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How Being Cheated On Changes You (11 Heartbreaking Ways)

by Sonya Schwartz

Most of us have been cheated on one time or another. I’ve been cheated on, and know of several other people that have. The thing is, being cheated on isn’t a small thing that we quickly get over. In fact, the effects can last either long term or short term. They also don’t just impact our future relationships with other boyfriends or girlfriends. Being cheated on changes us in little ways that affect our entire life. 

How Being Cheated On Changes You

Some people will notice that there are small changes in their relationship. If you look closely within yourself, and at the way you react to the world around you, you might notice that being cheated on changes quite a few things. 

1. Your self-esteem plummets

Your self-esteem plummets

Once you find out that someone you love has cheated, the first thought that occurs to you is why? Wondering if you’re not good enough seems to come next, right along with Facebook stalking the girl he cheated with. You’ll notice that the lack of self-esteem can make you:

  • Less likely to try new things
  • Less willing to try new opportunities, such as taking a promotion
  • Less productive
  • Feel more depressed
  • Less outgoing
  • Less likely to make new friends (and maintain old relationships)

Once you take a good look at your entire life, you might start to realize that low self-worth is impacting several areas of your life. 

2. It’s hard to trust someone else again, including your partner

You’ll notice that it’s hard to open up or get close to someone else again. No matter how much you tell yourself that all people aren’t the same, as soon as you start to fall in love the memory of him cheating pops back into your head. If you have unresolved feelings, they’ll slowly start to surface. 

3. You’re angrier or not as nice

Being cheated on by someone that you love can make you feel hurt and betrayed. You might be full of anger or sadness. If you don’t let those out in a healthy way, you’ll discover that they all come out eventually anyway. 

You might be rude to another person, get easily angered at someone new, or even find that you’re wondering why you aren’t good enough at work. It’s due to your unresolved feelings. 

4. A new relationship is scary

The new relationship itself isn’t what you’re scared of. It’s love. Trust is terrifying. When your partner cheated, they made you realize that someone so close to your heart was capable of destroying your inner world. The mere possibility of giving someone else the power to hurt you the same way that they did can be terrifying. 

The infidelity of your ex can turn this into a defense mechanism. It takes longer to let those walls down and truly open up to people. This can mean that you’ll have fewer relationships of every kind, from romantic to friendships until you learn how to love after being hurt. 

5. Love is even scarier

Relationships and being close aren’t the only things you run from, love itself can make you feel like heading for the hills. This doesn’t just mean love with a partner or someone that you genuinely see a future with romantically, though. It can also mean getting close to friends or new family members. 

The more infidelity there has been, the harder it is to let yourself get close to anyone. 

6. There’s a void

It feels like there’s something missing inside of you. A tiny little portion of you simply feels empty, just like it does after a person close to you passes away. This isn’t in your head, either. That void is whatever his infidelity took from you. It might be your self-worth or even your trust. The only way to fill that void is to look within yourself to discover what’s missing. 

7. Your beliefs about love change

Your beliefs about love change

Before your partner cheated, you probably believed in love. You thought it would end like a fairy tale. Then, everything changed, and so did your beliefs. Now, you feel a little differently about it being in your life. Maybe a partner should logically make sense instead of being someone that you feel like you are head over heels for. 

Perhaps this feeling just doesn’t exist. Maybe it’s for losers. Whatever the new belief is, it doesn’t match up with your old one. 

8. You question yourself

If there is one feeling that I associate with cheating more than anything, it’s feeling dumb. It’s wondering why you didn’t see the signs that were right in front of your eyes. It’s questioning why you didn’t double check when you had a bad feeling. 

More than anything, it’s feeling like you look dumb in front of the rest of the world because the person that you stuck up for, the one that’s all over your Instagram, was spending his days with his side chick. 

It leads to you questioning other decisions that used to make sense because he made sense too. You can also become angry and bitter because of this. The more you question yourself over his actions, the harder it will be for you to move on from them. You’ll be stuck in a cycle that will be hard to break. 

9. You learn the red flags

While this might not be a good thing if you tend to overthink and over analyze things, it can be a great thing for future relationships. As you analyze his actions, you’ll start to open your eyes through the pain. 

You will slowly learn about the signs and symptoms that people show. You’ll learn about the reasons why a partner cheats. The truth about the situation will slowly become clear, and you’ll realize that it wasn’t your fault, and it’s good that you found out the truth. Now, you’ll know a few things for the next time around. 

10. You get better at relationships if you take your ex back and work through it

It takes two people to make a relationship work, and two people for it to break down. I’m not saying that you did anything wrong, but perhaps there were a few things you could have done differently? Maybe he felt disrespected because of your actions. 

Instead of trying to point fingers, take a good look at the whole situation. Some couples use infidelity and betrayal as positive. They start over and build a solid foundation based on mutual love and trust. 

This can be difficult, but it’s possible. First, you’ll need to work through the pain and betrayal. Nothing causes more pain than being hurt by the one you care most about. Nothing will ever compare. Because of that, it is important to understand that it will take some time. 

One person might take more time than another, and some couples might find that they need less time. There are no right or wrong ways to work through this. After that, you’ll need to learn how to build trust. Have a heart to heart with your husband, and discuss what you both think the problems in your relationship are. Then, work through them together. 

11. You discover your self worth

Even if you’re struggling with this after you find out your partner did something behind your back, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually, you’ll realize what you do and don’t deserve it. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

You’ll learn how to set boundaries with anyone in your life. This includes friends, family, and even people at work. If you were struggling with this before, this might just be the event that kicks you in your butt. It could help you look inside your own mind to discover quite a few things. 

FAQs

How a person feels after being cheated on?

After a partner cheats, a person will feel like they aren’t good enough. They might have trust issues. I felt like our entire relationship was a lie when I found out. It’s common to feel as though you have to keep your guard up to avoid being close to anyone.

How does cheating affect the cheater?

Cheating can affect the partner that cheated negatively too. They can feel shame, guilt, or anxiety. Partners might have a lot of self-loathing if they don’t understand the reason they cheated. Everything from how they feel about themselves to how they look at others can be impacted. 

How do I fix myself after being cheated on?

First, understand that the reason had nothing to do with you. Work on self-esteem. Forgive your ex. Learn from the experience. Consider positive things from the relationship that you can use in a future relationship. Remember how amazing you are, and never forget that it wasn’t your fault. 

Does the pain of being cheated on ever go away?

Eventually, you’ll heal from this relationship, as will your ex. Everything takes time, though. This experience might take months to heal from, or it could only take a few weeks. Keep in mind that recovering from cheating is different for everyone. Things like how much you see each other can impact this too. 

Do cheaters feel guilt?

Some of them do. The quicker and easier it is to come back, and the less you express your thoughts, the less guilt they will feel about cheating. If they have a personality disorder or boundaries weren’t clear, they might not feel guilty. 

In Conclusion

No one likes being cheated on, but it does tend to happen a lot. If you’ve ever been through this, how did it change you as a person? And how did you learn to get close to people again?

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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