Women are obsessed with the idea of falling in love and getting to spend the rest of their lives with a husband who loves and adores them. It is a great feeling having your special person; someone you can connect with physically and even sexually.
With intimacy being a necessity and an essential element in every marriage relationship, the existence of repulsion for your husband might be a bit worrying.
You probably haven't lost your sex drive in itself, but for one reason or the other, you prefer waiting for your husband to fall asleep before going to bed. Or you make up different lies to get out of having sex with him. When he touches or tries to touch you, your skin crawls, and all you want to do is run.
If this is dynamic in your relationship, there's nothing to be ashamed of; many others have experienced this stage and found great ways to come out of it. We explore this feeling in subsequent paragraphs and offer great tips on what to do when you feel disconnected from your partner sexually.
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No husband who is totally in love with their wife and emotionally available will neglect vulnerability in his relationship. He will always be willing to share his more intimate thoughts and how he's feeling at all times, and as such, physical intimacy won't be an issue. When you start
feeling disgusted, you cannot feel him being available or present in the relationship.
There are many reasons why this might occur, but the most common reason is the existence of some unaddressed tension in the marriage or relationship. Physical affection is easily extinguished between two people when they don't share their emotions constantly. The lack of knowledge often means you don't understand each other, unaware of what the other wants.
Awaken the emotions of your partner through honest communication. Forget about feeling ashamed of expressing yourself and open up fully about how you're feeling. He's most likely to talk to you, too, letting you know if his unavailability is from past trauma or something wrong in the marriage.
Most often, we are blind to our faults and how we contribute to the state of our relationships. It is easier to wait for your partner to apologize, even when you know you're partly responsible for what happens in your marriage. When you start to gag by the idea of sex or intimacy with your partner, it is a great idea to check with yourself first.
Check to know if you're making wrong conclusions due to overthinking and being consumed with your feelings. You might be holding on to something your husband did years ago, causing you to neglect him, his body, and his feelings. The longer you stay away from sex or intimacy with your partner, the more painful it gets for your partner, and when you're married, this can spell doom for your union.
Not cheated on, but cheated in the relationship. When you begin to feel your husband prioritizes his needs over yours and doesn't show affection for you, you might not care anymore about doing things to keep your husband happy.
Whenever women feel their needs are not prioritized, they find it difficult to understand their partners, making it difficult to feel sexy around them.
If you feel this way about your partner, it is best to start talking about it with him. Love and marriage are all about asking and giving; the balance makes you experience feelings that are true and long-lasting.
Sex is an essential part of every relationship; thus, your relationship might suffer if it isn't as great as you'd like. Another reason why your husband's touch might disgust you is that sex isn't that great for you. When you're not pleased in the bedroom, it is easy to stop feeling emotionally connected to your partner, often feeling large bouts of anxiety when he comes close.
Sex must not feel forced, and it must satisfy both parties; otherwise, satisfaction will be sought from someone else. Every couple needs to talk about their sexual expectations and satisfaction constantly. Doing this keeps both parties in the loop, enabling them to work together on this aspect of their relationship.
You might have had a baby not too long ago, and you don't feel comfortable in your skin anymore. You feel ashamed of your flabby baby belly and, as such, feel disgusted when your husband initiates any form of physical contact.
Everyone has concerns about their physique, but you'll need to be honest with your husband about how you're feeling. When you talk about your body issues with your partner, he's bound to let you know how he loves you in all shapes and forms. Having children is something you should be proud of; a flabby tummy. Being honest with him is a positive way of addressing your body acceptance issues, and this is the first step to making yourself feel better about your body.
There are some instances and occurrences we experience but we have no full control over. A fear of intimacy is one. You might fear intimacy, from an old sexual trauma experience to a lack of trust. No matter the cause, you need to first identify this fear, except that it's threatening your healthy marriage, and consciously work on fixing it.
Express yourself either through therapy or with your partner. Let them in on your trust issues, feelings, and any abuse you might have experienced when younger.
Maybe your sex life is great when you do decide to have sex. With that factor out of the options, you should consider the health of your relationship. It's possible you're not just uncomfortable with your husband's touch but also with the entire relationship. This often happens when we are not in healthy relationships.
You might have a partner who doesn't treat you well, which causes you to recoil when there's any sexual encounter. It could also be that he's abusive, and your disgust comes by default as a form of self-defense. No matter what causes the toxicity in your relationship, it is best to seek professional help in the form of a therapist and sometimes the police.
Sometimes love comes and goes, and when this happens in a marriage, it can have you hiding from a sexual encounter with your partner. When you realize you don't love your partner anymore, you need to find out if the loss of love is real or if you're missing something that used to be there.
Losing love for someone is nothing to feel guilty about; it happens to the better of us. Depending on your relationship with your spouse, you might want to find ways to rekindle and enjoy physical intimacy with help from a counselor.
Having lots of fights with your parent can affect your sex life. When you have disagreements or arguments that are never fully resolved, you stay mad with your patent. This often has your skin crawling whenever he tries touching you or any other form of physical intimacy. This is a normal occurrence in relationships.
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If this is your experience, the best thing to do is find ways to resolve issues that need resolving, as, without this, you can develop any positive feelings and reactions to your husband.
When we have fights without partners, we might develop tiny feelings of hatred, especially when the argument doesn't go how we envisaged it. When our partners hurt us deeply and emotionally, like having an emotional affair with another person, our feelings might be more extreme than hate.
Many women resent their partners for cheating and many other acts done to them by their husbands. We forgive them, but we mostly never heal from such an emotional wound, which is why we are disgusted by our husbands' physical touch for a while. Such a wound needs a lot of time to fully heal.
One thing about trauma; it doesn't know time. Your trauma might have been sexual, like forced sexual contact or another type of trauma. In such instances, you're most likely to react with panic, anxiety, and disgust to physical touch, no matter who it comes from.
Your husband will need to know about all your experienced traumas for him to understand you and offer the needed support. Your partner being the relationship hero is more than enough to bring back the spark you had in the beginning.
The key to a great sex life doesn't start with knowing all the best foreplay positions. It begins with how a woman is treated. When a woman feels her husband prefers his own company instead of being with her. She might feel angry at him and not want to relish her husband's touches.
If your husband prefers spending time with other women instead of you, you can feel insecure and taken for granted. These feelings are more than enough to turn off your attraction to them.
Another reason you cringe when your husband touches you might be because he's always coming home late for work. Coming home late for work isn't an issue until it becomes consistent.
In such instances, your husband is prioritizing other things above you and your relationship.
Hearing comments such as 'I had a long day' and 'I want to sleep is enough to put you out of your mood.
Just as your feelings can be gone with the wind, so can his. When trust gets broken or feelings change, it is normal for your sexual relationship to take a nosedive. You can tell when your husband is touching you out of habit or necessity in these moments.
It’s natural to react to forced advances with disgust and low interest. You will need to have countless conversations about the relationship's future and whether or not you want to work things out.
In every partnership, romantic or not, the effort of both pirates is needed for the said partnership to thrive. When you realize you're the only one putting effort into making your union work, it can be a tough pill to swallow.
This realization often leads to resentment, which shuts your body down to all sexual or physical advances made by your partner. It would be best to tell your partner to pull their weight in these moments. Be clear about your boundaries and expectations regarding the marriage.
Your partner isn't always the one at fault; sometimes, you are to blame for your repulsions. The saying out of sight, out of mind is very true, especially for romantic unions. If you spend a lot of time with other people apart from your partner, they start to cross your mind, and their touch isn't something you look forward to.
You might not be in any emotional affair with the person, but they are almost always on your mind. Meeting someone while in a marriage can be detrimental to your union. In many cases, we allow these people to get into our heads and hearts when we lack attention or support at home.
When your new friend is all you can think about, it becomes easy for your husband's touch to feel repulsive.
Yes, he's your husband, but you might get to a point in your relationship where you feel your husband is only interested in intercourse with you. You don't talk; you don't spend quality non-sexual time together getting to know about the other's day, how they're changing and what they need to thrive. The absence of this form of intimacy and respect often affects your libido.
It might be sweaty or coarse palms or something to do with breath, odor, etc. These issues can repulse us and make excuses not to get intimate with our husbands. The only way out of this is like all others; the use of honest and true communication skills. Find a great way to relay your feelings and observations to your husband, and offer to help them work it out. This goes a long way to help your husband and, ultimately, the marriage.
One thing that explains for many women why touches from their husbands repel them is trauma. Many young women experienced trauma in their past and haven't been able to get over it, even in marriage.
The trauma experienced might be sexual or another physical form of trauma, enough to reduce your sex drive or find your partner repulsive.
In such instances, your best bet is to talk with your partner, letting him know he's not to blame.
When your husband's touch feels repulsive or uncomfortable, it might signify that your relationship has issues that must be addressed. It might be because you're resenting your husband for something he did wrong, or even worse, something you think he's done.
When you develop negative fields towards your significant others, it gets very easy to develop sexual aversions that you cannot explain. Again, the only way to make your marriage work will be through open communication and possible marriage therapy.
You might not want to be touched by your partner for varying reasons. If they are abusive, you might be afraid of them hurting you again. If they aren't but have done you wrong in recent times, you might have some resentment towards them, and as such, they don't seem attractive to you anymore.
Other times it could be a case of low sex drive, which your hormones might cause. Lastly, your libido might be intact, but you're not receiving sexual satisfaction from your partner. It would be best to feel comfortable discussing the cause with your partner, no matter what it is. Talking is the best and first step you must take to save your relationship.
Once you're married, you must always choose to love your partner, no matter what. When love becomes a choice and sexual intimacy proves to be an issue, your best bet is to consider showing your partner love in other ways.
If you feel as though you can't stand him, go back to the basics. Think about the characteristics of your husband that caused you to feel happy with them in your life. Rearrange your priorities and place them first, together with your own needs. Create avenues for other forms of intimacy in your home.
If you feel that you're afraid of intimacy, there are many ways to find out. If you find it difficult to express your needs and wants to those in your life, this could be a sign that you lack intimacy. Another sign is if you always try to avoid communicating with your husband, especially when it is about serious topics regarding the relationship.
An inability to trust your partner when making decisions can also prove that you have a deep-rooted fear of opening up to someone on an intimate level.
The deep, lovey-dovey feeling we experience when we meet our partners feels almost like magic. In comparison, we expect these butterflies to live on throughout our lives. Familiarity in the relationship often leads to these emotions vanishing, leaving us with a decision; to love or not to love.
If you have experienced moments where your husband's touch on your body puts you off, we hope this article was of immense help. We hope you choose to address these emotions in the relationship and rebuild the intimacy needed for every marriage to thrive.
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Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.
Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.