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Not Attractive Enough To Date (Some Useful Tips to Gain Confidence)

by Sonya Schwartz

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. However, every girl has gone through the phase where deep down, she feels she’s not attractive enough to date. If you lack good self-esteem, you won’t feel pretty enough. 

However, knowing if you’re attractive enough for someone to date is pretty much a thing of the mind. Trust me, if you’re confident and you feel attractive, everyone will find you attractive.

So, don't allow yourself to not feel attractive to the extinct you can't make it in the dating scene. Remember; it's your personality that counts more. Try your best to improve your self-esteem and stop the assumption that you're less attractive. 

Thinking like this would give you a truckload of confidence, even though you have to say it in the mirror daily. There's a starting point for a relationship once you develop an interest in a guy, build your confidence, and make moves towards him if the guy doesn't make them first. 

To ensure you no longer mess with your self-esteem, this article will help you understand what defines attractiveness, and how feeling unattractive will affect you.

What Defines Attractiveness? 

What Defines Attractiveness

This is one commonly asked question. Well, the truth is, what defines attractiveness is unique for every individual. The qualities that make you attractive to one partner may not be the same for other partners.  

For a person to be tagged beautiful, there's a feature, whether physical or psychological, that draws people to him or her. It is a feature that makes a person interested in you or causes anyone to gravitate towards you. 

To be attractive to a boyfriend means that you are desired. However, there are various types of attraction, and the reason defines them. For one, there’s a romantic appeal ( the desire to have a relationship with a person), sexual appeal (the desire to have sex with a person), emotional appeal, platonic appeal, and so on. 

The beauty of a person determines a physical appeal, and studies have shown a golden ratio for beauty. 

Some people believe that the most attractive face is the average distance between features and average width and length. What’s more, the smell of a person is another substantial reason for attractiveness. Although the basis is shallow, many can grow from there. 

A person's demeanor is a significant reason for desire; it's perhaps the most substantial. Other reasons include experience, proximity, and so on. 

In my opinion, there's no concrete definition for attractiveness as it depends on the person who's attracted. The weirdest and smallest of features draw people closer to each other and aids in creating a bond. In other words, attractiveness is defined by the person who desires you. 

In the case of a person who will feel bad about themselves to the point, they can’t date (no matter how many men tell them they’re beautiful) they likely lack self-esteem. If you’re in this boat, it helps you realize your worth and ensures you don't settle for anyone. 

Keep in mind that beauty is from the inside out. Let your appeal for others not be shallow, especially if you're looking for something stable with them. Everyone is beautiful in their way, but that they are not attractive to you is no fault of yours, we all have our perspectives. 

How Does Feeling Unattractive Affect A Relationship? 

How Does Feeling Unattractive Affect A Relationship

Feeling unattractive can take everything from zero to a hundred real quick. If you're ever walking into such a relationship as this, be sure that you’ve thought about if your partner is patient and understanding to your thought process. 

Trust me; it's worse to feel unattractive and be with men who could care less about how you feel about yourself. It reduces your esteem to zero and makes you feel that you're not pretty enough. 

You're going to be hurt when dating men like this. It's going to feel like everything he does is a ploy to get at you. Worse yet, feeling unattractive can turn you into a nag, always complaining about one thing or the other. Every fight would unconsciously link to how ugly you are. What’s more, you're going to be vulnerable always and open to manipulation. 

This is where an understanding partner comes in. A partner who is aware of how you feel and knowledgeable enough would help strengthen you, not tear you down. It should be the kind of relationship where you're growing more confident than you were before because your partner is a sound support system. It's not easy to develop a  person’s esteem, but it's possible and even a lot easier to do as a partner. 

If your guy isn't making you feel ashamed of your looks, is telling you how valuable you are to him, and going the extra mile to make sure you feel worthy of not only his love but for anyone else to love, leave him. Not doing the above either means he's not smart enough, or he's taking advantage of you. 

More so, feeling ugly in a relationship can cause depression and not the type that you realize soon enough. You may take this depression with you a long mile before discovering the cause. It'll make you an irritable person around others who are happy about their love life.

Four Ways To Address Your Feelings Of Unattractiveness 

1. Have self-motivation

Have self-motivation

Trust me when I say you are your favorite person. Only you can snap yourself out of feeling less than the person you would like to start a relationship with. There's no shame or rule against seeing a doctor if you have to. Follow your prescription diligently, and I'm sure you will feel better in no time. I support talking to yourself in the mirror about how you think and being motivational. 

Listen, the first step is accepting your flaws (if any). That said, always project the best things about you. Each person has a thing that makes them attractive to others. Start with the things you can change, like how you smell, your attitude, experiences, and perhaps how intelligible you are. 

You may not see changes immediately, but they will come. It's essential to get your motives right before venturing into something like this. Let it be that you want to be better for yourself first.

2. Find your type

Maybe the problem is that we reach further than our type or level. It's like aiming for dating men like Ryan Reynolds. Of course, you're going to feel less attractive than he is. If not only for facial looks but also for status. 

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More so, having a type of relationship is like a class in society Although this type isn't spelled out the way class is, we all know. I am not saying it's impossible to date a person outside your kind or category; I'm merely saying that things would be challenging to maintain considering the dynamics

It's wiser to be with men who think of you as the most important and beautiful person in the world than to settle with the one who barely looks at you because you like him. You can tell when guys are attracted to you just by how a guy acts around you and what he says to you. To find your man, you need to pay attention to him.

3. Avoid showing insecurity

You may not have thought about this, but nobody enjoys relationships with an insecure person. It's challenging to maintain, especially if the man in question hasn't been prepared for what he's walking into (zero experience). Showing insecurity always makes you a burden to your partner and gets them quickly exhausted. 

Worse yet, when your insecurities are out there, you can quickly be taken advantage of by your partner, knowingly or unknowingly. Insecurities that do not change or are never addressed push partners away from each other. It also makes you appear vulnerable before your partner. It's unhealthy to leave your peace of mind in the hands of a person who doesn't see you. 

4. Have good friends 

Have friends who make you feel good about yourself and look out for your needs. Let them be people you can confide in as well. It could be one person. 

FAQs 

Can you date someone you don’t find attractive? 

Attractiveness isn’t only physical; there’s mental attractiveness as well. To be with a person, unless it’s a contract, you will find the man attractive one way or another. Feelings then grow. It could be due to his intelligence or looks. However, it's not out of the ordinary for guys to be with a woman for benefits. These benefits may or may not be sexual. I can't be caught dating anyone that doesn't make something in me flutter. 

Can you be good looking but not attractive? 

Yes! This is due to the idea of attractiveness; it's personal. A man can be good looking, but you're not attracted to him for whatever reason. The same thing goes for a woman. There's something called ”type,” and everyone has a ”type.” This means certain features of the opposite sex make them look attractive to you. Take, for instance, tall men. They may be good looking, but you're not attracted to them because of their skin color. A person's way of life can also make them unattractive even though they are good looking. 

Can a relationship work without physical attraction? 

Physical appeal is quite critical for many people. It's almost like a price you pay to stay with each other. What’s more, it is what drives sexual life; without it, sex feels like a chore. If you're physically attracted to your partner, it makes you feel proud. You're going to run into so many loopholes if you don't feel satisfied with your partner's appearance. That's the first thing you see, and it's so vital that you like the physical appearance of your partner. Otherwise, the commitment would be difficult to archive.

Why don’t I feel sexually attracted to anyone? 

Sexual appeal means finding a person attractive enough for you to have sex with. Sometimes, because of a bad asexual experience, you can feel like this for a while. A lack of knowledge also causes it; that is when you're not sexually active. However, other types of appeal can help you develop a sexual one. Like, a romantic appeal, it's the desire to start a romance with someone. You don't have to be in love with a person to develop a sexual interest in them; it could happen based on their physical appearance. 

The Bottom Line

I hope that you enjoyed this article. Everyone is attractive enough. You just have to be patient enough for the person who sees you as beautiful and believes that you are as well. You also don't need a person to define your looks

Tell yourself daily every time you look in the mirror. I would love to read your thoughts on this subject. Please write them in the comments section below and share this article with your friends. 

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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