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Are We Compatible (17 Ways To Tell If You’re Compatible)

by Sonya Schwartz

What makes anyone fall in love? What personalities or attributes cause a chain reaction in you and make you conclude you want to spend the rest of your days with one person in particular? How easy or hard is it for the same things that made someone look interesting to become the same things you detest in them? 

What exactly will you see in the opposite sex that will answer the question of if you are compatible with the other person? In determining compatibility, besides the initial attraction or chemistry, what are the signs that you should look for in a partner before you decide you’re in love with them? 

The cliché ‘Love is never enough’ holds some weight because you can love one person without really liking their personality. While the definition of love is complex and peculiar to each person, it is also true that any kind of love that doesn’t encourage mutual giving and taking of values is lacking the most important factor. 

That said, what are the values or attributes that determine compatibility in a couple and make a relationship last? Below are 17 ways to tell if you are compatible with your partner or the person you are thinking of entering a relationship with.

17 Ways To Tell If You’re Compatible With Someone

1. Presence of complete trust

Presence of complete trust

There is no sense in staying in a relationship with someone you cannot trust no matter the level of physical connection you think exists between both of you. Physical compatibility is only one of the important factors you should consider when choosing who to date or be your lifelong partner.

Can you trust such a person to have your back when no one else will? Will they be the first person you turn to in cases of emergencies and trust them to put your needs first with no question? Trust is not a fact but a case of what does your instinct say about that person? Does your gut feeling agree with your choice?

2. Ability to be vulnerable

Many people think vulnerability is being weak or leaving yourself defenseless against attacks, but vulnerability is one of the tools that strengthen the bond between two parties dedicated to loving each other. 

When you both face challenges in your relationship, your ability to be vulnerable and open up to each other will allow you to find solutions faster than a couple that raises shields against each other in such situations. 

One of the signs that can assure you of compatibility in your relationship is if both of you find it easy or make the decision to be open to each other regardless of how tough the situation is. 

3. Common goals 

A relationship goes beyond having someone to keep you company or warm your bed. Romantic partnerships supersede having someone’s hand to hold or engage in public displays of affection with. A relationship should be between two parties who share common goals.

In the beginning, if you don’t have obvious similar goals, learning to build common goals together is a sign that both of you can survive through the long haul of a long-term relationship. If your plans and aspirations are so different that there’s no common ground where you meet occasionally, your relationship might face more hurdles than others. 

4. Shared interests/hobbies

Having shared interests appears to be similar to sharing common goals but there’s a slight difference. Your common goals will drive your shared interests which could include the activities you do together or the hobbies you both enjoy doing at the same time.

Both of you could be opposites in terms of your personalities but you should still have hobbies you do together despite the difference in personalities. For example, if you are an indoor person but your partner loves the outdoors, there should be activities both of you find interesting.

If there’s no ready common interest, you can always form something new. In the end, your ability to bond over a common interest will be the proof of compatibility that you seek.

5. Individual wholesomeness

Individual wholesomeness

Loving someone or being in a committed relationship is not a license to hand over your independence to someone else. If you discover that you depend on your partner for every need you have, that is not a sure sign of compatibility. 

Instead, it is a sign of toxicity that will end the relationship faster than it started, especially if your partner doesn’t have the strength to handle all you expect of them. As such, compatibility is determined by how well you and your partner can be wholesome individuals while enjoying your partnership. 

6. Clear communication

When the communication link in a relationship is broken or weak, compatibility is considered weak too. If you and your partner have a clear and unfiltered mode of communication, you will be able to define the terms of your relationship clearly.

There will always be disparities in choices but with solid communication and unrestricted channels to each other, there will be less conflict and more enjoyable experiences. Also, communicating your values wants, and needs will go a long way in solidifying your compatibility. 

The absence of communication of each other’s values will give rise to mistakes and misconceptions.

7. Ability to make significant plans together

If you are not in for temporary enjoyment of each other’s body or time or in for a fling, there’s no sense in staying in a relationship that is not leading to a more permanent partnership. It is only when two people have the intention to stay together for a long time that they make long-term plans. 

The plans you make together depend on how long you both decide you want the relationship to last. To determine long-term compatibility with that person you’re in a relationship with, ask yourself if any of the plans you’ve made focus not just on the present but also the future. 

If you see yourself with the person in the future but they don’t, there’s no sense delaying the inevitable; just end the relationship already.

8. Strong physical attraction

Whether your case is that of opposites attract or that of mutual likeness, there must be a strong physical attraction involved. More often than not, physical attraction precedes any other factor that makes people decide they want to be with someone.

If there is nothing that readily arouses sexual interest in you when you see your partner or a desire to just be around that person, you might want to ditch the thought that y’all are compatible. Although physical likeness is not all there is to a relationship, it is a strong component that every relationship should have. 

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9. Sensitivity to your partner’s moods 

Sensitivity to your partner’s moods

A compatibility test that you and your partner should regularly conduct is how aware you are of each other’s needs or moods. Do you find it easy to observe when your partner is going through something but is hesitant to talk about it?

Can you easily detect if their moods change without them calling your attention to that fact? Can you even complete their thoughts or words because you already know how they think? Being aware or sensitive to your partner is not the same thing as stalking or monitoring them, it is being the other half of them even when you’re both not in the same room. 

10. Ability to adhere to set boundaries

Most people think boundaries restrict the display of affection between a couple or form a barrier when either of the couples wants to be spontaneous. However, boundaries help you maintain control and balance in your relationship even when you practice spontaneity. 

When you and your partner maintain the boundaries you’ve set for your partnership, there will be no impeding on the other person’s freedom to do what they need to do and that helps to improve the relationship.

Remember, only whole individuals who pursue personal achievements outside of each other will have a longstanding and fulfilling relationship. Meaning, you can achieve personal aspirations even though you’re in a relationship, especially if you respect boundaries.

11. Shared understanding of compromises

Apart from setting and respecting boundaries, you must understand and accept compromises in your relationship. What kind of compromise are you making to please your partner? Does the compromise leave you disadvantaged or does it create the balance you need in certain situations?

Making compromises doesn’t mean that you sacrifice your happiness to satisfy your partner; that is not what compatibility is all about. A healthy compromise means meeting halfway and securing each other’s happiness while at it. 

12. Natural progression

Your ability to allow the relationship to progress naturally without trying to force anything is another sign of compatibility. When you naturally progress from the friendship stage to the dating stage; the proper relationship won’t be difficult to maintain.

However, if you find yourself trying to make someone move to the next level they are not ready for, you will have problems down the road. They might agree to speed up the process but they will also tire easily because both of you are moving at different paces.

13. Feeling secure in the love you both share

Feeling secure in the love you both share

While loving someone may not be enough all the time, that feeling is still one of the major components that keeps a relationship alive. Moreover, the summation of the other elements and emotions you have for your partner is usually what inspires loving them. 

As such, when you are secure in the fact that your partner respects, cares, trusts, and adores you, there’ll be no doubting them loving you. However, if a couple has reasons to doubt their feelings towards each other, their compatibility is uncertain.

14. Secret knowledge of each other

When you are compatible with someone, it means you know them more than anyone else. You are like their soulmate and so, what is a secret to your mutual friends or family members is open knowledge to your partner.

Similarly, you know things about your partner that they won’t easily divulge to other people because you come first. If either of you encounters different situations whereby secrets about the other person keep flying out through other people, your compatibility is shaky because you can’t vouch for their honesty.

15. Understanding and acceptance of each other’s differences

Learning to understand and accept your partner’s differences is a good sign that you and your partner are compatible. There will be situations that will prompt you to make decisions suitable to your needs only, but understanding that your decision will clash with your partner’s interest will make you adjust the choices you make.

Understanding and acceptance don’t happen in a vacuum; they come with taking appropriate actions that will benefit both parties.

16. Mutual desires to settle disagreements

Just as understanding and accepting each other’s differences help the relationship to progress, similarly, mutually settling disagreements helps to maintain peace in the relationship. Like other relationships, you will experience difficult times that will inspire defeat in both of you. 

Your ability to fight together to overcome rather than against each other will go a long way in ensuring that the relationship lasts. Also, you will have the assurance that you’re both compatible regardless of the storms you’ll face along the way.

If you or your partner doesn’t have the patience or dedication to wade through issues together, you might want to go your separate ways.

17. Conscious efforts to help each other grow

Conscious efforts to help each other grow

What is compatibility without evidence of growth in a couple? Have you both experienced any form of growth since the relationship started or you’ve been focused on individual plans with no thought to the other person?

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While it is imperative to achieve your aspirations, it is just as important to help each other in the pursuit of personal desires. If you and your them aren’t making conscious efforts to help each other improve in all the ways that matter, there’s no point staying with them.

FAQs

How do you know if you’re compatible with someone?

When you are compatible with someone most of their values and attributes will agree with yours. You will also feel a measure of immense peace by just being in their presence. They will also make you feel like you’re a very important part of their lives.

How do I know we are not compatible?

When you aren’t compatible with someone you will feel ill at ease with most of their actions, or feel like you are the only one in the relationship. You may also find yourself counting the minutes until you have to leave their presence. 

Are we romantically compatible?

To know if you are romantically compatible with someone, you will feel a strong pull of sexual magnetism towards them. You will also like some of their physical features so much that you smile when you think about them.

How do you know if you have found the one?

You will want to be around them always. You will think about them at every turn and feel sick when you can’t keep in touch whenever you wish to. Also, you can’t claim to have found the one if they don’t return these gestures to show they feel the same way.

What does it mean when a guy says you’re not compatible?

When a guy says you are not compatible, it means he doesn’t share the same beliefs or values as you. It could also mean he likes some aspects of you but doesn’t fancy the whole package.

To Conclude

Compatibility isn’t determined by the actions of just one party, it is determined by the attributes, deliberate efforts, and contributions of both parties in a partnership. While no two relationships are the same, the tips in this article will give you an idea if you are compatible with someone or not.

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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