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When One Spouse Wants To Move And The Other Doesn’t (8 Things To Consider)

Marriage is a union of two people and so, there must be a mutual agreement between you and your partner. Moving from a house you’ve invested so much into and turned into a home is a difficult thing to do even if you’re the one who wants to move.

Are you the one who doesn’t see the sense of moving away? Does your partner want to start over in another place? Maybe your partner wants to move because of a new job offer he got or plans to move back to his hometown. 

Whatever the reason is, it can cause a gradual drift if the two of you don’t reach a reasonable compromise. In this article, you will get some needed directions on how to convince your partner that moving is the best option even if it doesn’t appear so from the beginning. 

Some Major Reasons People Have To Move In The First Place

1. Purchasing a new house

Buying a house is a dream come true for almost everyone. It signifies independence, ownership, ability to be as comfortable as possible without the fear of the restrictions outlined in your legal rental agreement.

2. Health challenges 

health challenges

Another important reason that may be responsible for a change in location is health issues. There have been cases of climate incompatibility to existing health conditions which would require climate change. As much as you’re attached to your home, health is more important and you have to move for your sake or your partner.

3. Relationship status

One of the implications of changing relationship status is that you might have to move away or move back somewhere. If for example you’re getting married you would have to move away from your current city, state, or country to where your partner lives. 

Maybe your spouse wants you to move after some months of living apart, the two of you will have to make arrangements to live in the same house. This case is especially true for new couples who are still in long-distance relationships due to financial, or other issues. 

4. Job switch

A new life-changing job offer could be the reason a partner wants to relocate. You want to save the cost of commuting and maybe the job offer comes with housing benefits. It could even be that the job is out of the country and you have no choice but to move away. The two partners have to want to leave, living life apart may cause issues.

5. Change in finances 

Financial changes could require that you downsize or upgrade. If your income reduces, you definitely want to live within your new pay grade. If it has increased and you have the need to upgrade, there’s good reason to want to move up in life and purchase a better home in a good location. 

Lower taxes, which ensure you have enough leftover, can also be a major incentive for people to move. Being in the middle means your financial state is okay and you want to get something smaller because you don’t need an extravagant living standard. 

Other important reasons for moving away or moving back to a particular area include; a good education for the kids, a better climate, or having nicer neighbors who won’t threaten your peace of mind. 

8 Things To Consider When A Partner Wants To Move And The Other Doesn’t

1. Consider communicating your intentions extensively 

consider communicating your intentions extensively

In every situation, communication is vital. This is even more true and necessary in marriage among spouses who love and respect each other. You have thought long and hard about it on your own, do not keep your decision until the last minute. It would leave your partner in an awkward situation. 

It is not only fair to you but also to your marriage and kids that you take time to explain why you think it’s best for you and every member of the family to move home to another place. Highlight the benefits you have thought about for the whole family without focusing on how it benefits you alone.

Consider your partner’s mood before breaking the news. Be empathetic and let him know that you understand the sacrifices he will be making by accepting to move. Also, make sure you hear him out, if he doesn’t want to move, he may have his reasons. He may even come up with better options as opposed to completely uprooting your family and planting yourselves somewhere new. 

He could even agree to the move but prefer another location, so you need to talk it out. It is important that you keep your family intact even if moving away from your current home is the best option.

2. Weigh the financial implication of moving

No family can thrive well without solid financial security. Will moving away seriously put a dent in the family's finances? Will your financial state be able to bounce back after moving? Will your finances experience a boost? Will it spell improvement in your career, business, or professions? 

You need to answer all these questions with your partner and ensure the financial implications agree with your situation before making a serious decision like moving to a whole different place. You don’t want to make a decision that doesn’t favor the family in any way.

3. Consider the standard of living 

In your current location, you have built a life around the various opportunities available. You have made good use of these opportunities and you’re very much familiar with them. 

What does your new location have to offer you that supersedes what you already enjoy? How conducive and beneficial will it be for your kids? Are there fun parks and recreational facilities where you and your family can relax after stressful weeks? If you favor nature and love to hike does the new place offer you something similar or is it close to such a place? 

Things like watching sports, visiting the theatre or even the zoo might be important to you. As such, you don’t want to make a decision that will change everything completely. 

4. Consider the ease of moving 

consider the ease of moving

One of your partner’s reservations could be about actually moving. Even if you’re a young couple with limited luggage and items, moving would still be a lengthy process and would require more money. Your spouse probably doesn’t want to move because he has considered the costs associated with moving. 

It will be wise if you find out all that is necessary for a smooth and hitch-free relocation. Plan the whole process from how you will pack to the moving services you will hire and how you will settle down in your new home. Look up other information like the area you will settle in, a school for the kids, work opportunities for your partner, and every other important factor. 

By now you can see the process of moving is a long tedious one and so it shouldn’t be rushed. Figure out some things and have a tentative plan with a good realistic budget that you can show your partner. This way, your partner will find it easier to consider the option.

5. Consider the sentimental values you’re forfeiting 

Moving will impact many things in your life, such as communication between you and your current friends and all the things you are already familiar with. Don’t just move to a new place without considering whether it will be possible to replace those sentimental values like friends and the kind of life your family is used to.

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Another thing is, does the lifestyle in the new area accommodate your beliefs and values? Won’t your kids be exposed to negative influences? Is the neighborhood safe for families? Are you religious and you’re moving to a place where atheism is predominant? Will you be able to make friends? 

So, if your partner had misgivings about moving or the location you’re moving to, don’t brush his concerns aside but consider the pros and cons.

6. Project the advantages of moving more 

Rather than just presenting sentimental reasons for why you want to move, project clear facts and details from your own point of view. Instead of using a general example, pinpoint exact ones that relate to your situation. 

If your partner is all for a clean and healthy environment, point out that where you have chosen offers that provide just that. If he is into the hustle and bustle of city life and where you’re moving to is in the country area, pick a place that is somewhat closer and inform him. Research about the recreational activities he likes to engage in and let him know where he can find them.

Above the fear of moving is the fear of going blindly into any situation. Your research and findings will put your partner (and kids) at ease of their fears of what they will be losing by moving away.

7. Consider a reasonable compromise

The fact is, both of you won’t agree on everything as regards relocation and so there is a need for compromising in order to reach a mutual agreement. If your partner is still skeptical about moving, you can comprise and hint that the move will be temporal. 

You can put your house up for rent while you relocate to your new city. Some of your loads could remain in your house or be stored in the garage and you get to leave with only the items you need. After the temporary move, say for 24 months, if your partner is still not feeling the new place, you might need to move back to your home. He has done well to compromise for your sake, you may just have to do the same for him.

8. Consider taking a short holiday trip to the new location 

consider taking a short holiday trip to the new location

In a bid to try out your chosen location, it will be wise to take a trip or short holiday there to test how convenient or beneficial it will be for you and your family. If your spouse isn’t willing to move temporarily, suggest that destination for your holiday. 

If you have long-distance friends or family living in that area, it might be the best time to acquaint yourself with them again, thereby building new relationships before you settle in the new area.

Visit the city or town's fun sites, observe the inadequacies, and if they aren’t too significant for your purposes. Make good use of the internet for your research too but extensively explore the place physically in order to make the best decision and assure your partner it is the best one yet.


What do you do when your husband wants to move and the other doesn’t?

Show him in many ways why moving is a better option for everyone. Don’t argue with him but present facts he won’t help but agree with, then listen to what he has to say too. Afterward, reach a compromise that will serve both of you well.

Can a marriage be saved if only one person wants it?

That is almost impossible. The only way a marriage can be saved by one person is if they can convince the other person that the marriage is worth saving. In essence, to save a marriage both parties need to work at saving it.

How do you tell your partner you want to move?

You should have already figured out a good plan, and great reasons for wanting to move. Then, you should observe his mood to ensure he will listen to you with an open mind. State your points without too many sentiments and give him facts he can’t easily disprove.

Can my partner force me to move out?

There are laws guiding whether a partner can force you out of the home you share or not. If you are legally married, he cannot easily do so until your divorce is finalized. If he wants to force you to move out he will need a court order and you can equally take legal action to defend yourself. Read up on the laws guiding marriage and occupancy in your country or state.

What should you not do during separation?

During separation do not make the mistake of sharing the same bed with your partner because it has become muddy waters. Also, don’t have any financial entanglements which can give rise to conflict during settlements. Avoid exchange of words as much as possible and don’t get in each other’s way.

To Conclude 

Relocating is a big step that you should think long and hard about before doing. The most important thing is that there is an agreement between you and your partner. The tips above will help you navigate through the difficulties that come with deciding on moving or not. Do leave a comment if you got something to add and don’t forget to share this with friends.

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Many years ago, my boyfriend excitedly told me that he’d got an amazing promotion. There was just one problem, it was over 200 miles away and meant he would have to move. Naturally, as we were living together he wanted me to go with him. But I didn’t want to move. 

I had grown up in the area we were living in. My family and friends were all close by and I had a pretty good job too. I would be leaving to go and live someplace where I didn’t know anyone. I’d have no job and no friends. I’ll admit, it wasn’t an easy decision to make. 

I didn’t want to move and leave everything that I loved behind. But, in the end, I did. I had been with my partner for over 4 years and I decided to give it a try. Was it the right thing to do? You’ll have to get to the end of this article to find out!

The thing is, everyone is different. Not only that, but every relationship is different too. So before you consider the question that your spouse wants to move and you don’t, I want to examine the pros and cons of moving first.

Pros Of Moving

1. It’s an exciting new start

Years ago, I remember driving up to our new house with the delivery van not far behind and it felt as if we were in a movie of our own making. This was a new start for us. 

2. You are going to live somewhere nicer

You are going to live somewhere nicer

Our house was beautiful. It was situated at the bottom of a narrow lane which led to a beach. There were trees along the back of the property and sea to the other side. We felt as if we were on a permanent holiday. The neighbors were lovely, the countryside was idyllic and we settled in right away.

3. You can still keep in touch with family and friends

With technology as it is these days, we didn’t miss family or friends because we could video-call whenever we wanted. The world is a much smaller place these days, so we didn’t feel isolated or alone. 

4. You meet new people

It’s easy to get stuck into a rut all the time with the same old people, day in and day out. When I moved with my partner I got a new job, met many amazing people from different walks of life. Some of whom I’m friends with today. 

5. It provides new opportunities 

Meeting new people isn’t just about increasing the number of friends you have on social media. It opens up new opportunities. You get to expand your frame of reference. It opens you up to new ideas and ideologies. 

6. You gain a different perspective on life

Meeting new people makes you a better-rounded person. You don’t live in an echo-chamber of your own opinions and beliefs. You are exposed to different cultures, races, religions, and ages even. All this provides you with perspective. 

Cons Of Moving

1. You become isolated

Despite advances in technology, it is still possible for one partner to feel isolated, particularly if they are not working. And especially if they are living in a foreign country and don’t speak the native language. 

2. You lose your support system

We can take for granted the support of family and friends very easily. I remember falling ill a short time after I had moved and my partner was away on business. I had made friends but I didn’t feel I could burden them with helping me out. If I had been at home I wouldn’t have hesitated to call someone. 

3. It is difficult to travel back home

If you are considering living a long way from home then this makes the decision to move away even harder. You might have been positive about the move at the time, but when you realized how far away you would be you changed your mind. 

4. You are happy where you are

Why should you move to? You are quite happy where you are. You have good schools for the kids, nice shops, loyal friends and your family is close by. What more do you need? There is no need to move in your opinion. 

5. You don’t like change

This is probably the most common reason why a partner does not want to move. Change is scary. I mean, who really likes change? Especially if we feel like what we already have is working perfectly fine. Why upset the apple cart? We all fear the unknown, it’s quite natural but not really a reason not to move. 

6. It is too stressful to move

It is too stressful to move

Moving house is at the top of life’s top stressful events so it’s no surprise that people are so against it. It is tiring, it causes arguments, and it can test even the most loving relationship. But is it really a reason not to move? 

So those are the pros and cons of moving. However, what happens if your partner suddenly arrives home at night and announces that he would really like to move and you don’t want to? 

What Do I Do If He Wants To Move And I Don’t Want To? 

1. Keep communicating

When my partner came home and told me about his promotion we had a huge row and almost broke up. Then we calmed down and discussed our options. We knew we would try anything to make it work. We didn’t set anything in stone or make promises to each other.

However, we did agree to keep talking. We both told each other that whatever happened, we wanted to try and make our relationship work. This meant working towards a solution, whether we lived together or not. 

2. Talk about the reasons for the move

Why is the move so important to your partner? If it is to do with his job then you have your answer. You really need to know why your partner has it in their mind to really want to move, just as he needs to know why you don’t really want to go. 

Understanding where both of you stand in this matter is crucial if you want to be able to resolve the situation and move forward. It is essential, to be honest as well. If you are afraid of change you need to say. 

3. Discuss options

Just because one of you wants to move, doesn’t mean the other person has to go with them. Of course, I assume this is what your partner means when he says he wants to move. But, if you really don’t want to move, you are well within your rights to discuss alternatives. 

If distance is the problem, would he consider meeting you halfway? If you can’t picture the move being permanent could you rent for 6 months and not buy a house? Don’t forget, you can always move back if things don’t work out. 

4. Be open-minded

Be open-minded

Having said that you can discuss alternatives, I would also suggest that before you go down this route be open-minded. Look at the area your partner is thinking about moving to. 

Use this tool to check whether he actually is who he says he is
Whether you're married or have just started seeing someone, infidelity rates are on the rise and have increased over 40% in the last 20 years, so you have all the right to be worried.

Perhaps you want to know if he's texting other women behind your back? Or whether he has active Tinder or dating profile? Or worse yet, whether he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool will do just that and pull up any hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more to hopefully help put your doubts to rest.

Why not take a drive and scout out potential houses with him? Being a part of the moving process will give you more control of what first seemed like an out-of-control situation. You never know, you might really like where he wants to move to. I know I did!

5. Go through the pros and cons

It’s lucky I listed the pros and cons earlier because this is my final piece of advice. Both parties should list them and then present their answers to the other.

Then they can talk about their concerns and hopefully come to a suitable resolution that they are happy with. 


What do you do when your boyfriend wants to move away?

You discuss the reasons for wanting the move and you decide whether you want to go with him. It is important to keep communicating and to be honest with your partner. You should also be open-minded about the move and possible alternatives. 

How important is sacrifice in a relationship?

Sacrifice is important but I prefer the word compromise. Don’t forget, it should be two people in the relationship that compromise, not just one person all the time. If only one person is doing all the sacrifice then the relationship is not balanced properly. 

Is it normal to not want to live with your boyfriend?

I’ve lived with boyfriends and I’ve had boyfriends I didn’t live with. It all depends on you, your relationship, and your boyfriend. Whatever works for you is perfectly normal. 

Can moving out help a relationship?

In my experience moving to a different area where you don’t know anyone only highlights the problems in a relationship. It is much easier to hide the imperfections when you are surrounded by friends and family. When it’s just the pair of you it is much more obvious. 

Is it worth moving for love?

Why not consider moving as an adventure for the two of you? Moving to a different place is a sacrifice but it can also be fulfilling and bring you closer to the one you love. You get to have all these new experiences together and build new memories.


So, is it the right thing to move with your partner? I did say that I would tell you what happened to me and my boyfriend. 

I did end up moving over 200 miles away and lived with him for another 2 years. However, after only a short while it quickly became apparent that the only thing that had been keeping us together was our circle of friends. 

They were like glue that stuck us with one another. Without them, we soon fell apart. We had no reason to stay with each other. So, do I regret moving when I initially didn’t want to in the first place?

No, I don’t regret moving. I actually still live here because it is such a beautiful part of the world. 

Have you ever moved with a partner when you didn’t want to? How did it work out for you? 

If you enjoyed this article please feel free to share it. Thank you!

Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.


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