There’s a lot of stigma and taboo surrounding anal sex, meaning that it isn’t often spoken about. For this reason, it’s not as widely accepted as vaginal sex.
For me, this is such a shame because a lot of people are really missing out; anal sex can be great and immensely pleasurable!
Due to a lack of understanding surrounding anal sex there are a lot of misconceptions that might contribute to a person’s unwillingness to experiment with anal play.
Some of the common misbeliefs of anal sex are that it hurts, it’s messy, it’s unhygienic, it’s unpleasurable for women, straight men shouldn’t enjoy anal sex, and that it’s dangerous. Let me tell you, not one of these points are true.
Yes, some have some truth to them in the sense that you need to take precautions, ease yourself into it and certainly educate yourself before experimentation, but that’s what you’re here for, right? To discover tips to maximize pleasure when engaging in anal play and to make the whole experience easier and more enjoyable.
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Let me start off by saying, anal sex isn’t for everyone.
However, it certainly doesn’t have to hurt.
We all have different preferences sexually, and for some, anal sex just doesn’t do it for them, and that’s okay!
The reason a lot of people give up on anal sex is because they try it once without taking the proper steps to ensure a smooth experience, they don’t enjoy it and they’re then hesitant to try it again.
If you attempt anal intercourse without any build up, lube and without relaxing, then I can guarantee you that it’s not going to work; nerves are the enemy and will result in painful anal sex as your own anus will literally seize itself up.
People don’t lie when they say that anal sex can be better because it’s tighter.
Thesensation from anal penetration is entirely different from vaginal penetration. A big reason for this is that because there is no natural lubricant in the anus like there is in the vagina, so even with lube, you can certainly feel more friction both on the giving and the receiving end.
If you are having any kind of sex where it is painful or comfortable, you should probably stop.
There could be a medical reason for this, it could be because you’re not really into it, or it could be that you need to educate yourself to enhance pleasure. More often than not it’s all in your head; this is why your choice in sexual partner is important.
When experimenting sexually, it’s important that you’re super comfortable with your sexual partner and you are able to communicate throughout. You need to be able to be vocal about your pain, as you might need to reconsider positions, pacing, or even taking a complete step back. Trust is essential.
There are lots of things to consider to enhance your anal play and generally make your anal sex easier.
Most importantly it’s about truly wanting it, and simply enjoying the journey. It’s like when you have vaginal sex or even masturbate, to enhance pleasure it should never be rushed and you should never obsess over the end goal.
Taking away this pressure will allow for a more enjoyable experience altogether and will even contribute to a stronger orgasm.
Patience is key when it comes to avoiding painful anal sex.
Rushing things will essentially guarantee pain. Take it slowly, be patient with your body, and ensure that you and your partner are both patient with each other.
If you’re not relaxed, your rectum will quite literally seize up and make penetration incredibly difficult.
The best way to relax is to really take your time to enjoy foreplay. Enjoy the slow build and keep calm, that way entry will be a lot smoother and less likely to hurt.
You often hear stories of women who aren’t interested in anal sex but their partners go the extra mile to convince them to try it.
You may even feel pressured by friends telling you that you absolutely have to try it, and coming from a girl who really enjoys anal sex I would one thousand percent recommend. But, that’s all it is, a recommendation.
Never feel pressured into experimenting with things that you have no desire to try. Anal sex can be amazing, when you really want it, not when you feel pressured by a partner or friends.
Due to the amount of preparation required, especially as a beginner, consent throughout is key.
Naturally, in anything sexual consent is always a number one priority, but in anal sex it’s important to constantly communicate and have an understanding of one another.
It’s one of those things that you can be enjoying for 5 minutes, but you reach your threshold, and that’s okay. Take your time with it, listen to your body, and be clear about consent with your partner.
Get your partner to cut their nails and ensure that you’re both clean.
To guarantee this, you could even start your sexy time by enjoying a steamy shower together.
You want to make sure that your genitals are clean, your partner’s hands are clean, and of course you want to have a clean anus.
Anal douching is used for thorough anal cleansing.
You would use this for both hygiene purposes, and to help clean out any poop remnants that might be inside of your rectum.
You simply squeeze water into your anus and then push this water out, flushing you out of any dirt.
As a receiver of anal penetration, it might seem obvious but, a good tip is to watch what you eat.
Foods high in fiber, spicy foods, processed foods and greasy foods are known to cause an irritable bowel.
Anal sex is pretty uncomfortable when you’re struggling with stomach issues and as much as you should accept that there might be some poop involved, some foods are likely to give you a much harder time than others.
As much as it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to come across a lot of poop, do not be surprised if you see some. This might be on your partner’s finger or penis after insertion or it may even find its way outside of your rectum during intercourse.
If you’re having anal sex, it’s important that both you and your sexual partner accept that there may be a little poop involved (although not always), and that neither one of you should feel embarrassed.
If you are worried about making a mess, consider laying down a towel but this is certainly not essential; it can help with overall hygiene as we know lube can get a little messy sometimes.
In order to avoid making an unwanted mess, empty out your bowels first.
This is going to make the entire experience much more comfortable, and it will help to eliminate any worries.
Whenever you have a new sexual partner it’s so important to talk about sexual history; more importantly STI’s, but also if they’ve had any experience with anal sex before.
STIs can still be transmitted through anal sex. In fact, according to Fettle, an online sexual health clinic, “The risk of catching an STI from anal sex is higher than for other types of sexual activity. This is because the anal lining is thin and has no lubrication. This means it can get slightly damaged by friction during sex, making it more prone to infection.”
STIs that can be passed on through anal activity include:
It’s also important to be honest about your sexual history and experience in order to understand each other sexually.
Porn is not realistic, we know this, but… if you’re looking to expand on your knowledge surrounding anal sex then porn is certainly not a bad place to start.
If you want to avoid painful anal sex, then it’s always a good idea to do thorough research before experimenting.
Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t create its own natural lubricant. Anal sex without lubricant will simply be impossible.
You may have heard the suggestion to use other things such as vaseline, olive oil, coconut oil, aloe vera, and some people even suggest using spit. This may work, but it certainly won’t help too much with ease of insertion as opposed to actual lubricant, and you’re also at risk of infection if any of those products contain harmful additives.
Make sure that you use enough lubrication to ensure smooth entry. If you feel discomfort from friction, then use more lube.
I would personally recommend an anal specific lube.
Water-based lubricant is a general favorite for anal sex, however silicone lube is a strong contender as it’s known for its ‘real feel’ effect. The only problem with silicone lube is that it can damage silicone toys and so isn’t entirely multi-purpose.
Water-based lube is generally condom compatible, it feels really natural and it helps towards an easy clean-up as it simply wipes right off.
Using anal sex toys is a great way to get your rectum prepared for smooth sailing anal sex as you will naturally build up a tolerance to anal penetration.
They’re also great fun, and will help you to discover your preferences when it comes to anal play.
It’s super important to take extra care with the hygiene of your toys when inserting them into the anus as you are more prone to infection in the anus.
Thoroughly clean your toys before and after use, and research to ensure that you’re cleaning them effectively depending on their material.
Make sure your toys are specifically for anal sex, and don’t mix and match. Keep your anal toys and vaginal toys entirely separate.
I would also recommend having separate toys for yourself and your partner. Yes, if you thoroughly sanitize your toys then there should be no problem when sharing, but to be safe it’s best to have your own separate toys.
Anal enhancers are typically used to numb your anus meaning that the pain is less present.
However, take ease when using creams like this as if you’re experiencing pain there’s probably a reason, and you wouldn’t want it to lead to a further problem such as tearing.
Safe sex is always encouraged, and that means wearing a condom.
It’s not possible to get pregnant from anal intercourse, however, if semen finds its way inside of the vagina then of course you are at risk.
It’s always best to consider contraception and ensure that you’re practicing safe sex.
As far as experiencing pain goes, your choice in sex position is crucial when it comes to anal sex.
People often opt for doggy style, and although there are many positives to this position during anal sex, it certainly wouldn’t be my first recommendation for a beginner.
Doggy style allows for easy entry and will allow yourself and your partner to get into a rhythm. But, it also allows for a deeper penetration, and this is something you probably won’t want on your first time.
Instead, I would suggest the spooning position. You can still gain easy access, however you are both much more comfortable and you’re almost forced to take things more slowly; which is exactly what you want if you hope to be successful.
This position also adds an element of romance, meaning that if you’re nervous your partner is able to calm the nerves and help to guide you into pure pleasure rather than leaving you on all fours whilst he attempts to get it in. It simply works a lot better and is a lot less painful.
It’s crucial that you’re already turned on to help reduce any pain that you might feel upon insertion.
Anal sex isn’t the best option if you’re looking for a quickie before work. Take it slowly, enjoy the pleasure that you feel and use this time to slowly build up to the big moment that is anal penetration.
Gradually work towards putting the penis inside by having your partner use their finger, or even anal toys to help build up your tolerance.
It’s crucial that you are honest with your partner if it hurts, because the pain won’t just go away.
The feeling of a penis inside of your rectum kind of feels like you’re about to poop. Trust me, you’re not.
It’s best to not think too much about that and instead focus on the pleasure.
If he puts his penis inside of you too quickly, jumping straight into fast thrusts will cause you absolute agony. Take it slowly, communicate exactly how it feels and encourage patience on both sides.
It’s understandable why they would want to get straight into it, because it’s just as exciting for them as it is for you, but they generally don’t experience any pain in comparison to the pressure that we feel. It’s certainly a feeling that you have to get used to.
Remember, thrusting too fast can cause tears.
Never switch between anal and vaginal sex, it’s highly unhygienic and will almost definitely lead to infection.
“Hemorrhoids, also known as piles, are swellings containing enlarged blood vessels that are found inside or around the bottom (the rectum and anus).”
They can be incredibly painful, and will become agitated if you perform anal sex, leading to more pain. If you’re aware of your hemorrhoids then it’s best to avoid having anal sex until they clear.
Anal sex can result in orgasm in a number of ways. Double penetration is a great way to achieve a very intense orgasm, but as a woman you can even orgasm from anal penetration alone via the A-spot.
The A-spot is an erogenous zone located deep inside the vagina. Upon anal penetration, you can actually press against this spot resulting in orgasm.
Anal is also amazing when paired with clitoral stimulation and I would always recommend paying attention to your clitoris when engaging in any type of anal play.
If you aren’t completely sure if you want to engage in anal penetration yourself, consider pegging your partner first to get a better understanding of anal sex, communication and the pleasure that you can potentially feel.
Pegging is where you would wear a strap on and penetrate your partner's anus instead, it can be super sexy, dominating, and will be immensely pleasurable for the both of you.
Bleeding, intense pain and mucus are signs that you should stop.
Of course everyone is different, but listen to your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, there’s absolutely no harm in stopping and trying again at a later date.
If you are really concerned, it’s always a good idea to seek professional advice.
Cleaning up is just as important after anal sex as it is before.
Ideally take a nice hot shower afterwards, and be sure to thoroughly clean your anus and vagina to get rid of any lingering bacteria.
If your partner didn’t use a condom, you’ll have to push out any semen. It’s normal to pass wind too after anal sex, so take a couple of minutes to sit on the toilet and clear yourself out.
Sex is about constantly improving and learning about how we can experience pleasure, so it’s always advised, especially when trying something new, to have a bit of a re-cap afterwards.
Talk about what you liked, what you didn’t, and what you want to try next time!
Yes, yes, and yes! A lot of people don’t know that you can orgasm from anal penetration as a woman, and that’s not even the half of it.
Anal penetration can feel amazing in many situations. You might be talking about double penetration, using a butt plug during sex, inserting a finger into the rectum during sex or even giving or receiving a rim job from your partner.
Your anus is sensitive and therefore receptive to pleasure. Penetration adds an element of pressure, when paired with other stimulation can feel absolutely amazing, and of course you can achieve an orgasm from anal penetration through what is called the A-spot.
Anal isn’t supposed to hurt, however it will if you don’t take any steps to ensuring that it doesn’t. If you insert something into any hole in your body it’s probably going to hurt, just like it probably would in the vagina.
Imagine trying to achieve vaginal penetration without foreplay, without lubricant or natural wetness and without any build up such as a finger first… it would certainly feel uncomfortable if not painful.
It’s normal for anal to hurt slightly, especially as a beginner because it’s a sensation that you’ve probably never felt before. Take the right steps, build up to penis in anus penetration and listen to your body. If it’s too painful, don’t try to continue, change something to make it easier or stop altogether.
Pleasure is not a race, it’s a journey.
As you become more familiar with how to successfully engage in anal sex, the pain will ultimately decrease and the pleasure should enhance. You will naturally become more comfortable with the act because you know what to expect; this relaxation is key to ensuring smooth entry.
The best anal sex is when you’re really in the mood for it. So with preparation, a good mindset and a partner you trust, it’s bound to hurt less and less until you only experience pleasure.
Consider beginner anal play kits… each toy increases in size as you build up your tolerance and learn how to feel pleasure from each toy.
The short answer is yes, and that’s because preparation varies from person to person.
No matter how much you build up your tolerance or how often you have anal sex, you will never successfully feel pleasure without preparation. You will always need to insert a few fingers first, and you will always need some kind of lubrication whether it’s specific or nonspecific.
The amount of preparation is entirely up to you. But remember, the journey is fun! Enjoy the prep and relish in your pleasure for as long as possible. Make it sexy!
Whenever you experiment sexually, take your time and enjoy the journey. Remember, each sexual encounter is different, and every single person is different, so never compare yourself to the experience of others, simply allow yourself to be guided by their tips in order to help your own experience.
Anal sex can be immensely pleasurable and can be very easy to achieve if you know how to do it. The most important tip of them all is to make sure that you actually want it, to relax and to use lube. Communicate with your partner and don’t rush, just enjoy it.
For some, the pain is pleasurable and rough anal sex is the way to go. As a beginner it’s important to take it slowly so you can take the time to discover your preferences. Pain is often normal, and if you take the correct precautions it will typically pass after a couple of seconds.
With that being said, don’t be afraid to give up and to try another day. Some things take time!
If anal sex doesn’t seem to be working for you, using anal toys when masturbating is a great way to build up your tolerance. This is also a lot less stressful as you don’t feel pressured by your partner. You are in full control.
If you have any anal sex tips then please feel free to comment. If you have a friend who is in need of some anal tips then please share! It’s important that as women we help each other the best we can.