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How To Confront Boyfriend After Snooping (13 Vital Things to Consider)

by Sonya Schwartz

You might feel tempted to go through your partner’s text messages or phone from time to time, to find out if he’s faithful. If you went through his phone and found some suspicious things, what then do you do? Do you keep it a secret or confront him about it?

Concealing this type of information would be challenging and might ruin your relationship in the process. Therefore, it’s important to know how to confront your boyfriend after snooping. If you want to know the right way to discuss what you found with your partner, continue reading to find out. 

13 Ways To Confront Boyfriend After Snooping

1. Acknowledge the damages it can cause

The reason you’re unsure about how to approach your boyfriend is that you have a gut feeling it might hurt your relationship. As we shed light on how to talk to him, we must point out what might happen in the process. 

Snooping on your significant other’s phone is invading his privacy, which indirectly breaks his trust. More so, finding out that you had doubts about him will raise suspicion about the relationship. 

Before confronting him, it’s essential to acknowledge how your partner might feel. He would feel monitored, which would prevent him from being his true self around you. More so, broken trust will linger into more problems in the relationship.

2. Ask yourself some critical questions

ask yourself some critical questions

Insecurity or broken trust can stir up snooping between partners. If your partner gave you reasons to doubt his faithfulness, you might be tempted to check his phone. Even so, if you’ve had bad experiences with other people, you’d feel the need to monitor your significant other. However, knowing certain factors about the incident can help you approach your partner better. 

You need to be aware of your motives for checking your partner’s phone. Ask yourself if they were valid enough to warrant snooping because your partner is likely to emphasize these areas. He’s bound to feel hurt and betrayed that you doubted him. But getting your answers right will help you control the discussion better. 

3. Have clear evidence

Your partner is likely to focus more on the fact that you snooped through his phone than on paying attention to what you found. Therefore, having clear evidence will help you gain an advantage during the discussion. It’s crucial not to be distracted by his claims, but to focus on your discovery.

If you’re uncertain about his unfaithfulness, you shouldn’t confront him yet. He’s likely to convince you otherwise and make you feel bad for snooping. On the contrary, having thorough evidence will help you counter his claims better. More so, it will give you a firmer mindset to withstand his accusations.

The best way to get enough evidence is to monitor your partner closely. However, avoid snooping through his things or you might get caught in the process. 

4. Don’t let him guilt-trip you

Before you confront your partner, it’s crucial to acknowledge that he might turn the tables on you. He might bring up things like trust problems and insecurities, which would only make you look like the bad guy. Since he’ll feel hurt that you doubted him in the first place, it’s essential to know how to deal with the guilt.

You should acknowledge what resulted in the snooping to help you cope with the things your partner might say. If things were rocky in the relationship or there was broken trust, you should admit this to yourself. Knowing the truth will help you feel less guilty if your partner accuses you of snooping. More so, you’ll be able to focus more on the evidence you found. 

5. Think of his possible responses

Your partner will be taken aback by your confrontation and may try his best to defend himself. It’s essential to think of the possible ways he might try to defend himself when you bring up your accusations. For example, if you found suspicious debit alerts on his phone, think of the possible excuses he would have about it.

If you think he’d say he sent some money to his brother, find out by asking his brother. Do this step for other possible responses he might give. Having backup answers to his claims will help you handle the conversation better. More so, it will increase your chances of getting factual information from him. 

6. Acknowledge that you snooped

The worst way to handle this type of confrontation is to deny that you invaded your partner’s privacy. Irrespective of the evidence you have against your partner, you should accept the negative effects your actions might have had on your partner and the relationship. 

He’d feel worse knowing you doubted him before having clear evidence. Therefore, try not to neglect your partner’s pain while trying to get your message across. Instead, acknowledge your deeds while focusing on what you discovered. 

The more you acknowledge how your actions might have affected things, the more your partner will be willing to discuss. This process will help you have a clearer understanding of the situation, and possibly reach a worthy conclusion. 

7. Acknowledge your doubts

acknowledge your doubts

While you may be certain about your partner’s misdeeds, you should also pay attention to the doubts you might have. If your partner keeps denying the evidence provided, and you’re feeling conflicted about your claims, it’s critical to think thoroughly about the situation. 

Think of the chances that you might be wrong about him. Is your relationship worth ruining based on some assumptions you have about him? You can demand space to help you process things better. 

If you conclude that your claims might be false, you should communicate this to your partner. On the contrary, if you’re convinced that your partner broke your trust, you should consider the next step. 

8. Consider if the relationship is worth it

Your partner might deny your accusations and provide evidence against your claims. However, it’s up to you to believe him or not. If you feel your partner is unfaithful or guilty of whatever you suspected, you should consider if the relationship is worth it.

Think about the possible effects his actions would have on both of you. Is the truth a deal-breaker, or are you willing to mend things afterward? 

You need to acknowledge the repercussion of any decision you might make - which is choosing to break up with him, or standing to work on the relationship. This process will avoid you making a worse decision that might put you in a tough spot.

9. Demand an apology

If you concluded the evidence you obtained was true and you want to mend things, the next step should be to demand an apology from your partner. If he was hiding something and told a lie about it, you should express how it made you feel. More so, you should communicate the effects it will have on the relationship.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

While asking for our partner to apologize, try not to be domineering or manipulative. Explain the situation and try to convince him to make amends. You should make him accept how bad his actions were In the same manner that you acknowledged trespassing on his personal space. 

This process will prevent you and your partner from fighting if there’s a chance both of you can mend your relationship. 

10. Seek reconciliation

You shouldn’t solely focus on being right without pushing for reconciliation. Ensure your partner sees that you don’t intend to fix the relationship’s root problem and not to break it. It’s also essential to acknowledge if you were feeling insecure or having trust issues about your partner. This process will enable both of you to know where to start fixing the issue.

Wanting to reconcile with your partner depends on what happens when you confront him. If he accepted that your evidence was true and gave viable explanations, you should try to see things from his point of view. Accept that there are problems that need to be addressed, irrespective of whether you choose to stay or not.

11. Forgive him

The most critical thing you should do after confronting your partner is to forgive him. If he admitted his errors and is keen on dealing with the relationship’s problems, you should forget about the past. Bear in mind that snooping on a loved one is as hurtful as the crime your partner might have committed.

Therefore, instead of making him feel like a bad person, talk about forgiveness. Emphasize that things will get better when both of you work on things. 

Forgiveness is crucial to any relationship’s progress. Therefore, it would be best to avoid bringing certain incidences up after the confrontation. Doing such is a bad sign and might break your partner’s trust the more. 

12. Focus on rebuilding trust

focus on rebuilding trust

Trust is the major thing that breaks after someone snoops through their partner’s text messages. Even so, finding out the truth about a significant other’s behavior can further affect a relationship. Therefore, if you want things to fall back into place, you should focus on rebuilding trust. 

Think about the unresolved issues that led you to snoop through his phone in the first place. If your partner had exhibited suspicious behavior, inform him about it. Tell him how you felt when you observed those behaviors, and focus on eliminating certain characters in your relationship.

It’s also essential to focus on establishing transparency between you and your partner. If he feels monitored, things will become rigid and might eventually fail.

13. Apologize where necessary

A critical step to rebuilding the trust is to apologize. Apart from telling your partner about the areas he hurt you, you should apologize for going through his phone. More so, reassure him that the action won’t happen again. 

This conversation will give your partner a sense of confidence to be open with you in the future. More so, it will make your request for transparency more valid. 

However, it’s critical to stick to your words and avoid snooping. This step is vital to your relationship’s progress. While you may get suspicious about your partner from time to time, snooping will only harm the union more than it will fix it.


How do I fix my relationship after snooping?

If you want to repair things after snooping, you have to focus on rebuilding trust. Admit you were wrong for prying, which will allow your partner to forgive you. More so, establish transparency in your actions to rebuild what was damaged as a result of your actions. 

How do you confront your boyfriend when you went through his phone?

If you found incriminating evidence on your significant other’s phone, you might want to tell them about it. However, the best way to confront your boyfriend is to admit you snooped. This process will enable you to have proper control of the discussion, and keep the focus of the argument on your evidence. 

What to do when you catch your boyfriend snooping?

If your partner checks your phone without your consent, it hints at broken trust. He feels you might be hiding something and is on a quest to find it out. It’s vital to have a discussion with him about the root problems. This process will help both of you overcome your insecurities. 

Can snooping ruin a relationship?

Snooping hints at broken trust and can lead to other problems. If any of the parties find out, they’ll feel monitored and restricted. This process can further diminish their love due to limited freedom of expression. More so, it will make them believe you constantly doubt their capabilities to remain faithful. 

Is it bad to go through my boyfriend’s phone?

If you’ve started snooping on your significant other’s phone, understand that you’re breaking the trust in your relationship. More so, invading your partner’s privacy will create room for doubt, division, and limited expression, which will lead to more problems. 


Did you enjoy this article on snooping in a relationship? Remember that confronting your partner after snooping is necessary. However, constantly prying afterward will be a wrong decision. It would be best to work on rebuilding trust in your relationship after confronting your partner. Kindly leave a comment below if you liked this article and share it with others. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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