Being in a relationship takes a lot of trust, so when you feel insecure or you feel your partner is acting differently to normal, it’s hard not to feel suspicious. So, when you suspect that your boyfriend is up to no good, what can you do to either make yourself feel better or catch your man in the act of cheating?
Well, these days, with social media and dating apps being wildly available on smartphones, many of us will make the decision to snoop on our boyfriend’s phone to see if there’s any evidence that he’s been talking (or worse meeting!) other women behind your back.
The problem is, even if you do find that he’s been cheating, how do you broach the subject that you’ve gone through his smartphone?
Particularly when you’ve broken a lot of trust by choosing to look through his cell. Just think, would you feel violated if your boyfriend looked through your phone? The answer is most likely yes.
- 1 Is it Bad to Go Through My Boyfriend’s Phone?
- 2 Think Long And Hard Before Going Through Text Messages
- 3 I Read My Boyfriends Text Messages And He is Cheating
- 4 I Can’t See Any Texts – Is He Still Cheating?
- 5 How Do I Confront My Boyfriend Over Cheating When I Snooped on His Phone?
- 6 What Happens When You Look Through A Smartphone And Find Nothing?
- 7 My Husband Went Through My Phone/My Boyfriend Went Through My Phone
Is it Bad to Go Through My Boyfriend’s Phone?
Whether he’s been unfaithful in the past or you’re just feeling insecure, many of us have woken up one day and thought “I think my boyfriend is cheating on me”. Which means, you’re going to want to investigate that gut
feeling to see if you’re correct. Which is why many of us will consider looking through your boyfriends phone to see if you can see any illicit messages or photographs. However, by making the decision to look through his cell, you’re going to be seriously violating the trust you both have in each other. Which means, it’s important that you ask yourself a few questions before you grab his smartphone:
- Would I like him to look through my smartphone?
- What will I do if I find something?
- What if I find nothing and I snooped for no reason?
Always remember, if you do find something untoward on his smartphone, you’re going to have to admit that you looked through his cell to find it. Which means, when it comes to discussing any messages you find, you’re unlikely to keep the high ground in an argument. As you also took the decision to break the trust you both share.
Think Long And Hard Before Going Through Text Messages
Whether you saw a text message flash up on his smartphone, think he’s downloaded a dating app or you’re suspicious of the time he’s spending on social media – you shouldn’t just grab his cell and start looking through it at the earliest opportunity. Instead, take some time to think and really consider what consequences your actions could mean. At the very least, I recommend that you at least take a night to sleep on it.
For one, our suspicions about cheating are often just a projection of our past insecurities, meaning we are worrying about nothing and could damage the relationship by choosing to look into their private phone. Indeed, by choosing to look at his smartphone, your relationship will never really be the same again – regardless of whether you see proof of cheating or not.
So, Before You Reach For His Cell, Ask Yourself The Following First:
- “Have I told him I want to be exclusive?” Perhaps it’s an early relationship and you’ve not had the proper talk yet to decide whether or not you won’t see other people. He might just not realize how serious you’d like the relationship to be!
- “I could be worrying over a friend.” Some guys can be friends with other women. So, while you see a text message from a female as a sign of cheating, it could easily just be a friend, co-worker or even his sister.
- “I think he’s been acting weird.” If he’s acting unusually, making you feel like he’s keeping secrets, it’s easy to be suspicious. You may wish to consider asking him yourself before you went through his phone, though.
- “I want to look at his cell, but will it ruin our relationship?” For many men, when you make that choice to invade his privacy and look at his phone, you will have broken the trust forever. This could mean that your relationship will be ruined, even if he wasn’t up to anything.
- “Does checking his phone mean I want the relationship to end?” Think about why you want to look at his phone – would you like to find something as it would give you an excuse to leave your relationship? If that’s the case, you should consider breaking up instead.
Take your time and answer these questions to yourself, it will give you a far better idea of whether or not you want to take the plunge and check your partner's phone for dating apps or illicit text messages. Take your time and answer these questions to yourself, it will give you a far better idea of whether or not you want to take the plunge and check your partners phone for a dating app or illicit text messages. As, if you really have your mindset on it, there’s no point wondering is it wrong to go through partners phone. Your mind won't rest until you’ve looked.
I Read My Boyfriends Text Messages And He is Cheating
It’s every women’s worst nightmare. You were worried that he was cheating so you went looking at his smartphone and found something. So, what do you do next? Especially when the last thing you want to say to your friends or family is “I went through my boyfriends phone and found something” – that can just feel far too embarrassing.
Instead, try not to panic, things might not be as bad as you think. So, firstly, scroll back and read texts from the start to make sure you have the full context. If he is cheating – whether it be just sex or love – it will be very obvious from his messages. You may wish to take screenshots of messages and send them over to your phone. This is especially important if you’re both married and you may need evidence for any lawyers. Yet its also important for your own sanity, as your partner could easily delete all messages and claim you’re being crazy or paranoid.
You might also want to take note of the numbers that he’s been texting. That way, later on, you can use a search engine to see if you can find who the numbers belong too. You might be surprised to see that the number is linked to Facebook or it might even belong to someone you know. Worse, you might find that your boyfriend or husband has been messaging more than one person. Again, take as many screenshots as you can and send yourself the evidence as well as noting down numbers. As tempting as it is to message or phone these other women though, keep strong. You’re going to want to take your time to think about what you’re planning on doing and the last thing you want is for your partner to get wind of the fact that you’re on to his cheating.
I Can’t See Any Texts – Is He Still Cheating?
So, you’ve grabbed his cell when he’s not around and there were no suspicious messages, does this mean he’s not cheating? Well, since you’re feeling paranoid or you’ve got reasons to think he might, you might as well look a little closer. Always remember that cheating men are trying to be sneaky, so he may have deleted texts to hide the evidence. So, as the first port of call, check his call log, as you might see a contact or a number that appears a lot. Here, again, take a note of the number for later.
Texts and calls aren’t the only way that your significant other could be up to no good. So, if you’re still having trust issues, you should look to become your own little smartphone detective looking for some of these key things on his cell:
- He has a passcode that he won’t tell you. True, a password is sensible but most couples will know how to get on each other’s phone to use it for things such as a quick call. If he won’t tell you the code, be suspicious. If he won’t tell you his code and you’re desperate to see on his cell, most phones use face or finger recognition these days, so just wait until he’s asleep!
- Look for Facebook messenger chats and private messages on other forms of social media. More often than not, slipping into the DMs of other women is where cheating can start. So, always check for social media apps.
- While looking for social media apps, always check for accounts you didn’t know about. For instance, if you didn’t know your partner had Snapchat, it will be rather odd if you find he has an account. Also beware on apps like Instagram, where it’s very easy to have multiple accounts logged in at once.
- Of course, if you see apps like Tinder or Bumble on his phone, you’ll know straight away that he’s up to no good!
Finding any evidence such as flirty texts or secret social media profiles can be devastating, breaking any trust that you have in your boyfriend. So, now that you know you were right, what do you do next?
How Do I Confront My Boyfriend Over Cheating When I Snooped on His Phone?
Even though you know you didn’t cheat, you have still broken the trust in your relationship by invading his personal space. Which means, you are also in the wrong too. So, how do you confront your partner, especially when there are so many feelings involved?
Well, first of all, you’re going to need to make a decision, you’re either going to admit to looking at his phone or not. The problem is, which option is the best?
Confronting Him About Cheating Without Mentioning His Smartphone
For many women, hiding the fact that you went through his phone makes much more sense. Especially as you can’t then be the bigger person who didn’t do anything wrong. However, this will also make it very hard for you to confront him, as you’ll have little or no evidence to back you up. This often leads to your boyfriend just trying to fob you off as being paranoid or crazy.
Admit to Looking At His Smartphone
Although it also makes you look like a bad person, often the best way to confront a cheating boyfriend is by admitting what you’ve done. As, that way, you can show him all the evidence that you’ve collected and demand an answer. This makes it far less easy for him to lie and say nothing is going on. Plus, since most of us will be looking to end our relationship due to his cheating, it doesn’t really matter that you broke his trust to find out the truth.
What Happens When You Look Through A Smartphone And Find Nothing?
So, you had your suspicions and you went through his phone. Yet, even though all the signs pointed to him cheating, you’ve found no evidence or suspicious things to back up your theory. Well, what now? Do you still think he’s up to no good and he’s just good at hiding? Or, do you admit you were in the wrong and apologize to him for invading his privacy?
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Well, let’s face it, you’ve found nothing and it’s likely your husband or your boyfriend is going to have his feelings shattered by your lack of trust in him – especially if he really has done nothing wrong! If you plan to have a long-term relationship with this man, you’re going to have to think long and hard about whether or not you tell him the truth. On one hand, you found nothing so it’s unlikely he is cheating on you; however, he may find your indiscretion too much of a betrayal and will consider ending your relationship.
You should also consider the reasons behind your paranoia. If you often find yourself worrying about your relationships it could mean that you’re carrying a lot of emotional baggage. In which case, you might want to consider therapy either just by yourself or in couples therapy. It can also be a good idea to outline the steps you’re taking to improve yourself when you admit that you went looking at his phone. As, by admitting your problem and showing you’re taking positive steps, he might be more willing to give you a second chance.
There is always the chance, though, that his feelings will be too broken by your actions. Which means he may wish to break up with. At this point, there will be very little for you to do to change his mind. However, at least you’ll know how to respect the privacy of future partners. Although you might not want to tell your next boyfriend that the reason for your last breakup was “I went through my boyfriends phone and he found out”!
My Husband Went Through My Phone/My Boyfriend Went Through My Phone
Just like we can get jealous and paranoid, you might find that your partner is suspicious of your behaviour and looks to your cell for cheating evidence. Now, for many women who will happily snoop on their men, they be a little hypocritical of men doing the same. Indeed, many women only realize just how much a breach of privacy it is when it happens to them.
If you catch your partner looking at your smartphone, likelihood is, your feelings will be hurt. Secondly, if you have been up to no good, you’re going to wonder what he’s found and whether or not he wants to break up with you. Now, if you have been cheating – physically or emotionally – this should single that there’s something wrong and perhaps you don’t love him as much as you thought. Which means, splitting up might be the kindest end for everyone.
If he’s snooped and you’ve not been chatting to anyone, though, you’re going to feel angry and violated. For many women, this breach of trust means the end for you both, however, you may consider counselling or forgive him and start over. That’s totally up to you and depends on how much you love him.
Overall, looking at a partner’s cell isn’t as easy as just picking up that smartphone and looking at everything. You have to first consider why it is you’re worried that they’re up to something – is it your own insecurity or are they acting suspiciously? If you’re insecure, take steps to work at your emotions and consider professional help. You could also sit your partner down and tell them how you feel, making sure that they know that you want to feel better.
If they have been acting suspiciously, though, the temptation to look will be all the higher. Before you do, though, you could sit him down and ask him outright if he’s cheating. You never know, he might be honest and you can decide where to go from there. More likely, though, he will deny everything and he might take the opportunity to hide or delete any evidence. So, keep that in mind before sharing your feelings.
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