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Fling Dater (25 Sure-Fire Signs It’s Just A Fling)

by Sonya Schwartz

As amazing as chick flicks are, they’ve perpetuated a lot of misconceptions about the dating experience. It is definitely not as easy as they make it look, and you’ll probably kiss a lot more frogs than anticipated. There are so many things that could go wrong, and then there’s fling dating. 

This situation is one of the worst since on party (most times, it's you) doesn’t know that they are not in a relationship. All the wasted time, energy, and feelings do not make for a pleasant situation. So, how do you figure out if your relationship is headed anywhere? There are signs you can look out for, and I’m going to let you in on a handful of them.

25 Signs Your Relationship Is Just A Fling

1. You are never alone

With a fling dater, your relationship status is often clear; you just can't see it because of all of the feelings floating around. One major indicator is if he seldom spends any time alone with you. Sure, at first it may seem like a good thing. He wants to integrate you more into his life, right? 

In some cases, that's true, but if you never spend any time alone, then that's a clear red flag. You don't have to spend every waking moment together, but a certain level of a vulnerability is required. Installing people as a brick wall between you simply translates to the fact that it's more of a hookup than an actual relationship. 

2. You don't go on dates

A tell-tale sign you can use to identify fling daters is how often you go out on dates. The occasional hookup is part of everyday relationships, but if you only meet to hookup, then that's a red flag right there. Even old married couples need a day or night out to enjoy each other's company, talkless of partners in a new relationship. 

If they continuously want to hookup at odd hours, then that's a clear indication of their intentions. If he's one of those skilled fling daters, then you probably won't hang out anywhere outside the bedroom. It'll be all about sex. 

3. When he does plan dates, it's lackluster

when he does plan dates, it's lackluster

So, let's say your partner actually comes up for air after all the sex once in a while. He plans dates, and for a second. You think that he’s looking for more than a hookup here and there. Of course, not every date has to be something out of your favorite RomCom, but once in a while, you need to do something memorable with your partner.

Relationships require a lot of fuel to function, and building memories is part of that. So, if your date only comprises watching sappy movies at his place and ordering a pizza, it's time to consider the fact that you aren't really dating. 

4. You only go out on his terms

It's nice to have a man who's so thoughtful that he plans out your dates to the 't.' But sometimes, he's not doing it because he's cute. There's a more sinister reason. He simply wants to control where you go and how you interact with him. 

For the most part, he may not want you to run into the other girls he has on his call list. He probably knows all the hot-spots in town and avoids them when he's with you. Test him once in a while, try to pick the venue for your next date, and see how he reacts. If it's a no-go area, then you might as well call him out or walk away. 

5. Sex is the only amazing thing

Sure, having mind-blowing sex is great, but if that's the only thing that works in your relationship, something has got to give. You need to connect on more than one level; there's the mental, spiritual, and emotional level; if they are lacking, you're not actually dating. No one is saying there is no place for a physical connection in a relationship, but that can't be all you do. 

Of course, physical compatibility is something relationships need to survive, but there's a downside to having one hookup too many. After some time, skating by on just sex can't keep you and your partner satisfied. So, if this sounds familiar, you're probably having a fling. 

6. You met on Tinder

OK, I'm not trying to say that all Tinder relationships end up as a hookup; some people meet in chat rooms and end up married a few months later. But for the most part, people who meet on Tinder and a handful of other dating sites end up having a fling then moving on to the next person in line. These platforms were supposed to make life a lot easier for daters. 

Sometimes it does, then the rest of the time, those chat rooms and dating sites give people a great place to look for their next fling. Altogether, the next time you have a Tinder date or find yourself in one of the numerous chat rooms, don't expect to find a life partner. 

7. He keeps his dating site profile active

he keeps his dating profile active

When you're ready for a relationship, it's only natural for you to deactivate your profile on Tinder, among other sites. Look at it this way; if someone can't take 10 minutes out of their schedule to shut down a Tinder profile, or deactivate any other dating/hookup profile, then it's merely a fling. 

The basic act of having a chat with different women while seeing you means he is not committed to you at all. So, trust your instincts in this situation, if it seems like he's only with you for the occasional hookup, that's not the place for you to be.

8. He is never in town

Long-distance relationships work, so don't write them off entirely because of this. The difference between a long-distance relationship and a fling is the dedication. Your partner will take time out to talk to you often or, at the very least, come into town to spend time with you regularly.

 If you realize that you don't chat, text, call or see each other often, that's probably a sign that you are not dating. Think about it; every relationship needs a certain amount of dedication and effort to keep it afloat. So, if he’s never in town, your relationship will probably die out before you know it. 

9. Communication is hard

It's common knowledge that dating requires a lot of communication. On the other hand, the occasional hookup only requires physical attraction. So, if you find it hard to sit down for a chat or talk about anything, you probably aren't dating. All thriving couples will tell you that you need to hone your communication skills to make it through conflict and arguments. 

It's not all about disagreements, though. Once in a while, it's nice to have a chat about goals, interests and even share some inside jokes. So, if you find it hard to have a chat or sit down together for a good laugh, the chances are that you aren't dating. 

10. You don't make any long term plans

A tell-tale sign of a serious relationship is when plans are made continuously for the future. Let's imagine that you met each other on Tinder and had quite a memorable hookup. For most people, it ends there, but for a select few, they make plans to meet again, and again and again. 

If it takes a bit too much effort to see him or even sit down for a chat after you hook up, then there's a huge possibility that you're just another name on his list of lays. Once you notice that it's hard to track him down for anything more than a hookup, then you definitely aren't dating. 

11. He introduces you as a friend

At first, it makes sense not to have a clear picture of what your relationship status is once you start dating. But if he's only in it for the occasional hookup, then he's going to introduce you as a friend for quite some time. 

It doesn't matter if you met on Tinder, organically, or were set up by a friend. Once it's time for your relationship to mature, things are meant to get moving. So, if he still introduces you as a friend after six months down the line, then you might as well walkout. You're not dating; you're merely warming each other's bodies till the next hookup comes along.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

12. You're not a top priority

you're not a top priority

Nobody needs to tell you when you are not an essential part of someone's life. There are so many tell-tale signs when it comes to this phenomenon. If everyone else is more important than you (except when he's ready to hookup), then it merely means that you're not dating. It equally means that he is not looking for something tangible or long term. 

Sure, there will be times where he has to cancel a date for work or to visit a close relative. But, if he is continually canceling plans to hang out with his boys or even to meet a new tinder date, then you don't need a soothsayer to tell you what's in the cards. 

13. He can't look you in the eye

This may seem cute at first, especially when you're still feeling butterflies in your stomach. Nevertheless, he has to make eye contact at some point. If not, things will get mighty awkward if he can't hold your gaze that's just plain disrespectful. It could be for several reasons; he may not be bothered; he may be unserious about you, or may simply be dishonest. 

If a person is taken with you, important eye contact is a clear indication. You see, it's part of our primal nature to hold the gaze of people we connect with. So if he can't look into your eyes for more than a split second, dating is off the table. 

14. You're not exclusive

Deciding to be exclusive is a clear sign that he isn't just in it to hookup now and then. Sure, the first few weeks, or in some cases months, there's some ambiguity as to whether you're going to take a shot at dating or not. But once it drags on 'forever' and he's not ready to put a label on what you have, then that's a clear sign that it's nothing more than the occasional hookup. 

The moment you realize that he's been dodging the talk after months of trying out every position in the Kamasutra, it's time to head back into the general dating pool. 

15. His phone is an extension of his hand

Unless his job requires it, then there's no excuse for him to be clacking away at his phone every single second. In my opinion, if he's always on his phone, he's trying to keep his hoard of side chicks in check. It could be something else, but the bottom line is that he does not respect you enough to put his phone away while spending time with you. 

Sure, we live in a world where everything is online, from finding love on Tinder to conducting business, it can all be done from the comfort of your phone. But people who care about you and want more than a hookup will put their phone down once in a while.

16. He calls at odd hours

he calls at odd hours

Now, you've probably heard this before; calling you at odd hours to hookup is a clear sign that he wants nothing more than your body. When a man truly wants a woman, he goes out of his way to spend time with her and show her off. Using that logic, if he hides you away like a dirty secret, you're nothing more than a warm body. 

This particular sign is not hard to spot out; every 21st-century woman can see it from a mile away. So, be wise once you notice that you're practically night crawling. 

17. He tells you it's a hookup

In some rare cases, the guy will actually tell you that he's not in it for anything serious. This is quite common if you met him on a dating site or at an intense party. Once a man tells you he is not after anything serious, it's in your best interest to take him for his word. 

Consider yourself a lucky woman to even find a man who tells you his true intentions up front. If you are on board for the hookup, then go ahead and do it. If not, keep searching for someone who does not mind taking things to the next level.

18. He gives you pet names quite early on

It's sweet to hear him call you baby, honey, sweet thang, sugar, etc. In fact, it probably seems like a great thing right off the bat. Here's the bad aspect of this, if he's only in it to hook up then you're probably on a long list of women in his life. To that effect, he'd rather not get your names mixed up and instead calls you pet names. 

It's a smart tactic, but you don't have to fall for it. Look further than all the sweet names he calls you and at his mannerism and behavior. That'll let you in on whether he is in it for the long haul.

19. He's quick to introduce you to his family and friends

This point probably threw you off, right? After all, a man with commitment issues probably would not introduce you to the people closest to him. These days, the players have gotten smarter; they introduce all their female friends to their people in their close circle. 

After all, they probably know a truckload of his friends, so seeing you is nothing new to them. In this case, it's a bit harder to discern because meeting the folks is usually a sign that it's serious. You have to read between the lines to really get a sense of what is going on. 

20. Your sixth sense is on the fritz

Sometimes, all you need is your gut to understand what's going on around you. There's plenty of relationships that seem perfect on the surface, but the foundation is nothing but a lie. If your sixth sense tells you something is going on, you should probably take a closer look at what's happening between the both of you. 

Sure, there are times when you're experiencing cold feet from a previous love connection. But, for the most part, your gut often senses things your sappy heart cannot. 

21. He constantly talks about his ex

he constantly talks about his ex

In some cases, the fact that he does not want to commit has nothing to do with you. For the most part, he wants to be with someone new but isn't over a past lover. If you're in a situation like this, you're probably the rebound chick, and it hardly works out with the rebound. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

So, if most conversations end with him talking about his ex, he's probably not going to be around for the long haul. A good romp in between the sheets can only last you for so long. 

22. You have empty conversations

It's one thing for you to talk to your new man, and it's another to really get to know him. If, after a long while, you realize that your conversations don't really scratch the surface, then he's probably just passing through. 

A man who really wants to get to know you will open himself up to an extent. Even if he has issues being vulnerable, that's something you'll most likely deal with together. But, if your conversations end with how good your behind looks in those jeans, you most likely won't graduate to something more serious.

23. He's hot and cold

Katy Perry sang it all; once he's hot, cold, and tepid all at once, that's a clear sign that he isn't looking to set up shop with you. It could simply mean that he's only interested in you when his other girls are too busy for him. 

That will explain why he can't be bothered about what's going on with you except when it suits him. So, if you aren't a priority till when he's available, there's a solid chance you're nothing but a booty call. 

24. He's moving too fast

he's moving too fast

Some men feel that they have to promise you heaven and earth to get a little taste of heaven in between your legs. They'll probably tell you what you want to hear and get all hot and bothered just to make you feel comfortable enough to bare it all. If he's already telling you he loves you after a couple of dates; then you need to figure out what it is he really wants. 

25. He knows nothing about you

Spending time with someone, even if it's only in the bedroom, should end with you learning a handful of information about each other. If he hasn't picked up anything new about you besides your bra size, then he's probably not looking for anything serious. Look out for this is a fling isn't what you signed up for. 

FAQs

What are the signs your relationship is in trouble?

For one, communication completely tanks, and you have no idea what the other person is thinking. Then when you do talk, it leads to arguments that end in resentment rather than resolution. Altogether, the space between both parties continues to widen as time goes by.

How do you know if a casual relationship is serious?

Much like in the latter point, it all starts with communication; there’s a shift. Your partner suddenly develops an interest in little and big details, and even when there is an argument, it does not come off as a major red flag. It’s even more evident when you get to meet each other’s close friends and family.

What makes someone unhappy in a relationship?

Relationships are a lot of work, and when an adequate amount of energy and time isn’t poured in, one partner, or both, are bound to feel unhappy. Altogether, if they are not getting what they want (it could be attention, time, etc.), it’s not going to be much of a relationship. 

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is one where one partner or both are in constant conflict with each other. Altogether, there is no harmony or agreement between each party, and that goes a long way to dampen the dating experience. What really makes the relationship toxic is the fact that they are constantly out to hurt each other.

How do you know if he's catching feelings for you?

It’s evident that he’s catching feelings when he goes out of his way to understand you. The relationship moves beyond the booty call stage to the point of true understanding. Even more, you’d notice that he seeks out ways to integrate you into every aspect of his life. You may not hang out with people in all his circles, but you know each other.

The Bottom Line

Being with a fling dater can be quite confusing; you never know what you’re getting if you have no idea what to look for. But with these points and some good old fashioned intuition, you should know what his intentions are towards you in no time.

Hopefully, this article sheds some light on your special situation; if so, feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below. Even more, share this with anyone who needs this.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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