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My Husband Told Me I Need To Lose Weight (11 Ways to React)

by Sonya Schwartz

How much of a deal-breaker is weight gain in a relationship? Does weight or a change in physical appearance decrease the level of attractiveness between a couple who love each other? If yes, is there a right way for your husband to say you need to lose weight?

Weight gain has and will always be a serious issue that people, especially women face; in and out of marriage. Fat shaming is also one of the major issues society needs to correct because it has led a lot of people down the path of depression

Have you gained some extra fat since you got married? Has your husband started complaining about the weight that settled in your belly after your last child? What is his approach to the topic?

If a man claims to love you and said the vows that sealed your marriage, he should be able to show his displeasure at your weight gain in a way that doesn’t condemn you. No wife willingly chooses to add unnecessary weight and so, no husband should talk to his wife as if she did. 

What has your husband been saying about your body and how can you act in response to his complaints? This post will guide you on how to address the issue of weight gain without losing your self-confidence.

11 Things To Do When He Says I Should Lose Weight

1. It’s okay to soak in your current emotions

So, your husband has asked you to lose weight and you are feeling all out of sorts? It is alright to acknowledge how you feel about what he said. Your partner might have either said the words bluntly or simply hinted that you have to shed some weight. Either way, you will feel bad about the idea that he doesn’t find you attractive anymore.

While attractiveness may not be the reason he mentioned your weight in the first place, it will be the first reason you think about and that will have an impact on how you see yourself henceforth. Rather than pretend his observation didn’t have any impact on you, acknowledge your feelings to understand why you are feeling that way.

2. Understand his point of view

Why did your husband bring up the topic of your weight? Does he know your struggle with being satisfied with your body? Why then did he bother voicing out his opinion as though you didn’t know this obvious fact?

Your partner is your best friend and confidante; he knows you so well. As such, he can differentiate between what you need to hear and what you want to hear. Before you decide he is being callous by making you focus on your body image, try to understand why he did so in the first place. He spoke up because he is most likely thinking about your general well-being and couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

3. Acknowledge his concern

Acknowledge his concern

The next thing to do after looking at things from his angle is to acknowledge his care for you. A man who doesn’t care or love you will pretend there is nothing wrong with your body or health while he goes ahead to cheat on you with a skinnier woman.

You should consider that he wants the best for you and that’s why he said what he said, even if his approach wasn’t the best. Acknowledging his concern for you will lessen your resentment towards him and the self-loathing you might have directed towards yourself. It is only after this acknowledgment that you can move on to doing the right thing.

4. Review his intentions

Apart from acknowledging that he spoke out of love, you need to also review the intentions behind those words. Why did he utter them? What does he hope to gain when you lose fat? Why did he say it now? Why did he say it the way he did? How has he been acting before the day he said those words? 

Going over these questions and the days leading to his outburst on the topic will help you review his intentions for asking you to lose weight. Did he word the statement like an ultimatum for your relationship or did he say them out of genuine concern for your well-being? Does he want you to change your lifestyle out of self-interest or he wants the best for you? 

5. Summon your inner strength

After considering his intentions for asking you to shed weight, you need to draw strength from within to know the next step to take. Whatever conclusions you draw from your review; you have the ball in your court to decide how to respond to his observation. 

Also, put yourself in your partner’s shoes and ask yourself what you’d do if the health of a loved one was threatened by obesity? This empathetic exercise might be a great motivation to lose weight for the right reasons, especially if you have lost weight in the past for the wrong reasons.

6. What do you want to do about it?

Regardless of what your husband’s opinion is concerning your body image, you have the sole right of deciding if you will lose weight or not. This is your body, health, and lifestyle in focus; nobody else, not even your husband can dictate what you should do with it.

Yes, he is in love with you and in pursuit of what will help to keep your marriage in good standing, but he has no final say over what you do about, or how you handle your weight issues. Ask yourself if following his advice means keeping up an appearance for him and others or if you will be doing it to improve your lifestyle and health.

7. Sit your husband down and talk

Sit your husband down and talk

It is easy to conclude that your husband doesn’t love you the way you are, or why else would he say you should think about losing weight? However, after pondering why he may have said that, you should consider talking with him too. Discussing why he saw the need for you to shed some calories will give you more understanding of his perspective on the topic.

Rather than shut him out or spit in his face about his observation, listen to what he has to say further and speak your mind on the matter too. Not only would you get clearer answers about what to do, but you will also strengthen your marriage. 

8. Express how you feel about his words

During the conversations on the matter of weight gain and loss, consider telling your partner how you felt when he told you to shed some weight. Talk about his word choices, tone of voice, and facial expressions. Discuss your current frame of mind and how much his opinion on the matter has shaped the way you think.

Sometimes, men require specific explanations before they understand how their words affect their women. Let him know if his lack of empathy on the matter hurts you, and educate him on how he can do better moving forward.

9. Create a plan for working together

The journey to weight loss will require joint effort because it will take a toll on your regular schedule. If you have children, your partner would have to even take more responsibilities for them so you can focus on getting your form back in shape.

Discuss the best possible solutions for losing the fat; would you be working with a personal trainer, going to the gym, or doing the whole process from home? In what way will your partner be helping you and how will that work without interfering with his schedule? Working together will make the process easier for you and make him feel involved too.

10. Have a safe word for boundaries

While you may enlist your partner’s help for your weight-loss plan, you should understand that you’re mostly responsible for yourself and so, you should protect yourself first. Even after your weight-loss plan works, your partner might say or do things that will trigger the feeling of insecurity about your appearance. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

As such, it's good to create a safe word that will alert him to any insensitive remark he might make about the way you look or the food you eat. Choose the safe word and practice it with him even while undergoing your physical transformation.

11. Be confident in the decision you make for yourself

You may end up deciding you look and feel just fine and don’t require any weight-loss plan. You may also decide that your partner was right and losing fat is the best thing for you to do. 

No matter what decision you make, be confident that you did the best thing for yourself.  

FAQs

Should a husband tell his wife to lose weight?

Your partner may suggest that you shed calories for your good but it doesn’t make any sense for him to order you to do so.

How much weight do you need to lose for someone to notice?

Depending on what you currently weigh, you have to lose about nine pounds before anyone notices a change in your appearance. However, a weight-influenced change doesn’t mean anyone will find you more attractive.  

How does weight loss affect relationships?

Weight loss may or may not improve a relationship if weight gain was a problem in the first place.

Will losing weight help my marriage?

Yes, losing weight can help save your marriage if you and your partner decide that weight loss is a major determiner for enjoying the marriage.

Is weight gain a reason for divorce?

Weight gain is an extreme reason to end a marriage, but it’s not totally unreasonable, especially if the other person is unwilling to work on their weight. If your partner’s life is in danger because of their weight and they don’t want to work on getting better, filing for a divorce might be your method of self-preservation.

To Conclude

Losing weight has many benefits, but if your mental and wholesome well-being isn’t at the core of your decision to do so, you will lose out in the end. Your husband wouldn’t be attracted to an unhappy skinny woman and so, don’t just take his words for it and shed weight because he said so.

Have the tips in this article helped you? Please share with others and leave your thoughts in the comment section.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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