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Letter to Spouse to Save Marriage (9 Vital Things to Remember When Writing a Letter to Your Spouse)

by Sonya Schwartz

Making a marriage work is a lot of work in this day and time. After all the razzle-dazzle that comes with a wedding celebration, it takes hard work to build a stable relationship. 

Has it gotten to the point where you are wondering ‘how do we save our marriage?’ then going back to the basics is not a bad idea.

No one wants to imagine losing their life partner, even when the road gets bumpy. With that in mind, writing love letters is a crazy idea. This is no time for a love letter, but you do need a pure medium to express yourself. What better way to do that than to send a heartfelt letter. 

So, without further ado, let’s dive in.

9 Tips to Write a Letter to Spouse to Save Marriage

1. Do not cram every issue you have into the letter

Remember, this is not a glorified love letter. You should not kill the mood by overstating all your marital issues. When writing letters like this add one or two points of contention. But, do not structure it like an accusation. I have had to write a similar letter to my husband to save our marriage.

I played the blame game card a little too much and the after-effect was not pleasant. Coming from a place of experience, simply focus on a few issues you know you can readily work on. Altogether, do not make the same mistake I did. In your own letter, show that you are ready to work with your husband to save your marriage.

This should go a long way to show him that you are ready to fulfill the ‘for better, for worse’ promise.

2. Do not play the victim

do not play the victim

It will take two mature people to save your marriage, so you need to accept blame where it is due. I have to stress this again, this is not a love letter, it is a chance to show that you are committed to a partnership. You may have created this image in your head that paints your man as a villain. But, there are always two sides to every story. 

A major part of showing that you are ready to work with your husband to save your marriage is accepting blame. Your letter should portray that you know what you did to contribute to the state of your failing marriage. Promise him that you will work on it with the hopes that he will work with you. Write things like, ‘I am ready to save our marriage no matter how much work it needs.’ 

3. Remember that it is not about you

When it comes to emotional pain, it is easy to get caught up in your own pain. But this letter is not about you, it should be about the life you share together. 

In a letter to my husband, I made reference to all the dreams and aspirations we shared. The thought of throwing all that away was daunting for both of us. We immediately knew we had to work extra hard to save our marriage.

That’s the thing about marriage, as much as you remain an individual, you also become a part of something bigger than yourself. 

Let your husband know that the vision you share is still very much alive in your heart and mind. Since it is a partnership after all, showing that you are ready to work with your husband to save your marriage.

4. Do not be vague

With reference to the letter to my husband I spoke of earlier, I learned not to be vague the hard way. You really need to be specific about the issues you seek to address. 

If you don’t do that, you are at risk of raising more questions and issues. It comes off as accusatory or insincere depending on whether you are complimenting him or pointing out an issue.

What did save our marriage was the fact that I later narrowed it down. Don’t use a blanket statement like, ‘I feel like we do not talk anymore.’ Give a specific example of why you feel this way. 

For instance, ‘I tried to have a conversation with you yesterday and you shut me down, we used to talk about everything when we first started dating.’ This will let him know exactly what your point of contention is. 

5. Also be specific about what you want

To save our marriage, I had to include a section that clearly stated what I want in the letter to my husband. Relationships are practical, so it is not enough to conceptualize. 

Do not just carry on blindly, that will lead you back to the issues that haunted your marriage in the first place. Remember, these are not hostage demands. Clearly state things that will make your marriage move forward.

For instance, having sex more often, rekindling the romance through date nights, and sharing chores. 

These may seem like little things, but anyone who’s been married knows that these can make or break a marriage. So, do not be quiet, let the next step be well laid out so you do not fall into old habits.

6. Remind him about the good times

You became a couple for a reason. Unless it was an arranged marriage, then there was something that endeared you to each other. 

Even then, there is no way every single moment was unbearable. Let that show in your letter. Dig up some of those great memories and drag your partner to nostalgia lane. 

In the midst of the pain and hurt feelings, it can be a bit difficult to conjure memories of all the good times. So, try to take him back to a time when you were happy together and assure him that you can do it again. 

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Every marriage is riddled with ups and downs, but the fact that the sun will surely shine on you both again is a good reason to carry on. 

So, tug at his heartstrings a bit, a sprinkle of emotion may be that spark that you need to move ahead.

7. Length matters

length matters

When it comes to these types of letters, you do not want to drone on and on. You may end up including issues that will spark anger and ruin everything. 

In fact, it could end up becoming confusing. It is hard to make sense when you give yourself too much space to express yourself. In the same vein, you need to ensure that you do not make the letter too short. 

If you end up passing him a note as if you are in a high school class, then it looks like you do not care. If you cannot spare more than a few seconds to pour out your heart to him, then how will he believe that you are willing to make things work? There is no way he will believe your intentions are pure

So, when you get started on that letter, make sure it is long enough to show that you care. But, it should be concise enough to get the message across without any extra noise.

8. Be practical

I cannot stress this enough, you are not penning down a romantic letter. This is an expression of your willingness to make things work. So, do not spend time telling him how much you love him. Or how your bosom is heaving for him. That may come off as an empty profession or even a lie. Instead, let him know what you are willing to do to make things better. 

How are you going to be a better partner? What is going to change as you get back together? With practical plans like this penned down, it will be evident how much thought you have put into fixing your marriage. Let him see your willingness to be the partner he needs.

9. Do not send it immediately

You may think that you have come up with a masterpiece once you’re done with the letter. In most cases, this is wrong. Writing this letter is an emotional task, it may come off as ‘too much.’ So, let the letter sit for a while. Read it the next day, you will be surprised at how much fat you will have to trim off. 

This letter represents a pivotal point in your relationship. If you want your man back, then do not rush it. Simply take it a step at a time and you will come up with the right words.

FAQs

How do I write a letter to save my marriage?

First, let your partner know how the state of your relationship is weighing on you. Also, let your husband know you don’t want to hurt him. The important thing is to tell him you still love him and are willing to do what it takes to save your marriage.

How can I convince my husband to give me another chance?

A heartfelt apology is always the best place to start if you want to convince your husband to save your marriage. Accept your role in causing any hurt and pain, then discuss the issues that led to the deterioration of your marriage. Top it all off by backing your words with actions.

Can one spouse save a marriage?

It takes two to tango when it comes to marriage. You see, it is a partnership and it will take more than a responsible man and a good wife to make a marriage work. If one person is not on board, then there is nothing that can be done to salvage the situation.

How do you save a marriage when one spouse wants out?

It takes a lot of patience to save a marriage when one spouse wants out. So, you need to hang in there till the tension reduces. Then, be ready to talk it out, the claws may come out and you may hear things you do not like. But if you share true love, you can overcome it together.

How do I write a divorce letter to my husband?

When it comes to letters of this sort, it pays to be straightforward and polite. Remember, you were married to this person, so there must have been something you loved about them. Also, keep the letter short and straight to the point. This is not the time to express yourself.

In Conclusion

Whether it is an open letter or something more intimate, it takes a certain je ne sais quoi to write a letter to save your marriage. With that in mind, I hope that these tips will steer you in the right direction. Being married is a different experience for everyone, so I am open to any additional input you may have.

After leaving your input in the comment box below, feel free to share this with anyone who needs this kind of support.

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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