Are you the breadwinner in your relationship but feel like your spouse is taking advantage? Perhaps you feel as if you’re the one doing all the hard work and your husband is just spending your money?
Or maybe you’re simply wondering what the signs of financial abuse are because you feel as if you’re being used? It’s awful being in a relationship where you feel like you’re being used, nevermind a marriage.
Most of the time, the person that’s using you, in this one case, your husband, will be sneaky and manipulative enough so that you don’t realize that they are using you. A lot of men will also try to control the money of their wife or use a woman financially because they can’t deal with the fact that a woman is more financially stable than they are.
As mentioned, it’s often difficult to tell if someone is using you financially. However, there are some certain things that you can look out for, and as long as you know what you’re looking for, you’ll be able to figure out if your husband really is using you financially.
In this article, we’re going to take a look at 13 of the most obvious signs that are common in marriages where a husband financially uses his wife. So, without further adieu, let’s get into it!
In most relationships, especially in marriages, both partners give and take when it comes to finances and the financial burden is never put onto one person. For example, it’s quite acceptable for one partner to pay for the bills, but the other pay for everyday expenses for example.
This is a perfect case of giving and take. However, if your man is constantly taking money from you, or he tries to control you and make you pay for everything, there’s a good chance that he’s using you.
If your guy is taking your money and spending it on himself, doing things that don’t actually benefit you, for example, buying himself new clothes or going out with his friends, it could be a sign that he’s using you. If your guy wants to spend money on himself, he could be using his own money, not yours - that’s exactly what his individual earnings are for.
If your spouse has no financial independence from you, it could be because he’s going through a tough time and needs financial support.
However, if your spouse is innocently leaning on you financially, they won’t spend your money recklessly. But, if your spouse is trying to take advantage of you for your finances, they will be reckless with your money, spending it on anything and everything they want - this is a huge red flag.
If you find that whenever you go out for dinner or head to the shops you’re always the one paying because your guy never offers, this is a problem.
If your spouse expects you to pay for everything, they will have gotten so used to it that they’re taking advantage of your kind ways by never even offering. They might not even bring their wallet along with them anymore because they expect you to pay for all of their expenses now.
Your spouse should always encourage you to spend some money on yourself and treat yourself, especially if you work hard to earn your money.
In a healthy relationship, your partner should never begrudge you for spending your own money, unless you’re being reckless with it. So, if your partner gets annoyed or makes you feel guilty when you spend money on yourself, it’s really because they wanted to spend that money and enjoy it themselves.
Although not everyone in debt is irresponsible and should be blanketed as ‘users’, if your partner has financial problems and he’s using your money to survive, it’s not good news!
Whether you’ve found out that your partner has a credit card, multiple credit cards or he’s deep into his overdraft in his checking account and suffering from a multitude of money problems caused by lack of self-control, and if he’s showing other signs mentioned in this article, he could be using you for financial stability.
Most couples talk about money, and it’s natural to want to talk to your spouse about income and outgoings. However, if your spouse is using you, they will always find a way to change the subject when you bring up finances, or they might even get angry and cause conflict when you try to talk to them about it.
This suggests that he’s hiding something and what he’s hiding is most likely that he’s using you for your money.
If a grown adult can’t live life on a budget and doesn’t understand personal finance or expenses, no matter how many times you’ve explained it and given financial advice, there’s something wrong!
If your man can’t live on a budget, and it’s your money that he’s going over budget with, - he’s not keeping to a budget because he doesn’t care about spending your money, it’s not his after all.
Most men and women have savings accounts, simply because it’s always useful to have a pot of money set aside in case financial issues occur or there’s an emergency at some point in life.
If you know that your spouse doesn't have a savings account, it’s a sign that he’s financially irresponsible or has experienced long-term money issues, both of which are just going to add to your reasons that he’s using you.
If your man is always pushing you to work, whether it be that he’s encouraging you to take on extra hours at the office or get more clients, whilst he does nothing to contribute to your life together, it’s because he wants your income to increase so he can have access to more money. This is a type of financial control, and it’s definitely a problem.
If your spouse is using you for your finances, he will ensure that all of the household finances fall back on you. This might mean that he always makes sure that his name isn’t on the bill, or he accesses your account to pay the bills.
You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You
It doesn’t really matter what the ins and outs are - a guy that’s not sharing the bills for the home you both live in isn’t someone that you want to be in a marriage with.
When you’re getting married, you will most likely commit to being financially tied, meaning you will probably have a joint bank account. Of course, most couples choose to still keep personal accounts, but they will have a joint account to save money for bills every month.
If you notice that your spouse is always taking from your joint account, to fulfill their spending habits, and they’re never adding any money, they could be using you and draining the account.
Of course, your man might just be really bad with finances and not know the right way to manage money. However, the most obvious sign of financial abuse is if he only shows affection for you and feels attraction for you when you’re paying for things, or stays in a marriage with you even though there’s nothing left to stay for.
You will be able to tell if your husband is using you financially if you notice any of the signs that are listed above. Now that you know the signs of financial abuse to look out for, you should be able to spot them easily, even within one day!
Typically, if you feel as if your significant other is using you, he probably is. Look out for him spending your money, making you feel guilty for spending your money, expecting you to pay for everything, and essentially just taking more than he gives.
Your husband doesn’t have to give you money, just as you don’t have to give your husband money. However, most couples, especially those that are married, do tend to have joint accounts and share money with each other, most of the time simply because it's easier.
It can be an incredibly difficult situation to deal with, both emotionally and financially when your husband is financially irresponsible. However, there are some things that you need to do if your spouse is financially irresponsible.
Protect yourself so that his financial instability doesn’t affect you or harm you in any way, communicate openly with your significant other and tell him your worries, help him come to his senses, and force him to understand that he has to be more responsible with his money.
If you feel alone, consistently on edge, used, abused, or unappreciated in your marriage, you are in an unhappy marriage and should either figure out the problems or go your separate ways. If you and your spouse don’t get along, don’t seem to care for each other anymore, and don’t share intimacy with one another, not even a bit, it’s not a good sign.
If you are unhappy in your marriage and you feel alone, used, unappreciated, or unloved, as mentioned above, it’s either time to sort the situation out with your partner and get back on track with your marriage, or it’s time to decide to call it quits and say go one way whilst your partner goes the other.
You shouldn’t ever stay in a marriage that doesn’t make you feel appreciated, loved, and happy.
After reading this article you will now be aware of the signs to look out for if your husband is using you financially. Although it might be difficult to come to terms with the fact that your husband could be financially abusing you, it’s important that you deal with it straight away, as soon as you confirm that’s what he’s doing.
You’re not alone, a lot of people are in the same situation as you, so don’t suffer alone. All people deserve to feel appreciated and cared for, especially within their marriage, so make sure you do. Did you like this article and find it useful? Let us know in the comments and feel free to share with any women you think need to read it!
Since your relationship is unique, the most important thing is that you use a tailored approach to tackle your relationship issues.
A generic approach with advice you read online can often even make things even worse!
The best way to get this advice is through someone with experience that is able to listen to the issues you are facing in your relationship…
That is why I highly recommend the website Relationship Hero that gives you specialized advice for your relationship.
In fact, a few weeks ago I reached out to them when I was going through an extremely difficult patch in my relationship.
I had hit rock bottom, and couldn’t even turn to my friends for advice anymore.
After speaking to Lucy (my relationship coach at Relationship Hero) and telling her of my desperate situation, she was able to give me some concrete steps to follow over the following days.
I was able to check in with her on a daily basis as I implemented her advice, and she helped me through every step.
Not only was she super helpful and empathetic, she eventually helped me solve some of the issues had been plaguing my relationship for years.
I can’t thank them enough.