Boundaries in dating are there for a reason, they are there to protect you. Listen to your instincts, if you are about to cross a boundary line whilst dating, your instincts should be screaming no! Boundaries during dating are a very individual thing, what one person sees as a definite boundary line another one won't.
Boundaries are concerns that you have, about what you will or will not put up with. If you are goingto put up with a lot, you might run the risk of being walked all over by your man. On the other hand if you won't put up with a lot, you will be setting much stronger boundary lines. Find out where your concerns lie when it comes to setting your own boundaries during dating.
Ask yourself upon reading each of the concerns my friends and I have compiled for you, whether you would or would not be able to put up with any of the dating situations listed. Your answers will reveal to you, your very own personal dating boundaries to set.
Table of Contents
Boundaries in dating concerning jealousy are very Important. How do you feel when he goes out, are you thinking about what other women he might meet, or are you thinking about him enjoying himself. If it is thinking about him meeting women, you are on a road leading to jealousy and your thoughts are going to turn poisonous. You might cross a boundary where he will resent you for not letting him go out with his friends. If it is thinking about him enjoying himself, you are on a road fullof trust. You trust him when he goes out and he appreciates this. The dating boundaries you have created are much more open. Jealousy can be destructive, it is not a nice personality trait to have. Jealousy can cause a lot of heartache.
Boundaries in dating concerning being pushed into something you do not want to do, need to be thought about very carefully. He might ask you to do a bungee jump with him, you might feel frightened and scared and you do not want to do it. Be strong and do not cross your boundary line if fit is not right for you. If your man thinks anything of you, he will respect your decision. Once you have said a definite no, he should not pressure you. You have set a boundary line that is right for you. I know some people would not think twice about doing a bungee jump, they are not you, their boundaries are different to yours. You are an individual and you are entitled to say no. There will be times when you might feel doubt about doing something he has suggested. Tell him how you feel so that he can either reassure you, or cancel the event altogether.
Boundaries in dating regarding aggressive behavior need to be set very early on. My friend Liz has advice for you. She found herself to be in a relationship with a quick tempered man, he was a lovely man when he was happy, but quite often his short fuse would get the better of him. She told him he made her nervous when he was angry and he apologized. The problem was that he couldn't change. She ended up leaving him because he kept crossing the boundary line she had set him. He told her he would change but he just couldn't control his anger. It wasn't her he was particularly angry with, it was everyday things in general. His anger might not have affected another woman like it did her, but she did not like it. She was right to leave him. He would have only made her unhappy. If you want to have a loving relationship with your man, he will have to understand that aggressive behavior will not be tolerated.
Boundaries in dating concerning fear of reprisal should be acted upon immediately. You should not be afraid that your actions are going to be frowned at. You should not be worried that you have to do the things that are expected of you instead of the things you want to do. Set your boundaries straight away because you need your man to know that you have a mind of your own, you have hobbies of your own and you want to have a loving caring relationship without fear of reprisal . If your man crosses the boundary line and has a go at you for doing something he knows you like, then you need to tell him he is out of order. If he cannot let you live your life the way it suits you, he will be taking a piece of your personality away from you. This relationship will be an unhappy one. You should never have to be worried about your words or actions.
Boundaries in dating concerning being talked down to will give you respect for yourself. If your man says something derogatory to you and you do not like it, you have to tell him. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him you do not want him making comments about you that are demeaning. If he cares about you, he will listen and he will not want to cross the boundary line you have set. Your man might have got away with saying things like that with another girlfriend, but you are different and you have different moral standards. Stick to your standards and enjoy a happy relationship in the future. Your man will know that by showing you respect, he will earn your respect back. Your relationship will benefit from your understanding of each other.
Boundaries in dating concerning conflict can offer you both a limit to your disagreements. There is no way you can possibly agree on every little thing that life throws up. What you can agree on is compromise, learn how to give each other room to talk, you will find out a lot about each other through your differing views. Conflicting opinions can be a good thing, you can reach informed decisions together. Because of the boundaries you have set concerning conflict, you will never have to worry about having major arguments because you will always have compromise on your side. You will enjoy a peaceful relationship together, and live a lovely peaceful life.
Boundaries in dating concerning missed opportunities can hurt quite badly. My friend Diane's advice for you is to follow your hearts. Do not hold your man back if he has a dream. Do not let him miss the opportunity to prove himself. Help him to achieve his dream. Do not put boundaries in his way. Your encouragement will give him the confidence he needs to fulfill his ambitions. His success will be your success. You will bring each other on. You will share the dream together. Diane and her man now run a business together, they listened to each other when they were dating and they succeeded where others might have failed. Let your man help you with your ambitions too. He will love the fact that you trust him to help you live your dreams.
Boundaries in dating concerning reassurance can make your relationship so much more loving. Never hold back about reassuring each other. Reassuring each other will give you peace of mind. If you are not receiving reassurance you will feel vulnerable. Let your man know when you are feeling vulnerable so that he can put things right. If he does not put things right, you will know he does not care for you as you much as you want him to. He will have crossed a boundary from which you will find it hard to recover. You need to feel cherished by your man and if you are not you will resent him. Resentment can fester and will spoil what you have got.
Boundaries in dating concerning in experience are a way to get to know each other intimately. My friend Gemma's met Kyle when she was just nineteen. She was not a virgin, but she was in experienced. She felt shy in Kyles company and she needed to set a boundary line. She did not want to sleep with him until she was ready. Luckily for Gemma, Kyle felt the same way. He had fallen in love with her and wanted their first lovemaking experience to be a tender one. Neither of them crossed the boundary line until they were ready. Kyle respected Gemma's feelings and he was tender and loving towards her. The boundary lines she had set were right for her. Your boundary line might be different, but however you choose to set your boundary line, make sure it is right for you. Being inexperienced is a chance for you both to learn new things about each other.
Boundaries in dating concerning monogamy are the most important for future happiness. I am pretty certain that when you are in a strong relationship you will want your partner to be monogamous. You will both probably say at the start of your relationship that you do not want the other to have an affair. The world is full of temptations and by setting these boundaries for one another you are testing each other's trust to the maximum. If there is one boundary in dating that is not to be crossed, it is definitely this one. If you can overcome the temptations that come your way you will enjoy a long and happy lifetime together. You would never forgive yourself if you had a weak moment with another man. The guilt would be incredibly hard to live with.
Boundaries in dating concerning low self-esteem are there to help you. My friend Lisa says that when she was dating Paul, he did not make her feel safe. She felt unsure in his company and was uncomfortable in his presence. Her self-esteem hit rock bottom and she struggled to get out of the depression she was falling into. Then she met Lee, Lee was different, she knew that he was concerned about her well being. She set herself a boundary that she knew she would not let him cross. She wanted to feel safe, if he could make her feel safe and secure with him, she was sure herself-esteem would return. I am pleased to tell you that Lisa got it right. She is happy now. You need to be happy too, set your boundaries and stick to them. You deserve the happiness that comes your way, it is important for both of you. When you can have a relationship that puts a smile on your face, you will know that you have got a very special relationship going for you.
Boundaries in dating concerning responsibility can be shared. You need to speak to each other whilst you are dating, you need to know where your strengths lie. One of you will be more responsible a tone thing and the other will have strengths in another area completely. You will enjoy discovering things about each other that you never knew before. The world is your oyster and you are going to give this relationship your best shot. You will know that your relationship is special. You will know that you need to act responsibly. You will want to protect the relationship that has come your way, you are responsible, and your boyfriend is responsible. You both want your relationship to work. The two of you are going places because you have set boundaries regarding your own responsibilities. Your relationship will be all the better for having responsible attitudes.
Boundaries in dating concerning confidence are not just about you, they are about him too. We girls make a mistake when we think that our men are more confident than us. Our men are feeling as nervous as us on the date. Give him a chance and show him that you are interested in him. Let yourself cross the boundaries of who should make the first move. Give him the confidence to talk about himself, I think you will be very happily surprised when your man opens up to you. You have given him the confidence he requires to start talking. He will love thefact that you have given himthe chance to tell you things about himself. Your relationship will be a fun one because you can share so many stories together. You can learn about each other's experiences.
Boundaries in dating concerning stress are many. You are stressed with your job, he is stressed about his job. My friend Patricia knows what this feels like, she is a very independent woman. She knows she has a job to do, but she also knows that stress is real. She says the last thing she wants is her man telling her to put her job on the back burner and come out with him instead. She has to tell her man that she cannot possibly cross the boundary line she has set herself, otherwise her career would go downhill. He wants her attention all the time, but she knows that she has deadlines to meet. Patricia is right, she has to complete her tasks. Her man is very important to her, and she loves him. But always on the horizon is her job. Without her job, she would have nothing. Her man eventually learned that he could not possibly cross the boundary line she had set, because Patricia would not be able to complete her job. Your relationship will also benefit if you do not put each other in stressful situations. Being stressed is so not worth it.
Boundaries in dating concerning blame can be hard to deal with. You both decided to stay out late, dancing in the club that you ended up in. You both had lots to do the next day but neither of you said the words let's go home. You both blame each other, why did you stay out dancing when you should have come home and slept. These things happen and you should not blame each other. You are only human and you should forgive yourselves for your actions. Your relationship can be wonderful if it is free of blame.
Boundaries in dating which concern bullying needs to be absolutely setin stone. You do not deserve to be bullied. You are a nice person and you deserve to live your life in peace. At the first sign of bullying you need to let your man know that he is out of order. Tell him he has crossed the boundary line and you will not tolerate it. If you do not set the boundary line immediately, you will be in for a life of hell. Your relationship will not be a happy one. Remember the saying once a bully, always a bully. Do not fall into the trap of thinking you can change him. You cannot.
Boundaries in dating concerning values are very real and should be held dear to your heart. Your set of values are very dear to you, they are what keep your feet on the ground. My friend Lily has advice for you. She says that when she was dating Ken, he did not respect her values. She struggled with his negative vibes and found herself hating him. How could he be so adverse to her way of living. Ken had crossed her boundary line. He gave no thought to her set of values and her values meant nothing to him. Lily realized that Ken was not the man for her. She did the right thing when she told him to get lost. She is now well rid of him. Take Lily's advice, stay true to yourself. You did not get where you are today by not following your own set of values.
Boundaries in dating concerning manipulation need you to be strong. If you have met a man who is head strong and wants everything his own way, you will be in for a bumpy ride. You can overcome this situation if you set boundary lines that he cannot cross. For instance, if he does not like you going to see your friends, he will use manipulation to stop you going. He will say things like I wish you were not going to see you friends today because I had something nice planned for us to do. Or he might say don't go to see your friends today, I will miss you. He will use manipulation to try to get you to cancel your plans and do things his way. He has crossed the boundary line, stay strong and do what you want to do. Meet your friends and enjoy their company. Your relationship can be a happy one when you let your man know that you will not tolerate his manipulative behavior.
Boundaries in dating concerning self-belief can keep you strong. You believe in yourself because you know you are a good person. You have been brought up in a loving home. You were clever in school. You treat people with respect and you look after yourself. Never let go of all of your kind assets. Your man should recognize how lovely you are as well. When he met you he would have been blown away by your kindness, he would have fallen for your caring nature. Now that you are in a relationship there are two of you to consider. You will need to adapt to this situation. Your self-belief might be questioned. Your self-belief might be an issue to your new partner. You need to stay strong, you need to keep your self-belief. The most important person in this new relationship is you. Your man fell for you because he liked what he saw and he liked the person that you are. Do not change, stay true to yourself and live your life the way you have always done, stay kind. Your relationship will be a very happy one because you are not putting on an act.
Boundaries in dating concerning the L word are very confusing indeed. The biggest question is when do I tell him I love him. Or you might be wondering why he hasn't said it to you yet. My friend Lynn has advice for you. She met her man in the local social club. Lynn felt love at first sight. She was awe struck by him. He was everything she could have wanted. But she was not sure how he felt about her. She thought that if she said the love word first it might put him off. Her advice for you is to let your man know how you feel about him. You will instinctively know when the time is right. Your relationship will blossom once you know how you feel about each other.
Boundaries in dating concerning respect should be listened to on a regular basis. When your man tells you he is thinking about changing something in his life, you should respect his decision and back him up thoroughly. When you talk to each other you should talk to each other with respect. If there ever is a moment that your man does not show you respect you must tell him. He will have crossed the boundary line. You deserve respect in your life. You must tell him that he is not to speak to you in a derogatory manner again. Your relationship will be so much better when you set boundaries. You will be able to move forward as a couple because you will both have a greater understanding of what makes the relationship work for you.
Group of female shopping friends talking at the mall
Boundaries in dating concerning friends are many. You both have sets of friends and you both will want to spend time with them. This situation can get tricky when it comes to how often you see them. My friend Clare has advice for you. When her children were young she always had a house full of friends and their babies. Her man eventually told her it was too much. He would come home from work and sit upstairs because it was noisy downstairs. Clare listened to him and put him first, which was the right thing to do. Clare had crossed a boundary line but she was able to put things right in the end. Clare's relationship is thriving now. She still sees her friends, but not as often and not always at her house.
Boundaries in dating concerning family can be very complex. One false word from you or your man regarding your families can set you off down a very slippery slope indeed. You must try to get to know his family. Hopefully they will be lovely and you will all get along famously. One boundary line you must not cross is to criticize them. Your man will not like having to defend his family from critical remarks. He is who he is today because of them and the way they brought him up. If his family are rude to you in any way you should tell your man immediately. They will definitely have crossed the boundary line. Your man should stick up for you if this happens to you. Your relationship can only be a happy one when you offer each other support in difficult and controversial situations.
Boundaries in dating concerning equality are everywhere in our everyday lives. When it comes to equality it should be easy to respect the strengths and weaknesses you have got. You should feel equal to your man. He should not talk down to you like you are a second class citizen. If this ever happens you must tell him he has crossed the boundary. My friend Louise has advice for you. She say's you should treat your man the way you would like to be treated yourself. She says that although her man is physically stronger than her, her strengths lie in organisation. Between them they get through tasks equally. When you have an equal relationship you will both be able to relax, safe in the knowledge that you are moving forward through life with a greater sense of calm. There will be none of the bickering that goes hand in hand with inequality.
Boundaries in dating concerning individuality must be dealt with. You are an individual, you want to remain true to yourself. You like your mans personality and you do not want to change anything about him. If he were to tell you how to act, or tell you what to say, you would not like it and he will have crossed the boundary line. You need to remind him that he fell for you because of your personality. You should not change who you are because of him. If you start to listen to him when he tells you how to act, you will lose your strength of character. Your confidence will be dented and you might find it hard to get your personality back. Nip this in the bud immediately, tell him how hurtful you find it when he is not letting you act the way that feels natural to you. Your relationship will be more balanced when you understand each other's individuality.
Young Hispanic man being a gentleman and opening the car door for her date
Boundaries in dating concerning dignity should be there for your well being. If you are out and about with your man he should treat you with dignity. You should enjoy his company, it might sound a bit old fashioned but I think it is really lovely when a man holds the door open for you. I think when you are on a date you should act in a dignified way. I know I would feel very uncomfortable if there was swearing around me. I like it when my man shows me dignity. It shows that he cares about me. If you ever find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, you should let your man know. Allow him to take action to put things right. Your relationship is precious for you and your man. You realize what things make you happiest and what things upset you.
Boundaries in dating concerning careers can mean a lot to you. Some men think women should be chained to the kitchen sink. They have old fashioned views. If you have a career that you love, you will want to carry on working. You will want to carry on being independent. You will want to have your own money. Your man will be crossing the boundary if he starts putting pressure on you to become the stay at home house wife that he might want you to be. Stick to your guns, do not give up your career. You do not want to be dependent on him for your every need. Your relationship will be much better for you when your man accepts that you really enjoy your career and want to carry on working.
Boundaries in dating concerning money are very important. There are some men who like to pay for everything on a date, and there are some men who would rather share the cost. Whichever category your man falls into I am sure you would be happy with either scenario. The situation you would not be happy with is if he expects you to pay for everything. He would be totally crossing the boundary if he did this. You could never like a man who was like this with you. You would see him as mean and I know he could never change in your eyes. Money issues can cause rifts in relationships, but hopefully your relationship with your man can overcome any of the issues because you have come to an agreement over them.
Boundaries in dating concerning intimidation will protect you in the future. When you go on a date you expect to be treated nicely. You would not be happy if your man made you feel scared. At the first instance you would know that this man is not right for you. You need to walk away immediately. Your man has crossed the boundary line that is there to protect you. There will be no going back if you suffer an experience like this. At least you will have found out sooner rather than later that your man is not right for you.
Boundaries in dating concerning guilt can protect you from a lot of heartache. If you can do everything you can to be honest and to live your life with good moral standards you should enjoy a peaceful and happy relationship with your man. Your man should also be honest. If there ever comes a time when he tells you some kind if guilty secret, he will have crossed a boundary line. The relationship will never work if you cannot be honest with each other.
Boundaries in dating concerning support will allow you to have a strong relationship. Your man should support you in your everyday life. He should support you with difficult decisions by discussing all the issues with you. You can support your man by being there for him when he needs your help. If you are left alone to make the difficult decisions you will feel that he has let you down. You can achieve a lot together when your support each other. Your relationship will go from strength to strength because you will know that you can rely on each other.
Boundaries in dating concerning power should be shared. You should share everyday tasks together. You will get along much better when you share things. It will be no good if your man sees himself as the person with the power. The real power in a relationship comes from you both being able to share the decisions that you will find yourselves having to make. If your man becomes bossy with you and tries to tell you what to do, he will be crossing the boundary. You will see him for what he is and you will want to consider leaving him. You do not want to be in a one sided relationship.
Boundaries in dating concerning sex will naturally occur the closer you become as a couple. You will learn what it is that you both like and you will be able to talk about sex a lot more openly. You should be able to talk about things that you like, or do not like. If there is something you do not like and you have told your man what it is, he should respect you by not doing it. If he does do what you do not like, he will have crossed the boundary. This would not be a nice relationship to be in because he does not listen to you. For a relationship to work and be grow strong, it is crucial that boundaries are set.