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Why Does He Keep Texting Me If He's Not Interested? (25 Reasons That Could Be In His Mind)

by Sonya Schwartz

So there’s this guy I know who is dating someone and yet he keeps texting me. I know he’s madly in love with his girlfriend so why does he keep texting me? 

Now, this guy never wanted to phone me. The texts would follow a regular pattern. They would always appear at either midday or late at night. They would always start with ‘Hi gorgeous!’ or ‘Hey sexy!’ then they would always end really quickly.

So his behavior got me thinking. What if I really liked this guy? What if I didn’t know that he already had a girlfriend? His constant texting would be sending really confusing messages. 

You might be experiencing the same kind of behavior. It could be an ex-boyfriend or a new hook-up. It could be a male friend or even a friend of your boyfriend. If you are getting lots of texts from a guy and want some insight as to why read on. 

25 Reasons Why Guys Text You Even Though They’re Not Interested

1. He’s a player

The most obvious answer to this is that the guy is a player. All women know these types of men. They keep you hanging on a long leash and, every once in a while, they’ll yank it. 

Guys like this play mind games because they like to keep their options open at all times. They usually have several women on the go at one time. Men like this message constantly for days then disappear for weeks only to resurface when he wants something. Then you’ll get a booty call.

2. He is insecure

Not every guy we meet is full of confidence and amazing chat up lines. In fact, it’s easy to think that every guy we meet is a player, only out for what they can get. 

Of course, this is not true. There are millions of decent men out there. But they may not have the confidence of the players. You know the saying ‘everyone loves a bad boy’. Well, that’s our fault ladies. Sometimes it’s down to us to take the lead. 

He’s interested if he replies quickly, asks questions, and is caring and considerate. So why not ask him out? 

3. He’s a flirt

Some men just can’t help flirting with other women, I think this is the case with my guy. He is a natural flirt. Although he is in a serious relationship he cannot help himself but send me flirty texts. 

The thing is, my flirty guy is funny too. He is an extrovert and loves being the centre of attention. He needs to be noticed. He’s the one on Facebook who is always cracking silly jokes and posting funny profile pictures.  

So I think some guys honestly mean no harm when they are always texting you. If it bothers you ask them to stop. 

4. He is bored 

Sometimes the obvious answer is the simple one. Women would think twice before texting a guy because she wouldn’t want to give out the wrong impression. Men, on the other hand, don’t think like us. 

It may be the case that they have seen a funny post or they just want to waste some time for half an hour. But you’ll wonder why he’s sending you texts all the time. He’s not interested if he doesn’t respond for ages. 

5. He likes you but he’s being cautious

In the age of dating texting is king. We live our lives on social media or our phone. We communicate via text messages and video hook-ups. But eventually, we do have to meet in real life. 

He likes you but he’s being cautious

So even though we might start talking via texting we certainly can’t expect it to remain there. We have to move to the next level. Now, your guy is indicating that he can’t even take that small step and ask you out for a date. So you have to consider if that lack of commitment is worth hanging around for.   

6. He thinks you are funny/interesting/clever

Hey listen, you are a fun, clever, engaging person! No wonder he likes texting you. Not every male/female relationship is based on sex. Human beings are allowed to be interested in members of the opposite sex remember? 

The only way this will end badly is if you have feelings for him. If you get butterflies when he’s texting then stop responding so quickly and he’ll get the message. 

7. He sees you as a friend only

No one wants to be in the friend zone, but there’s not much you can do about it if this man sees you as just friends. He’ll text about neutral subjects like bands, music, TV shows and movies. 

You might talk about personal stuff but it won’t get sexual. He may also refer to his girlfriend, in good and bad terms. But he won’t talk about dating. You are just good friends in his eyes.

8. He uses you for advice

You’ll be able to tell if this is the case because he’ll only ever text for advice or a shoulder to cry on. He’s texting when he wants something. He’s not interested in your life. You’ll spend all night answering his concerns, there’ll be a brief ‘Are you ok?’ then he’ll be gone. 

He’ll never flirt with you although you might feel incredibly close to him. That’s only because he shares his deepest worries with you. It doesn’t mean he loves you or wants to date you. 

9. He wants you as a fantasy but not a reality

This is a little like my example at the beginning of the article. My guy is a dreadful flirt but I also think that some guys like the idea of a woman on the side. However, I know for a fact that if I suggested meeting up my guy would back off immediately.

While we’re texting it’s all fun and games. The moment his relationship is in jeopardy it all stops. He won’t risk losing his partner over a few texts. 

10. He’s keeping his options open

Of course, there are some men that just like a wider selection than others. One woman isn’t enough for them. They prefer a variety. This type of man doesn’t like commitment. He may have several casual girlfriends or go from girl to girl. 

But he will always have a back-up ready and waiting. You can spot this guy easily. He’ll text out of the blue. He will reply when he wants. Everything is on his terms. 

11. He wants an ego boost

I worked with this guy once. We ended up spending a lot of time together. We’d sit for ages chatting at the bar after work. We’d go to movies together, see bands together. We did everything a couple would do together. Then one day I made a remark about him hitting on me and he said ‘I’ll never do that, you’re not my type’. 

I was a bit gobsmacked, to be honest. Then a few weeks later I saw him start doing exactly the same thing with a new member of staff. He just needed an ego boost. He surrounded himself with women that liked him to make himself feel good. 

12. He wants no-strings sex

Okay, I’ve left this reason until now because no one wants to think they are just a booty call for a guy. But you are going to have to admit to yourself that if the texts are all sexual there’s one thing he’s after. 

As for dick pics, my advice? Find some on the internet and send them straight back to him. This isn’t how guys text when they like you.

13. He just wants something casual

This isn’t the same as wanting no-strings sex. This is the man that doesn’t want to commit to a serious relationship right now. He might have been hurt recently or been with a long-term partner. 

He just wants something casual

The only thing on his mind is to find a girl to go out with, have some fun and not get too serious. If that’s all you’re interested in fine. 

14. He’s just come out of a relationship

Here we have the man that just wants to text because he’s only just come out of a serious relationship. It’s not that he wants a casual one, he is literally dipping his toe into the water to see what’s out there. 

He keeps texting because he doesn’t want to admit that he’s out of the dating scene so he is keeping an eye on it for now. But he won’t act until he’s got his life together. Actually, this isn’t a bad thing. If you like him, give him time. 

15. He’s afraid of commitment

Ah, the old commitment-phobe. This man wants a love life but none of the commitment. He loves the sex, the company, the fun and excitement. But ask him about a holiday together next year and he comes out in hives. 

If this has been going on for some time now you might have to consider that you want different things in life. Because it’s not fair that he gets all the good stuff and you don’t have the security. 

16. He feels bad about how things ended

If an ex keeps texting you then he could feel bad about his behavior. Did things end in an argument? Did he say some really cruel things to you? Were you obviously upset?

Men find it very difficult to open up about their emotions. They’re not like us. They don’t typically talk to their friends so he may be trying to apologise in his own awkward way. 

17. You both like the attention

Admit it, you like it when you get a text from him, it boosts your ego. He probably feels the same way. After all, we all need validation from the people around us to raise our self-esteem.

What you have to weigh up in your mind is whether this is all you want from him. Is he in a relationship? Is the attention all one way or are you both getting what you need? 

18. He’s just being polite

I have a guy who texts from time to time. I’m not ever going to date him but he’s a perfectly nice bloke. I always reply and I am polite but I don’t encourage it. I keep the texts fairly short and I’m always the first to sign off. 

Sound familiar? Stop analysing the words and look at the behavior. Does he text you or is he just replying to your texts? 

19. He’s still angry about the break-up

When we are angry we do things on impulse. We may regret sending angry texts days later but at the time it makes us feel better. Sometimes we don’t realise that words stay with us and once they are out in the open we can’t forget them. 

If it was you that broke up with your ex he might be taking his hurt and devastation out on you. Wait until he calms down before you make contact. 

20. You are a sounding board for his relationship

Does this man only ever talk about his relationship problems? Do you only ever get a text from him after he’s had a row with his partner? Will he text when there’s an issue between them?

Tell him next time if he wants advice to go to a therapist and take his partner with him. After all, how would you like it if some random knew all your private stuff? 

21. He’s not available right now

Has this guy just moved into town? Is he about to start a new job? Does he have other commitments that are taking up a lot of his time? 

Sometimes we only have the time to text and not a lot else. Try and find out a little background information before you write him off completely. 

22. You are reading too much into his texts

When we are looking into reasons why a man continues texting us, we also have to examine our own behavior. It’s really easy to read into perfectly innocent messages and fit them into our own narrative. 

One that makes sense to us. We create our perfect partner, our ideal life, and the best boyfriend. All the while this other person has no idea what we are thinking. So don’t copy and paste your ideals onto someone else. 

23. He wants to stay friends with you

I have a few ex-boyfriends that I am friends with. What I’m saying is that it’s not unusual for men, once they are in a committed couple, to remain mates with old girlfriends. 

Of course, I’m not saying I text these guys every night, but maybe once a month and there is definitely no sexual content. 

24. He doesn’t like being alone

Some people love their own company, others hate it. Perhaps this is one of those guys that simply doesn’t like to spend time on his own. 

That’s perfectly fine, but he’s not boyfriend material. 

25. He wants to see if you’ve moved on

Then there are types of guys that have control issues and want to know how you are coping without them. This type will pop up on Facebook or text out of the blue. Just ignore him. 

FAQs

Why does he keep texting me if he doesn't want a relationship?

When we text a person we immediately grab their attention. We get our hooks into them and maintain their interest, whether they like it or not. Who can ignore the ping of a text message for long? A text firmly plants that person in our minds. 

How do you know if a guy is not interested in you through text?

If someone isn’t interested in you then you’ll receive one-word replies, an emoji or a thumbs up to your texts. They won’t ask questions which require an answer. They won’t show any interest in your life. They will also take ages to respond

Why does he text me but not say much?

Perhaps he is busy right now and can’t send back a long reply. If this is the case you’ll get a proper message when he has time and an apology for a quick response. However, if he’s not interested this behavior will continue. 

Why does he text me but not say much?

Perhaps he is busy right now and can’t send back a long reply. If this is the case you’ll get a proper message when he has time and an apology for a quick response. However, if he’s not interested this behavior will continue. 

Will a guy text if he's interested?

Men are not fans of texting. My last boyfriend hated texts. He would much rather call that spend hours writing out messages. He said he wanted to hear my voice. So don’t be surprised with monosyllabic responses. See if he’d like a phone call instead. 

Is he just texting me because he's bored?

Of course, it’s possible that he’s bored, you have to look at his texting behavior overall. Does he ask you about your day? If you text him does he reply more or less straight away? Does he expect you to answer him quickly but take his time when you text? Take all these into consideration. 

To Conclude

If your man keeps texting I hope you found this article useful. Why not let me know your thoughts? 

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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