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Sensual Self-Discovery: A Mindful Masturbation Guide

June 8, 2024

I could talk for hours about why I love masturbating, and why we should all do it more. 

The benefits of self-pleasure are endless: you can really take the time to connect with your body, learn how to maximize pleasure, and, best of all, it allows you to take a well deserved break from day to day life. 

After a long and hard day, there’s nothing more rewarding than a little alone time where you can de-stress, clear your mind and explore your body. 

Mindful masturbation encapsulates everything good about masturbating and makes it great.

It allows you to really take the time to focus on the sensations, to listen to your body and will leave you feeling de-stressed and content.

What Is Mindful Masturbation and How Is It Different from the Regular?

Mindful masturbation is kind of like going to a yoga class instead of pilates. 

You get all of the same benefits, only you can really immerse yourself into the experience, and it takes a lot less out of you. 

Mindful masturbation is clearing your mind, connecting to the sensations in your body, and focusing on the pleasure that you feel in the present, without obsessing over an end goal. 

Whereas regular masturbation tends to be faster, and orgasm focused. Usually helped by porn or the use of sex toys, regular masturbation is all about arousal and pleasure. 

Mindful masturbation focuses more so on self-care and well-being. 

You experience pleasure, and will most likely end in an orgasm, but the point is more about the journey, the sensations you feel along the way, and how your body and mind react to said sensations; it’s quite literally a sensual self-discovery.

7 Benefits of Mindful Masturbation Improve your sex life 

One of the best benefits of mindful masturbation is how it can improve your sex life. 

Mindful masturbation encourages you to be more receptive to your erogenous zones and allows you to focus directly on the feeling of pleasure. 

This can make us feel more sexual in general, increasing libido and encouraging a better sex life with a partner, and it can simply make us enjoy the sex a lot better. 

You can practice mindful masturbation with sexual partners, and of course mindful sex. 

But, I would suggest practicing mindful masturbation alone first in order to truly connect with your body

Self-pleasure is generally the best way for us to experience pleasure as we know exactly what to do and where to touch our own body in order to maximize pleasure. 

1. Increased pleasure 

Mindful masturbation increases pleasure as it encourages us to focus only on the pleasure that we feel. 

We are led by our sexual energy, and encouraged to feel sensations that we wouldn’t usually take the time to engage in during regular masturbation through stimulating lesser erogenous zones. 

2. It can lead to intense orgasms 

it can lead to intense orgasms

Although orgasms should never be the end goal during mindful masturbation, you can certainly achieve intense orgasms when practicing. 

Throughout a mindful masturbation session, you will feel more pleasure in general, but you will also take your time… Sometimes, when we rush orgasms they don’t always feel as amazing as they could do.

When masturbating mindfully, you really aren’t focusing on the orgasm, you simply enjoy the present moment and allow your body to submit to the feeling of pleasure. 

This prolonged journey will encourage your orgasm to intensify and overwhelm the calm state of your body. 

The same way you feel more pleasurable sensations throughout the session, you will certainly be surprised by the intense sensation when you reach orgasm after taking the time to really listen to your body.

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3. Helps with self-control 

Like when practicing mindfulness generally, it will certainly help you with self-control. 

The reason we often rush masturbating is because it feels so damn good that we obsess over intensifying that feeling and reaching orgasm. 

Instead, by taking the time to allow your body to simply enjoy the journey, you’re practicing self-control which in the end increases the sexual pleasure that you feel anyway; a win-win all round. 

4. Allows you to treat yourself kindly

Arguably the best benefit of mindful masturbation. 

It helps us to fall in love with our bodies, helps with our self-esteem and encourages us to treat ourselves kindly

Well-being and self-care is incredibly important for the sake of our happiness and mental health. 

Taking the time to connect with your body and to understand your body really helps you to feel positively about your body image and how you experience pleasure. 

5. Helps to relieve stress

Masturbating is great for stress and tension relief as it is, but, sometimes when we rush and focus too much on the end goal it only adds more stress. 

One of the main steps of mindful masturbation is to clear your mind, eliminate distractions and really take time to yourself. 

That, plus the different sensations and pleasure that you feel, are massive stress relievers. 

Practicing mindfulness generally is great for stress and should definitely form a part of your daily routine if you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed regularly. 

6. Encourages you to learn more about your body 

Exploring your body sexually is the only way you can fully learn how to maximize pleasure. 

We all experience pleasure differently, and it can be difficult to convey to a sexual partner how to make you feel aroused and stimulated when you hardly know the answer yourself. 

Take the time to understand your body; what feels good? What doesn’t? And truly listen to yourself

Porn often makes us think that we should be into something sexually, which is why you tend to hear of the same sex trends such as choking, spanking, biting, and many many more. Although a lot of these trends can feel great, there could be something that really gets you going and you don’t know because you’ve not explored it yet. 

Mindful masturbation gives us that time to truly experiment with our bodies, increasing pleasure both in solo and partner play. 

10 Steps to Successful Mindful Masturbation

Okay, so there are many benefits to mindful masturbation, but how do I actually achieve it?

1. Practice mindfulness in general 

Mindful masturbation practice will be much more effective if you practice mindfulness generally, in your day to day life. 

This can be anything, including: 

  • Focusing on your breathing, 
  • Regularly clearing your mind, 
  • Appreciating nature, 
  • Expressing gratitude and thankfulness, and 
  • Concentrating on relieving tension. 

You can also try guided mindfulness with apps and classes, or even taking the time with a partner to de-stress together and reflect on the day. 

Practicing mindfulness generally will help you when it comes to mindful masturbation as you’ll have a better understanding of how to reach a calm and concentrated state, and it will also allow you to focus harder on the pleasure and sensations that you feel.

2. Give yourself a set amount of time 

give yourself a set amount of time

Allowing yourself a specific amount of time is perfect for mindful masturbation; remember, the end goal is not to orgasm (that’s just an added bonus). 

Start small, for example just a few minutes daily, and slowly build up until you find a routine that works for you. Starting with a small amount of time will help you when it comes to concentration and avoiding distractions. 

3. Consider set up

This is great for eliminating distractions, and also setting the mood. 

Mindfulness practice works best when you set up as you can create a calming space that allows you to focus and to let go a little. 

You may tidy up a space, maybe your bedroom, light a scented candle, play calming audio, potentially light up an incense and lock your door for privacy; whatever works best for you, and will help you to engage the senses and stop your mind from wandering. 

4. Take deep breaths

Mindfulness is all about focusing on your breathing. Take deep breaths, and use the rhythm of your breaths to help guide you when moving your hands over your body, engaging your erogenous zones and causing pleasurable sensations all over. 

5. Tune in with all the five senses 

Another reason why setup is so important. 

The best way to practice mindfulness is to tune in with all of the senses. Touch is of course the most important when practicing mindful masturbation, but engaging the other senses will truly allow you to connect with your body and to immerse yourself into the experience. 

6. Avoid using sex toys 

Especially as a beginner.

Sex toys are great, especially when masturbating, but when practicing mindful masturbation they can often distract us from the real goal. 

Sex toys are amazing for helping us to achieve a good orgasm, but they take away the personal element of using your hands when mindful masturbating. 

You’re much more receptive to your own hands, and not only do you focus on where you are placing your hands, but you’re also focusing on how the particular sensations feel. 

There’s also nothing better than when you have a really amazing masturbation session and it’s all thanks to your own body and only your body. It also really helps with self-love and gratitude for the bodies we have. 

7. Focus on non-sexual erogenous zones 

Discover new sensations by taking the time to engage non-sexual erogenous zones such as your legs, your back, and your face. 

Eventually, you will learn how to feel pleasure all over your body achieved by your touch. It’s important to start slowly and connect with your body before diving straight in with the areas that we know will get us going, such as the nipples and vagina. 

8. Start slowly on sexual erogenous zones

After you’ve engaged the least sexual parts of your body, you then want to slowly make your way to the body parts that you know you’re going to feel sexual pleasure from, eventually leading up to the clitoris. 

After having taken the time to really focus on the non-sexual parts of your body, you will feel much more pleasure when engaging the areas that typically arouse you. 

It’s important to take this slowly, in order to stay connected with your body. You’re in no rush to the finish line, you’re simply here to enjoy the journey and the pleasurable sensations you feel along the way. 

9. Don’t allow your mind to wander 

don't allow your mind to wander

Our minds often wander when we masturbate. This is probably the most obvious difference from regular masturbation to mindful masturbation; mind wandering distracts you.

You want to stay entirely focused and at one with your body. 

It’s important that you avoid distractions from the very beginning, like turning off your phone and locking the door, in order to allow yourself a set amount of private time for your sacred practice. 

Not allowing your mind to wander is what specifically helps with self-control, and it encourages you to stay more focused on your present goal; to actually feel and enjoy pleasure. 

10. Don’t focus on the end goal

The number one tip when mindfully masturbating, and arguably one of the best benefits in the long run is to not focus on reaching orgasm. 

Typically, not many women orgasm from sex alone and require additional stimulation to achieve orgasm. This is why most women rely on masturbation in order to get their fix, however, this only adds pressure and in the long run makes the whole experience less enjoyable. 

Here are some orgasm rate statistics from Better Pleasure:

  • 81.6% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone (without additional clit stimulation). Only 18.4% of women report that intercourse alone is sufficient to orgasm.
  • Women take an average of 14 minutes during partnered sex to orgasm – an average of 8 minutes during masturbation.
  • 92.4% of women are able to orgasm from masturbation.
  • Women most often have their first orgasm through masturbation.
  • 5-10% of women have never orgasmed, though many of these women will later in life.

Taking away the stress of reaching orgasm, especially during masturbation, is what actually helps us to achieve it. 

Take the time to practice mindful masturbation, focus on self-pleasure and live in the present moment. You’ll find that when you do actually reach orgasm, you’ll be much more thankful for the intense climax, and a lot more stress free. 

You’ll also have better orgasms by really listening to your body, that and you’ll learn a whole new concept of self-love and appreciation.


What are the best masturbation positions?

Most women masturbate when laying on their back, as typically it’s the easiest position to masturbate in, but there are many positions that are great and even help contribute to a good orgasm.

A popular one is to prop yourself up on your knees, you may squat, you may simply sit on the edge of your furniture. It’s all about what’s the most comfortable for that particular session. 
For example, if you’re masturbating with a dildo, you’re probably going to be the most comfortable on your knees as this will provide easier access. When massaging your clitoris you might prefer laying on your back. It really does depend.

You can also straddle a pillow and grind against it, this can achieve a really powerful orgasm and allows you to feel pleasure without having to focus much on how to achieve it.

What is mutual masturbation?

Mutual masturbation is where you would masturbate with a sexual partner, and in my opinion it’s massively underrated.

Think about it, it’s like free personal porn. You get to watch somebody who arouses you, knowing that they’re aroused by watching you… It’s this really fantastic situation where you both feel great, thanks to both yourselves and each other, without the complexity of having sex.

Sometimes, sex can be underwhelming, but typically when we masturbate we usually end in success.

What is guided mindful masturbation?

Guided masturbation is usually an audio, or an app that helps us to achieve mindful masturbation.

Like guided masturbation, kind of like porn audio, only it helps you to focus on your breathing and sensations rather than specifically arousing you.

Why can’t I have an orgasm?

Some women can’t orgasm due to health reasons, and for others, it’s simply not happened yet, but it will.

According to the Mayo Clinic, “Anorgasmia is delayed, infrequent or absent orgasms — or significantly less-intense orgasms — after sexual arousal and adequate sexual stimulation. Women who have problems with orgasms and who feel significant distress about those problems may be diagnosed with anorgasmia.”

Multiple factors can lead to this, such as intimacy issues, medical conditions or medication. If you’re concerned, then it’s always best to book a consultation with your doctor.

There are many other reasons why you might not be able to orgasm such as high stress or high anxiety. I would suggest trying mindful masturbation, and focusing on the pleasure you feel rather than working towards reaching climax and seeing how that works for you.

It might be something that is so worked up in your brain, that you need to completely dissociate from it in order to achieve it in the long run.


Mindful masturbation has many benefits, and not all sexual. 

It’s important that we take the time to reconnect with our bodies, and allow ourselves time to de-stress and relax. 

The best way to achieve mindful masturbation is to practice mindfulness generally. Consider mediation, classes, and simply take the time to yourself to feel good; that’s what it’s all about, feeling good within yourself.

Our bodies are capable of pleasure that we’ve never even imagined… Who better to explore and to learn about what your body can achieve than you? Only you will truly understand how you become aroused, how you experience pleasure and how you respond to touch in different erogenous zones. 

Once you find your rhythm, find a routine that works for you and practice mindful masturbation weekly, or even daily if possible. 

If you’re experienced in practicing mindfulness and have any further tips for those looking to try mindful masturbation then please feel free to comment. As always, share with a friend in need of some relaxation and masturbation tips.

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Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

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This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.


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