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How to Ask Someone to Hook Up? 13 Things to Keep in Mind

January 22, 2023

Asking someone for a casual hookup may feel intimidating, especially if it isn’t something you’ve done before. Many cultures still find sex outside a relationship or marriage taboo, one of the reasons this remains an uncharted territory of sorts. 

However, Western society is seeing more and more women taking control of the dating world, from asking men out on dates to asking them for casual hookups. 

If this is your first time and you have your eye on someone but you want to keep things casual, this article will help you navigate what to say and what to keep in mind when it comes to hooking up. You might not be aware of it but even asking for something like a hookup requires a certain amount of finesse and honesty to get it right! 

13 Things to Keep in Mind When Asking Someone to Hook Up

13 things to keep in mind when asking someone to hook up

1. Pick the right person

Make sure you pick someone you’re actually attracted to and someone who you think you stand a good chance with when it comes to hooking up. There’s no sense in asking someone who is overly prudish or who has never shown you any interest. 

Being rejected when asking someone for sex is a sure way to feel awkward and kill the fun, so try and pick the right person to ask. 

2. Send fun and flirty messages to break the ice 

Many people feel awkward asking for a hookup face-to-face and would rather do it via text. Starting by sending flirty messages is always a great way to break the ice, get to know someone, and gauge their interest.

Keep things casual, flirty, and interactive by using nicknames (i.e. babe, pumpkin), asking him open-ended questions, complimenting him, and using humor in your messages.

Chances are, if all you want is a casual hook up, you might be rejected. Dealing with rejection over text is always easier than a face-to-face confrontation, especially if you’re new to the game. If you are faced with rejection over text, remember to remain polite. Not all people are interested in hookups and you need to respect that.

3. Be yourself and be honest 

Remaining honest and authentic is important. You don’t want to pretend to be open to hooking up, sexual exploration, and certain sexual acts but when it comes down to actually doing the deed you’re no longer interested.

It’s also important that you don’t mislead the person you’re flirting with by letting them know that you aren’t looking for a relationship or anything serious. Let them know that you just want to have some fun.

4. Show interest in him 

Showing some level of interest in the person you’d like to hook up with is an important way to build up the chemistry. Ask them about their day or any other details about their life. If the two of you have shared experiences, talking about that is also a great way to bond. Showing a genuine interest in him gives you a better chance at hooking up.

5. Use humor to keep things light

People often feel more attracted to someone who has a great sense of humor. Use humor in your texts and face-to-face conversations to keep things light-hearted and fun. 

Adding in some cheeky comments to your humorous conversations might also help set the tone of your intentions (without having to blurt them out) and keep things fun and flirty. 

6. Get a feel for whether or not he’s open to a hookup

Find out what he’s looking for. He might spend all night talking to you and flirting with you but turns out he wants a serious relationship. 

Or he might be interested in dating people and not open to a casual hookup. Or maybe he isn’t interested in anything but friendship. Where his head is at is a big determining factor in whether or not your request for a hookup will be met with rejection

The best way to know where his head’s at and what he’s after is to ask. Simply say something like “what are you looking for?” and let the rest unfold from there. 

7. Leave him wanting more

leave him wanting more

Whether you leave him wanting more based on your physical actions, texts, or verbal affirmations, this is a great tactic to use to build up chemistry and sexual tension. 

If you’re texting, leave the conversation when you’re both deeply engaged, not when you’ve run out of things to say. This will ensure he looks forward to talking to you again. And, don’t forget to flirt. Sending a text that lets his mind wander is a great way to leave him wanting more, for example, “I wish you could see what I’m doing/wearing right now…”. 

When it comes to in-person interactions, you can use subtle physical cues to leave him wanting more. The way you touch him, look at him, and kiss him is sure to create sexual tension. The more sexual tension and chemistry you build up, the more likely you are to get a positive response when asking him for a hookup. 

8. Be indirect in your approach

There are several ways you can approach this sort of situation indirectly that’s likely to work in your favor. If you want to hint at him asking you out, you can always ask something like “Got any plans this weekend? I’m still deciding what to do…” This gives him the perfect opportunity to ask you out if he was thinking of doing so. 

If you want to gauge his interest in a hookup you can ask something like “What are you looking for relationship-wise?” or “What’s your take on casual hookups?” or “What do you like in bed?” Based on his answers you’ll be able to suss out what he’s looking for and either stand a better chance at a successful hookup or avoid rejection. 

Lastly, emojis… emojis can say 100 things without saying anything at all. There are ones that are widely used and recognized for their sexual connotations, i.e the eggplant, peach, and water droplets. Use them to your advantage. 

9. If you’re feeling brave, say it as it is

Sometimes, the best way to ask for casual sex is to be direct! If you don’t enjoy beating around the bush, say it as it is and ask for what you want. 

10. Asking for a hookup is a two-way street

Keep in mind that the way you interact and ask for a hook up will invite that same sort of behavior in return. So, don’t be shocked or offended if suddenly the guy you’ve been chatting to asks for a nude selfie or for you to come over at 1 am after his night out. 

11. Get him to ask you

If you just can’t bring yourself to ask a guy for sex, there are ways you can get him to ask you. Drop suggestive hints and ask questions like “what are you up to tonight?” This gives him an opportunity for him to ask you for casual sex instead. Bingo! 

In our society, men are conditioned to take the lead when it comes to sex and relationships so getting him to ask you might be a lot easier than you think. 

12. Get close, physically

Once you’ve been talking and flirting for a while, break the touch barrier and get cozy. Holding hands, a touch, a kiss, or snuggling are all great ways to turn up the heat. Once you’re physically intimate, things can progress naturally from there and your chances of a hookup will be higher.

13. Dating apps are a great start

If you don’t have much previous hookup experience, Tinder and the likes make for a great starting point. Many people who hope to find a fun, suitable hookup use dating apps. Not everyone is on there to find a serious relationship. Don’t be shy. Many people I know have had a successful Tinder hookup. 

9 Ways You Can Ask Someone to Hook Up

9 ways you can ask someone to hook up

Below are some great ways you can politely ask someone if they’re interested in hooking up while not putting too much pressure on them and still giving them an out. 

This way, you’re not coming across too strongly and, at the same time, you’re being open and honest about your intentions

Saying something to a stranger like, “Hey. Are you DTF?” (which, yes, one does come across frequently on dating apps) is not always the best approach. 

  • Option 1: I think we have great chemistry! Would you be open to having some fun with no strings attached? 
  • Option 2: So, we matched on here. Want to test out if we match physically? 
  • Option 3: I’m not looking for anything serious but I’d love to have some fun with you. Want to hook up? 
  • Option 4: I’d love for you to come home with me. Are you keen? No pressure. 
  • Option 5: I’m not looking for anything serious but you’re driving me crazy. Keen to have some fun at my place?
  • Option 6: I’m so attracted to you. How do you feel about a hookup?
  • Option 7: I want to kiss you right now! How about you come over to my place and we can see where this goes… 
  • Option 8: How do you feel about a Netflix and chill evening? 
  • Option 9: Want to come back to my place for drinks and see what the night holds?

If you’re looking for some inspo on what to text him after a hookup, this article is great.

How to Tell Someone You Don’t Want Anything Serious

1. Tell them from the get-go

If you want to ask a guy for a hookup, be honest about your intentions and expectations from the very beginning. It’s the courteous thing to do and it’ll also ensure that he doesn’t get emotionally involved. Sex will just be sex and nothing more. 

2. Let them know why you’re just looking for a good time 

Some people might find it insulting if you tell them you aren’t interested in having a relationship with them but just want a hookup

In order to avoid this, start out by talking about why you want to remain single for the time being (i.e. you don’t have enough time to commit to someone else/you’re working on yourself/you’ve just come out of a problematic relationship). 

After talking them through the above, follow on by giving them a compliment (i.e. you find them really attractive/interesting/irresistible). 

Once the guy understands your motives, and is flattered by your compliments, he’s far more likely to sleep with you, with no strings attached. 

3. Make sure your actions reflect your words

This is an important step. Many people fall for those who are emotionally unavailable in the hopes of changing their feelings/commitment levels. If you’re serious about not getting attached, don’t send flirty texts for hours on end, spend time cuddling and kissing after sex, or go on date after date with the guy. 

How to Prepare for a Hookup?

how to prepare for a hook up

1. Make sure you have condoms at hand 

Protection is key! Make sure you always have condoms with you if you’re going to be sleeping around. Your safety is your responsibility so don’t expect the guy you’re hooking up with to have some at hand. 

Running out to buy condoms mid-hookup will quickly kill the mood so be prepared and stock up beforehand. 

2. Make sure your place looks presentable 

Ensure your place is neat, tidy, and presentable. A dirty home or bedroom is a sure turn-off. Make your bed, take out the trash, and light some candles to set the mood for the night. You might want to have their favorite drink at hand, too. 

3. Get dressed for the occasion

Dress in whatever makes you feel your best, sexy self without giving away too much from the get-go. Shower, moisturize, shave any areas you want, apply your favorite fragrance, and throw on your best outfit.

4. Pick out your favorite lingerie 

Get ready for hot sex by wearing your sexiest lingerie or underwear underneath your outfit.

FAQs

At what age do people hook up the most?

According to a survey of 2000 Americans, 27 is the age at which people tend to hook up the most.

How common is a hookup?

Recent research has shown that between 60 and 80% of North American college students have had casual sex/a hookup. Hook ups have become extremely common, especially amongst youth, as more and more people want casual relationships and opt to settle down later in life.

Is a hook-up worth it?

While a hookup is a great way to satisfy sexual needs, there are a host of downsides that go hand-in-hand with this sort of behavior. The risk of STIs and unwanted pregnancies is increased, and many people feel their emotional needs aren’t taken into consideration. The hookup culture also leaves many feeling ill-prepared for healthy, long-term relationships.

Do frequent hookups form any damaging behavior?

Frequent hookups/casual sex might have some negative effects on your mental health, such as shame, regret, anxiety, and emotional distress. Many people engage in casual sex expecting it to just be fun but end up with their emotions entangled.

Other damaging behavior is when people engage in this sort of sex as a form of revenge, for material rewards, wanting to people-please, or as a way to avoid their own negative feelings of self. Some people also engage in casual sex as a way to avoid the responsibility and hard work that’s associated with happy, long-term commitments.

On the contrary, others might find casual sex empowering, with a boost in self-esteem and sexual enjoyment.

Conclusion

If you’ve been wondering how to ask someone to hook up, this article will give you all the ins and outs. Engaging in this sort of sex requires more than just a seductive appearance, you need to take your physical safety and mental health into consideration, too. 

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