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Conditional Love (11 Ways To Know If love Is Only Conditional)

by Sonya Schwartz

Everyone deserves to be truly loved unless they're psychopaths, sadists, or just all-around terrible people. Although sometimes, even the villains have the best and most honest love lives. Unconditional love is the type of love that we receive from a parent, no matter what you do that parent will always love you. 

Love is a beautiful thing but it can turn bitter if it's not in its purest form. In other words, there's no middle ground or gray area, if those feelings are true. They will be unconditional and if not, then it's not real. When two people decide to have a romantic relationship, there's always this need to be truly and purely loved. 

However, this isn't always the case. Some people don’t even know that there are terms and conditions placed on their affections for a person. 

If you're a woman in love and for some reason you have a feeling that you're not getting the best out of your relationship, you just might be with someone who loves you only on certain conditions. If this is the case with you, then you'd find this write up very enlightening. Read on and find out 11 ways you can recognize when your partner’s love is not unconditional.

11 Ways To Know If Love Is Only Conditional

11 ways to know if love is only conditional

1. He only likes the good parts of you

No one is born perfect, we all have one or two things we need to work on when it comes to our habits, attitudes, or social skills. Once in a while, we're bound to make mistakes here and there and this is why it's important to be with someone who loves you even through your setbacks. 

Loving someone means being aware of their negative sides and still loving them regardless. If your beau seems to be unforgiving or keeps avoiding you when you're at your worst then what he feels for you is very conditional. 

This does not mean that he encourages your bad behavior but rather, he's patient and forgiving. Also, he won’t make you feel like a monster for having normal human flaws.

2. He puts his needs before yours

True love is selfless. When you have feelings for someone, you tend to think of your lover first. Sometimes, you may even forget to consider yourself. If your partner does not have you as a priority, he would place every other thing before you. 

Not having you at the top of his priority list is a sign that his feelings for you are very conditional. Love is not a logical emotion, it will make you do very weird things for the person you’re with. So if your significant other does not seem that intoxicated, then the feelings he has for you are probably very conditional.

3. He's not happy when you're happy

When a person loves you unconditionally, their number one goal is to see you happy. Just seeing them smile for joy is a source of happiness for you. If you have a feeling that your happiness is visibly none of his concern or he tends to be very nonchalant about the things that bring you joy, then his feelings for you are probably very conditional. 

As mentioned above, true love is intoxicating. When you have pure feelings for a person, you tend to act irrationally in the sense that you would probably place his own happiness before yours. Therefore, if for some reason your happiness is not his priority, then his feelings for you are conditional.

4. He makes himself the center of the relationship

Hate to be sexist, but the truth is, the woman is most times the subject of attention when it comes to a new romance. In most cases, the man falls in love with her and she becomes the center of his attention. However, if you notice that your man is becoming a diva, making everything in your relationship about him, then his feelings for you are probably conditional. 

The truth is the Ideal relationship should have an equal contribution from both partners. It doesn't really matter who falls in love first, as long as you both have decided to be together, you should both feel the same way about each other, being the subject of each other's attention. When the relationship is one-sided, it's most likely very conditional. 

5. He tries to make you someone you're not

At the initial stages of a relationship, we often have some expectations of our mates. Some of them aren't realistic and some end up being false expectations. Either way, if a person really loves you, they'll keep loving you even when you don't meet up to all the expectations they had of a mate. 

If, for some reason, he keeps comparing you to other people who are seemingly better than you are in certain aspects, then his feelings for you are probably conditional. Also, if he keeps insinuating that you don't meet up a certain standard, then again his feelings for you are very conditional. 

In summary, if he finds it difficult to accept you the way you are when he doesn’t have real unconditional love for you.

6. Everything contributed to the relationship will be equally from both parties

 To have a healthy relationship, both partners should equally bring something to the relationship. In every relationship, partners have different roles that they play. This makes them complement each other, where one is lagging the other can make up for it. 

If you notice that your relationship is lopsided, ie, you're the only one contributing all the energy, finances, emotions, acts of service, or any other thing, then he may not love you unconditionally. Not everyone ends up with someone because they actually have pure feelings for their partner, for some people it's just convenient for them. 

These kinds of people may end up leaving all the hard work for you. Couples who truly adore each other need to share equal responsibilities in the relationship.

7. He never seems to be satisfied

he never seems to be satisfied

Does he seem to be insatiable? Like nothing you do is ever right or ever enough? Perhaps, even when you manage to reach the bar, he raises it. This is a serious indication that his feelings for you are conditional. It's true that it's human nature to always want more, however, as adults, we learn to control some of those wants and even learn to take care of them ourselves. 

If your partner is always asking for more, aside from just being greedy, his feelings for you are probably not unconditional. When a person loves you, even if you don't meet all their needs (which should not fully be your responsibility) they'll always accept you just the way you are. Also, keep in mind that anyone who loves you unconditionally will never ask you for more than you can give.

8. He's quick to judge you

When a person loves you, they're very forgiving and understanding towards you. They won't judge you or try to criticize you harshly because they don't want to hurt you. Not just in romantic relationships, but even in everyday platonic relationships judging isn't the best way forward. 

When people slip-up or make mistakes, there are usually some underlying reasons. So if they happen to confide in you or come to you for comfort, patience is the way to go, don’t just point out all their wrongs. 

The same applies to romantic relationships. You should never judge anyone who loves you will never be too quick to judge you. Instead, he'd be patient enough to listen to your explanations before making judgments. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

9. If he keeps comparing you to his ex

I think we can all agree that this is never a good sign. Comparing you to his ex means he doesn't think you're valuable to him. The topic of an ex is always a sensitive one in relationships. If he still talks about his ex and even goes as far as comparing you to her, this means that he probably still has feelings for her and hasn't moved on yet. 

This generally means that you were probably his rebound and he's just with you because you were available. This is very far from unconditional love and you deserve better. Don't settle for less, you should either address it immediately or pack up your stuff and leave. 

10. He doesn't really care about your personal issues

Does he zone out when you're telling him about your day? Or does he seem to get irritated when you're venting to him? These are all signs that he only loves you conditionally. Anyone who loves you will feel compassion towards you and a strong need to support you. As mentioned above, when you have strong feelings for someone, you constantly have them in mind. 

If he truly loves you, your life issues (both major and minor) will be his concern. He won't roll his eyes when you're explaining your feelings to him, he won't zone out, and he won't shut you up when you're talking or interrupt. Rather, he will show concern and be present. If you notice that he does not support you then his love is conditional.

11. He's clingy and needy

he's clingy and needy

There's a thin line between loving someone completely and being needy. You may think because he constantly asks for your attention and affection that he madly loves you, this is not always the case. In fact, neediness is very conditional. He may be with you because you're an available emotional clutch, this way you are his free support system; or perhaps even financial. 

When he loves you unconditionally, your happiness will come first to him, he'll value your comfort and your freedom. If you notice that he gets upset or resentful when you ask for some alone time or time to hang out with friends, then he's probably needy. 

If he's excessively jealous when you're interacting with anyone else aside from him, and perhaps even gets suspicious, this is a sign that his love for you is very conditional. You are human too. You also need someone to show your love and support you all-around, don’t settle for less.

FAQs

What is the meaning of conditional love?

This type of love exists on the basis of conscious or subconscious conditions. When someone loves you conditionally, he/she puts terms, rules, and restrictions on their love. Most people get entangled in these situations sometimes without knowing and as a result of a bad childhood or past experience. It's not a solid foundation for a genuine and meaningful relationship.

Is conditional love bad?

This depends on the couple and what they wish to achieve. However, if you practice any kind of love besides unconditional love, it never really feels good, either one or both couples would feel drained, unloved, or unable to please the other party. It's not true love and can leave the person on the receiving end hurt and damaged.

How do you overcome conditional love?

The first step of overcoming this is building self-love. When you love yourself unconditionally, despite your shortcomings or mistakes you'd find it hard allowing someone else treats you less than what you deserve. Also, increase your self-awareness, so you are able to recognize when the love starts having conditions.

How do you tell if someone loves you unconditionally?

If he puts your needs first or on the same level as his, he definitely loves you a lot. Also, he does things for you without expecting anything in return. You'd notice that they're selfless lovers, they forgive your mistakes easily and avoid doing anything that could possibly upset you.

Can you love 2 people at the same time?

Some people believe that you can fall in love with more than one person at the same time. Whether those feelings are true or if those relationships ever result in anything meaningful is debatable. People have confessed that having a second person around makes them feel secure, loved, and deeply connected. It gives them a massive dopamine rush.

To Conclude

Remember, when two people decide to have a romantic relationship, there's always this need to be truly and purely loved. However, everybody is not the same in the way they show love.

I hope you enjoyed this article as much as I enjoyed writing it. Feel free to share with others.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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