Literature and movies have come to make us believe in this fairytale where a person in love appears to be so smitten that they are blinded to their partner’s fault. Perhaps, you, like many of us, also prayed and wished for this kind of love, but now that you have it, you can’t understand why it makes you unhappy.
Well, the answer is simple, you feel smothered. As humans, we will never cease to be mesmerized by the joy of being in a new relationship. However, as exciting as it can be, an easy way to crash it before it even begins is by loving too much.
Many guys and girls alike may find it strange to know that there is such a thing as too much love, but it does exist. And if we are, to be frank, it is not the healthiest kind. In this article, I will be walking you through 27 reasons why too much love is bad in relationships.
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Whosoever came up with the phrase ‘love is blind’ must have been up to something. You see, too much love can make you ignore all other warning signs and red flags your partner may have. This is why being with a boyfriend who loves you too much will make you feel like you are perfect when in reality, he is blinded to your shortcomings.
While there is nothing wrong with being with a partner who loves us as we are (including our shortcomings), it is also important to be with someone who does not fear telling us when we are wrong. Therefore, the best kind of union happen when both parties can freely be honest and correct one another when wrong.
Being with a boyfriend who loves you too much means he is willing to tolerate your bad behavior. So, even when the rest of your family and friends are pointing it out to you, it is easy to dismiss their opinions by simply saying, ‘Well, he isn’t complaining.’ A relationship that continues in a pattern like this won’t last long because it leads to complacency.
A complacent person does not see the need to improve themselves or work on a situation because they feel perfect. Everyone should aspire to be a better version of themselves, but unfortunately, when you are with someone who can’t correct you because they love you too much, you will have a false sense of awareness.
You are unaware of the dangers of your bad behavior or lifestyle, which is bad for any relationship.
When you are with someone who loves you too much, it is not unusual to feel emotionally drained. It can sometimes feel like your boyfriend is overprotective, critical, and overly jealous in a situation like this. He bombards you with phone calls and is constantly worrying about your emotional state because he wants to always be as close to you as possible.
While this might seem harmless at first, a time will come when it will start to suffocate you, the receiver. This is when it gets toxic and can threaten your relationship because love is generous. It prioritizes freedom and autonomy but smothering deprives the relationship of space and energy, thereby killing it.
Everyone should have a boundary, value system, or set of principles because they help us make informed decisions that comply with our lifestyle. However, when you love a person too much, it is easy to lose track of these principles and reality as a whole. You realize that the things that should generally be a deal-breaker are set aside because you want to keep your relationship by all means.
Now, it’s okay to change your way of thinking and fight for a relationship on this basis, but when you find yourself trying to tackle the same issues repeatedly, even though you know things can never work, then there’s a problem. For instance, dating someone with a different religious belief, which you aren’t comfortable with, but you still want to be with them regardless.
Anyone who has been in a relationship will tell you that love is give and take. So, where one party is the only one always giving, and the other party keeps taking, it creates an imbalance and turns what should have been love into something else.
Loving a person too much can make you drain yourself all in the name of being affectionate. It’s okay to prioritize your partner’s goal, but when you constantly put it above your needs, then there’s a problem. Pouring out excessive love at your own expense will eventually leave you empty with nothing else to give, and it will lead to silent contempt, which wrecks relationships.
Now and then, we hear guys make statements like, ‘If you love me, you would believe without questioning.’ This statement may not run you off at first glance, but there are many things wrong with expecting someone to believe you blindly.
Even when you are in love with someone, you should still question some of their actions and decisions, and they should have no problem explaining things. However, blind loyalty resulting from excessive affection happens when you stop yourself from thinking independently but instead, allows your partner’s opinions to be yours.
In a romantic relationship, boundaries are not tangible things that we can see and point at. They are intangible limitations that help you and your partner know when things are going too far and when to stop. Boundaries help define responsibility, and it eliminates blame.
However, when someone loves you too much, they might start to overstep your boundaries. Although accidental, it can be destructive because there is no freedom of expression. Many feelings are left unaddressed, which further leads to an unsatisfying emotional distance between you and your boyfriend.
Couples who lead successful relationships know that familiarity can lead to contempt and boredom. As such, they strive to balance being together with their partners and giving them enough space to flourish as an individual. They know that an absence of this individuality will eventually lead to contempt, and relationships require a degree of absence to make the heart grow fonder.
If you are with someone new who excites you to a point where you want to spend every waking hour with them, you will have to pause and rethink. Ensure that you give your new love space and time to be themselves and engage in hobbies they enjoy. You do not have to attend everything together either.
There is nothing wrong with having expectations of what you want your relationship to look and feel like. After all, many of our expectations are a product of our life values and principles. However, expectations can become a challenge when unrealistic, and the inability to meet them makes us unhappy.
Loving someone too much can cause you to demand the same level of unhealthy affection from your partner. You want them to treat you like you treat them, or more, which is not always realistic. For instance, you want your boyfriend to call you seven times daily and forfeit his social life just like you did for him.
Manipulators are always lurking around the corner, waiting for an opportunity to strike, and loving a person too much makes you an easy target. When you are with a partner who knows how much you feel about them, they might want to take your weaknesses for granted.
Usually, they start by constantly asking you to do things you may not necessarily like or agree with. Still, you will do it anyway because you are in love, thereby leading you to suffer emotional abuse. Manipulators know the right strings to pull to get what they want, and yours doesn’t have to do any work because you have handed them the rope to do as they like by loving too much.
People without a clue will sit back and wonder why anyone saying, “My boyfriend loves me too much” should be a problem. What they do not understand is that one of the ugly fruits of excessive affection is unhealthy jealousy.
Unhealthy jealousy is a toxic trait that overly protective partners tend to exhibit. Here, they claim to love you, but their love is driven by the selfish desire not to be alone. They want to secure your bond so bad that they are upset when you spend time doing anything that does not remotely concern them.
When Bruno Mars sang “I’ll catch a grenade for you,” we all sang along, and while others internalized this extreme form of sacrifice to be the norm when a person is in love. To them, love is incomplete without severe sacrifice.
Agreeably sacrifice is sometimes necessary for love, but it comes in the form of compromise. This means you and your partner can find a middle ground that benefits everyone without overstepping boundaries. However, when you love someone too much, you lose your senses and make irrational decisions that overstep boundaries.
For instance, ditching school to help drive your upcoming musician boyfriend around town for shows. It’s irrational, but someone who is blinded by emotions will say, “it’s a sacrifice because I love my boyfriend.”
When you love a man too much, it sometimes drives them crazy, to a point where they neglect you. I see this a lot among women because they start to get impatient and question the man about his plans for their future while insisting on specific responses. They become overly dependent on the words of reassurance their partners give, and when they don't get it, they think less of themselves.
A healthy kind of love means even though you occasionally question yourself, “Why do I love my boyfriend?” You can remain patient, enjoy the present and allow feelings to develop naturally. You are willing to wait for both of you to reach an equal level of intimacy instead of pressuring him for immediate solutions and answers to questions.
The best kind of relationships are ones where you are both able to grow individually and together. There is a balance, and one does not feel left out because both parties have found a way to bring their different energies into unison. However, when you are with someone who loves you too much, you deprive yourself and the relationship of growth.
Your partner’s inability to say no or point out your faults will make you ignorant of areas of your life that need work. On your path, your inability to express yourself freely means you will always have to do what your partner says to reassure them of your feelings. As such, you both continue to move in a circle of deceit that goes nowhere.
When you smother a person with love, you will come off as needy and desperate, which is not a good look. Remember that everyone loves their freedom, and no one wants to be with someone that tries to control their space.
If you find yourself constantly doubting your partner’s trustworthiness to a point where you want to track what they do and where they go, it means you are insecure and desperate. If you continue with this behavior, without a doubt, you will lose your boyfriend.
You see, love requires trust to exist. You need to believe that your partner has the right to be independent, he loves you, and he will never want to hurt you intentionally.
Excessive love is oppressive because it stifles your partner’s ability to be his independent self. You are quick to snatch away any opportunity they have that does not involve you. You make a big deal out of simple decisions they make such as, what they want to eat as lunch, who to talk to, and when they should go out.
When you smother your partner with too much attention, you rob them of the freedom to be who they want to be. If you keep up this way, sooner or later, your partner will realize that you are limiting them, so they will want to break free and leave.
Remember that friend who ditched you because she was with someone new? Remember how it hurt and made you upset? Well, you are now on that exact path because you love your boyfriend too much.
Many of us abandon our friends when we enter a new relationship. We forget about them and focus all our energies and time on being with our partners. What we forget is that friends are an essential part of anyone’s life because they are the ones who stand by you through the highs and lows of life. So, ignoring them to focus solely on your partner will make you lose friends.
Friends are not the only people you stand to lose when you hold too much affection for your partner. You might also lose touch with your family because you have little to no time to spend with them. Think about the last time you went visiting, let alone shared a meal.
You will find yourself missing out on important days and holidays because you prioritize your partner’s desires above anyone else.
Paulo Coehlo once said, when we say yes to others, we must ensure that we are not saying no to ourselves. This is because, when you constantly say yes to others, especially a guy you like a lot, without putting yourself into consideration, it can be destructive.
You will find yourself in situations that do not benefit you, but you go ahead to sit through them because you don’t want to hurt your guy’s feelings. You lose the power to say no when you love a person too much because all your focus is on pleasing them. Eventually, such a relationship will break up because one person feels overburdened to be a caretaker, while the other partner feels oppressed and belittled.
It is not news to hear of people who have done crazy things in the name of love. First, it starts with them being kind and compassionate, and the next thing, they are stalking. This is why your boyfriend loving you too much is a cause for concern.
Not to scare you, but according to a recent WHO report, one in every three women experience violence globally, and the most common form of violence they experience is the one with an intimate partner. Leaving a rough estimate of 641 million women around the world as victims of sexual assault.
These statistics show you the extent to which excessive love can lead to a bad obsession where some guys will rather hurt you than see you happy with someone else even when they are not treating you well.
Part of what makes excessive love dangerous is its ability to spin your life around and redirect you on a path that is not entirely good for you. A guy who loves you too much will want you to adopt his interests as yours even when you are not comfortable with them.
While there is nothing wrong with learning more about your partner’s interest, it becomes a problem if you are constantly showing them; it shows you have no mind of your own.
The best relationships happen when you can maintain your interests, passions, goals, and beliefs. Remember that being with someone does not mean you should let go of your goals and ambition. Instead, the right guy should propel you to achieve those goals.
A healthy romance is where you and your partner can work through your difference and still maintain intimacy. This is why being with a partner that does not respect or regard your individual needs can damage your self-esteem and make you lose your individuality.
When you love someone too much, first, you view them with rose-petaled lenses that blind you to the warning signs and red flags. Secondly, because you are bent on pleasing them, you put yourself through unwarranted stress and inconvenience to make them happy.
Thirdly, in the process of all these, you lose yourself. This is why when you get out of a smothering relationship, it almost feels like you can’t recognize yourself. You have shed so much of who you are to fit your partner’s expectation of who you should be.
Imagine investing so much into a guy only to realize he no longer wants to be with you. This is anyone’s nightmare. Because you love your partner too much, you find yourself constantly anxious about what they are doing, how they feel, and if their feelings for you are still the same. The fear of losing your significant other can prompt you to make reckless decisions.
According to a psychotherapist, Astrid Robertson, relationship anxieties are expected, especially at the beginning. However, it only becomes a problem when it does not dissipate even after your partner has reassured you multiple times of their commitment.
This anxiety can lead to a lack of motivation, emotional distress, mental fatigue, and overall damage to your mental state.
As a follow-up to the anxiety caused by loving a person too much, trust issues are one of its ugly fruits. When you love a guy too much, you cannot remain calm and allow feelings to develop naturally. A part of you will always want to be in control because you do not trust them to stick around.
Lack of trust will have you wondering if your partner loves you, if you are compatible, and even lead you to self-sabotage. For instance, you might start overstepping your partner’s boundaries by checking his phone and stalking him.
For the umpteenth time, being with someone does not mean you must lose yourself. You are, first and foremost, an individual capable of going through life with or without someone by your side.
When you smother a guy, it’s likely because you are dependent on him to be your source of motivation, happiness, and everything good. Your inability to step back and enjoy things alone are signs of insecurity.
Neediness can rob your man of positive energy because he spends too much time trying to satisfy your wants. If you find yourself developing an unhealthy dependence on a guy, step back and look for ways to boost your confidence. Engage in independent activities and build a life of your own.
One of the worst things that can happen to a woman is falling in love with a manipulator. Manipulative guys will take your love for granted because he simply knows you love him too much to let go. He knows he can get away with anything, so he will constantly test your boundaries.
Being with someone like this can lead to emotional abuse. For instance, he asks you to do exuberant favors and put yourself in dangerous situations to make him happy. Because you are giddy about him, you will do it even when it makes you uncomfortable.
Now girl, the minute you make a man your world, believe me, you have lost in the game of love. Making someone your world means losing your identity and putting your life on hold to watch them live theirs to the fullest. You will want to always make yourself available for him to a point where you cancel other appointments and activities.
When you are in love with someone, it is best to act normal. You do not want them to know that they are the center of your universe, which can scare them off. If you find yourself giving up on your dreams and social life, it is time to rethink things and regain your independence.
All relationships need space to breathe and grow. However, when you smother a guy with too much love, it can be overwhelming, and it breeds contempt. Remember that in life, there is a thin line between loving a person and smothering them. When you smother, you overstep their boundaries and suffocate the relationship with excess love.
Your partner loving you too much does not mean you do not care about him, but you are not on the same level of emotions. The best way to handle this is by encouraging him to be independent so he does not depend solely on you for his happiness.
For instance, if he is artistic, encourage him to put his work out to the public and when he sees that people like it, it will boost his esteem.
It is perfectly normal to be giddy about a guy, especially if it is in the early stages of your relationship. However, it starts to go wrong when you put your life on hold to fulfill their happiness. You must remember that guys who care about you will not want you to lose yourself to please him. Instead, he will appreciate your difference and welcome your individuality.
We have all been in this questionable state where we wonder, ‘I love my boyfriend but does he feel the same?’ Easy signs to know a guy loves you include; he cares about your total well-being, wants to know everything about you, listens attentively, gives you the freedom to live out your dreams, and supports you accordingly.
The answer is no; true love is not toxic. The mere premise of true love is sharing, learning, and overcoming fears without losing your identity. In contrast, toxic love demands that you become someone else. There is no room for toxicity in true love, so if you feel your relationship is toxic, then it isn’t true love but selfish love and there’s a difference.
Every relationship is different, but a healthy one shares common similarities like the freedom to be independent but maintain intimacy. Too much love robs us of this essential element and eventually kills relationships. I hope you enjoyed reading this list of reasons why too much love can be harmful. If yes, please share with your friends, and don’t forget to leave a comment behind.