.

This is one of the best things to say when someone insults you in the most senseless way possible. Comebacks like this are fun and they land every single time, so this is one to keep in your back pocket. 

14. I would say your mind is twisted but it’s actually sprained.

As far as comebacks for insults go, this one really drives it home. Again, when that senseless individual decides to open their mouth, this is what you should tell them. It will remind them that there is at least one brain working in the conversation.

15. I am going to need you to turn down the dial on your psycho.

This is the mother of all comebacks and anyone who uses this right deserves a compliment right after. If your goal is to bring someone back down to planet earth in the middle of a back and forth, this will make them see reason.

16. You have a right to your opinion, I have a right to not listen to it.

We all know that person who tries to shove their views down your throat, if that ever happens this is the best comeback to use. When someone insults you because you cannot see things their way, then this is one of the best things to say. 

17. If I was meant to be controlled I’d come with manual and remote control.

This comeback should be directed at control freaks who can’t speak without hurling insults at other people. Let them know the only personality they have any control over is theirs.

18. I am solely responsible for what I say, the interpretation is in your court.

Misunderstandings happen all the time, but some people take it too far with their reactions. In that case, this is the perfect comeback if they insult you. Give them a reason to think and discover what is actually irking them in the first place.

19. People who talk sh*t as others will be reincarnated as toilet paper.

Need I say more? If someone is trying to get you to gossip all the time and it is really getting on your nerves then this is the best comeback. 

20. It’s too bad you can’t lose calories by jumping to conclusions or running your mouth.

This is among the best comebacks for people who cannot seem to get their stories right. If the insulter is constantly misappropriating your actions and talking behind your back, this is a good way to let them know that you are onto them.

21. I am a strong believer in freedom of speech, but you need to know when to shut up.

When someone insults you and will not just stop going then this is one way to get them to reel it in. With comebacks like this, you are simply stating the obvious and thankfully it highlights a part of their personality they need to work on.

22. My name must be tasty because it is always on your tongue.

my name must be tasty because it is always on your tongue

Everyone has haters; people who talk about them all time and try to show their personality in another light. If you have one of those, then this is the best way to nip that rubbish in the bud. Let them know that you can see their game plan from where you are.

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23. You think I am a b*tch; guess who my inspiration is?

Let’s say someone insults you by calling you the ‘b’ word, well there is no need to get defensive when you can use the above line. Just let them know that you are fashioning that aspect of your personality after them.

24. I wish I could put you on mute.

This is a simple comeback, but it gets the job done especially if the person in question just keeps going. It is best to use comebacks like this when the person dishing the insults simply does not know when to stop. This will let them know that they have crossed a line.

25. I may not be a size 6, but that can be fixed. Your nastiness has no cure.

These days insults have become quite lazy and people resort to body shaming, which is the basis of insults. If someone insults you for not looking like a supermodel then this is the best way to put them in their place.

26. Be careful, I made a sandwich out of the last person who called me fat.

Again, if someone is lazy enough to insult your weight, you might as well have some fun with them. This response will let them know that their insults haven’t actually gotten to you and you can see the humor in your situation.

27. Congratulations on receiving your Master’s degree in stating the obvious.

This one goes for anyone who thinks they can insult any aspect of your appearance. If you are fat, slim, tall, or short and someone uses that as an insult then this is the best way to respond to them. Next time, they will surely try to dig up a compliment or keep their mouths shut if they don’t have a better insult.

28. People like you should come with a warning label.

If a person cannot find a compliment to pay another, then they really should come with some sort of disclaimer; I am sure you agree. Let them know that their insults are an indication of their toxicity and that deserve some sort of warning upfront.

29. Acting like a penis won’t make yours any bigger.

There are many people who dish out insults to compensate for something that is lacking. So, you never know it may be Penis Deficiency Syndrome or something along those lines. Altogether, this is a humorous way to get back at that bully.

30. Here, let me help you wipe some of that bullshit off your mouth.

Some insults are so annoying because they lack the basic anatomy of any sentence. They make no sense and there is no atom of truth there. In that case, this is an insult you can throw right back and it will hit them where it counts.

31. Congratulations on your ability to create a scene out of nothing.

congrats on your ability to create a scene out of nothing

There are people out there who insult you for the attention; they feed off the insanity of it all. In that case, the best reply to the insult is to let them know that you know exactly what they are doing and you do not subscribe to that channel.

32. I am sorry if your feelings were hurt when I called you a sociopath. I thought it was common knowledge.

You’ve got to love sarcasm, it makes dishing out an insult a lot more pleasurable. This one is especially biting since it comes packaged like a compliment. That ‘oops, did I do that?’ moment is as priceless as they come, so build on it.

33. Narcissistic may be too big a word for you. How about a douchebag? Do you understand douchebag?

Sometimes you need to bust out that imaginary dictionary and give these guys a lesson. When they insult you, simplify the whole issue by making them look as basic as they are. Yes, only a basic person will constantly come at you with insults.

34. Too bad you can't photoshop your gruesome personality.

When someone keeps coming for you with one insult after another, then it’s about time you held up a mirror for them. This is one of those responses to insults that cuts a bit deep so use it with care and only when you are pushed to the wall.

35. Don’t talk to me when your mouth is full of lies.

Being called a liar is one of the worst insults anyone could hurl at you. So, if someone dishes this insult out constantly, then this is the best way to respond to them. It should shut them up while you move on with your life.

36. The only thing worse than a liar is a liar and a hypocrite.

Here is another one for people who insult you by constantly calling you a liar. The worst part is if they are serial liars; this comeback is probably a compliment compared to what they have been saying about you, so go wild with it.

37. This time I am not being sarcastic, I meant every word I said.

If you’re known for being a bit sarcastic, then perhaps this bully doesn’t know how peeved you are by all they’ve been saying to you. This is the perfect response to the insult of having to listen to their relentless words.

38. Don’t get mad when I pull you on you.

This one is perfect for people who operate solely based on double standards. Some guys can dish out insult after insult but cannot stomach one themselves. If you have an encounter with such an individual, then this is the comeback for the occasion.

39. Keep talking, I am diagnosing you.

If the goal is to put someone on the spot and make them feel self-conscious of everything they say, you can achieve that with this statement. It is another great way to nip an argument or back and forth in the bud without knocking someone out.

40. Don’t mistake my silence for weakness, nobody voices out their murder plans.

Use this one with care, you don’t want to end up being a murder suspect. But, it is fun to say especially when someone keeps taking your silence for granted. This should shut them up for a while.

41. Since when was it acceptable for you to be an idiot but wrong for me to point it out.

Need I say more? This is a great way to tell someone they are being idiotic loud and clear. Some people need you to spell it out in capital letters before it resonates.

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42. I am sorry I cannot talk to you right now, I already reached my quota of two people a day.

Here is a line you can throw out there any time people riff on you for being quiet or keeping to yourself. If they cannot compliment you for minding your own business, then they deserve a line like this.

43. I’m much too lazy for revenge, I’ll let karma deal with you.

i'm much too lazy for revenge, I'll let karma deal with you

If someone insults you to the point that you can’t take it anymore, don’t get defensive. This reply is the best way to keep them in their place and shut down the conversation before it escalates further.

44. Maybe you should eat some of that makeup so you can at least be pretty on the inside.

Some people have ugly personalities and they shove it in people’s faces without considering their feelings. If you happen to run into such a person, then this line is apt for the situation.

45. If I throw a lamp at you will you do me a favor and lighten up?

This one is for that person in your life who cannot take a compliment, have a laugh, or let their hair down without feeling offended. This line should put things into perspective for them.

46. Remember that one time you shut up? Neither do I.

Everyone has that obnoxious friend, acquaintance, or relative in their life and I’m sure you are no exception. This line is a one-way ticket to them shutting up or, at the very least, leaving you alone for a minute.

47. Oh, I heard you, I just don’t care.

If they do not know that you are ignoring them, then sometimes it is a good idea to spell it out in capital letters. With this line, you can stop someone from constantly coming at you with insults.

48. The jerk store called, they seem to be running low on you.

There are lots of people out there who are as annoying as they come. If they direct your attitude your way, then this is one of the best lines to drop because it will put them in their place.

49. I love the sound you make when you shut up.

If you want to shut down a useless or senseless argument, then this is the line to use. If that person constantly bugs you and throws insults your way, this phrase should really let them know how you feel about them.

50. Be nice to nerds like me, chances are that you’ll be working for us one day.

Being smart is somehow considered uncool, so if someone insults you for having a good head on your shoulders, this is a good way to put things into perspective. Let them know that being smart is the new cool.

51. Nerd? We prefer the term intellectual badass.

Calling someone a nerd is now considered a weak insult, but some people still resort to using it lazily. Just drop this line so that they can recognize the fact that you are superior to them in a way that counts most.

52. You are like a hemorrhoid, constant pain in the behind.

The moment someone insults you to a point that you cannot hold back anymore, this is the line to use. Not only does it add some humor to the mix, but it shows that you are witty and smart.

53. You’re the reason no one likes you.

you're the reason no one likes you

The truth, they say, is bitter especially when it comes from someone you are trying to insult. That, my friend, is the power of this line. Dropping this line is the perfect way to nip the issue in the bud without escalating the situation.

54. Your d*ck belongs in your pants, not as a part of your personality.

If it quacks like a duck and waddles like a duck, then it is probably a duck. But in this case, I am definitely not talking about a duck. If things get too heated, then you should let them know exactly how you feel about their personality.

55. I would love to insult you back, but I'm afraid I can't top Mother Nature. 

This is a great way to take the high road without actually taking the high road. You have to admit, it's extremely cathartic to let off some steam once in a while.

56. I'm not a nerd, I'm simply smarter than you. 

Again, if someone tries to put you down for being smart, it only makes sense that you put them down for not being as smart as you are. So, let them know that not being as smart as you are is actually a disadvantage. 

57. Jesus loves you, but I don't have to. 

There are people out there who really think their insulting nature is all fun and games. In their heart of hearts, they are simply being a delight to everyone around them including you. This line will let them in on some harsh truths.

58. It is so funny how people who don’t know Jack about you have the most to say.w

This one is perfect for insulters that pick on you on a regular basis, they keep running their mouths and try to paint you in a different light in the eyes of others. Let them know that they truly do not know anything about you, they just have a mouth they can easily run.

59. Oh no, you don’t like me? I’ll schedule some time to cry about it later. Right now, I’m too busy enjoying my life.

In this life, not everyone can like you or even tolerate you, that’s a solid fact. If there's someone who clearly voices their dislike for you regularly, this is the best comeback you can drop. It’ll let them know they are not as important to you as they think.

60. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

This one is for all those judgemental people out there who cannot keep their opinions to themselves. If they keep rubbing your inadequacy in your face, this is a great way to shut them up and shut the whole conversation down.

61. You are the stereotype of someone who always complains about stereotypes.

Here is another one that you can throw back at anyone who thinks that they can look down their noses at you. No one is perfect and just because you have issues in one area, doesn’t mean you do not have your strong points. Let that person know that they are playing into the stereotype of people who can’t see the good in others.

62. Do not judge what you do not understand.

do not judge what you do not understand

Judgemental people are everywhere, that is why I am going to take my time to arm you with enough ammo for them. This is a plain and straightforward way to tell them that they do not have all the facts and as such, they cannot get to you.

63. Well, aren’t you just a shiny little hypocrite polished in bullsh*t!

Here is a humorous way to really annoy someone who has made it a habit of annoying you regularly. With this line, you are sure to hit them where it hurts while putting your message across.

64. It’s always the one with the dirty hands pointing the finger.

You guessed right, this one is for all those hypocrites out there who think they know how you should live your life better than you do. This statement should really put them in their place and teach them how to keep their noses out of your business. 

65. If you live your life like everything is about you. You will be left with just that… you.

Here is another statement that is pure and unadulterated truth that can shut up any hater or insulter in the blink of an eye. Let them know where their behavior lands them if they continue on that path.

66. I’m sorry, I forgot I only exist when you want something.

If you are close to someone who constantly underrates you and only remembers you when they need something then this line will come in handy at some point. Let them know that you see their game and you are not down for it.

67. Here, let me pour you a tall glass of ‘get over it.’

We all make mistakes, but that does not warrant constant insult and aberration. So, if someone clearly can't get over something even when you've apologized for it over and over again, then this is the line to use. 

68. I'm sorry that my self-absorption got in the way of yours

Here's what you can say to that self-centered person in your life who constantly puts you down for not keeping them at the center of their universe. Sarcasm is a great vehicle to let them know that you have your life and they have theirs. 

69. There is not a sponge out there that can match your self-absorption. 

Vain people, right? They are as annoying as they come, and they spread annoyance in their wake (not my most creative line, I know). When one of them insults you, this is one of the best things you can say to put them. 

70. Wait, come back, you dropped your bullshit.

This is the perfect way to shut down an unhealthy conversation especially if you are keen on getting in the last word. It has the perfect amount of zing, sass, and sarcasm to put them in their place and entertain anyone who's close enough to witness the exchange. 

71. The amount of energy you spend trying to act like a good person could actually help you become a good person. 

This is just a great line that has the ability to throw your opponent off in the middle of an argument. Just let them know they aren't fooling anyone, most especially you. 

72. Do you need some sun because your behavior is nothing less than shady? 

Badly behaved people often do not know that they are behaving badly. But in the case that they know exactly what they are doing, this is the perfect comeback for them. 

73. Don't interrupt me while I'm ignoring you. 

don't interrupt me while i'm ignoring you

Here is a line for those annoying people who cannot take a hint. If they keep bothering and badgering you with insults dropping this comeback should shut them down, at least for a little while. 

74. If I throw a stick will you go away? 

Need I say more? If that insulter is still bothering you, then this is a light and fun way to shoo them away. It doesn’t hurt that you are insulting them in the process too, they should be able to take a spoon of their own medicine. 

75. Please go away, I'm introverting. 

You can equally use this one when someone is constantly pestering you with derogatory words and phrases. Once you drop this line, simply let it go and let them yap on if they want to, you've said you're piece, it's up to them to behave well. 

76. You go, girl! And close the door on your way out. 

Here is another way to clearly spell out the fact that someone is bothering you a whole lot. Tell them to go away and stay away from you for both your sakes. 

77. Don't look at it as a goodbye, look at it as a chance to leave me alone. 

Yes, I am sure you have noticed the theme here, if you want that annoying person to leave you alone then you should drop this spicy comeback and the rest is history. 

78. At least I can always count on you to sprinkle some negativity into my day. 

There's always going to be that person that rains on your parade, this line will definitely put them right where they deserve to be. 

79. How is pointing out the obvious going to help us? 

Some know it all out there is always going to try to Lord over you by stating the obvious and clothing it like it's a big deal. Once you say this, it should let them know you know what they are doing. 

80. If you can't be positive at least be quiet. 

In other words, they need to learn how to shut up and stay out of your business. Let that insulter know that you don't want any part of their negative attitude in your life. 

81. Hi there, I think I found your nose, it's burrowed in my business again. 

Again, if you want to tell someone to mind their own business here is a colorful way to get it done. Since they can't be straightforward, then you can tell them to shove off in the most twisted way possible. 

82. I'm glad I've found an expert on my life, please slow down while I take some notes. 

Sarcasm always hits the right spots especially when delivered in cleverly delivered lines like these. Let them know that you aren't buying into the nonsense they've been spewing about.

83. Mind your own problems before you nitpick at mine. 

mind your own problems before you nitpick mine

Many people don't have a problem picking away at other people's problems. They do it so much that they ignore how messed up their lives really are. With this line, you can give them that much-needed reality check. 

84. If you are going to sport opinions about my life, you better be paying my bills. 

It makes total sense, anyone who has strong opinions about what you can or cannot do with your life should be able to foot your bills. When you were little your parents had the right to tell you what to do, that's because they paid for everything. So, let them know that your name is on the bills, you get to do what you want. 

85. You're all up in my business like a wedgie, now that's some bad crack. 

Isn't it amazing how many ways you can tell people to mind their own business? Yes, it is and this is one of them, let them know you can do what you want and do need them to poke their noses where they don't belong. 

86. Your inappropriateness knows no boundaries. 

This one is for all those people who constantly overstep their boundaries. Honestly, there is nothing worse than someone who oversteps and acts like they are right at home. 

87. I'm sorry, I don't remember ordering a bowl of your opinion. 

Since minding your own business sounds as mundane as they come, this line is the perfect way to put that busy body in its place. Let them know that their opinion means nothing to you and it will remain that way. 

88. You should have really come with an off button. 

Don't you just wish you could mute or turn some people off? Since you can't actually do that, the next best thing is to tell them how you feel. This phrase is the exact embodiment of that sentiment. You're welcome. 

89. How can one person get on all 7 trillion nerves in the human body? 

Don't we all have this kind of person in our lives? They know all the right buttons to push to get you to your boiling point. Instead of blowing up and messing things up in the process, drop this line and watch what happens.

90. If I buy you a straw will you go and suck the life out of another room. 

Killjoys, right? They can suck the joy and fun out of everything regardless of how amazing. Simply utter these words and they should get the message and eventually melt into the background. 

91. I refuse to engage in a battle with an unarmed opponent. 

Many people think they are witty, but not everyone has their wits about them. That's the point that you will drive home with this statement. It doesn't help that it's loaded with the right amount of sarcasm to really drive it home. 

92. I try my best not to major in minor things. 

i try my best not to major in minor things

If someone is trying to make you feel smaller than they are, this is the perfect comeback. It's not too pompous, but it has the right amount of superiority to let them know you won't bring yourself down to their level. 

93. Anyone who can tolerate you on a daily basis is a hero. 

We all have that person in our lives that make us wish we did not know them. Well, this is the perfect line to use if you want to communicate how hard it is to deal with them even for a few minutes.

94. I don't need to plot an elaborate revenge plan, you'll eventually screw yourself over. 

Sometimes you don't need to say much to that annoying person, simply let them know I will eventually be the architect of their own demise. 

95. I didn't mean to push every single one of your buttons, I was looking for mute. 

Need I say more? 

96. If you are going to be a piece of shit, go and lay in the yard. 

There is no doubt that this will put them securely in their place. What’s more? It is fun; well at least for you.

97. Oh, you didn't know? That must be because it's none of your business. 

Another stellar way to tell people to mind their own business.

98. Those penis enlargement meds must be working because you are a bigger d*ck than you were yesterday. 

Yes, it is colorful, but it drives the point across.

99. I'd slap you but then I'd start getting calls from PETA. 

That's if animal control will care about them.

100. Before you can insult me I'd have to value your opinion. 

Ouch! They are bound to feel this one deep down.

101. You'd be a lot more likable if there wasn't a hole in your face that noise comes out from. 

Here's another creative way to get them to shut up. 

FAQs

What to say if someone insults you?

Many people are great on their feet when someone insults them, if you are not then take a moment to weigh the words before they come out of your mouth. In the case that you are going for the high road, simply let them know their remarks are not landing well. If not, go for a response that will hit just as low as theirs.

What is the rudest thing to say to someone?

There are a lot of things to say on purpose that can rub someone the wrong way. One of the rudest things to say to someone is f*ck you. Those two words are enough to trump all the insults out there. A person could recite a whole epistle of insults but once you introduce those two words to the mix your intention to get back at them is clear. 

How do I get better at comebacks?

First, develop a sense of humor, because that makes it easy to make jest of the insults that come your way. Then train your brain to listen to the words that come out of the other person’s mouth. Then look for the right tone, because once you have that down, it doesn't really matter what you say if you have the perfect tone.

How do you deal with someone who hurts you?

No matter what you do, do not become defensive with your comebacks. If you get defensive, you will achieve the opposite of putting them in their place. Also, learn to respond and not react, the insulter wants to get a reaction from you so don’t do that. Find a way to move past it, whether that involves you saying your mind or ignoring the situation is all up to you.

How do I know if I’m being rude?

You are being rude if you often have an impatient air about you, and do not care about how your words or actions affect the next person. Your goal is simply to be heard and to express yourself at the expense of other people’s feelings. Take a look at how people interact with you, that’s a viable indication of whether you are being rude or not. 

Conclusion

For many people, it is difficult to find smart things to say when someone insults you. Comebacks are a lot harder to come up with than how they make it look in the movies. With that in mind, I hope that this article gives you a little insight into how to put those bullies in their place. 

Your response to their words is everything, so be conscious of that. I would love to hear your take on the topic in the comment box below, what are some smart things to say when someone insults you? Also, don’t hesitate to share this with someone who needs it.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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