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My Husband Made Me Sleep With His Friend (What Should I Do?)

by Sonya Schwartz

Relationships vary a great deal in so many ways. A couple's sex life is just a single aspect of their marriage that can be starkly unlike another marriage. What people are into and what they enjoy can be dramatically different. Some will like having sex regularly in the missionary position perhaps with the most wild thing they do being having sex in the living room. While others will want to partake in threesomes or indulge other kinky fantasies.

Here in this article, we look at how to cope when you have slept with your husband's friend - at his request. This could be a difficult thing for a person to balance out after the event, especially if it was never their fantasy in the first place. We therefore ask a number of questions to help anyone work through the issues that may be racing through their head.

Did You Enjoy It?

Fundamentally, your sexuality is there to be explored and if you are in a marriage or couple where you feel like you have the support to push the boundaries of that, it can be an incredibly fulfilling time. Keeping this in mind, when you slept with your husband's best friend, ask yourself did you enjoy it?

From there, you may have a couple of thoughts that you have to contend with. If the answer is no, you will have to see your husband's chum again knowing that you did not enjoy how he made love to you. This can be a situation which is incredibly awkward and the aftermath of indulging this fantasy can therefore be particularly unpleasant if this is how you feel.

Additionally, however, it may be that you did enjoy sleeping with your husband's pal, then that too can throw up a whole load of confusing thoughts. Firstly, you could be wracked with guilt that you enjoyed having sex with a man who was not your husband. This may cause you a great deal of conflict with respect to your marriage vows. Additionally, you may from that point onwards lust after his mate, and that too can cause issues of guilt and remorse. From there, you could feel both shame and regret at allowing the episode to arise in the first place.

However, it could well be that your husband wanted you to enjoy the experience and he may have liked seeing you sleep with another person. This could have been part of his sexual dream and the fact that you enjoyed it will be one of the ways that he sought pleasure from the situation.

Did You Do It To Please Him?

Did You Do It To Please Him?

A key question to ask yourself so that you can come to terms with your feelings and move on from the situation (if that is what you want to do), is ask yourself whether you took part in the threesome or perhaps the voyeuristic set up to please your husband. If that is the case, it could be that you really struggle with the feelings and your arrangement within your relationship after it occurred.

The reason being is that if you did to it to please him, and you weren't that into the idea to begin with, you may suffer from a lower self esteem afterwards and maybe struggling with a low sense of dignity too. Bringing someone in your sex life is a huge step to take if one of you is not into that type of thing and if it is you who has had doubts, it can cause problems for both you and your relationship.

If that is the case for you, do talk through the problem with him. He may not have any inkling to your concerns and know nothing about the way you are thinking. If you are at any time unhappy with what has happened in your sex life, talking through issues with your husband is a key way to turn things around.

In fact, the times where you do communicate with your partner, you will probably find that you feel closer to him in all aspects of your relationship as a consequence. You may therefore find that your happiness in the bedroom increases as a result.

Were You Glad To Be Part Of His Fantasy?

A way to balance out how you are feeling after sleeping with another man as your husband made you is wonder whether you were at least happy to be part of his sexual desires. If he wanted a threesome or to see his wife sleep with another man, it can bring you great satisfaction knowing that you were the one that allowed his dream to come true.

There's huge feeling of gratification in that which can then go on to improve your sex life even more. Indulging each other's desires is a key factor in keeping the bond between you strong. Married life can sometimes be cursed by the drudgery of every day life and painting a healthy approach to sex within a couple is how a man and a woman keep things fresh at home.

Keeping things fresh can be key to being happy and having a successful marriage. Your husband could well have been trying to do this to ensure that your marriage remains a place that he and you enjoy to be. That does not mean he will necessarily be up for anything in the bedroom from this point forward, but weirdly it can be satisfying knowing that you are the woman that he wants to stay with both emotionally and sexually.

Has It Helped Your Relationship?

Keeping this in mind, if you are struggling with feelings like guilt or remorse or a low self confidence after your husband made you sleep with his friend, look at the circumstances from a slightly different angle. Has it actually helped your relationship? Did it please your husband?

If the answer is yes, it did help your relationship then that's great. Take a lot of comfort in that. There are so many other times in a relationship that we do a thing simply to please the other and indulging sexual desires is just another element to that. Plus, sexual desires can be a far stronger way of improving a relationship as indulging them for each other is not something that many other people in your husband's life can do.

As his other half, you can reach parts of his brain and psyche that others can't through sexual encounters between the two of you - if that means bringing another person into your home once in while, then that is ok - as long as you are both happy.

Also bear in mind that his friend may be feeling awkward too. For perhaps the same reasons as you. He could well be feeling like saying something to you both but may not have the confidence to do so. This could be because he enjoyed having sex more than he imagined he would or it could be that he too has feelings of guilt because he didn't enjoy anything about the episode. He may have felt weird that he was having sex in front of his friend and also with his friend's wife.

What To Do When Your Husband Has Asked You For A Threesome - The Bottom Line

Bringing someone else into your bedroom is a huge idea and takes agreement on all sides to work. If you are now concerned about how you are feeling and what happened during the sexual encounter, then try to work through your feelings by talking to your husband - and perhaps his mate if you think think will help.

However, a key idea to take away from it, if you did not enjoy it, is that you will need to be far more vocal about your desires in future. While it is great to indulge each other's fantasies as much as you can, your partner will never want you to do anything that you are uncomfortable doing. If he does, then that speaks volumes for your relationship and that is a whole other issue.

Communication is a key method to bring each other closer so remember to keep conversation going in the bedroom too. Your husband will most likely love to talk about how you felt during any sexual encounter as he will want to learn how to please you more in future - and the same can be said of him. You may find out that he did not enjoy seeing you with his pal as much as he thought he would.

Has your husband ever asked you to do something in the bedroom which you weren't sure about? Are you struggling in the aftermath of a threesome now? Leave your comments below as our readers would benefit from hearing about them or share our article to anyone you think would find it useful.

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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