Did you know that there are different types of dating personalities? You’ve got a hopeless romantic. These types think every new relationship is ‘the one’. Then on the other end of the spectrum is the serial dater, and that’s the personality I want to examine today.
So what exactly are the traits of a serial dater? Unfortunately, they don’t come with a big sign over their head flashing ‘Warning!’ at you. However, there is such a thing as serial daters psychology.
Serial daters go from one relationship or hook-up to the next. They never seem to get that emotionally involved. In fact, they’re always the ones to end a relationship. They might even seek out several people at the same time, but they’ll never be single.
Serial daters thrive on the excitement of a new relationship. As a result, they are easily bored with the humdrum mundane nature of long-term relationships. It’s the honeymoon period that they’re addicted to.
Not only do they get off on the buzz of someone new, but they also love the thrill of the chase. Serial daters have to make the first move and win you over because it gives them the ultimate power.
A serial dater is cunning and manipulative. They’ll typically show themselves in good light to attract your interest. They won’t show their true personality. Instead, they’ll project what they think you are looking for in a partner.
A serial dater will ride in on a white horse and sweep you off your feet with over-the-top gestures. They’ll say the things you’ve always longed to hear. Then once they’ve hooked you they’ll turn ultra-cool and move onto their next victim. You’re just another conquest.
One minute you’re planning a life together and then you spot them canoodling with another person. It’s as if everything they told you was a lie. You’re nothing to them yet they promised you the earth 2 seconds ago.
You’re left feeling insignificant and foolish. How can you ever trust again? Why did you get taken in so easily? You vow never to get taken for a ride again. But how can you be sure you won’t get fooled again?
If you always seem to get dumped by a serial dater it’s time to learn what exactly makes them tick. Let’s delve into serial dater psychology.
Do you notice their eyes always tend to wander when you are out with each other? Or perhaps they always seem to be distracted? Do you have to ask the same question over and over because they’re not listening?
Once the serial dater has you in their grasp they’re already looking for their next victim. And if they’re not actively texting or messaging someone whilst in your company you can bet they’re thinking about it.
One reason serial daters are able to go from person to person is that they put so much effort into the first date. You’ll come away from their company dying to tell all your mates about this amazing first date you had.
Everything was perfect and you feel really positive and happy about this person. That’s because they want to sweep you off your feet, make the conquest quickly so that they can move on. Serial daters don’t want long, drawn-out dating. They don’t want to be stuck with one person.
A serial dater will never introduce you to their family. You probably won’t meet any of their friends either. There’s a couple of reasons for this.
One is the fact that they get through so many dates there’s really no point in taking you round to meet mum and dad. The second is that they won’t want you getting attached to their family because you’re not going to be with them for that long.
Isn’t it lovely when your new partner expresses a wish to meet your folks? It shows that they’re interested in making a good impression. That they want to know more about you. Where you’ve come from.
It shows that they are invested in making this relationship work. So it shouldn’t be that surprising that serial daters don’t want to do this. Why would they? Let’s face it, they’re not getting involved that much with you. Why bother with the periphery?
Do you get the cold shoulder when you ask your date ‘What are you thinking?’ Do they refuse to tell you that they love you? Are they only ever interested in sex?
These are signs that the serial dater is not interested in getting to know you as a person. You are just another sexual conquest to them. I mean, why would they need to know your personality? They’re going to be with someone else in a short time.
Have you got to the point where you simply don’t trust a word that comes out of your date’s mouth? Have they just made too many promises and not kept them?
Did you believe them at the start when they started to describe wonderful scenarios of the two of you together? Now you know it’s just bulls**t. Of course, they can make wild promises. They know they won’t be with you soon so it doesn’t matter to them.
One moment this person is all over you like a rash, the next you can’t get hold of them for love nor money. You can’t understand what’s going on. Why are they so hot one minute and freeze you out the next?
And then when they do return to the scene there’s always some serious excuse like their nan died or their friend was super sick. The reasons for the disappearing seem so real and serious you can’t help but believe them. After all, who would lie about such a thing?
The serial dater wants a quick response and they want it now. So how better to get your undivided attention by a few grand gestures? This kind of person will send a huge bunch of red roses to your office.
Or they will lay on the most amazing first date to hook you into the romance. You can expect fireworks and an amazing rollercoaster ride for the first couple of dates, but it won’t last.
Serial daters not only go from date to date, but they’re actively searching for this next date while they’re in a relationship. They have already lined up their next victim and you’re not even aware they’re doing it.
To them, their whole identity is tied up with dating and being attractive. This is what validates the serial dater as human beings. Constant dating increases their self-esteem. It gives these people confidence in other areas of their lives. Having someone love them gives them security.
These types of daters are masters of the grand gesture, but they also make huge promises and then break them. You could say they are all words and no action.
For them, it’s simple, if they’ve said something or promised to do something the very fact they’ve said it should be enough. Of course, they’ve no intention of going through with any of their promises. It’s your problem if you believe them all the time.
When we fall in love we want to know all about them. Their likes, dislikes, who are their friends, what their family is like. Someone who goes from date to date isn’t that bothered about the nitty-gritty of people.
They have so many dates it’s hard for them to remember the finer details of all the people they’ve dated. So they don’t bother to get to know their partner. It makes sense to them. After all, there’s going to be a new date coming along soon and they need to focus their attention on them.
Just as they aren’t that interested in getting to know you, the serial dater will be a closed book to you when they begin a relationship. Everything will be light-hearted and trivial. All the dates will be fun and exciting. But ask a deep and meaningful question and you’ll be shut down immediately.
You’ll never get these people to open up about their life. Another reason is that they obviously don’t want you to know about their dating history.
There is a theory that serial daters are insecure and have low self-esteem. It is these factors that help to turn someone onto serial dating. Another indicator of low self-esteem is jealousy.
Jealous people fear their partners will cheat on them because they have such a low opinion of themselves. Serial daters make their partners jealous to boost their own confidence. It reinforces to them that they’re desirable to others.
They’ll do this by casually talking about old acquaintances and the amazing sex they had with them.
Remember how serial daters make promises they can’t keep? It’s the same with grandiose statements. They’ll look deeply into your eyes and say stuff like:
Now, said from the right person at the right time the above are all perfectly reasonable (and lovely) things to hear from your partner. But if you’ve only been dating for a week then I’d reserve judgement if I were you.
From one end of the spectrum to the other; first, your date makes all these grandiose statements about the relationship, then they clam up. Any mention of possible plans in the future prompts them to shut down.
It’s that hot and cold behaviour all over again. These types of people are either all or nothing. And it doesn’t have to be something committed like marriage or moving in with someone. These people will baulk at the thought of agreeing to a movie date next week.
Talking of commitment, congratulations if you ever manage to tie your serial dater down for five minutes. This person may promise they’ll be there but we all know they’re going to break that promise. This is because they cannot handle commitment.
There could be several reasons for this; they could have been hurt in the past and don’t want to go through the heartbreak again. Or, they might just love their lifestyle of variety and a stream of different partners all the time.
After we’ve dated someone for a while we broach the subject of ex-partners and relationships. It is a clear sign of serial dating if your current squeeze admits to always ending the relationship.
Of course, they probably won’t come straight out and say as much. But there’ll be clues as you probe them. They’ll offer excuses as to why the relationships ended. However, what this shows is that they don’t want to resolve problems and would rather keep looking.
That is immature and childish behaviour.
So those are just some of the signs of a serial dater. But what if you’re already in a relationship? Can you ever date a serial dater?
Serial daters can be fun and exciting to date. However, if you’re looking for something a little more permanent they’re probably not the best choice. But don’t let this put you off. There are ways to date people like this.
Don’t be tempted by your serial dater’s insistence to rush things. Take the dating at your own pace. You set the mood, how fast or slow you want things to move. You can arrange the dates.
The key is to keep it light-hearted at first. If you start hearing grand promises call them out instantly. Make your partner realise that you are someone different. You’re not going to be swept away with their bulls**t. You are interested in something more.
A lot of serial daters don’t take much notice of the person they’re dating. After all, they’ve had so many that a lot of their dates merge into one. By being yourself you can stand out from all the others.
Show your serial dater exactly who they are dating. That you’re not just another notch on their bedpost or belt. Serial daters tend to mould their dates into their ideal partner. They also present themselves as perfect. Nobody is. All you can be is yourself.
There’s a lot to be said about delaying rewards. In fact, research suggests that those who delay a reward, even for a short time, are happier in life in general.
The message here is that yes, you might be super-attracted to this person and crave intimate contact with them. But you’ll feel more satisfied if you wait for a while.
It is possible to date a serial dater, but you have to have two things in mind; first, remember that you might not be able to change their behaviour, second, you’ll have to have a great deal of control if you want to make it work.
Serial dating isn’t bad in itself, it’s how you treat other people that can be a problem. If your partner knows your dating pattern then they can make a choice whether to date you. But if you offer yourself as something you’re not, such as a committed lover, then that is bad.
The serial dater will start to show an interest in your family members, your friends, and your life in general. They’ll begin to keep promises and commitments you’ve made together. They won’t be so hot and cold in their behaviour towards you. It will start to balance out.
A serial monogamist is a person that is always in a relationship. They jump from relationship to another with no gap in-between relationships. This person cannot stand being single, they feel better off when they’re a couple.
There are lots of clues. Look at past dating history, how well does he keep his promises, is he interested in your family or your past? Does he appear distracted on dates or does he eye up other women? If he’s into you he should be paying YOU attention.
There are reasons why people turn into serial daters. If you happen to be dating one and you might even be in love with them, knowing the signs of a serial dater is the key as are understanding how to date them.
So that’s my take on serial daters. Have you ever come across them? If so, let us know in the comments section.