A good friend approached me the other day with a problem. She said ‘My ex texted me now he’s ignoring me, why is he acting like this and what should I do?’
Well, this is a tough one. I mean, it’s hard enough coping with a romantic break-up, I know, I’ve been there. People cope in different ways. Some cut off all communication whereas others remain friends. But what do you do if your ex keeps texting you then ignore you? Read on to find out why.
There are many different reasons why your ex texts you then cuts off communication. Some might be completely innocent, like he’s busy and hasn’t seen that you have responded. Other reasons might be a little more manipulative.
Before you start analyzing why he texted then ignored you, first consider how this relationship ended.
Was this break-up of your relationship on mutual terms? Did you dump him or did he dump you? Was it acrimonious or friendly? Still, either way, you need to take these situations into account when reading my following explanations.
You should also consider his characteristics. For example, was he always glued to his phone when you dated? Was he always late replying to your texts when you were in a relationship? Does he lose his phone or never take it with him when he goes out?
Your ex’s personality won’t have changed that much, just because you two are no longer together. So, if he never answers texts then it’s no big deal now. But say he always answers within minutes then you can read something into his ignoring your texts now.
Right, let’s get down to business and look at some reasons he’s ignoring your texts.
Sometimes when a relationship ends it can be hard to let go. It’s that sense of loss we all feel, regardless of who left who. This is final, it’s scary, and now we are on our own. The thing is, there are people who find this sudden ending quite traumatic.
It’s not so much that this relationship is no more, it’s about a sense of control. We feel out of control, helpless, there’s nothing we can do. It’s over. One way to feel a modicum of control is to send a text and then ignore your response.
Talking about control, unfortunately, ignoring you is one form of controlling nature. It puts power into your former lover’s hands. You’re left wondering what’s happened, why your ex hasn’t responded.
It’s a manipulative tactic to keep your focus on your ex. When they ignore you it doesn’t allow you to move on in a healthy manner. They’re still in your life but also they’re not actively taking part or contributing to it.
Now, if your ex has sent messages then ignored you only a couple of times and they’ve apologized then it’s likely that they’re just busy with other stuff in their life.
Either way, what he’s saying is that you are not his top priority right now. I mean, you split up for a reason. So, while he may want to maintain a friendly atmosphere, he doesn’t consider you in his personal circle anymore. He’ll get round to you when he can. Basically, he’s keeping up appearances for an easy life.
Sometimes when we are hurting we need to have some sort of contact with that person. Even if we don’t respond, just sending a text to an ex is a form of communication. We feel as if they are still in our lives, whether we or indeed they respond. It’s as if we’re holding onto threads of the relationship but don’t really want it to start again. It’s possible he’s upset at breaking-up but doesn’t know what to do about it.
If he did the dumping so to speak, he might well be feeling guilty at hurting you. So his way of alleviating his guilt is to keep minimum contact with you.
However, one problem with this is that he’s only really going through the motions. Say he felt bad when he sent the message. Perhaps he did feel concern for you. But once that text was sent he went back to his life.
Are your ex’s texts questions about things you are doing? Does he ask where you’ve been, how was work? Does he seem interested in your plans this weekend? If so, he’s being nosy. This behavior is selfish because it gives him inside information whilst at similarly giving you hope for a possible reconciliation.
One obvious reason for texting then ignoring an ex is out of sheer boredom. He might have exhausted all his other contacts and simply come across your number in his phone. This type of messaging means nothing to him and therefore, by default, it shouldn’t mean anything to you either.
I once knew a really good-looking guy who got on with women exceptionally well. He would focus his attention on one at a time. Me included. When you were in his spotlight you felt like a superstar. You positively glowed under his halo.
However, after a while he’d move onto someone else and cast his spectacular spotlight on them. It was only after I’d been replaced by another of his women friends I realized what he was doing. He had no intention of dating any of these women. He used us all to increase his own sense of worth.
It’s similar when an ex sends texts then ignores your response. He’s got you hooked again. All he had to do was dangle some bait and you snapped it right up. Now you’re firmly back in his clutches, stroking his ego.
If your ex was texting you and replying then he’s suddenly stopped, it could be that he was using you as a stopgap until something better came along. He more than likely kept a pretense of conversation going because he wanted someone he already knew to help pass the time.
This behavior is a kind of mind game that is played by some people. The reason for doing this is to imply that a reunion is possible. When in fact, it’s not.
This is an insidious way to act. It gives the person who was dumped false hope when indeed, there is none. The worst part is that the dumped person feels vulnerable all over again. Those feelings of loss, devastation, even grief come flooding back.
But more importantly, if you have been healing from the loss of a relationship, these kinds of mind games take you straight back to square one of your recovery.
However, a text from an ex is intriguing. We start thinking that maybe they are having second thoughts. At least we know that they are thinking about us, otherwise, why send the text? But it’s not that simple. Your ex has fired off this text to you and basically forgotten all about it. Consequently, you are now completely fixated on this one text.
You might spend hours analyzing every word, every connotation. You may speak to your friends for advice. But make no mistake, you might be thinking about your ex, but you can bet your ex isn’t thinking about you.
In order to understand why an ex might text then ignore your response, you have to realize this is not about you. It’s all about your ex.
This person craves attention, and they want it from you because you’re the easiest target right now. The most important thing to remember whenever you receive a text from your ex is that the message in the text is irrelevant.
So, in other words, it’s not what your ex is saying. It’s the fact he or she is reaching out that’s important.
Another important thing is that if you were the dumped person in this relationship, you will be going through a completely different experience to the person that dumped you.
Therefore, it’s entirely possible that your ex might not realize the implications of sending you a text. They are coming from a different perspective. They’ve moved on with their lives. But you’ve been struggling to make sense of what’s just happened.
Remember, they haven’t gone through a gamut of emotions you’ve endured. In actual fact, they probably carried on with their lives without as much as a backward glance to you.
Of course, if you can see that your response to his text had been read, then they didn’t reply back, it’s possible that he just wanted to see how and if you would respond. He may have been curious to see whether you’ve still got feelings for him. But once he found out, he wasn’t bothered about getting back together with you. He just wanted to know for his own ego and gratification.
If your ex was a particularly nasty person they might have wanted to provoke a reaction from you. The moment you responded he knew exactly what you were thinking and how to manipulate you.
I have to keep saying this although it’s a harsh truth. But you have to realize, if your ex keeps on texting you then ignoring your reply, it means the texting has nothing to do with you. He doesn’t want to get back with you or start up a conversation with you, and he’s certainly not interested in how you are doing.
All this texting and ignoring is a despicable way to use you. Don’t forget, you’re in a vulnerable place right now. Your defenses are down, you’re weak, helpless, and exposed to manipulation.
After all of my above advice, you might still be tempted to reply when you get a text from your ex. Remember, unless the texts lead to an actual hook-up or date, it’s nothing to do with reconciliation.
It’s about mind games and manipulation. So get that in your mind and don’t forget, it’s not the message on the text that’s important. So don’t waste valuable time trying to analyze his words.
It’s an insidious form of control. As such, you have to be incredibly strong now. Because this text will draw you back to a warm place where you felt comfortable and safe. The truth is, getting your ex back was never on the cards.
I mean, why would someone that loves you ignore you? It doesn’t make sense. Would you ignore someone you wanted to spend time with? Of course, you wouldn’t. It’s a ridiculous concept, but we fall for it because we have this need to believe it’s true.
If you’ve been affected by an ex texting then ignoring you, you might be interested in the following frequently asked questions:
If your ex ignores you it is a sure sign to move on with your life. He or she obviously doesn’t want to speak to you so don’t waste time trying to get a response from them. And if you’re ever tempted to make contact, just think how you would treat a loved one. You certainly wouldn’t ignore them. There’s no mystery here, no hidden meanings. He’s not interested.
There could be a number of reasons why an ex texts back. He might be being polite, nosy, or he’s bored. He could also feel guilty of how things ended between you both. But I would strongly suggest, unless he or she is making actual real-life plans to meet up and discuss a possible future again, it’s best not to dwell on his responses.
This all depends on the message. Is he asking to meet up? Is he talking about reconciliation? If not, it’s more than likely he’s stringing you along. Don’t get caught up in his drama or nonsense. Carry on rebuilding your life and either block his number or simply ignore any texts yourself.
Nothing! You’ve got your answer. He’s not interested in even a conversation with you. Ignoring messages sends a message in itself. It's saying ‘Don’t bother me again, I don’t want to speak to you.’ It cannot be clearer. Moreover, why would you want your ex back when they are behaving like this? You have to stop thinking there’s something behind a person ignoring you. There’s no secret communication going on here. It’s obvious. They really don’t care.
Have you ever experienced an ex ignoring you after texting? It can really mess with your self-esteem. It’s important to remember that anyone ignoring you is not a great sign. There’s no mystery, no hidden agenda. They’re just not into you anymore. It’s time to move on with your life.