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My Husband Refuses To Change (11 Things You Must Do)

by Sonya Schwartz

Every marriage goes through its ups and downs, however, one thing that makes every marriage hard is if a husband or wife refuses to change aspects of their personality that they know cause pain. If it is your husband that does not want to make any changes to his character or actions, then this article could help you. 

Here, we list 11 things or ways to get what you want from your marriage so that you are happy again. If your husband makes a change here and there, you may find love in your marriage again and know that things are going to last the test of time.

Ways To Get Your Husband To Change

It is not necessary to try all these ideas at once. If you do, you could find that it is too overwhelming for you or your husband, and as a result, you can make matters worse. Instead, try one or two tactics at a time to see if it makes things any better between you both. If things still continue as they were, move on and try another idea.

1. Marriage Counseling

marriage counseling

Many couples shy away from marriage counseling. Yet, even the happiest of marriages can actually be helped by going to therapy with a counselor. Counselling gives you both space to talk through your issues and see what needs to change with the help of a neutral person. 

A therapist won’t ever tell your partner is in the wrong, they will just suggest ways that you can argue better or see things from each other’s points of view. 

2. Individual Therapy

If your husband doesn’t want to go to couples therapy with you, simply going on your own can help you get your head straight. Talking to someone else that is trained in these issues can be really helpful and let you know ways you can improve your marriage. 

You could also try to read a self-help book or more of our articles on ways to improve your connection with your husband if therapy is out of your price range. 

3. Self-Esteem

One of the reasons that your husband may refuse to change is down to either your self-esteem or his. Low self-esteem on either of your part can really get in the way of your love for each other. 

It can turn into self-hatred and, as a result, your husband’s refusal to make any change to his life could be a reflection of his feeling worthless. Or the same for you. Try to work on both your self-esteem so that you get the very best from your time together.

4. Explain Your Feelings

Often, people refuse to change because they are unsure of the impact that they have on others. However, if you explain your feelings to your spouse and point out has his actions affect you, you could get the changes you need. 

People are often very unaware of the implications of what they do on others, so if you show your husband how he is hurting you, this will often be reason enough for him to make amends.

5. Focus On Yourself

focus on yourself

Sometimes, it can be a good idea to stop putting so much pressure on your relationship to make you happy. In doing so, you are actually setting very high standards or expectations that only seek to make you more upset when they are not met. 

For that reason, if you focus on yourself and making yourself happy, you may find this gives your husband the room to change as well as alleviating pressure on you both. 

6. Don’t Be An Enabler

Enabling a person’s actions is often cause for why they don’t change in the first place. They simply have no reason to change if they consistently get what they want from life. Think about your actions to your husband, therefore. 

Are you wanting him to change, but actually allowing his behavior to continue through your own actions? Do you let him get away with how he acts because it is easier to do so? Acting in this way is not only hoping he will change without tackling the problem head-on, but it also does not give him any need to change either. 

7. Remember Why You Love Each Other

It is so easy to get depressed about the state of your marriage or love for one another, that you forget why you are together in the first place. When feelings like this arise, it can mean that neither of you really have the motivation to keep going and you may read into the situation as a marriage that is not salvageable. 

In moments like this, try to remember why you love each other. It can be really beneficial as it will give you the strength to keep going. 

8. Suggest Time Apart

While remembering why you love each other can be exceedingly beneficial to help keep your marriage going, having time apart to ho give yourselves time to think can also be fruitful. 

Time apart does not mean breaking up, it just means giving each other the space needed to gain some perspective on your relationship and where it really needs to change. Importantly, it can also give you perspective on how it needs to change too. 

9. Mirror His Actions

Often, people can dismiss their loved one’s pleas to change as they do not believe that their actions are so harmful to their partner. However, if you mirror your husband’s actions, you may be able to shock him into seeing how his behavior is so hurtful. 

Importantly, mirroring his actions also helps readdress the balance in your relationship which is probably what needs to be realigned through his changing his behavior - and yours too. 

10. Understand Him

understand him

It can be very helpful to try to see things from your husband's point of view before you start really trying to hammer it home to him how and why he needs to make changes. It can give you the patience to do so more diplomatically, tactfully, and more effectively, if you see where he is coming from - and why. 

It could be that he has something else going on in his life that is causing him to act in the way he is, and support from you can often be incredibly helpful. 

11. Work On Your Dynamic

The dynamic between two people is often what sets the tone for the entire relationship. Work on strengthening your bond and also how you interact with one another. Hopefully, in doing so, you will both learn to respect each other more and as a result, your husband may make the changes he needs to address more quickly than he may have otherwise. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Additionally, by addressing your dynamic, you also take ownership of the situation and the part you have to play in making his behavior towards you what you want it to be. 

FAQs

What are the signs of a toxic marriage?

A toxic marriage will be characterized as a partnership where two people not only bring out the worst in one another but where each individual becomes vindictive in their actions towards their partner. This means that they no longer care about making each other happy. 

How do you change a disrespectful husband?

Changing a disrespectful husband is hard. To do so you must not only highlight when he is being disrespectful and why it hurts you, but you must also learn to have respect for yourself so that you naturally demand being treated better. 

What do you do when your spouse doesn't want to move?

It can be hard when you want to move but your spouse doesn’t. In such a situation you need to sit down and talk through the issue. You both need to understand where the other is coming from to see if you can bring some resolution to the matter. 

What is stonewalling in a relationship?

Stonewalling is when a person in a relationship refuses to speak to their partner. In essence, they put up a barrier around them to cut out any possibility of communication to make a situation better by coming to some form of resolution. 

When should you walk away from your marriage?

Walking away from a marriage is a difficult step to take. Before you do it, ensure that you have thought about what walking away from your marriage will actually mean practically as well as ensuring that you have done everything you need to save your relationship

When Your Husband Doesn’t Want To Change - Key Takeaways

It can be so hard being in a relationship with a person who always seems to refuse to make changes - despite how their actions affect you. If this is the case with your marriage, take things slowly and implement a couple of the tactics above to help implement the amendments or alterations that you believe need to take place to make you happy again. 

Marriages take a lot of hard work and determination, so give it the patience it deserves to make it right again. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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