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Why Doesn't He Want Me? (8 Possible Reasons)

by Sonya Schwartz

When you're looking for love, you may feel you have hit the jackpot when you finally meet someone that gives you butterflies, makes you excited and seems to understand you. You will probably be thinking, "This is it!".

So it can be really difficult when you realize that the man you're falling head over heels for doesn't want you back. It might not make sense at all - surely he feels the same way you do when you're together?

Sometimes men are just as complicated as we are, and I actually think they can be a lot more complicated than women in a lot of cases. They might be giving you all the right kinds of feelings and acting like they're into you, but the truth might be that they have an array of reasons why they don't want you. Dealing with unrequited feelings is extremely difficult, and it can feel heartbreaking, especially if you have just opened yourself up to love and you thought this man might have been the one for you.

In this article, we are going to look at some of the reasons why the man that you like might not want you back, and how you can deal with feeling rejected by him.

1. He Might Not Be Over His Ex-Girlfriend

Do you know how long this man has been single? It can be entirely possible that he's just not taken enough time after breaking up with his ex before he started putting himself back out there. Then, when he started to date other women (you) he probably came to the realization that he isn't over his previous girlfriend and still has feelings for her that he hasn't come to terms with yet.

If this is the reason that he doesn't want you back, he most likely won't admit it to you - he might not have even admitted it to himself yet. However, there are some signs that will he will show if he is still hung up on his previous partner. For example, he might still keep in touch with her frequently, he might spend a lot of time on her social media, he won't delete photos taken of the two of them and he might talk about her more than he notices.

You need to understand that this isn't your problem and he shouldn't have even started to date if he wasn't over his previous relationship. Of course, everyone always holds a little bit of a candle for previous loves, otherwise, they were probably never great loves, but the difference is that holding a special place for someone you once loved doesn't impact current relationships because you don't want them back. If this man can't be 100% honest with his feelings to himself, he will never be 100% with his feelings to you.

2. He Is Scared Of Getting Hurt2. He Is Scared Of Getting Hurt

This is one really common reason, unfortunately, that a man doesn't want you back. This man might have been really hurt in the past, and he may not be able to move past it just yet. If he has had particularly horrible previous relationship experiences, it could have seriously damaged him. For example, this man might have been in an abusive relationship or his partner might have cheated on him - these kinds of things make it really difficult to open up to new people. Trust might not come easily for this man, and therefore he doesn't want you because he doesn't want to open himself up and get hurt again. He is self-sabotaging, and this is his self-defense mechanism.

Of course, this guy should really have taken some time to build his self-esteem again and try to improve his outlook on relationships. However, he could have thought he had done some internal work and tried to move forward, then just realized he needs to go away and work on himself and his issues more. If this is the reason the man you like doesn't want you back, it can be difficult for you to deal with, because you want to show him that you're not here to hurt him or break his heart. If you can get this man to open up to you in a way that he feels comfortable, he might actually tell you that he does want you, but he's scared.

If you really like a man that's been hurt in the past, you can actually help him to open up and you could have a really loving and special romantic relationship together. However, when someone is fragile, you need to be able to take time with them, be willing to put a lot of effort into making them feel comfortable and be aware they may try to repeatedly self-sabotage the relationship.

3. You Are Both Just Very Different People

A relationship that contains two individuals with different goals and personalities can actually work surprisingly well if you are both open to life changing a little differently to what you expected and you are dedicated to each other. But, for this guy, he might not be willing to try and fall for someone that has completely different goals and values in life to the ones he has. He might be slightly close-minded, and if therefore if you don't have the same goals in life as he has, he might see the relationship failing before it's even started. For example, he might have the goal of settling down and having children in his mind, so when you talk to him about the fact you want to go and travel the world or live abroad, he will cross you straight off his potential relationship list.

At the end of the day, a successful relationship is one where your partner's goals are just important to you as your own, and so if he downright dismisses your goals and what you value in life and that's why he doesn't want you, then it's time to say good riddance. This guy is clearly someone that needs to be with someone with the exact same goals in life, and that's fine because as soon as you get over him, you will meet someone that supports your goals and appreciates your values, even if they are different to their own.

4. He Doesn't Want To Be In A Relationship

Of course, this is a reason that sounds stupid - why would someone even try and date if they didn't want to be in a relationship? The truth is, some people date just for the fun of it and they are simply not looking for anything further. After all, dating is exciting and the prospect of meeting new women that he might potentially be able to sleep with seems fun. He might simply not want anything more than a few dates with you, and although that's difficult to hear and it'll make you feel mad, there's nothing you can do about it. He doesn't want you because of anything to do with you - he simply just doesn't want anyone.

If you are happy to have a few more dates with this man and perhaps enter into a casual relationship with him, then that works out for everyone. If you are looking for a committed, monogamous relationship based around love and respect, then this isn't the one for you and you should let him go. Men like this will only decide to settle down when they want to, and unfortunately, you won't be able to change that.

5. He Thinks It's The Wrong Time For Him5. He Thinks It's The Wrong Time For Him

In today's society, it's almost ingrained into us that we have to make money and a life for ourselves before deciding to meet someone, have children and settle down into a committed relationship. This isn't the case at all - if two people love each other, they can grow individually while still sharing a committed relationship. However, maybe this guy really believes that they really have to make a lot of money and be successful in their career before they meet their special someone. Therefore, even if this man feels a connection with you, he won't want you because he is too busy on his own trail to success and he's not going to let anyone get in the way of that.

In a way, it's commendable that this man wants to be so successful, but it's difficult to see that his drive is also completely taking away from any potential relationship you could have had together. It's also hard if you know this man doesn't actually think he's doing the right thing deep down, but he's just trying to keep up with societal expectations.

If you have strong feelings for this man, you can tell him and show him that you have ambitions too and that you can succeed together. He might actually realize that it makes sense to be in a committed and loving partnership that will boost his confidence and allow love into his life. However, if you say all of these things and this man still says that he doesn't want you, it's best to walk away and be with a guy that wants you, regardless of where his own financial position or career is at.

6. He's Scared Of Responsibility and Commitment

Some guys are genuinely terrified of being in a partnership due to the responsibility and commitment. It is a big step getting into a serious relationship and having to think about someone else with every decision you make, but most people are more than willing to commit to someone if they are going to bring love into their life. Men that have commitment issues and are irresponsible will run a mile as soon as they find out you're falling in love with them. As soon as he knows you want to get more serious with him, he will stop wanting you.

If the guy you want to be with acts like he can't even take responsibility for himself, then how do you expect him to be responsible with you and committed to you? You need to leave this boy exactly where he is and find yourself a man.

7. You Aren't The One For Him

You might not be the only woman this guy is dating, and the sad truth might be that he simply wants someone else instead of you. He might have found someone that he's falling in love with, but it's just unfortunate that it isn't you. The feeling of the man you are falling in love with choosing another woman is awful and can be more heartbreaking than a breakup. However, if this is the case, there's nothing you can do about it and you need to be understanding and try and let it go, as hard as that might feel.

At the end of the day, you're going to meet another guy that wants to fall in love with you and only you.

8. He Doesn't Like You

One of the most brutal reasons that the guy you like doesn't want you is because maybe he simply doesn't like you. My apologies that I know this sounds way too harsh, but it's the truth. You might be the most amazing person in the world, but the guy you want maybe just doesn't feel that way about you. If this guy tells you he simply doesn't like you, it might chew you up inside, and you may find yourself questioning why not - what's wrong with you? There is nothing wrong with you - in this life, some people just won't get along with you, and that's OK. You're just not the woman for him, and that's fine because you will be the perfect woman for someone else.

There's no point trying to figure out ways for this man to like you if he has made up his mind. Let him leave. Then, the only thing you need to do is think about yourself and prioritize yourself for a while to build your confidence, if you think he knocked it.

What Should You Do When You Find Out a Guy Doesn't Want You?What Should You Do When You Find Out a Guy Doesn't Want You?

The first thing I would recommend you doing when you find out the guy you like doesn't want you, is to remove him from your life. You don't need someone there constantly reminding you of what you would have had if he wanted you back. Take control and know that you deserve someone better.

After you have removed this guy from your life, you need to ensure you are showing yourself enough self-love. Showing yourself love is always essential, but it's especially important right after you get rid of this man, because you are inevitably going to be hurting. You need to ensure that you know that you are enough - you are a beautiful woman and you will find the right one for you, but it might take some time.

Take some time to recover from dating if you think it might help. You will know how you feel. If you're ready to get straight back out there you will know that maybe you never even loved him, and there are better things out there for you. If you think you never want to date again and you feel you never get your way when it comes to love, it might be useful to take some time for yourself. It takes each person a different amount of time to move on, but once you have gotten over feeling this way, it's time to head out and find the one for you.

Regardless of how long you take to get over this guy, you should get back out there and start dating again. You never know, the next date you go on could end up being the love of your life.

Conclusion

I really hope this article has helped you to deal with someone not wanting you back, and given you some reasons why that might be. Hopefully, after going through the pain of unrequited love, you might be ready to put yourself back out there to find the right person for you. The most important thing is that even though right now you may feel like you're not enough, or maybe you're asking yourself 'Why is it always me that falls for the people that never want me back?" it will all pass. You will meet the perfect one for you, I know you will, and you will never think about this guy, ever again. Deep down, you know that he probably wasn't the right one anyway.

Did this article help you at all? If it did, please let me know in the comments.

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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