There's nothing more off-putting than dating a desperate man. Am I right, ladies?
Most men know this, too. That's why so many of them try to hide their desperation.
Normally, this becomes apparent over time, but some guys are great actors in the early days of a relationship.
That's why I've created this guide to help you discover whether the guy you're dating is desperate or not.
If you're not even sure what are the telltale signs of a desperate man, don't fret. Hold onto your hat, because I'm about to reveal the most common signals.
Table of Contents
Who doesn’t like a present man? Someone you can count on to be there when the need arises. The best of us do and being aware of this information, desperate guys often milk it for all its worth. They start as your regular Mr. Nice Guy, always somewhere around the corner ready to swoop in and save the day if the damsel asks.
He has no problems canceling plans for you or making decisions that impact his own life just to indebt you to himself. He insists on helping out with apparently no strings attached, but he’s lowkey doing it to sway you or remain around you.
Granted, by nature, there are people with a high threshold for BS, but even they have their limits. Guys motivated by desperation are like actors; their entire interaction with the person they want follows a script. They can suppress their real emotions around you if showing how they are genuinely feeling means falling out of your good graces.
This is such a toxic behavior because how low do you have to think of yourself to be willing to accept anything and everything to maintain a relationship with someone? This brings me to my next point.
Men who suffer from low confidence are more likely to be desperate than those who don’t. The latter will do anything to please you or any other lady he thinks he has a chance with because he’s somehow convinced himself he won’t get that many.
Where a mentally healthy person might choose himself and walk away if treated poorly, studies show someone with low self-esteem might encourage people to continue. So, if your boyfriend is socially withdrawn, apologizes for living, or is overly sensitive to criticism, his desperation may be borne of low self-image.
One reason dating can be so tricky is you never know the kind of personality you end up with. Where some people (or even you in previous relationships) complain of not getting enough of their boyfriend’s attention, some want less of theirs. If you date a desperate guy, you’re more likely to end up in the former latter category than the former.
You suddenly become the center of his world with whom he can’t go long moments without staying in contact. Whenever life gets in the way of him being physically near you, it’d still be like he never left because he keeps popping up on your phone to check-in. This can quickly become irritating, especially when the attention isn’t welcome.
As you may have managed to piece together given the previous point, desperate men are as clingy as they come. They are even worse than immature girls are stereotyped to be when they start dating. This is why they text continuously until you reply or call at inappropriate hours just to say hi.
It’s why most people prefer to stay clear of people like that because getting to a relationship with them is like willingly agreeing to take on their emotional dependence.
Every girl, straight or not, has been hit on by a dude who wouldn’t take ‘not interested’ as an answer. We handle rejection differently, of course, so some people get salty and say mean things, while some try to keep their cool and convince you to consider them.
However, desperation can make a man try every method in the book. From begging to stalking to blackmail and even fighting other people, you name all the things a self-respecting person wouldn’t do to get a girl, and I wouldn’t put them past a truly desperate guy.
You know this guy. Acts like you're his one true soulmate after the first date. Says I love you or 'plays around' with the idea of you two moving in together on the second. And by the third date, he's actively trying to convince you to see those things happening that soon. Talking about 'would it be so crazy?'
From experience, this lot can be quite the sweet talkers too, so you should be prepared to hold your own in such situations. The sad part is that they can never quite keep up the energy, so odds are you’ll regret it if you trust them enough to go along with their rashness.
Desperation is marked by impetuousness and thus can be easy to spot when feelings and sentiments don’t cloud your mind. A desperate man who wants a relationship with you may not bother himself about genuine concerns like potential red flags or getting to know each other more.
He just wants to jump right into it for that immediate gratification, without sparing much thought for the future.
Their need to get to the good part right away affects more than just their love life, you can see it in their daily interactions as well. He may also take significant life steps without considering all his options.
Again, a desperate man wouldn’t spare any resource at his disposal to get a chance with you. If you meet one whose love language is gifting or who is financially-buoyant enough to afford more than he needs, he might put his wealth where his mouth is.
These are the kind of men who ask you to send your bank details as soon as you meet or sends a gift your way every time you part. While he may just genuinely be a generous person, one may be inclined to think he’s trying to buy your affection because he can’t get it in any other way.
Use this tool to check whether he actually is who he says he is
Whether you're married or have just started seeing someone, infidelity rates are on the rise and have increased over 40% in the last 20 years, so you have all the right to be worried.
Perhaps you want to know if he's texting other women behind your back? Or whether he has active Tinder or dating profile? Or worse yet, whether he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool will do just that and pull up any hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more to hopefully help put your doubts to rest.
A desperate man doesn't do all he does with (or for) you because you are the only one of your kind. Unless he’s personally obsessed with you. But if his desperation is fueled by getting laid or not being alone, he'd simp for anything in a skirt if he gets the chance.
You may have encountered one of those in high school because boys practically have no standards in those hormonal teenage years. Ditto overeager college dudes looking to attach to some hot babes to feel cool.
So, when they move to you, they come all in, a peacock in their little way to try and impress you. And if it doesn't work, they move to the next one, better or worse, and practically rinse and repeat.
Emotional blackmail isn’t beyond an average desperate joe. Unlike those who are all up in your face begging or analyzing why you should date them, this guy is systematic. He’d never directly ask you for anything, but he’d always have a touching story to tell.
Women who are soft with a sprinkle of savior complex fall victim to men like this even more because every interaction with them moves to ask what’s wrong.
The idea is to get you so moved by their pathetic life that you offer what they want to them on a platter if it helps them feel a little better. This is a low low, I agree, but remember standards practically leave the chat when desperate joins.
The way desperation works is kind of like the leech, moving up and down till it finds a host to latch onto. And once it does, it might take an external force to get it off. A desperate man that wants to be your boyfriend takes advantage of every available opening to spend time with you. And while this in itself isn't a negative thing, he makes it so by not knowing when to step back.
No matter how much you enjoy a person's company, we all need a break sometimes. Moments you just want to be by yourself or be apart from your partner long enough to miss them.
Well, let's just say you may not get plenty of chances like this if you date desperate men. They are the ones who talk you into ditching your after-work plans to hang out with them or show up at your door without notice to apologize for not respecting your space.
It is quite interesting how being desperate can make a guy set up shop with the first woman who agrees to be with him and still wouldn’t stop looking at others. For men like that, having many women as friends is like an achievement.
They also tend to exaggerate their importance to said women, so you may find them calling someone who barely responded to their greeting a friend. His gallery would be full of pictures of different ladies, social media interactions too, same. They do this both to appear popular with the ladies and keep their options open if an opportunity presents itself.
You may have encountered the randy guy at the party who can’t hold a proper conversation without a sexual connotation. The ones whose contribution at game nights is to turn all tasks and questions into dirty ones. The involuntary celibates popular culture refers to as incels.
These ones are controlled by the brain between their legs, and their devotion is often as weak as their game. They may pretend while others watch to be about more, but once they get a chance to talk one-on-one, you can see all the signs they are just looking for a lay.
Desperate guys make noise about their achievements. It's business 101, good advert begets more patronage.
Those who can afford it get flashy vehicles and trendy wears to up their odds of attracting/impressing the ladies. These types of men define themselves by their material possessions and, when broke, love to yammer on about how perfect a partner they'd be if they had more money.
File that under the assholes too, and the self-acclaimed Mr. Nice guy. The one who 'martyrs' himself when you argue even so he can say he's the bigger person. Who, whenever he does something good, makes sure you’re the first to know about it. These are traits someone desperate for appreciation or approval might exhibit.
Frankly, it’s practically unrealistic to maintain the energy a relationship begins with as time goes on. The novelty can intensify things in the early stages of dating, and as you get more familiar with your boyfriend, your feelings for each other become less urgent.
However, in place of that exhilarating honeymoon phase, you have something deeper and more stable. And that’s the main difference between a relationship that progresses healthily and one rushed out of desperation. The enthusiasm reduces as normal, but there’s usually nothing meaningful left to fall back on.
While you may need to interact a little first to see the signs of a desperate man, sometimes they are bold enough for you to spot from across the room. You can almost always find them at places where people hang out – bars, restaurants, clubs, etc.
Though some of them work solos, they typically prefer to move with a friend or two. They’d pick a strategic location to stand or sit where they can see and assess the women inside and those just coming in. They usually have a drink in hand while they scope out the area because they could never work up the nerve to approach women without liquid confidence.
Most people have core beliefs that they won’t betray no matter what, but this is not an issue for an average desperado male. Instead of living strictly by a set of principles, they perfect the act of camouflaging according to their immediate environment. They will say and do anything if it means getting into your pants or whatever else they want from you. Being a social chameleon may have its benefits, but at what cost?
If the person you’re trying to profile isn’t your boyfriend or physically close enough to you to notice their personality up close, you can spot the signs on SM. These are the guys you see on the timeline who are pro-women one day and sexist the next. The ones who join a movement just to get cool points then ditch it as soon as it becomes less popular.
From not knowing what they want in a relationship to jumping ship as soon as the initial thrill wears off, a serial dater's traits can describe desperate guys as well. If your new boyfriend’s old flames all went out as fast as they burned, I wouldn’t read too much into his clinging to you until you pass the honeymoon phase.
His inability to hold a relationship long-term may be one of the signs his obsession is with going through women and not keeping one.
Signs of a desperate man can manifest in different ways and at varying times. For some, it’s when they are trying to get you – the most common type, in my opinion. Some hide their hand only to show it after the relationship starts, mostly those unable to keep a partner.
And then there are the scary ones, who become so obsessed with keeping you that they can resort to virtually any means to make sure you don’t leave them. Guys like this become the bitter ex-boyfriend who threatens to release your nudes or plan revenge after a breakup.
If he jokes about doing something drastic to you or himself, and at least one other sign on this list defines him, that is a possible red flag.
Some of the classic signs that a person is desperate may include perpetual availability, not respecting your space, neediness, and low self-esteem. Being clingy or too needy can also be a sign, and someone can be your boyfriend already and still display such signals.
Consider it a red flag if your boyfriend shows signs of a desperate man like not having an opinion of his own, moves too fast, or doesn’t take no for an answer. Narcissism, playing the pity card, low standards, and inability to be vulnerable are also red flags in a guy with whom you’re considering a relationship.
There is no ultimate sign or a list of signs that definitively tell you a guy is the right one for you. The closest thing is to look for one who accepts you as you are. The man who is never unclear about wanting you in his life and continuously puts effort into building a healthy relationship with you.
You don’t. Sometimes playing games to get a sign that someone loves you can backfire and blow up in your face. Instead, you can look out for signs in your daily interaction that his feelings for you are genuine or, better yet, ask.
Take it as a sign your boyfriend isn’t the one if you find yourself unable to trust him, or you put in more work in your relationship. Also, take note of how you feel around him. If you’re continually feeling uncomfortable or FOMO plagues your relationship, the love of your life may yet be out there.
There you have it: the signs of a desperate man. Remember, nothing is set in stone, so noticing one sign or more in your boyfriend can indicate other things that make him desperate.
Also, when you see these signs, consider the frequency of occurrence and use your discretion before making the final call. As usual, kindly let me know what you think of this article in the comments and share it before you leave. Thanks.
Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.
Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.
